Boyfriend says he will never marry me?

[Anonymous]

Things were going good than we became on and off for the last year. He says that he would "never marry me because we could never have a stable relationship" although we both try all the time. What should I do?

[peace-love-couture]

Honestly, most off/on relationships won't last or work out in the long run--he does have a point. Add marriage into the mix and it will probably be the factor to completely end your relationship

And a relationship takes work from both sides, but it shouldn't be a constant uphill battle. You should get more out of your relationship than you have to give and not exhaust yourselves.

You could try to make it work and address the issues within the relationship though. It depends what they are though. Something like different goals in life or being on 2 completely different pages is something that can't be fixed because neither partner should compromise their goals or happiness THAT much...well, they can, but they'd feel resentment somewhere along the way.

If it's something like trust issues(of course not always) or maybe just not knowing how to argue or resolve issues in the relationship, that can be resolved.

[LJHam]

What you should do is stop wasting your time if you truly want to be married one day. If this guy says he doesn't want to marry you, then MOVE ON! Don't think you can change his mind. Don't think it's just a matter of him not being ready. Don't think your relationship with him is going to magically change one day.

Listen to him and listen to him good. He isn't Mr. Big from Sex in the CIty (if you know who that is). He's not gonna one day change his mind and decide he wants to marry you.

Cut your losses now. The longer you let this drag out, the harder it'll be to do it later on.

[Quarantined_Thoughts]

If you hope to marry someday, then clearly you should break up with him. He obviously wants nothing serious with you. I had the same thing happen and it's best if you end things. Focus your love and attention to someone who actually values it.

[Asker]

thanks girl! and I'm sorry it happened to you. you are really pretty and I'm sure another guy will value that someday

[Anonymous]

I think as long as you secretly plan to dump him in September all will be good anways

[Anonymous]

If marriage is what you seek, then obviously split up.

[Obversa]

If you're relationship isn't already stable, you have two options.

A) make it stable.

B) break up, walk away and move on.

It sounds to me that perhaps you two aren't ready for a relationship at this time in your lives. Maybe you could get back together in the future; maybe not. However, at the moment it doesn't sound like you two have a good relationship to begin with.

[LexiNinja]

So why is he your "boyfriend" again? If he doesn't want marriage, than you're just wasting your time. Unless you just want to be known as "the girlfriend" with an unstable relationship.

[Asker]

he asked my mother in the beginning if he could marry me and he wanted kids now he is changing his mind on both.

[LexiNinja]

Well if you're saying he is "changing his mind", that means 1) He DOESN'T know what he wants. 2) He's NOT ready to be in a committed relationship, which he's using the 'our relationship is unstable' as an excuse. And 3) He's inconsistent about his feelings. I don't understand why you'd want to be with someone who's confused about what he wants. What if he proposes right now and decides he wants to get married, then when the time comes and its your wedding day and he gets 'cold feet' and backs

[LexiNinja]

Out, then what? Do you REALLY want to be with someone who's that unpredictable? Who can back out at any moment without given reason? You really need to think about what YOU want. Because it sure as hell doesn't sound like he knows what he wants.

[Anonymous]

If you want to get married then you are wasting your time because he's telling you right now he does not want to marry you. Its not that he said he wasn't ready for marriage now, he explained why he would not get married to you at all. What is going to happen X years down the line when you are really ready for marriage and a future and he still feels the same way?

Sorry you're going through this, this has happened to me and the best thing to do is move on.

[Anonymous]

well determine if you think he is right, if you really aren't compatible in the long run then it's time to start thinking about ending it, but if he doesn't want to marry you then you certainly can't force him, so really this sounds like a dead relationship. sorry, best of luck to you

[ariesinthestars]

if he thinks you will never have a stable relationship, you should leave him to avoid future pain. The longer the relationship, the harder it is to let go.

[imperatriz]

Decide if you do want to get married or not. If the answer is yes, that is something you may want then break up with him. If the answer is no, break up with him anyway because it is apparent he does not see you in his future.

[Anonymous]

I think you should move on then, who wants to be in a relationship more; you or him? Do you want to get married one day, I suggest finding someone that you can stick together.

[Anonymous]

Dump him if that's the case or if you can accept it stick around

[Cuddle_Muffin]

Dump him for good.