"Family First?!" - My boyfriend always ignores me when his cousins are in town. Which is every couple months.

He doesn't reply to my text messages until at least and hour after I've sent them. He spends all his time with them, and now he's "forgot" that I'm literally violently ill. I spent the last 24 hours with foo poisoning. He was even here for most of it then was angry when I wouldn't go swimming with them just now. Then he's like "sorry, I forgot".

We're going to Montreal for a week soon, have rented a $200 a night hotel room months ago for the two of us and now he's asking me I his 21 year old cousin whom I don't even know can crash on the couch for a few days.

He says "family first" but am I wrong to think this is a bit extreme?

*if his


Most Helpful Girl

  • Okay...so...I've felt the way you've felt before. I don't think that he doesn't care about you or your feelings. Maybe it's just how he is with his family. You should sit him down and tell him how you feel about it. I know sometimes when I'd get around my boyfriend and his family, he'd always leave me and go hand with them. I told him how I felt and at first he didn't understand but he lessened up on the leaving part...You're very justified in how you feel. I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half and he recently started doing that...it comes and goes. I'd nip it in the butt right now.

    • I have talked to him befor though. He just denies it. Thanks though.

    • lol. he used to take me to see his family three states away from my home and leave me at the house to go hang with his dad...I'd be at the house with our pet dog...Nice. lol ALL DAY. He'd get back to the house with his dad, and whenever we'd be alone, his dad would call him into the living room to be with him. Men are incredibly stupid sometimes. He'd hop up and go! But then he would take his time to see what I wanted...all bad. So I really know the feeling.

    • Wow ha ha yeah men can be pretty dense.

What Guys Said 2

  • I come from a very broken family so family is never first for me when I'm in a relationship. That said, for MANY people, family comes before anything because of the way they were raised unless you're married to the guy. However, him randomly telling you his cousin is going to crash with you guys on a trip that was originally just for the two of you is unacceptable and for him to completely blow you off while family is around is also a no no. You HAVE to tell him this bothers you and you have every right to be bothered by this, he's definetely overstepped his boundaries on this one.

  • I think you're justified. I'd put my foot down with the cousin staying at your hotel room. It sounds like it's supposed to be a romantic get away but then his cousin is going to be there? Forget that.

    • I don't get it either. We were supposed to go to te city last weekend too, just the two of us and he was angry that I wouldn't let his little cousin tag along. Thanks for your opinion. I feel less crazy now.

    • Yea, I get that he really likes his cousins but he shouldn't get all stupid and forget about you when they're there.

What Girls Said 5

  • I know where you're coming from. But before I respond, let me ask, how long have you two been together?

    • Nine, nearly 10 months.

  • I don't think it's cool for him to ignore you to the point of ignoring your text messages, but I also think you should be considerate of the fact that he does have priorities outside of your relationship. One of my closest friends is dealing with a very similar situation where her boyfriend is extremely oriented. Before him, she was in a relationship with a guy for almost four years. The guy was kind of clingy and always available. Always there, ready and willing to spend time with her and do things for her. She was also extremely close with his family. She got spoiled emotionally by that relationship. That relationship gave her expectations of what a relationship is supposed to be, making her believe she should ALWAYS come first. So with this new guy, I hate to say it, but she bitches, is mean to him, and gives him hell if he chooses to spend time with her family more than her. She thinks she has a legit reason to be upset, and maybe at first she did, but the way she handled it makes her look like an over aggressive brat. Now his family hates her and there is tension in their relationship. I love her to death, but I've even had to tell her; she looks whiny and annoying when she gives him all this sh*t for not putting her first and choosing to spend time with his family. Even though his family closeness is overwhelming, her method of handling it is just awful.

    Damn, that was a lot of typing! : / I just wanted to share that with you so that you know how NOT to tackle this. I think you have a legitimate reason to be upset. Family first is kind of a selfish, unfair way of dealing with things when you're in a relationship and he's taking it to the extreme. Don't let his cousin crash on the couch. This is a special trip you planed months ago for you and him. Not you, him, and his cousin on the couch lol Stand your ground and tell him no. Tell him "I know you're really close to your family but this is where I have to draw the line. I'm not saying you need to always put me first, but this is just unfair." The whole food poisoning thing is really f***ed up too. His behavior is not cool, he needs to get it together.

  • My boyfriend is the same way. His family also hates me, so when they come in town, I don't see or hear from him. I was alone on Christmas because it was such an important holiday that he couldn't come see me for like a hour. It's just something you have to deal with if you live him. If not, let him go. It's way too much drama and heartache

  • Missing out with family sucks! I think family does come first. You don't need him to take care of you when you're sick, you'll be okay. I do think you guys do need alone time though! His family doesn't always need to come along with you guys. Just tell him how you feel and see what happens.

    • I didn't want him there when I was sick, but he refused to leave.