I'm really worried my boyfriend is losing interest in me. HELP!

[Anonymous]

im 23 and I've been with my boyfriend for 5yrs now, and recently he's been a bit quiet at times when we're together. He tells me he still loves me but he isn't as lovey dovey as he use to be. He says he's not sure if its just because we've been together for so long or if its because he's starting to get bored/losing interest etc. I really don't want to let go of this relationship. I try to give him space and we act like we normally do (i.e we still kiss and cuddle and stuff, but he doesn't do those little things), but I'm not sure what else to do to bring that spark back. is this normal for guys? or is he actually losing interest in me? his previous relationship he had was 3yrs long and he said that he got bored with their relationship and I guess when we regained contact he started to like me (we had lost contact in our junior years in high school but regained contact towards the end of his relationship when we were in yr12). what I'm worried about is history repeating itself, but just that we were able to last a little longer. please help! are we doomed to break up? is this normal for guys?

thanks in advance

Updates

+1 y

additional details:

When I noticed his quietness, I asked him a few times and he finally told me that he was worried that he was losing feeling/interest in the relationship.

On the other hand he's not sure if this is just a faze.

BUT I have been trying to think of new things to do when we go out and try to suprise him with things etc. He says it does help a little. but then there a times when his mind "runs" and all those doubts come back for him and I feel like I'm right back where I started

Updates

+1 y

I just don't know what else I can do, I'm really scared that we are headed for a breakup..

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

Sounds like he's getting complacent. Like he's so comfortable that he feels like this is starting to be guaranteed, so "why bother with the little things?". It's a rutt I guess. This can sometimes feel a little dull, or in your case it's got you worried. I can understand that.

What do you do about it? Well, I guess for starters you can try doing things to excite him. Things that you know he likes, things that can bring some real romance into your relationship. Maybe if you try this stuff and see how he responds to this. If all goes well it should help a little, for maybe a little while. If things don't go so well, (or if they do but things start feeling one-sided later)then you may want to sit him down and have a talk, and tell him how you have genuine concerns, and lay it all out for him. Don't make it sound like a nag, but rather try to make it sound like it comes from real love and concern.

I think you need to communicate all this at some point anyway. If you have, then I'm not sure. Perhaps you can tell us what happened if you did, and I / we can try to hammer out something else.

Good luck with this though.

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

Have you asked why his mind goes into these places? Why he has such doubts? What these doubts are about?

[Asker]

I haven't asked that question per say, but I think some of his doubts are that he can see the effort I'm putting and he feels bad about it, and that I deserve better than that.

But also in general, he thinks I deserve better and he's not good enough for me. (even though I've told him he is good enough)

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

That's a shame. Look I'm not sure what to tell you, other than "just keep talking about it" and "keep trying to work it out." because all you can do is try. Still, if it doesn't work out all I can say is that you tried your best. As depressing as that may be, there could be some comfort in the fact that it was not your fault. Let's just hope it never gets to that point.

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

What can I say? The sad reality is, I don't have all the answers to miraculously make things better.

[JosephImeal]

You know the situation better than any of us...!

So use the best judgment you can...! I was in a

relationship exactly how your descbribing and

It ended in heartache! Just be yourself and do

the best you can, that's all you can hope for. In

all honesty, you deserve to know! Because he

knows...! All I can really say...is keep trying! If

it's meant to be...it'll work itself out!

[Catrine]

Every long term relationship has to go throught this stage - first, you both must know it , that it's normal after 5 years. love is a decision you take to be with someone even when you're getting bored and you know that it won't be always romantic and so interesting like it was first years, you just are on the stage where you are getting comfortable with each other.

Try to watch old photos with him , talk about happy moments in past, do something crazy with him, let him know that your feelings for him are still strong.

But now you both must try to make it work, not only you but also him must bring something new into relationship - A relationship takes work from both people. If he doesn't do anything for change you should break up because it would only hurt you.

[Catrine]

Dear, it's pretty normal for the excitement and newness of a relationship to die down some after some years,- unfortunately this is really common. you have been together 5 years, so no wonder.

Try doing something special for him , something different than usual if you feel the relationship is getting stale, try to have something that only you 2 do/know , have own habits, secrets, your own language - if you know what I mean, this will make you more closer.

And make sure you communicate your feelings to him - it's one key of a healthy relationship, and if it's going to last, you have to talk to him.

[JosephImeal]

Sounds just like my last relationship. All I kept

thinking was there has to be something I can say

or do...! But in the end, love just wasn't good

enough. Its hard when your stuck in a mirror

and break lose...! This is something you'll both

need to discuss and work out.

[martyfellow]

It's normal to cool off afer years together. Don't assume something is 'wrong.' But you're right to try to find new places to go, new things to do, as much as you can.

[martyfellow]

Don't worry, this isn't anything abnormal at all!

[Alpha93]

You are just getting comfortable with each other so he doesn't feel like he has to put effort in anymore.

[Asker]

would you suggest anything to try and bring back that spark?

[Alpha93]

Trying something new. Try cooking together or doing some activity that your both interested in.

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

Well, you beat me to it.