My boyfriend doesn't want me on Facebook or any other site!

[Anonymous]

He doesn't want me to have any male friends

Doesn't want me to go out alone to parties or anything

He hates when other men hit on me, absolutely hates it. I said you can't stop men from hitting on me, so he said I should prevent and do not be polite to guys when they try to hit on me. I should just say F*** off.

We had a huge steamy discussion over Facebook last night, all because I respond to guys who comment on my post, saying that he doesn't like it cause it causes problems it relationship. I went ahead and just deleted the thing and he deleted his. A few weeks ago we were discussing our past and I found out that he has dated some really hot women, I mean really hot women but when I started talking about a guy that I was going out with a month before him, he could not take it, he was like please stop talking, cause it hurts. This is it, he is a really nice guy, he has never done anything to disrespect me and he genuinely cares but I don't know if I can maintain this standard where I can't be on any social networks, have male friends or even hang out with girls at the club

Updates

+1 y

i don't know. I was really shocked cause I heard he said that he hated it but last night was different . So I said look I hope you are willing to make the same sacrifices for me, he was like but you don't ask me to change anything, so I say exactly, I never ask you to change anything or question you about your loyalty or who you are talking to

[MrOracle]

Clearly, this guy has control issues and a lack of trust. HOWEVER, you may also have some boundary issues too. I'm not saying that his boundaries are reasonable; they seem excessive to me, but at the same time, you need to understand that when you're in a relationship, he comes first (and you should WANT it that way), and you need to create some boundaries with other men in your life as a result. Part of the sacrifice of being in a relationship is not even giving the APPEARANCE or SUGGESTION that you might be cheating, which is far beyond just "not cheating."

You talk about "hanging out with girls at the club." Clubs are for SINGLE women to meet men for the most part; if you're in a relationship, why are you there without him? For most women in a relationship, it wouldn't even occur to them to go to a club if their man wasn't there, unless it was a rare special occasion for one of your friends or something. To me, that's a reasonable boundary.

Facebook? You should be allowed to be on social media if you like, BUT you should also put some hard limits on your interactions with other men too, and you should be letting people know that you're in a relationship (FB has tools to "advertise" your relationship; use them).

Being polite to guys who hit on you? That's appropriate. You are absolutely right in that you can't stop guys from hitting on you, and there's absolutely no cause to be rude to someone who has no idea you're attached. You should be polite (unless THEY are rude), but you should stop them very early and let them know you have a boyfriend and aren't interested.

What I'm saying is that there's a middle ground, and both of you need to work together to find it, and if you can't or won't, then you should just break up now.

[Asker]

Well the club is just an example I am not a club girl, and I guess you do have a point and no I do not have my relationship status on Facebook, so I understand what your saying

[MrOracle]

He wants security, and it feels like you don't inherently understand that and do the things most girls do (instantly change relationship status, for example), so he's totally insecure and going way overboard. Find that middle ground.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like one insecure controlling douchbag to me, but what the hey, you seem to like him.

The question I think you need to ask yourself is this - is he trying to control you because he wants to control you and make you submissive? Or is he trying to control you because he's basically insecure and afraid that another guy will steal you away or that you'll cheat on him?

If it's the first, please dump the motherf***er.

If it's the second, you can possibly work on him. Explain that he has nothing to fear, that you're not the cheating type, but this insecure need to control who you see and talk to is very unmanly. Trust is an important part of any relationship, and he needs to fundamentally trust you. That means trust you when you talk to other guys, or have guy friends. If he can't do that, this relationship won't succeed.

[Asker]

he thinks someone will steal me. He doesn't like the idea of anyone else even looking at me

[Opinion Owner]

That is a shocking level of insecurity - but something you might (stress might) be able to help him get over.

[Anonymous]

My first love was an amazing guy, he was nice, sweet, funny, smart, he never disrespected me, never did ANYTHING WRONG, he truly loved me, etc. But he had the same problem. I can tell you this relationship won't last. We stayed together for two years then I couldn't take it anymore, I needed my freedom back even though I was still madly in love with him.

He is insecure and you don't have to accept the consequences of HIS insecurities.

[Asker]

why is he so insecure though? He is smart, funny, attractive educated and talented

[sixstring]

He's probably been cheated on in the past.

[Opinion Owner]

Well maybe he hasn't been cheated on in the past, maybe other things shattered his trust.

[Anonymous]

Girl- He wants to control you and tell you what to do when you can do it. Yeah I was control once to, but me and this guy never dated just had sex and I kinda of feel in love with him.. were he always had me on his hook. But you need to get away fast before he try to fight you nor kick them guy's ass's.

[xzinax2]

he's the one causing the problems in the relationship-he needs to start trusting you,and he needs to stop being insecure. give him an ultimatum. he can either stop being a control freak,or you break up. if he doesn't-you'll break up soon enough anyway.

[KERMlT]

He doesn't trust you. He might say he doesn't trust the other guys but it takes two to tango. You will never change him and will always be on the defensive. What would be worse if he tells you to delete your FB account but he has one as well. So how long would you waste with this douche before you realize you deserve better?

[Asker]

and when I say no male friends it also include gays

[dazzlegurl11]

He's just being possessive. Talk to him about it and see if things work out.

[sixstring]

He's a possessive douche. Dump him and find someone who isn't terribly insecure.