My Boyfriend seems to be slipping away sometimes- hot and cold

[dancinqueen8]

My boyfriend and I have been really close for the 6 months we have been dating. He is "the one" and he feels the same. he has some health issues and has been having a run of bad luck for the past few months- health, being laid-off etc. Throughout our entire relationship up to now he has been very attentive- sending cute text messages, spending lots of time with me and telling me everything. We even have decided to move in together in a few months. I have noticed in the past few weeks he won't contact me as often and I will call/text leave messages and never her from him. He will say he received them later but will not respond. He claims he still loves me very much and "we" are the only things going well for him right now, but then he acts kind of distant. Actions speak louder than words so should I be nervous? I have asked him about it and he seems to kind of irritated. What exactly should I do so I am not a pain or overreacting?

[Anonymous]

He is clearly going through a bad time and is probably wanting some space so that he can figure things out. There is nothing which you have done wrong and I'm sure all is fine. Remember guys are not as open as girls and like to deal with things them selves.

Are you still living together? Six months is quite early in a relationship to be living together and this may have also got to him.

The best thing you can do is just let him know that you are there for him if he needs you and wants to talk and tell him how much you care about him. Maybe cut down on the contact to once a day max and give him the space that he needs. Don't get upset if he does not reply, he could just be busy or may not have got the message until late. You need to be strong and independant at the moment., show him that you are not needy and Show him that you can do things without him and don't need his full support because that will make things easier for him and show that you have respect for him and your seld and he will give you more respect too.

Just give him time and it will all be fine. Go out and have fun with your friends,go to the cinema or anything with them to take your mind off things and maybe join a club, get a hobby or go to the gym.

[dancinqueen8]

No we don't live together yet. We are moving in together June 1st. But he has asked me if I am second guessing us moving in together and I have asked him too. So I know that isn't it... But when it came to certain relationship milestones- how often we went out in beginning, saying "I love you" the 1st time, moving in together etc. I always made sure he initiated it 1st. That way I didn't make him feel threatened and rush things. Plus guys like to feel that "control" in doing these things 1st.

[Shlei3]

I think he's gust having a hard time and is probably distant because he's trying to figure things out. Let him know (even if he already knows) that you are there for him and leave it at that. Being laid off and having health issues can really take a toll on someone. I get a bit distant if things are not going well. If it really bugs you tell him that you are there to support and love him and that you feel hurt that it seems like he's being very distant. Leave it at that so he doesn't have to talk about it. Some people do better when they are not asked to talk but to listen and process.

[jlou-1989]

I totally agree I was going to say something along those lines

[dancinqueen8]

Thank you. I have told him I am here for him- he said he knows- and I have told him that it bothers me how he is acting lately. Now, I am just trying to give him some space but I can't help the fact that it is irritating me.

[nikkijoe616]

same thing is happening with me and my boyfriend I would say that the best thing you could do is don't bring it up and sounds like whatever is going on he is very stressed out and I know with my boyfriend he just needs some guy time. I am sure everything is ok. just being there for him will show him that you really care and that's all that he needs in this time of stress. he is probably distant because he doesn't want to bother you with all of this... hope this helps a little

[Anonymous]

Many (if not most) of us guys view the world by our role in it, so when everything is going well (we have a good job, we feel healthy, and we have a cute and adoring girlfriend) we feel like kings of our own little reality. We like to take care of those we love and we feel needed by being productive and romantic and active. It's a great feeling.

But when things go wrong, like we lose our job and our health, we start to feel like that peaceful, secure kingdom of ours is falling apart, and on some level we feel that it's our fault. Us men blame ourselves ALOT (we just don't let you girls know this).

Your guy is probably going through something very similar to this analogy and every good king needs a good queen to lean on. Unfortunately he's not seeing the forest for the trees and he's withdrawing from you as he blames himself for everything else (even if he's outwardly blaming the world). If you withdraw or start playing whatever games dating articles tell you to, that will probably just compound the problem.

You want this relationship to work, I can tell, so now is the time to bring that much more pragmatic female perspective to things and 'guide' him to where he can reign again.

[dancinqueen8]

You are right and I thank you! Now what should I do so that he doesn't feel smothered? Be myself or give him space?

[authentic]

What happens when you eat caviar for every meal, say for only 5 days ?

Many guys are trained to be mental in nature, and the mind seeks variety, becomes bored when familiarity sets in. This is fine, or even preferable professionally. But this is a recipe for diaster for long term relationships. Because it is a "technical impossibility". The longer he dates around, the less his mind finds anything "new", or "challenging".

The solution ? If he has a heart, opens and uses it ! But, bear in mind this is like telling a right-hander to write with the left hand for some guys. No one is saying it is impossible. You evaluate and decide whether you want to stick around and wait for your guy to "open and uses" his heart..., or find a "better deal"...

[badinfluence]

the guys below said it all. love is kind. love is patient. you should stay extra positive and help him take a deep breath... and always trust your gut instinct. if you feel he loves you, then he does. Relationships are hard, and being supportive when someone you care about needs it is really good karma!

[Anonymous]

He likes you a lot it seems. Just chill. He probably doesn't want to ruin the only thing that's working for him so maybe that's why he's being spacey like that

[dancinqueen8]

Well said!

[rudnick_z]

he is having a hard time and you need to stand by him and let him know that you are there for him. He may not see it now but he will appreciate it by you helping him get back on his feet.