How long does it take to get over your first love?

I was with my first love for 2.5 years and she broke my heart almost 10 months ago. Since then I haven't dated anyone, but was with a few girls, one of which I would have dated if I didn't move away. Every once in a while I will get sad when I think about my ex, and how she is dating someone new. I've cut all ties with her, because I feel like having her in my life wasn't healthy and I needed a new start? Does your first love stay with you forever, and will I always feel the pain of this?


Most Helpful Girl

  • You are doing good with the no contact, the worst thing you can do is still speak to her. My ex of 3 years wanted to be friends, but knowing that he still wasnt over the relationship I WAS THE ONE to say "No", because I know what its like talking to someone you know you can't have, and I knew I would only hurt him more. This pain will not be forever though. I can guarntee one thing you are prob. doing is comparing girls that you have dated with her and that's extremley bad! Until you meet someone else that gives you those butterfly feelings in your stomach then you will prob. always have the feeling of "pain" because she was the only good that you've known. As time goes on and you find someone else that you have feelings for that "pain" will just turn to "indifference" you will remember the times you had with her, and I guarntee she will pop in your head, but it will never be enough for you to dwell on it and want to post a question about it, it will come and go.

    p.s. one thing that my ex has done since the past 2 years that we have broken up, is contacting me telling me how much I hurt him etc. whatever you do, don't do that! because if there are ever is a chance that you two cross paths in the future it will only leave a bad taste in your for now go about your life, don't compare girls to your ex, and I promise you that once you find a girl you like, you will think less and less of her!

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What Girls Said 25

  • it took years. i was heartbroken for
    a long time. what opened my eyes was the he treated me when we met for the first time 3 years after we broke up. he had changed. he was in a rock band and had this cocky attitude. he felt entitled to sex as if he owned me. i did not want. he got his way. during sex he looked up at me and exclaimed, ”you're so tight ! can't believe you waited for me all these years ! you really are a good girl after all !” i told him the truth, no i didn't wait for you. in fact i had sex last week with (musician's name).

  • wow first love, the most painful experience for everyone. I know it must hurt on days where it is slow you think about the past. *you two together and all the good times shared.* trust me we've all done it, but though for some it may be a simple two months for others it can take a whole lifetime. maybe you should not worry to much on trying to get over her and maybe start doing things for yourself to make it easier throughout your days. find a hobby, or find something that can take your mind off of her for while (for example, school, career, sports, music, etc...) then eventually it will become redundant. my advice to you is to relax and feel that..its the feeling of the beginning of the rest of your life. don't like that feeling continue to do it till it feels good and then you'll be able to continue the path God set out for you.

    Good Luck.

  • honestly.

    the first person I ever fell in love with I still have feelings for.

    i don't think it will ever go away, and I think you can love 2 people at the same time.

    sometimes for different reasons too.

    i think that time will just lessen the pain.

    i still hang out with that guy, but I can never hang out with him when heis new girlfriend is around. hurts too much

  • eventually you get over them. after a certain period of time, they may go out with someone else, things get complicated, they forget about you, you get busy on with life, you yourself may hve moved on.

    i pretty much have. I gave him a chance not too long ago as I write this, so I guess I was secretly always wishing we could start over and get to know each other, but it didn't work out. I know how many girls he's been with, things are not the same when time passes unless they hold just as strong to the idea of being with you as you are to them.

  • I'd say a year and a half to two years to fully get over her. In the mean time try to have fun with your guy friends and make some new friends with girls nothing serious just a casual friendship to re-discover the opposite sex again.

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What Guys Said 20

  • How long?

    You will think about remember her many years/decades?) but it will not stay acute nor painful that long.

    Your next love will push the pain away, guaranteed (if you get emotionnally involved)

  • It passes, IF you allow it to pass.

    10 months is a bit too long for rebound. Get back out there. Dating new people is seriously healing.

  • Your first love will stay with you forever! You're looking at a typical recovery time of 6 - 12 months for any lost love. You do need to keep yourself busy with creative pursuits. Take all your unfocused emotional energy and pour it into something that will bring you spiritual satisfaction. Painting, photography, writing, poetry etc., can be very cathartic because they allow to explore and reshape your feelings. Additionally your creative efforts will give you something you can share with women who prize men that demonstrate insight and sensitivity.

    Besides, when you wake up at 4:30AM and you feel that big boom in the middle of your chest the moment your eyelids peel back, what are you going to do with yourself and all that lingering pain? Staring at the ceiling while obsessing over your lost love is wearing down the cogs and sprockets in you mind, and TV just makes you feel like an idiot. After my 1st true love broke up with me, I started a massive garden full of giant sunflowers, corn, tomatoes, onions, chiles and fresh herbs. I was pulling weeds at 5:00AM but at least I had a meditative place to visit with all that pain and passion. Remember, you've lost your lover, but not your capacity for love. You better have a creative project, young man.

    Here's an important strategy for hastening your recovery. Don't dwell on anything negative when you reminisce about her. When you catch yourself mulling over some resentful idea, hold that idea in check, and replace it with something positive. After all, this is your 1st true love. You better be able to look back on her memory with fondness and joy 20 years from now. You should be able to do the same thing today. You can't have her, but you're stuck with you. Don't cloud your mind with petty resentments and regrets. They'll poison your mind, extend an adolescent outlook, and block you from new possibilities with emotionally mature partners. Besides, you are the one person you must face each morning when those eyelids peel open and the semi truck lands on your chest. See the joy and wisdom in your past experience, let go of the pain through creativity. Your confidence and passion for life can only grow through this approach. And I promise you, sonny boy, the ladies gravitate towards that kind of light.

    Save some o' that new mojo for friends and family too! You'll heal faster making new friends, revisiting old pals, and by reinforcing family ties playing the good son and reliable sibling.

    Get with your peeps, dude. Just quit talking their ears off!

    As a final thought, you do hear from time to time that the only way to get over a woman is to under a woman. And that may actually help. Physical passion for its own sake isn't necessarily a bad thing. However, if you do feel lonely after such encounters, it'll be because you know you need more than transitory experiences to stay happy. This is a major revelation for a young horn dawg. It's a good sign. You're growing up.

    • Thank you so much for this answer...your insight was quite helpful. I do find myself drifting into thought about her and the good times we have, and when she asked why we couldn't be friends after the breakup I told her because I didn't want to lose the good times we had and replace them with ill feelings towards her.

      I do also have a hobby, I've played guitar for many years and since the break up have really devoted a lot of time to it and gotten a lot better.

    • Wow. I found this very helpful as well. I wish I had someone I could see physically in front of me to share this kind of insight about love and my broken heart. thank you.

    • Any time, little brother. I often wish my dad had been around to share this kind of wisdom. I suppose I've been lucky he was too immature to raise his own kids. He's on his seventh marriage now. Trust me, I've learned plenty from his example.

  • You made a common teen mistake. Instead of sampling as many dishes as possible, you picked one and dived in too deep. Teens, especially males are not emotionally stable enough committed relationships. Nor do they have the experience to make a wise selection. What you should have done is taken a girl out a couple times, then picked out a new one. Sort through as many as possible and then later you will be in a position to pick a good one for longer term relationships.

    You are hurting now, because you have a piece missing. The cure for that is to replace the missing part. Look around, pick out a nice one and take her out. Next week pick another.

  • Nah man you just suffer from one-itis.Where you obsess over one girl. The best cure is to get out there and date a dozen girls and then you'll notice that your ex wasn't so special after all.

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