Is space good or bad for a long term relationship?

If your partner in a long term relationship asked for space, did it end up being good or bad?


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  • (Read your responses to some of the other answers here so somewhat responding off of that)

    Time is good to get some of the emotional stress that needed releasing out, that way when you come "back to the table" you can talk things out without feeling that pressure like you need to do SOMETHING because you're going nuts. He's probably feeling a little lost and he may have jumped the gun a bit. This is where you have to be understanding and do a little bit of showing you care. You let him know that you're here when he wants to talk. You're not angry or upset, even if you are. If you want things to work out, this is where you have to rise to the occasion emotionally speaking and not lose it.

    If you're going to contact him, phone calls, not a text. You're going to be dropping an "I miss you" somewhere in there and he's going to need to hear it in your voice that it's sincere and heartfelt. If you do it via text he might brush it off or say something like "I wish you wouldn't say that, it's just putting more pressure on me" or some similar defensive tactic to create more space. At this point, this is where being on the phone instead of texting will be important. When you say something like "I know, but this is really hard on me and I just want you to know I really do miss you" he might be inclined to interpret it as you're blaming him for how hard this is on you. If you're on the phone however, the sincerity and tone with which you say it will leave open no room for interpretation. That you genuinely care and this really is tearing you up. It's important to not get upset or frustrated at him, because it will backfire and he will pull away more.

    At some point, you two are going to have to talk. You don't just get to wake up and go "hey, things are alright now, my mistakes" and go back to how things were. Something was wrong. Something made him feel this way. If he can get away with not talking about it and not trusting you enough to talk about it, then it will become a reoccurring theme which is bad news for everybody. If he can't open up and talk to you about what's really bothering him, there's no relationship left to save. At that point, you'll have to move on. So before you get back together you have to talk about things and see if there's something to get back together with. If there's a relationship there left to save.

    Space is a good thing, but only because it means you've reached a make it or break it point. I think that's a good thing. The outcome might not always be what you want, but that make it or break it point is a good thing. You either find out the relationship didn't have what it takes to survive the bumps, in which you saved yourself time by not wasting any more of it in a doomed relationship, or you survive the bumps and the trust and communication will be as strong as it has ever been, if not stronger. So it's definitely a good thing. Hopefully you get the outcome you want.

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      Hey thanks for the BA!