My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. He is very kind, sweet and generous and I've never had any doubts that he's a good person. The only real problem we've had is his p*rn usage - I don't like it, I think the majority of it is degrading to women, but he insists every guy in the world watches it so he continues to do so.
Two nights ago I was on his email account sorting out some financial things and I saw an email confirming registration on a BD*M/f*tish "community" website (basically a dating/meet people site). I went on it with his username and he'd created the account recently, and had added a number girls as friends. He'd chatted to one girl using I'm though I couldn't see what was said, but in his mailbox there was a message he'd sent to this girl giving her his Skype account username and saying 'look forward to seeing your snake :p' (a tattoo maybe?). This Skype account is not his usual account; he'd created a secret one.
I logged back in a night later and he'd updated his profile on there to say he was in a relationship but his girlfriend (me) was tame and scared of anything unusual like this, and he wanted to chat/webcam with people who are more adventurous, mainly girls. He'd also added a number of new girls as friends on there.
I confronted him on the phone last night and at first he denied it and played it down, then when he realized I knew all about it, he got hysterical and cried, he apologized and said he'd been an absolute idiot etc. We talked again today and he cried and said sorry again.
I feel so let down. He said he only said those things to make people interested in him enough to talk to him. He said he never intended to actually video call any girls. He basically just said his curiosity took him too far. But I'm so angry! I asked him if I hadn't found out, would he have continued using the site, having s*xual conversations with other girls etc, and he admitted he probably would have. Yet he says he is sorry, says he can't bear the thought of being without me, says he'll never do it again, says he's been stupid and will do anything for forgiveness.
I feel so hurt. I trusted him. I tried to turn a blind eye to his p*rn usage even though it made me uncomfortable, but now this. I don't know how far he would have taken this thing, whether he would have had webcam s*x, met someone in person etc, given the chance. He swears he wouldn't have but I don't know if I believe him. The other thing is his alleged f*tishes (he listed 18 of them on his profile). I said maybe it would be better if he was single so he could go and satisfy these urges or whatever, but he sobbed and said he didn't want to do that and it's just curiosity, and that he just wants to stay with me.
I'm so confused. I can't help but feel he's just sorry I caught him out. Does this count as cheating? Should I try to forgive him and make our relationship work?
Two nights ago I was on his email account sorting out some financial things and I saw an email confirming registration on a BD*M/f*tish "community" website (basically a dating/meet people site). I went on it with his username and he'd created the account recently, and had added a number girls as friends. He'd chatted to one girl using I'm though I couldn't see what was said, but in his mailbox there was a message he'd sent to this girl giving her his Skype account username and saying 'look forward to seeing your snake :p' (a tattoo maybe?). This Skype account is not his usual account; he'd created a secret one.
I logged back in a night later and he'd updated his profile on there to say he was in a relationship but his girlfriend (me) was tame and scared of anything unusual like this, and he wanted to chat/webcam with people who are more adventurous, mainly girls. He'd also added a number of new girls as friends on there.
I confronted him on the phone last night and at first he denied it and played it down, then when he realized I knew all about it, he got hysterical and cried, he apologized and said he'd been an absolute idiot etc. We talked again today and he cried and said sorry again.
I feel so let down. He said he only said those things to make people interested in him enough to talk to him. He said he never intended to actually video call any girls. He basically just said his curiosity took him too far. But I'm so angry! I asked him if I hadn't found out, would he have continued using the site, having s*xual conversations with other girls etc, and he admitted he probably would have. Yet he says he is sorry, says he can't bear the thought of being without me, says he'll never do it again, says he's been stupid and will do anything for forgiveness.
I feel so hurt. I trusted him. I tried to turn a blind eye to his p*rn usage even though it made me uncomfortable, but now this. I don't know how far he would have taken this thing, whether he would have had webcam s*x, met someone in person etc, given the chance. He swears he wouldn't have but I don't know if I believe him. The other thing is his alleged f*tishes (he listed 18 of them on his profile). I said maybe it would be better if he was single so he could go and satisfy these urges or whatever, but he sobbed and said he didn't want to do that and it's just curiosity, and that he just wants to stay with me.
I'm so confused. I can't help but feel he's just sorry I caught him out. Does this count as cheating? Should I try to forgive him and make our relationship work?
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