Boyfriend putting me down so much?

My boyfriend always tells me the bad things about me and he never says anything good. We've been going out for a year and he never used to be like this and now he's changed, he's really mean and says hurtful stuff. Yesterday I went over his house and I wasn't feeling good and he was doing stuff to make me feel uncomfortable so I started crying and he got p*ssed. He said that I cry for stupid reason's and I like crying and that I'm no fun because I get upset to much. Then he started saying stuff he hates about me so I'm like whatever I'm leaving so I grabbed my stuff and walked upstairs. His moms like "awww are you guys fighting again?" and I'm like "yeah, I just wanna go before he says anything else" and she asked what happened and I told her. She started screaming at him to get upstairs and she told him to give me a hug and apologize and he wouldn't he just stood there saying everything's my fault and a lot of other stuff. So I started walking and he wouldn't even come after me, I was locked out of my house so I had to just walk around outside, alone, at night when it was freezing out and he didn't care. I texted him and told him I didn't have any where to go and he's like "that sucks you shouldn't have left, your making yourselg look stupid" then his mom had me come in and sh made me something to eat and he just ignored me the whole time. we eventually worked things out but I don't want to have to keep going through this. What can I say to get him to change back to how he used to be? Would there have been a better way I could've handled the situation? by the way he said that he thinks he's changed because we've been going out for a year and haven't had sex yet. I told him I'm still young and the way he treats me I don't know if I'm ready. The main reason is because I was raped when I was 11 and I'm scared to. Some one please help me and tell me how I can deal with this? I love him and I don't wanna end it, I want to fix it. thanks


Most Helpful Girl

  • u can stick with him but try to b the mature one to block the problems between you guys,Hes being a complete jerk and don't walk away cause then he is going 2 think that your soft and he can do watever he wants with u,hes verbally abusin you and don't wait 4 long untill it becomes physical abuse,Be the tough one and make him realise that you can live without him and that you not going to take anymore of his crap,Once he looses you then he will realize how much he needs u


What Guys Said 12

  • Look I know you don't want to lost him (and to be honest, I don't understand why) but honestly if he's treating you like this because you two haven't had sex, of all the stupid reasons then as far as I'm concerned this guy doesn't deserve you. This is abuse plain and simple. The sad fact is I don't think that talking to him is going to make a difference. Oh I'm sure if you can work up the nerve to, you can try telling him that if he doesn't stop treating you like this you're going to leave him. There is a chance he'll stop being an @sshole or maybe dial it down a bit, but based on what you're saying it doesn't sound like he'll take you very seriously.

    Sorry hon'. My answer is that you dump him, and don't look back. You sound to me like a very sweet girl. You should walk away. I'm pretty sure you can find somebody better.

    • I'm checking back on some of my old answers. Doing a follow up.

      Was this answer at all helpful to you?

  • You really need to look at this situation seriously.

    People who were raped often get into similar sexual abuse in their future relationships. It almost sounds like they carry a certain "victim perfume" that attracts abusers.

    BEFORE they were raped, rape victims often reported they ALREADY were abused by their parents at an earlier age.When they meet their abusers (who later become their boyfriends), they sensea feeling of familiarity. They don't feel comfortable, it is very important to note. It is the sense of familiarity that the victims confuse with love.

    If you don't want your memory bank to be filled with a long series of "abuser and victim" relationships, you must heal yourself right now.

    Irregardless of what happened to you in the past, you are a worthy individual deserving all the respect and love of people around you. You have outgrown that 11 year old who was raped, or that kid who was abused. if you haven't done that emotionally, make sure you do that. This is something that is never too late to do, emotional maturity and continous development. Best wishes !

  • I'd like to just tell you exactly what to do, but honestly it sounds like you already know. When he treats you badly, how do you feel? Do you think the relationship is healthy?

    Being raped at such a young age, or any age, creates a very deep wound. I'm proud that you're able to acknowledge the assault, and bare in mind how it effects you now.

    My favorite book is "The Perks of Being a Wallflower." You might like it. In it, my favorite quote reads "We accept the love we think we deserve."

    It's time to rethink just what kind of love you deserve. I'd say you can do much better.

  • . . . .what a f*cking c*nt!

    is this geniune?

    if he done that then what are you still dong with him?!

    leave him gurl you can do much better!

    to me it sounds he's only after then sex

    dump his sorry ass and find someone that LOVES you!

    he's a pr*ck and no one should be allowed to treat you like that!

  • So...He's verbally abusing you because you won't have sex with him?

    He sounds like a jerk...I can't believe how mean some people can be =(

    You should dump him, unless you think you can work this out...

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What Girls Said 30

  • hey then get a new boyfriend who doesn't diss you . a boyfriend should be there for you, not diss you. isn't that emotional abuse? be with someone who cares about you.

    i don't date guys who diss me. if they diss me, I tell them not to mess with me. you should find someone who supports you

    don't stay in abusive relationships. personal experience. please get a better boyfriend or heal at least from your ordeal

  • Girl, if I were you, I'd dump his sorry ass.

  • Okay well he could be acting this way, in my opinion, for a number of reasons.

    First of all, he could be intimidated by you. What are your good qualities? It could be that he is afraid that you have more good qualities than he does, and so he's afraid that he can't acknowledge your good qualities. By doing this, he's bringing down your self-esteem, to make himself look good. It's really not about you, in my opinion, it's about himself: he wants to get his, not necessarily take from you.

    Okay. So he was acting nice when you first started going out. Did you guys see each other less then? It could be that he needs space, and you're threatening his personal time and space, and even family. His Mom took your side, I'm sure that made him even more determined to make it your fault.

    Another thing is he may just want to break up with you, but he doesn't know how to do it, so he's trying to be as mean as possible to you, in order for you to break up with him first. This is probably the most likely situation, because it seems like he's just trying to be as mean as possible even if it is totally unreasonable. In any case, this still means that he needs distance. The more you try to work things out in that sort of a scenario, the meaner he's going to be, so the best thing to do is leave him alone a while. It may be that he wants to play the field a bit, but you have to remember that you're probably the best girl he's going to be able to get.

    Another thing is that you are not necessarily compatible. Let's say you're a ballet dancer. He is a football player. He wants a girl who is into watching the games with him and you want a guy who will come to your ballet recitals. He's not going to always do that, and you have to wait for him to do it because he's nice and mature and ready to wrap his head around being a macho guy to do it. At the same time, if you hate watching football games, just don't do it. You don't have to do everything to please him, just tell him you're not coming over for football games, and only do it when you're feeling like being nice to him.

    As far as sex goes, this may sound odd to you, but you should not have a guy who hounds you for sex and believes that he deserves it. There is not "deserving" sex. You should both want it, not just him. And him hounding you is probably making you want it less anyway. My boyfriend doesn't want sex, and I am not depriving him by not "giving it to him". Sex isn't something you give to somebody, it's something you share. He has to be extra sensitive because you've been through sh*t, and he has to admit that you've been through sh*t, which he's not going to do until he grows up and gets some maturity and like I said what he needs for that is a lot lot lot of space. Don't touch him. Don't see him. Don't make him feel like he Has to do anything. He has to come to you. And he has to concede something. He's being immature. He will grow up. Just be patient, don't reward bad behavior, and leave him alone.

  • ugh I've been in the same exact situation...sorry but dump him now before he dumps you...this just shows that he will keep getting worse and he is abusive I've been here and its horrible only I never cried if he made me uncomfortable I just smacked him HARD and he would laugh and stop thank god sometimes I felt like he was about to rape me! He would say sh*t about me if he didn't get what he wanted like that my p**** sucks and he only likes me cause my face is hott and I'm curvy but then he would laugh and say he was kidding...Im happy its over and I'm with an awesome guy who means everything he deserve better and he will realize that he's an idiot but don't ever take him back...i took my ex back six times because I thought he changed but every time he just got worse

    sorry this is long but this means a lot to me I don't want someone to go through what I did

    you need to walk away feeling victorious and good about yourself

    not upset and wondering because he finally dumped you(what happened to me six times)

  • He WONT change back because that is how he is, he was showing you someone he thought you would like before, get away from that asshole. You deserve so much better, you don't need someone who will tell you things about you that he knows will make you upset. I've been through a few relationships like that and they never end well, get out of it while you still can. If you want to keep in touch with his mom, she sounds nice. But just never talk to him, because you never know who a person really is till about this time. You don't know how he'll react to breakup so breakup online or on the phone (thats what I did, my ex was a psyco and reminds me of what your going through) take it from someone with experience.

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