Is it selfish to not believe in love & wanting to remain single for life?

I'm a 20 year old female who has resorted to wanting to remain a virgin & stay single for life. Although I've never been in a relationship, they just do not appeal to me. Because of my slight insecurities with my self (naturally lanky, no curves & quiet) I'd rather just be to myself. Physically speaking, I don't think I'll be able to "satisfy" anyone but besides that I like my solitude & my freedom. Sex has also never appealed to me. I've never liked the thought of sex & find it disgusting. I just don't find myself attracted to people in that way. Things don't go as planned as I want them to & I have hard time opening up & trusting people as is, so why can't I just keep to myself? Yes, I am a young adult but why do other adults view me as continuously immature & selfish for closing this part of me off? I understand that relationships & marriage are a way of life & I do want kids whether its by artificial insemination or adoption. I've had to raise myself & overcame a lot of obstacles that came with that & I don't want to add to it. I don't think that anyone can give me what I want but me.

I know 20 is young to make such a decision but I don't believe in love & sex. I can manage on my own & fulfill my life through my own independent affairs & career.

Thanks in advance for the answers

No, I'm not a lesbian!


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm strongly certain that you do not wish to stay single for life. You just quit every thought of it, possibly because of your insecurities. Trust me, everyone goes through that one time or another. I'm one total hopeless romantic; to put it that way, the mere thought of a kiss in a movie theater makes me more aroused than a nude picture - and I'm a totally straight guy, yet there have been many times when I said 'you know, forget it. No girl is going to like someone as shy as me' and surrendered my feelings for a few days. I'm not trying to talk you into relationships here, but to answer your question, yes, I find it quite selfish.

    I'm not saying this in a judging voice. You obviously have some deep rooted issues that are stopping you from enjoying one of the most beautiful feelings in the world. The brain is a very powerful machine, capable of making you believe even the most illogical things if you insist. Your body might be dying for contact (not only sex, even a hug) yet your brain can tell it that it doesn't want that contact. In other words, if the brain says pigs fly, they really do. That is scientifically proven but you can also try it in your everyday life; in fact, it is used by therapists worldwide to move people out of depression. Probably, something that has hurt you in a very deep level is making excuses to keep you away from love.

    That is not natural, at all. You were born a woman, with female sex organs and that means you normally feel attraction, both in an affectionate and a sexual level. You are just supressing your body by denying what Mother Nature has given you. You say you find sex disgusting. How can you find something disgusting if you haven't even tried it? I can inform you that the first time you have sex will be one of those memories you will never forget. It is very respectable if you want to wait for the right person, but you are not giving anyone any chances! Not even yourself! Of course, sex desire differs among people and it is very mature to keep your personal growth as a priority and not only sex. And trust me, it might seem disgusting now, but if your partner has any elementary hygiene rituals there's nothing disgusting to it!

    Enough speaking as your personal therapist though. You say you have some insecurities, and again, that is normal for any girl. In fact, it is so damn sweet to see a girl blush when I tell her how beautiful she is, simply because I know that her insecurities go away. As for your description, you sound fine. Quiet is actually a perk for me, and if you feel insecure about your body, that can easily change by working out and adjusting your diet. So please, if these are the deep reasons (which I believe are!), even if you don't want to admit it, don't do this to yourself. You only have one life and one day you might regret choosing to be alone, or even not having had any meaningful relationships!

    Hope all goes well for you, sweetie!

    • Report

      My apologies for responding late. Responding to your reply: Body wise, changing diet won't help. I've been the same since I was a kid. There things that have happened to me that I have & are still going on that I deal with by myself. I'm a very independent female (on all levels) who always does things by herself. A companion is something I've never wanted, all it does is lead to mishap.There isn't anything that another person can do for me that I can't do for myself. Love isn't special either.

    • Report

      continuing with the chatter... I do have meaningful relationships with other people. I have a few goods friends where our friendships have started platonically and I have a very loyal dog... That's what I'm happy with. It may sound cliche but I was born with way & it has stayed the same. I asked the question because people are always up in arms about when they ask. I do not broadcast it because I'm very private. I do not like opening up & hold to that. Its too late for anything to come along.