Why do some guys control and abuse girls they love?

I had a boyfriend who I was totally in love with. In the beginning of our relationship he was the sweetest,caring,and most romantic guy I ever knew . He bought me flowers everyday and even asked me to marry him. He made me feel like a princess. He loved my friends and seemed to want the same things I did. After we had been together for a while he totally changed. He didn't want me to hang out with friends, talk to other guys, or go anywhere without him. He said he was just trying to protect me, but that wasn't the case. He also had asked me in the beginning of our relationship about other guys I had been with before him and I was totally honest with him. At that time he was cool with it. Later on, when he started to be controlling, he would talk about the guys I had been with before him, and try to make me feel like a slut for being with any guy before I knew him. He brought it up all the time and would try to make me feel guilty. When I refused to do something he wanted me too,or If I was mad at him, he started to go crazy. At First he started punching holes in the wall , I should have realized then. It started to get worse and he would grab me and slam my head into things or push me down. He also always tried to make me feel bad about myself by saying rude and degrading things. As he was doing all of this, he was also trying to get me pregnant, and I didn't want that. I didn't know what to do because I knew this was wrong, but I loved him.Everytime I brought up the issues he would accuse me of being crazy and that I didn't know what I was talking about. I finally broke up with him when I realized how badly he was effecting my life, I didn't even have friends anymore. I moved away from where we lived and started over again. I still wonder why he would treat someone he was supposed to love this way. Has anyone been in this kind of situation before, or just have any outlooks on it?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Well first of all that is not love. Anyone who loves someone does not act like this. Perhaps he does not have the capacity to love properly, or he was raised with a terrible example and this is learned behavior. Love is healthy and doesn't hurt.