Is it possible for me to love and be loved? ..... Or am I too much of damaged goods as a person?

Anonymous
My Story is far too strange and brutal in order to be accepted but more than unfortunately it is the only one to tell if I am to speak the truth about my past.

Well for starters it is possible that I might have above average looks(at least 21 women/girls outside of my family have described me as a ''cute'' ''hot'' or ''handsome'' guy), slightly above average intelligence( I have a 155 IQ) and willingness to improve the lives of others but I have an EXTREMELY undesirable past which might be TOO toxic to be around.

Even though everyone who meets me for the first time would expect me to have been really popular with friends and often assumes that I have had a multitude of girlfriends since my middle school days just after a few hours of knowing me are utterly shocked when I just give them small hints of the truth about me. My trip of nightmares started off when I was a small four or five year old son of missionaries in the early 1990's Sudan, Africa where the village where I was left at was ransacked by the northern government forces, I was taken as a child POW and witnessed real life rape, murder, infanticide, genocide, and even roman crucifixion as a for of execution(nothing like movies! Will make you lose your soul!) and survived by only being given LSD spiked water from the guards only to survive being beaten to death with an aluminum baseball bat in an Appalachian trial park back in America at age 11. To add to all of this my Father was constantly suicidal and threated to do the deed every night of the week and blamed me for all of his problems in life, told me how worthless, useless, and pathetic I was and told me how much of a burden and curse I would be to everyone around me if I aloud myself to life or didn't become an isolated hermit for about five hours a day, everyday of my life while living with him and my Mother was too overly protective in order to let me out of the house.

The only ''friends'' that I had didn't allow me to date any girls that had crushes on me if I were to continue to be their friend and explained to me why these girls would dump me for not being douche bag material even if the called me ''cute'' or ''hot' to my face or their friends when I was in ear range and I kept my ''friends'' because I assumed that these were the only people that I could get in life. After taking me on a few vacations and amusement parks, I started to believe that they actually cared about me until they unjustly blamed me for a felony that I did not commit and had me exiled from my home neighborhood as a result. Even though I've had pretty young girls desirering me from the start I have actually become a complete 24 year old virgin with no friends to speak of and cold as ice on the inside. I thought all a had to offer these girls were pregnancy and broken hearts by falling in love with me on a higher level than their crushes for me so I have sacrificed being alone. Am I too dangerous, weird, screwed up, and creepy to love?
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I have also achieved a significant amount of things in life including an Eagle Scout, a Black Belt, and an Associates College degree in agriculture. I have been harshly rejected by a few local actresses( one even called me a creep for asking her out on a date and mocked me for liking her) and had fights picked with me and objects thrown at my crotch everyday in high school. My ''friends'' also tried to grab my testicles all the time so I was also struggling with the issue that I might have been
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All I have wanted to do is to love and be loved and to respect and be respected. Is this too much to ask?
Is it possible for me to love and be loved? ..... Or am I too much of damaged goods as a person?
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