My boyfriend has recently told me that he believes sex should be saved as a gift for marriage (even though we have sex already - yeh I felt great when he told me...) and is now seriously thinking about whether he should stop having sex until he is married. Even though I am opposed to the idea of having no sex before marriage I have to respect any decision he makes, but I am finding it hard as I am not a Christian. I know that sex does not make a relationship but I want to continue to have sex with him because he is my boyfriend and I love him very much...I am not sure what I should do about this - he says he will continue to have sex while he decides but, quite honestly, I am dreading the day where he says he wants to stop...what if it is too hard and ruins our relationship?
I really don't want this relationship to end!
Most Helpful Guy
Religion. This is always a fun topic. Have you ever noticed that Religion is the start of most wars? That Religion is one of the reasons that America was formed. That religion shapes the views of the people that practice it. That religion is a form of controlling the masses. A long time ago, America was started by people seeking a place to freely practice Religion yet the Government has a document that states that the "State" and "Religion" are to be separate. That one should not interfere with the other. IT has taken the 10 Commandments off the walls of churches and schools. It offers RELIGION protection from the masses yet they do not have to pay taxes on their properties. That "In God We Trust" is on all their money makes no sense.
Mentally one can be a born again Virgin, although I do not think that "God" sees it the same way. Religion and sex only when married is another form of control. If it is a sure ticket to hell I guess every human that came before "Christianity" are burning for eternity. If you research the people of the bible, and the bible it's self, is there not a prostitute (Mary Magdelon - spelled wrong) that was said to be more then friendly with "Jesus"? Do you not learn that God forgives EVERYONE? Have you ever found a discrepency in the Good Book? If only God can forgive sin why are there Acts of Confession? Especially when the Bible states that if you are truly sorry for your sins you are forgiven.
Why is it that everything that you find enjoyable is a sin? If drinking alcohol is a sin, why is there so much use and mention of Alcohol in the bible and the world.
I could go on for ever...
Sex does not make a relationship, but with out it one WILL fail. Religion as a threat, with holding sex due to Religious Beliefs after having sex does not make much sense. I do not see it (relationship) working in the long run. Some people are not sexually driven, that is true and there is nothing wrong with it. But to cram your religion upon a partner and expect your partner to abide by your beliefs, that is so wrong and will tear any relationship apart.
Plain and Simple, RELIGION IS A FORM OF CONTROL. Show me how it is not a form of control. The Indians have 100's of Gods, the Catholics one. Which is right, which is wrong? Especially when Christianity says that there is only one God. Their God.
How do you know that 12 people were not drinking wine and smoking marijuana or tripping on the wrong kind of mushrooms and wrote a great story. Who is to say any ONE religion is correct?
SO MY ANSWER IS:
Will he allow you to satisfy yourself sexually with other partners why he decides if day by day what he does or does not want? Does he know that if he uses the sex is against his religion excuse, that masturbation probably is too! IS he going to follow every rule fasting and what not too? Perfectly? A lot of things (religiously) change.
Hate to say it but you have to live with this his decision. Given your age, you have to accept the fact that the two of you, if not now, then later, can easily grow apart. This being a prime example.
The answer is simple. If he decides to be abstinent until marriage, and you can't handle that, break up. Sexual compatibility is a very real thing that needs to be considered among many other traits, to determine if two people are a good fit. Clearly his decision could make you guys no longer a good fit.
If I were you, I would tell him how you feel. Be civil, don't attack him, but let him know what your values are like, how you feel about sex, and let him know that you respect his decision, but that if he decides to not have sex, you may no longer be able to continue seeing him as you feel sex is an integral part of a relationship, so you don't see it working out.
Ask him why it's important for him. Try to understand why it is. If you love him like you say you do, you will make that effort. In the truest sense, love is placing the needs of the one you love over your own wants. It means placing the one you love above yourself.
Maybe he can make a compromise in that its okay since your in a relationship to have sex. I'm Christian and I carry Christian values. I don't practice no sex before marriage. But, my values do tend to keep me from sleeping with people I'm not in a relationship with, having friends with benefits, one night stands,etc. Have done it but only a few times and not much. And I had feelings for those people even though I was just friends with them. I feel its wrong to have sexual relations unless I'm in a relationship and have feelings for the person. So, to me sex for only physical reasons is wrong and sinful. He could compromise here . Your in a relationship and have feelings for each other. Its okay.
My parents are Christian Ministers, and I come from a super conservative family (probably why I'm so liberal now). Christianity make you feel really guilty about having sex before marriage. IIt takes some of the joy out of it, actually it takes a lot of the joy out of it lol. I consider myself a Christian even though I'm not a virgin and I'm not married, but it took me a long time to get relatively comfortable with that idea. I mean, when you are raised a certain way you really think that it's evil to have sex before you are married. Its drilled into your head for so long that its conflicting.I don't really have an easy answer. If he's doing something that he feels strongly is a sin then eventually he's going to want to stop. Amazing how religion can control us.
You need to explain to him, just exactly how you feel and with respect to his religious/spiritual beliefs . Also, it is kind of cool that you are willing to explore the option of not having sex for a while until you are married . I think that Since you both have had sex and are still continuing to do so; maybe it could help to take a break . It could do nothing more than strengthen your bond with each other.
Why does it have to end? If you love him you should wait for him and get married. Although you should consider at least try to understand where he is coming from. I am a Christian myself, I have remained a virgin except for cullingus and sex is a gift. GOD gave us sex to glorify him with children. If you respect and love him you will at least try to understand where he is coming from. Who knows GOD may put his hand on your heart while you try to understand, because regardless of what you think he is real. I would be dead if he weren't.
if god really wanted us to save sex for marriage we would be presented our sexual organs after the marriage ceremony. again religion/marriage are just man made money grabbing schemes used to control the weak minded with fear and repression and repercussions. fear mongerers the whole lot
He is young and immature, he don't know what he wants and because he is christian, his religion has clouded his mind, he just needs to grow up a little, give him time, he will grow out of this silly world and become a man soon enough,x
I'll try to be clear here. If he does decide to stop having sex until marriage...then you should respect him for it...and be very very happy that you've found a REAL MAN at your young age. It's one thing to remain a virgin until marriage...but at his age...to stop having sex, and wait until marriage...wow...if he can do it...I doubt you will ever find a better guy. He's not confused...he's realizing what he's been doing is wrong...and he has a very hare decision to make.
If he doesn't want to have sex before marriage, Christian or not, that's his decision and you have to respect him for it. It shouldn't ruin your relationship, but if it does it's not his fault. You should tell him how you feel, but you can't pressure him into doing something he doesn't want to. Hopefully your relationship is strong enough without sex to hold together.