Age difference. Is 7 years too much?

[Smtowngirl]

I have recently started dating a guy that I met online and he is a bit older then me (he's 25 and I'm 18). Some of my friends have been making a big deal about the age difference and how they think it's wrong. I really like him and he seems to feel the same but it's hard already when we are hanging out and one of my friends that doesn't like him ( just because of the age thing) starts texting me. It's gotten to the point where I just turn my phone off but it's making him pull away because he knows it bothers me.

[Mallecroft]

relationships with this age difference can definitely work out, but it's true that you can catch a lot of flak for it. One of the girls I was friends with in high school was dating an older guy, and I ended up overhearing a lot of gossip about it behind her back (not that I wanted to). It made me feel sorry for her because she seemed to really like the guy and there certainly wasn't any evidence that he was a bad person. Simply the fact that he was willing to date someone several years younger than him seemed to be enough for him to be labeled as bad. I will admit that when I first heard about it I instinctively thought it was strange and improper, but I never brought the subject up with her because I didn't want to be another one of the antagonists gossiping about it behind her back and dumping my negative opinions on her.

It will definitely put stress on you and your relationship if you allow people to keep chiming in with their negative views about it. Put your foot down and tell them to shut up and mind their own business. You need to be firm and let people know that you are capable of deciding whether or not you are compatible with a guy. It's true, honestly... you're the only one who will ever be able to tell if a guy is right for you or not, and getting a bunch of negative remarks with no real basis other than his age won't help you decide.

Now, if someone who knows the guy tells you that he's bad for some real reason and not simply re-hashing the same "he's too old" line, then you can listen.

My best friend is getting married to a girl who is quite a bit younger than him. I forget the exact age difference but it's at least 7 years. All his friends know he's a great guy, though. I think she was close to 20 years old when they first met, and he was most likely 27 or 28. We teased him once or twice for being a "cradle robber," but it was just teasing and we knew that wasn't his plan. We know he's completely head over heels in love and he's told us many times that he's never met a girl so perfect as her, despite having had several failed relationships beforehand.

I'm sure there must have been stress between him and his fiancee's family at first. Simply the fact that he was much older must have caused at least a few second thoughts. But it has certainly gone away with time, once everyone realized he really was a good guy. He has been living with her for about 7 or 8 years now, and they have a young child together. They live just a few houses down the road from her family, and they all get along very well and are always visiting each other. He not only gets along great with her father and mother, but also her brother, who now looks on him as one of his best friends. In fact, sometimes they can be too friendly, as they are always showing up at his house uninvited at all hours of the day or night, whether he wants the extra company or not. But no one is complaining about him. He's a great dad and very hard working.

[Anonymous]

Hey, I am currently 21 years old, I started dating my guy when I was 19. He was 26. I am a pretty mature girl for my age as I was always the youngest in my family by 10 years. So I was very comfortable with him, since my sisters are about his age anyways. Truth is that I was freaking out a bit about the age difference too, but when we are together, we don't even notice the age difference. I love him like crazy and he loves me. We've been dating for 2 years now, and it was the best decision I ever made, eventhough I had to deal with a lot of cr** from some of my friends at first. Later on, my best friends learned to accept it, and now tehy've even told me they're hoping they could get someone like him lol. My family always loed him, so that wasn't a problem. He came to my house, hung out with my parents, got to talk to my dad and my mom, and with time, he showed everyone he meant to be with me seriously, not just for a fun afternoon or two. I think that was key for me too. Also, we didn't really have sex until after 7 months of dating, so I knew he wasn't playing.

Now, honestly, I'm the happiest person in the world.

[miabeth2]

This is so similar to me. Love it!

[Pearl_euphoria]

Age seems to matter more when one of you is 'young', for example in their teens and the other is considered an 'adult'. You're both adults and there's no reason why 7 years should be a problem, plenty of people have even bigger age differences. My mum and dad had a 6 year age gap and no one batted an eye lid because they were older. If you both care about each other and want to be in this relationship, see how it goes. Don't let other people's stereotypical, cynical ideas stop you from trying it out. If it works, great; if it doesn't, it's just a learning curve.

Your friends should give you an opinion if you ask for it but if they continually make things awkward for you both and are actually drive a wedge between you, that's not really caring for you as a friend. You have to explore and experience relationships on your own.

The best of luck to you! :)

[Smtowngirl]

Thank you

[dragonfly6516]

It depends on how mature you both are. Until you reach age 25, the emotional sectors in your brain are still developing. For this reason, who you are in addition to what you want and need from life will change multiple times during the years of 13+. This is why we go through "phases". We're "trying on" different life styles to see which one fits best. Don't let anyone else tell you what you should do because only you know you, and if you don't see for your self, you will never learn. Enjoy this relationship for all the good in it, and if it ends, accept it as a growing and leaning experience.

[Anonymous]

Like the others have said, the younger you are the more the age difference could be a problem. I was 18, turned 19 a month later when I met a guy who was 6 years older than me. I always worried about the age difference, since I was younger and just getting a taste of this new freedom I had and he had already gone through that. He was an army guy and clearly he was still thinking only of sex. Anyways, even though I liked him a lot, the age difference (me 19 him 25-26) was always at the back of my mind.

Now if you were a few years older or something and dated a guy 7 years older, you'd start to have similar ideas of things.

You can try it, that army idiot (sorry but he broke my heart) is dating a girl my age. If it doesn't work out, you can end it.

[Smtowngirl]

Thank you. The thing is the age difference doesn't bother me. It's how some of my friends are about the age difference that is making things hard

[Opinion Owner]

I see, I know when I asked a friend about it, she thought it was quite a difference. But ultimately it's up to you, your friends just have to accept it.

[Anonymous]

My husband is 7 years older than me and we are together for 21 years and married 12 years.He's my first and only boyfriend I had in my life.I started dating him when I was 17 and he was 24.My husband's friends all said how come I look so young,especially when I have a baby face.They commented that 7 years is too much a age difference as their significant other are either the same age or 1-3 years different in age.

Yet those people who said this were either divorced after 2 years of marriage or having very unhappy marriages and always fighting till to this day.

I am mentally more matured than most people my age.I have read about experts saying that a guy who is 7 years older is the best age difference to have.Because guys usually mature mentally 5 years slower than girls.

[lovely_girl]

Not at all? That's God's lucky number ha ha and don't let your friends ruin this for you,my friends do the same thing and I've almost missed my chance but I've decided it's worth the struggle,do what makes you happy,don't hurt him by putting up with your friend's cold shoulder towards yall relationship. If she's a true friend she should be happy for you

[emzy-89]

i don't think a 7yr age gap is bad, although I do think its not a very good idea at those ages. an 18yo and a 25yo are at 2 completely different places in their lives. when I was 19 I went out with a 26yo and it was OK for a while but didn't work out.

[ras144]

If it's just one friend, forget him/her. Just keep dating. You're an adult.