Why is my boyfriend so controlling?

[Anonymous]

So, here is the situation...

I love my boyfriend but do not know what to do...

Every time I have a little cleavage my boyfriend asks me to change my shirt or he constantly is pulling it up...

When we go out, guys tend to checking me out... give all the guys dirty look.. then tells me that I don't care about how he feel because I don't always change my cloths for him(though I do at least 4 times a week) I don't dress like a slut... just normal clothes, a little clevlege on ocasion, and maybe heels...

When we first me he use to tell me He loved my style and that I was a bombshell now he would rather have me in baggysweats and my hair in a ponytail...

If he asks me if I think that a guy is hot and I say yes he gets mad at me... expecially when we go to a store at like maceys and look at the guy underware modles... I work at Victoria Secret and he picks me up from there so I am sure that he looks at those girls in there underware too... I don't think its a big deal because those girls are hot I don't blame him, I look too lol...

So he asks me to not check out other guys, which is really no big deal because I barely ever catch myself doing it...

but he likes to watch those porno videos on the internet were the girl is masterbating...ect... why does he not want be to look at other guys if he can look up naked girls on the internet... he says that those girls are not real, most are unnatractive, but he will contiune to do it becuase it helps him out when he is horny, but he does not masterbate to it because he does not want to be touching himself to another girl it just makes him less horny when he leave the house...? I would think that that would make someone mor horny. I'd rather him just wack off so that he can release himlef lol.. totaly confused HELP PLEASE!

[Simple-Simonette]

What is it about your boyfriend that you "love so much"? He's possessive, hypocritical, hypercritical, and unreasonable about your behavior. From what I've read he doesn't respect you, he doesn't take your feelings into consideration, and he refuses to trust you. So what is it exactly that you find in him to love him?

Being in a relationship is about mutual attraction, respect, and satisfaction. He isn't your father, your guardian, your therapist - he should be your equal - which means that you both have control over your own lives. Have you noticed his complaints about you are just about how it makes him feel? Where is his concern about how his controlling behavior makes YOU feel? Where is his concern about your feelings period? There is none. He's not in this relationship for you, he's in it for himself and right there should be the biggest indicator to remove him from your life. If he's too busy looking out for his wants and needs - who's going to be looking out for yours?

I'm a survivor of an emotionally abusive relationship, this is just the beginning - leave while you still have your dignity and self respect intact. It doesn't take much to allow someone to convince you that you aren't intelligent enough to take care of yourself - especially if you weren't entirely convinced you were capable in the first place. Don't let him do that to you. Leave him and be who you want to be, without feeling bad about it. Trust me being single and free is way better than being in a controlling relationship hands down.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I'm tell you, LEAVE HIM! That's how it started out with my old relationship, it got so bad I tried to commit suicide, he was verbal/physically/emotionally abusive.

It started with how I wear my clothes, and then it went to my hair, make up, then my friends, and then I found my self trapped, but he still kept saying he loved me. I was with him for 8months and I finally told my mother what was happening, and she took me to put a restraining order out on him, after that he wouldn't leave me alone for a couple of months he still acted like I owed him something. I honestly thought it was love, but love isn't mean, love don't hurt you, love does not have double standards, love isn't insecure or jealous!

Let him go!

[Nitney]

He seems VERY insecure, and wayyyyyy to controlling. Normally those kind of relationships turn into abusive, my mm went though one and that was the first step. After that he started hitting her then saying how sorry he was. You may want t get out of this relationship. I'm not saying that is for sure what's going on but its passable.

OR

Do not let him boss you around, or make you feel bad, tell him its okay to jack off to porn lol. Tell him you feel confident what you ware. He should feel honored to have a hot girlfriend. Tell him its okay to brag about you lol. Make him feel loved and confident as well.

Hope I helped :)

[The-Nash]

"Do as I say, not as I do," is the phrase that first comes to my mind. Just like with what Hercules said. He sounds like he can be pretty tough on judging himself at times and if you talk to him and it seems really tough to reassure him that he's the one you want to be with, then it's something that's stuck in his head. Like you can reassure him until you're blue in the face from being out of breathe from talking but if he doesn't start to believe the good things that you see him for, then he has to do some work on himself to see why he essentially doesn't give himself enough credit (thinking that he really is the one you want to date, and basically, believing in himself). Or else he'll probably just keep trying to come up with limitations like he is. Like if he doesn't feel too attractive about himself, then he starts asking you to dress down and things like that. That's just an example.

[Geno44]

Your guy is controlling because he is insecure. He is afraid of loosing you to another guy even if he doesn't think so. Tell him to lighten up or he will loose you. This kind of guy can get abusive if it's not nipped in the bud. Tell him to quit adjusting your clothes and that you're not a baby that needs a parent to dress you and that you will wear what you want. It's obvious he is very jealous if he is adjusting your top so you don't have any cleavage. Personally I love to show my girl off to others and let her wear tops with lots of cleavage. I just say haha guys, she's mine so eat your hearts out.

If your guy can't give you your freedom he isn't worth having and will be lots of trouble if you get married

Good luck Sweetie,

[Hercules]

He has a double standard. He can't do this to you. He's practically treating you like an object that has to do what he says. I can't believe he looks at porn and gets mad at you for showing a little cleavage. He has serious insecurities about you leaving him I think if he's this paranoid about what you do, and the fact that he can't at least admit when another guy is really good looking just adds to it.

[bugmenot]

Why he's controlling is irrelevant. It doesn't matter.

Here's the question you need to ask yourself:

Why do you chose to date a controlling guy?

[dave216]

He is too insecure and clingy. Get rid of him and find a grownup.

[patriots87]

The only answer I can give you like everyone else has, is that he's insecure about him self and what other people think of him. And you've been asked this question before, why choose to date a controlling guy?

[Anonymous]

That kind of jealousy is a really bad sign.

Myadvice? run.

[Abdulwahh]

He is mate guarding weak male trait