I too believe that "true love" doesn't exist. Well I'm not going to say it doesn't exist, I'm just going to say it's extremely rare (out of all of the people I know, I'm sure none of them have gotten anywhere near true love). The thing that most people experience is lust and a very watered down version of what love is supposed to be. In my opinion if you're not willing to die for that person then it's not true love. If you get a girlfriend, who's to say that you will truly love her, and she will truly love you?
I think that in most cases people are in relationships for their own selfish reasons.
Why do I say that?
A lot of people are in relationships because they can't or don't want to deal with themselves, people are in relationships because they want to feel desired, for lustful reasons, they're lonely, or from societal pressures to have a partner, and not because they love that person.
I too wanted to be in a relationship just because I was lonely and I was feeling unwanted and when I look back on that, I realize that I only wanted to be in a relationship for my own selfish reasons. I was thinking about how a boyfriend could help me and not how I could help that potential boyfriend. I wanted a boyfriend because I wanted someone to talk to me, someone to go places with. I wanted a boyfriend to prove to myself that I'm not weird and that at least one guy out there likes me.
But since then I realized that I shouldn't want a boyfriend only because I'm lonely, I should want a boyfriend because I like him (not lust for him), and want to be around that person for selfless reasons.
And yes, the reality of it all is that if you're not attractive you're not going to get much attention from girls. All the girls that responded just don't have the guts to say it. Present them an ugly guy and I'm sure they would not want him (not unless he's rich). It's the same with guys. They definitely wouldn't choose an ugly girl over a beautiful girl. If you want a girlfriend you're going to have to settle for someone on your level of attractiveness and if you're not good looking and you want a beautiful girlfriend you have to be perfect in every other way.
In high school I used to be the ugly duckling, and now that I've changed it seems like the very same guys that used to make fun of me are trying to get with me. It's amazing how looks really matter. If I looked how I do now in high school it would have caused me a lot less heartache and pain.
Gee, been bitter much lately? I don't meant to offend you, its not that, but the reason girls like the "good looking" guys is because , well they're goodlooking , sure, but mostly., because they have confidence. If you don't have confidence, no one is going to like you all that much. Its harsh but its true. You have got to have confidence, no matter the physical appearance, but because its attractive, just seeing someone believe in himself and thinking he's good enough, without thinking he's all that and be stupid about it of course. And I know it may not seem that way to you now, I have been there once myself, feeling that they always choose the others, never you. But the things I is , you weren't the right person for that person then, but that does not mean that you will never be the right person for anyone ever. That just a pessimistic load of crap. Now I want you to , the next time you are at some sort of social event , like school or work, or when you're just going into the mall, dress in your best clothes (the ones that are nice and you feel most comfortable in) and walk in there like you own the place. If there is a girl you like , have confidence and ask her out, she might say yes and if not some other girl will see that you were confident enough to walk up to her, and might ask you out instead. And if it is your appearance you worry about , most things can be fixed. Is it acne, go see a dermathologist or use good products. If its your hair, color it or cut it in an attractive haircut. If its your clothes , buy new ones, same goes for shoes. If you have any girlfriends that are just your friends, then ask them to help you , or a sister would go just as well. But a mother might be overthinking it, plus she might dress you up in boyish clothes and give you a silly haircut :) but that's just how mothers are. The point is , that if you try hard enough, you can be all that, and you can have love, or lust , whatever it is you desire. I know you can make it. But simply because someone else seems to base their decisions on lust doesn't mean everyone does the same, and if more than one does it, then its their choices, what is right for them. But if you want love, go get it. Don't base your beliefs on the actions of those around you!. Be safe :)
Ps, and remember, confidence is hot and so can you be:)
I Felt love before --and it does exist
my ex boyfriend was probably not the most handsomest guy but I loved him a lot and so does he.
It's really a feeling that's felt from with in.
when you see that person in pain you want to make them happy and give then the whole world
and when you can't make their smile go away --it hurts you just as much.
I think it does exist.
you don't have to be "hot" to find love --you just have to find the right person. ...
I think love is an indescribable feeling and once it comes you will know.
and once again ---U don't have to be attractive to find love.
Love isn't about looks.
i don't look for looks in someone I look for personality and intellectually driven people.
I think lust grows into love or lust is apart of love.
You may disagree but
we all just have to look for someone that will accept who we are. ...
I honestly love my ex and I still do but Love does exist and it isn't all about looks. because what takes us to the end of the journey? --personality and Brain power not looks.
don't give up. Love will find u...
honestly, I feel bad for your ass. if your 18-24 and never had a gorlfriend, its because you don't have enough self confidence to FIND love. its f***ing real. and since you feel like a loser becasue you haven't found it yet, make everyone think that THEY are wrong, and what they KNOW is love, isn't love, but lust? its wrong, and sense you HAVENT had a grilfriend/ been in love yet, think about why, its NOT because you may be unattractive, and its NOT because it doesn't exist, its because you have THIS attitude. and its not going to get you anywhere in the world of love. believe in it, think about how many people spend their days thinking about that one person they know they feel in love with. naive isn't the right word, are little children naive becasue they dearly love their parents? no. love is love. there are many deiffertn defenitions and many different levels. but its real. anyone and everyone can find it, even you. you just have to have hope and try.
Im sorry for saying this but you are ignorant. I mean you no disrespect but for you to compare love to lust is like comparing dirt to gold. You simply haven't found love yet man, I am 20 years old, a virgin, and have only ever had 1 girlfriend and she left me because I wouldn't have sex with her because I knew she didn't love me she was just attracted to me. HAVING SEX IS THE LEAST MOST IMPORTANT THING ON THE PLANET. Think about it 30 minutes of plessure versus a lifetime of love and happiness. And if you think you have got a girlfriend because your looks you really are ignorant, girls are more attracted to maturity, they can tell when you don't have coiinfedence in yourself and that is what makes you unattractive to them. For you to drag the name of one the most beautiful things on the planet through the dirt because boo hoo you didn't get none in highschool, F*cking deal get over it your life is only 1/4 of the way done you have plently of time to get a mindless piece of ass if that's all you want but don't try to tell other people love doesn't exist because the truth is a bitch. And the truth is your not loved by yourself so you feel no one will ever love you and I know this because I was the same way until I actaully feel in love and realized the problem wasnt them it was the idiot in the mirror crying about how all his friends have girlfriends and I don't but guess what not a single one of those relationships will last past 10 years because they met before they were fully mature. Once again I am sorry for going off on you but you did kind disrespect me and millions of other people with one emotionally charged false statement.
Because women are obnoxious control freaks who won't let you have a f***ing day to yourself. You MUST be thinking of them CONSTANTLY or else they do not feel affirmed. And this is coming from a guy who didn't even get a hug from a non-family member until 18, and idolized women.
So here's a tip: if you do have a girlfriend, as soon as she starts being a bitch, break up with her, and follow through. Here's a video to help you prepare:
Once you have experienced the annoyance that is a relationship, you will understand why guys stop caring about girls.
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14Opinion
I've never had a boyfriend. I'm at the age where all my friends have boyfriends and they're going to dances with them. They're taking pictures with them. It feels like all I can do is just smile and pretend to be happy for them, when really they have what I want and never could have.
But recently, I've found a new sense of self-worth and a feeling of confidence. People pick up on this, and they like it.
The only reason you feel the way you do about love, or the lack thereof, is the fact that you've never had a girlfriend. Maybe the reason that you never had a girlfriend really is because you're unattractive, but when you spend your time typing/writing/saying/thinking that you're unattractive, you're reinforcing that into your mind, causing yourself to truly believe it. And when you believe something strongly enough, it oozes from you.
So imagine if someone came up to you and said, "Hi, I'm unattractive and love doesn't exist."
You'd be pretty turned off. I know I would.
I'm not just trying to make you feel bad for downing yourself. I used to think love was a giant charade, too, but now I'm hopeful (but still single). All you really can do is hope for a miracle such as love to grace you with its presence. Don't be convinced that it won't come your way- because it passes over everyone; you just need to learn how to live in that moment.
Smile at girls that provoke your interest.
If there's a girl you like, and she's making jokes, laugh... even if the jokes aren't funny.
Just pretend to feel good about yourself, and soon you really will.
But in the meantime, try to make other people feel good. The generosity you'll recieve back from them will make you rethink your disbelief in love.
Love isn't supposed to be easy, no one ever said it was. Love is something wayyy worth fighting for, and I know I sound like a cheap romantic comedy but it's true. I'm not the most attractive person either, I've been called fat, ugly, etc, all my life. My boyfriend on the other hand, is veryyy attractive, one of the most sought after boys in our grade. I never had a boyfriend, he went out with at least fifty girls (not even a lie, haha), and then one day out of the blue, he asked me to go out with him and I of course said yes, since I'd been really crushing on him from a distance for a while. And a month later, he looked at me and said "I think I love you." and then at that moment, I realized what all of the hype about love was. I wake up every morning, knowing that he's out there, wanting to be with ME, to make ME happy, to support NE and love me no matter what (which has been proved in the over two years we've been together). Just because you haven't experienced it yet doesn't mean it's not out there. If anything, it should make you want to find it even more. True, lust is a part of love, obviously. It's how it starts out, in my opinion. You see someone, you lust after them, and then once you get to know them, all the facets of their personality and being, you come to love them. It's not a cut and dry, I saw them and fell in love thing. It'll happen to you, because it's too wonderful of a phenomenon not to. There's someone out there for everyone, even if you're not interested in finding them, somehow it'll be put right. After all, in the fairytales, the right couple doesn't ever get together until the very end.
Here you have made a judgement on something that cannot be measured. You measured what love really is by comparing it to lust which most people view as sexual attraction and initially liking the 'newness' of a relationship. When we feel like we are in love we do not doubt it or think it could be false. Then we are happy to call it love.
It is only when we fall out of this time that we called love that we become bitter and believe it does not exist. Scientists have now predicted that passionate love only lasts for approximately five years and then after this if you are still in a relationship with someone it is a different form of love, similar to that between a mother and baby. I read the comment below mine about willing to die for your partner equalling true love. There are many more complex workings within love. For example my brother is happily married to his wife for ten years and has one child of five years. His wife said that she would not die for him as she knows she would be leaving her child behind and that she would rather her be here for him than my brother, the child's father.
Love isn't just about attraction or sex.
As a mother - I know I love my children unconditionally. As a wife, I would die for my husband. What else could that be but love?
Love is about tolerance and acceptance. And it sounds like you need to feel that way about yourself. Being physically unattractive is not a deterrent to love. Especially since physical beauty is so objective - you may not like the way you look, but there are other who could disagree with you. You never know.
I understand how discouraging being single can be - but having a partner isn't the be all end all in life. You can have a perfectly full and happy life without a SO. Really. Just go out and live, experience what there is to experience and maybe when you're not paying attention - love will find you.
You're too young to have such a dismissive attitude about love - keep some hope in your heart. You need to be able to recognize love when it shows itself - and you can't do that when you're cloaked with doubt.
Good luck, I hope the best for you.
Well, I don't think that every person has a "true love" or "the one". But I think there are people who get along really well that makes it appear like "true love". But I know that there is a difference between love and lust (I'm bisexual, and I feel love for men and lust for women...i know, it's odd but it's how I can tell the difference). I think that because you're bitter is part of the reason that no one is interested. I know this, because I'm the same exact way (and that's why I never get asked out or no one seems interested).
Also, if lust only existed in this world, people would not be monogamous or stay together after the chick gets pregnant (cause that's what animals do) or after sex (and I mean everyone in the world). There are feelings there between people that keep them together because they have found someone that they get along with and who "gets" them. Honestly, if you run into someone that you have things in common with, you like them don't you want them near you? I mean, its nicer when you have someone around that you get along with :) And besides, from what I've experienced, a little of "lust" and "like" can turn into "love. Don't give up just yet.
Trust me, it is very real, and there are many different kinds of it, most of my life I considered myself "ugly" and I developed a crush with a girl over the internet on a game (I know I'm lame), but once she started throwing hints my direction that she was interested in me having never seen me and I hadn't seen her, we ended up in a long distance relationship, the only thing that really ended us was she had trouble seeing us as meeting in person, the ironic part is I had saved enough money to go see her and had planned to surprise her by seeing her on her b-day (by then we were really close and did know what each other looked like), but she flipped out we broke up and stopped talking to each other, but we have some shared friends and I know she still loves me and thinks about me, just like I do for her. True love never dies, it just gets surpressed once it's over so we can move on and stay alive.
So please beleive me when I say love does exist, it is out there, and chances are it will find YOU when you least expect it, so keep your eyes open and when you seen an opportunity, make a move, leap, most women will notice confidence and other masculine traits before seeing how wonderful being with a nice/respectful guy is without having been in bad relationships with over macho you know whats. And I am guessing you consider yourself a nice guy, if that's the case my best advice I can give you is, be cofident (pysch yourself up before talkign to a girl if you have to, or have some buddies back you up) but go for masculine, then show your sweet/nice guy side.
I sincerely hope this advice helps. And please if you do find someone keep me updated, I want to help and wish you the best. =)
love itself does not exist no, however feelings that can be construde as love do, feelings of trust, care, devotion and loyalty these all count towards what people see as love but these feelings can be for anyone in any extreme and in any order. a soul mate is real as this is a person you can spend time with and connect with on a very personnal and detailed level. you will never find love as its displayed in the media as it is not real but you will however find the special person who completes your life :)
there are many of them out there statistically if there are 6.4 billion people then there would be hundreds if not thousands or more people who would fit into your soul mate catagory so don't give up hope :)
a famous quote that made me feel better and take a different look on the world said:
"love is the illusion of perfection portrayed upon another person, when that person leaves the fantasy ends and with it love dies"
it made me think about how artificial and fickle "love" is and what I should really be looking for when finding my soul mate :)
1. Relationships begin when two people are attracted to each other enough for one person to put themselves out there and make a move.
2. This "lust" transitions into like, and then into love, as the relationship progresses and as the two people get to know each other in a deeper way.
3. You probably have not gotten to this point because girls can sense that you are bitter and perhaps a tad bit desperate, not because of your good or bad looks. Trust me, girls can smell bitterness from a mile away.
I don't believe that everyone has a soulmate or one true love, but I do believe that there are many people out there whom you could love and be happy spending your life with. You need to work on being more optimistic and approachable so maybe girls will stop writing you off.
You don't know love unless you have loved.
Being in love is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I fell in love four years and 25 days ago. Before I fell in love, I felt like my life was worthless. I had self-esteem issues and I was depressed. Then, came into my life.
I had known him since I was born. He was 2 1/2 years older than me and he was (and still is) my all. He treated me like I was an angel. It was great. Well I waited until January of this year to tell him. And we started gonig out the next day. Well, we had some complications with the family. They couldn't keep us apart though. We started going back out and tomorrow is our one month. One of many. We're so close that we're determined to stick it out until the end.
Don't give up on love. There is someone for everyone! You just have to do what you feel is right. You're still young. Don't worry.
You are just saying that because it has never happened to you. Of coarse if you never felt something before you woulden't believe it exsists. Yes, some love starts out as lust, but even if you believe you are ugly someone somewhere will be attracted to you, and not nessacerily because of lust at first sight. It has been PROVEN that love exsists by scientists examining the way our brains work. If you ever fall in love, you will know what love truley is. Love is beyond lust, because if love was based on lust, then people would start breaking up once they lost there looks. As soon as someone got a wrinkle the other person would leave witch is not true. There are MANY people who have been together there whole lives and didn't just stick with there partners through and thin because they were hot, It's because they LOVED them. Hope you fall in love someday so you know why what your saying is so wrong.
I have been married for 7 years, I have 2 kids and 1 on the way. I can tell you love is definitely real. But love isn't just a feeling, love is also a verb, and it is an ability and a capacity. You are right that lust is often mistaken for love, but love is real, and it is independent from lust. With lust your focus is to get something from the object of your lust. With love your focus is to give something to the object of your love. You want to make her life better because she makes your life better just for being in it.
Just because you ent found anyone with your miserable, depressed outlook on life doesn't mean love don't exist. Ever been to Antarctica? No? But it's there right?
Now I'll be nice.
Sort it out mate, smile, chat to people and you'll find someone, its that easy. I say that... SOmetimes it is, but yh, just be nice and bit more upbeatthan you presently seem.
Also,
Lust is driven by gender specific chemicals : Testosterone and Estrogen,
Love is Oxytocin,
so ur wrong, they ent the same... Oxytocin is a natural high, hardly gna last for 60 years. Its an opiot however you spell it (like heroin)
That's why people in love can still want to have sex with other ppl. Diff chemicals at work
I've been in love before, I've loved three men because of who they are on the inside, and not how they look on the outside. PHysical attract exists, but for me, spiritual attraction is 2-5x stronger than physical attraction... the reason spiritual attraction is so hard to find is that you have to work your ass off to find it, physical attration is instantaneous and requires no effort on your part, you are born with the genes to be physically attracted to good looking people but spiritual attraciton requires a lot of struggle, toil, hard work, self sacrifice, and suffering both on your part and on the part of the person you are attracted to, in order for the two pieces to fit together.
Love is a choice, not and emotion -- so love is real. and I would soppose I am naive enough to believe so because I don't believe the lies that society says are true to distroy my love for others and for the love others give me.
Love and lust are two different things. and I don't understand how you a disillusioned enough to believe that they are one in the same. How can you say a mother's love for a child - is really lust - or sister to a brother? people who are just friends even love each -- stop letting people tell you that sex is love -- because it most definately is not.
I disaggree with ya man. Love esists because there is certain things that somone will do for another person that they wouldn't do for someone they love. One thing I do question is if love can last forever because it truly seems that with so many divorce that it is rare for it to last that long. As for you saying that you are not that attractive, there are plenty of mixes and matches. I don't know what you look like but I'll tell you this, I have seen sum dimes with 4's and I even heard on the radio that some hot girls look for guys who are not as attractive but guys are less likely to do that.
Lust is pretty much a crush its wen you just think about them a lot and want them.
Love is when you can be with some and see through all there faults and still want to be with them, be pleasured by the slightest things they do in a non sexual way. when you can honestly say you do lust for them but you couldn't be with out them. It just happens its not something you can force.
Good luck in the girlfriend department but remember girls don't really like pessimists. try to be up beat around girls and you may get a girlfriend
I believe in love because I think its the closest thing we have to magic yeah that may sound really corny but that's just how I feel...You shouldnt give up on love yet it really doesn't matter about if you are attractive or not...And just let love find you...
Ok personally I don't know that there is a true love but I've been fell in love so deep and that feeling just cannot describe by word.It's very strong emotional attachment.That was my first love-no suprise-And when people fell in love and make love that is not called lust, that is a sharing of feeling towards each other which make them feel complete.When after I broke up, fall in love for me is no more but lust yes.Usually I do like have that kind of feeling again but unfortunately it was just temporary but I don't think that was love, for me it was just an infatuation.Love itself is just a feeling, a special feeling but sometimes people just don't know how to appreciate it.Love is special and no wrong,it is pure but people's negative action by treating it badly kill the love and turns it to hatred, revenge and lust.People fall in love in many different ways and love is blind.Its not just based on your looks solely but your heart.
i have never had a boyfriend. but I believe that love is not something you have to go looking for, or even as some people say, just have to wait for. live your life and love will happen for you, just like it happens for a lot of people. it's not naive to believe in love, but it's way more important to believe in yourself. love comes when you least expect it. :)
Once you find the right person and fall in love you'll see just how real it is. It's a difficult emotion to describe and if you've never felt like that towards another person then I can see why you feel the way you do. We all love different people differently so the love that you have for your parents, friends and relatives is completely different from loving a girlfriend, fiancee or wife. Lust is more primarily used for someone who only wants sex it's nothing like love not even close.
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