My boyfriend hit me today for the first time

Question

saying that he hit me is a bit of an understatement. he beat the hell out of me this morning and I just got home from the ER. I had to get a total of 23 stitches is 5 different places, I have a badly sprained wrist a broken finger, and a lot of bruises scrapes and cuts. he and I don't live together, thank god, but he came over early this morning, which thought was weird, but I let him and he just started attacking me and accusing me of cheating. I assure each and every one of you that I have never cheated on ANYONE that I have been in a relationship with. Ever. when he was done beating me I drives myself to the ER which was probably really stupid, I should have called 911, but once got to the ER I explained what happened to the admitting person and a very kind male nurse. while the nurse and PA were tending my wounds the admitting lady called the police who questioned me and I told them everything that happened and to my knowledge he has been arrested. while at the hospital I spoke with a social worker who gave me several 'battered women' resources. I never ever thought I would be in this situation and I am so embarrassed. I never would have wanted to even thought that I would be considered a battered woman. What do I do now? I feel awful embarrassed ashamed. worthless and just plain horrible...

TwinkleTwilight · Accepted Answer

Well you have to stop those feeling immediatley! They will only beat you up more when in the first place you should not have them at all!. Never EVER feel ashamed you were the victim! SECOND! EMBARRASSED! I know its easier said than done but you can't why should you, you didn't do this to yourself, and this shouldt even have been done to you. I know you'll have that feeling because you see and feel the wounds but really you cant. You have to stay strong not only for yourself but for everyone around you. Don't let him feel like he won the battle, stay strong make HIM weak! As much as I wish I didn't read this at least you were able to share this! Many girls can't even do that I say this because with you putting these thoughts out there will only get you closer to other woman that has expierenced this unfourntaly, woman who can hold your hand and really make you understand!. No one should go through this even if you did cheat, I know you didn't I'm just saying if that was the case in any ones situations it shouldn't happen. Its plan wrong. And this happens to more woman in todays world than it should. Even guys where the woman are attacking and you don't hear of that often because guys feel even more ashamed, which really the ones who do speak I give them a lot of credit! I am so sorry you had to go through this but please don't feel this way just make sure you know his markings at all time and take the situation seriously even though you are. It took enough courage for you to actually go to the hospital and speak with the police. Many woman don't even do that. I wish you quick recovery and good source of healing. I can tell you from my experience which was no where near this bad but just some physical but along pushing lines it was mentally abuse when I was young- but you will always never keep your back turned- trust will be an issue that you will have to use self control of not letting this ruin your future thinking it will happen every time. I know in the beginning your guard will be much higher but my staying strong and looking at all the positives only knowing the negatives not thinking of them or reacting them you will get through this! Good Luck and I'm so sorry-

sef0181 · Accepted Answer

A woman I knew once had her husband attempt to kill her with a hammer. It's a miracle she lived and retained use of all of her limbs. It was utterly unexpected and uncalled for.

Some people are crazy.

Some people end up at the wrong end of that crazy.

My advice to you is to realize that someone like that needs to be removed as much as possible from your life. (by that I mean you won't ever forget him but never see him again) He probably needs help. And it sounds like you need help too.

Being considered a battered woman and seeking help isn't saying "I'm helpless" it's actually saying "I'm strong enough and have enough courage to know when I need help".

The woman that I knew had the entire community pull together, women she'd never met before would come over and help her dress, undress, shower, etc because she had no use of her hands. By accepting that help graciously and good humoredly the entire community realized she was made of sterner stuff. (Not saying that you need the whole community, but don't be afraid to get help and to press charges.)

Tamikaze · Accepted Answer

Please look at the resource information that was given to you so that you can find a counselor to talk to. It is awful to be harmed at the hands of someone you love and care for. It messes with your mind and, worse, at some point he is likely to apologize for what he did and beg to come back to you and it will only be a matter of time before the cycle repeats. It just takes an awful lot of strength, introspection and help for a man to change this type of behavior. They cannot just wish it away. So, short of him committing himself to hardcore therapy he will do this again.

What he did was all about him and says nothing about you. He is obviously insecure and angry and this is how he handles his emotional problems. However, he will make you feel like it is something you can stop, something you can control. You can't. You cannot control another person's choices in how they deal with their problems.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Stories like this really make me wonder why I'm still single...

Ok, it's not your fault so there's nothing to feel embarrassed, ashamed, worthless, or horrible about. But I understand you feeling awful...but that shouldn't be because you think you're bad. You should feel awful because the guy you loved just did what he did to you. You deserve better. Everyone deserves better, so don't think you don't :)

What should you do now? Move on with your life. I know this situation is hard, but it's not the end of the world. You can grow from this. Find a real caring guy next time, and take it slow. Don't rush into anything until you're sure you can trust the next man in your life. But before you look for someone else, take time to be yourself. Spoil yourself. Make yourself feel special. Buy yourself that purse you've always wanted, or whatever it may be.

Do not get back with this man. If he harasses you about it, get a restraining order. I'd suggest not yelling at him about it, or that could make him want to do something to you again. Just tell him it is over, and that you should go your separate ways.

WaitingAtTheDoor · Accepted Answer

The first thing to work on is not blaming yourself.

Typically battered spouses will blame themselves for their partner's actions, and in doing so become invested in feelings of embarrassment and shame.

While this set of feelings comes naturally, it is something you need to work through and get beyond.

Nothing you did caused this. Not one thing.

Your ex-boyfriend is a coward and a loser, and he has problems that he is not dealing with. And because of that, he's acting immaturely and irrationally.

You are not worthless, you are not horrible. You are worthy of love, you are worthy of respect, and you are worthy of not being assaulted by someone who doesn't know what love or respect actually is.

As far as the battered women resources, stick to your friends and family first, and then utilize those outside resources as needed.

I've responded to over a thousand domestic violence cases, and am a speaker on the topic on college campuses in my off time.

Feel free to message me if you have any other concerns.

TexPlayboy · Answer

You only need to do one thing.. change the title to this question to : My EX-boyfriend hit me today for the first time...

I hope your body heals quickly and your mind is able to except that this is not your fault nor how most men act. Revisit the past to see if there might have been any indicators that might have given you a clue to see this coming, so you can avoid it happening again in the future. No one should have to live with physical (or emotional) abuse. Run baby, run.

Good luck,

James

Luv2BRealExotic13 · Answer

Notah girl don't feel like that. He's not a man or a boy he's disgusting and an animal for hitting a woman. Never let him into your life again. But if he comes back, any man that hits a woman gets a knife on them if you ever seen Madea play grit ball and if you have a key or believe in breaking and entering he has to go to sleep sometime ;) and that should be a rude awakening if you know what I mean(snip&clip). If that isn't enough wreck his car. I really hope you get better, leave dude and never encounter him again, also have a restraining order. That is really not cool don't wrack yourself with guilt about anything, or have any means of low self-esteem by this you did nothing wrong, he's the monster.

MSamu3l · Answer

I don't care if you even cheated on him, he has no right to touch you. I have a roommate who I've heard having confrontations with his girl, and he has never once touched her, they usually end up settling with words, now those are adults. Get the hell out of the relationship.

DragonFighter1990 · Answer

Just leave him already, Really you already gotten this far with the hospital, so leave him. Move back with your parents or something. During that time put a restraining order on him for hurting you in the first place. This is not good for your health.

Anonymous · Answer

You shouldn't be embarrassed,why should you?You are the victim,women should be respected. He is a monster,he has no hesitation to do it again, if he already did that once.You should leave him because a monster like him will do whatever it takes just to have someone under his control and to use you as his way of having fun.Go for a therapy if this bother you. This kind of man,he deserves hell.If he begs you to come back you need to be strong and you must have someone like you mom,sister or best friends that will constantly keep reminding you not to fall back into his trap. GO FIND BETTER MAN and before you get into a serious relationship you better do a background check.

enlightened · Answer

first of all you don't have to assure us whether you cheated or not. it doesn't matter. even if you had slept with 1000000 guys on earth at the same time ,it didn't give him or anyone any right to hit you.

secondly, you don't have to be feel embarrassed at all. it is not your fault. you just had the bad luck to be with a violent man. there is a far better world with far better people .don't let this effect you long term.

DeepBlue · Answer

There should never have even been a first time, but do everything in your power to make sure it's also the last. Testify against him and see that he gets punished to the full extent of the law. Take full advantage of those resources the social worker directed you to. I know you may feel like there is a stigma associated with being a victim. However, most people will support you once they know what happened, and if they don't they aren't worth your time. My condolences, and best of luck.

VooDooChild89 · Answer

You may feel like this now but you won't later on. Use this experience as a sign of your strenght, you survived, sought help and have the power to walk away.

Walk away and watch him in prison. Don't go back to him when he comes crawling back saying that he is so sorry, he overreacted, he didn't mean to do etc. Its all Bullsh*t.

You are not weak or worthless, YOU are a survivor.

MadameMauve91 · Answer

I am so sorry to hear that :(

What he did is NOT YOU FAULT, it's HIS. He as a man should never put his hands on you. If he did it once he WILL DO IT AGAIN. Everyone on this forum is saying the same thing: pack your things and leave. Just leave. Don't put yourself in harms way with this jerk. It's not like he slapped you once, you had to go to the ER! Please please PLEASE don't go back to this guy. If he is not going to protect you, you must protect yourself. I hope everything works out for you. Please give us an update sometime soon. <3

P.S. God forbid if you are ever hit again, you are entitled to self defense. If someone hits you you can (and should) hit them back. I mean really beat the crap out of them. Even if you are not physically strong, you fight with all you got. You are not in the wrong if you defend yourself from someone who intentionally wants to do you harm.

Hades · Answer

Please don't turn into a man hating feminist because of one sub human nutcase.

BassistForever · Answer

I'm not reading all of that, but I'm just saying LEAVE NOW.  I don't care what the deal is, LEAVE NOW.  Don't accept apologies.  Don't feel guilty. Just leave. Do whatever you have to do to get out.  If you can do it yourself, great.  If you have to go to like a women's home or something, do it. Just leave. Safe yourself.  Be a strong woman!

KingsOfleon88 · Answer

For the love of all that is holy, I hope you don't go back to this guy. He doesn't love you. He doesn't care for you. A Real Man does not lay a hand on his woman. Period.

Anonymous · Answer

1) You must not feel shamed, embarassed or worthless.

2) Leave him immediately

3) Change the locks to all your house doors so he cannot get into your house.

4) Can you get a restraining order ?

Big cyber-hug to you and hope you recover soon , and find the strength to leave him .

Anonymous · Answer

I'm so sorry this happened to you ,  Even if you were cheating you didn't deserve that .  Nobody deserves to be hit ,  If someone is stepping out you leave.  I'm glad the police got him ,  Don't be embarrassed .  Just get your life right and a great support system ,  Everything else will fall in place Good Luck .

GreenHL · Answer

And it won't be the last time.. You better get out of that relationship asap. Trust me.. If he hit you  once, then he will do it again.. And again... And again... AND AGAIN.

XNicholex3 · Answer

He is NOT your boyfriend, and you are not worthless. You did nothing wrong, he did everything wrong. Take in those words, because I would not lie about this, you are not worthless, he is.

ThatBritishLad · Answer

Today, on a very special episode of Maury... Ditch the foul being, for he shows no strength of will nor character >:3( Godspeed, and post-haste my dear!

Alliestein4786 · Answer

Dump his ass and find you a guy that won't ever touch you in a harmful way I how you get to feeling better soon and I've been through a relationship that ended in him spreading sexual rumors about me to our whole school I've never felt so horrible and worthless in my life

kmhco · Answer

You dump the a**hole. And no matter how many times he tries apologizing and trying to get you back, don't ever ever cave to him.

kholland65 · Answer

Ummm easy...leave him, but ironically we both know that you either won't or at some point you'll want him back.

My boyfriend hit me today for the first time

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