Anyway, is there not someone out there for everyone? Is not everyone meant to have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Are relationships and dating not for everyone?
Is the phrase "there is someone out there for everyone" completely false?
21 is too old? Dude are you kidding me? I know girls that are fine as hell that don't have a man at that age. Next you're going to say 25 is too old not to be settled down and married lol
If you're having problems finding dates or a relationship, then maybe you need to sit down and think about your approach and rewire it. Are you coming on too strong? Are you not showing enough interest? Where did I go wrong with this girl?
Stuff like that you got to learn. Dating is not just a game, it's a learning process. Every girl you hit on, every girl you went out with and didn't call back ,etc. All that is a learning experience. Learn from it, understand it, and modify it. Dating is just like any other skill: you got to practice, learn what you did right or wrong, and practice again,
As for the "there is some out there for everyone": look, I've dated plenty of girls, been in relationships and I've strike out everyone of them. My last relationship lasted almost 2 years and the whole time, I wasn't still sure about her. Truth of the matter is, you got to look through hay to find that needle. If you work through it, and not give up by marrying the first girl you get, you will find her. I thought I found "the one" plenty of times, but I'm still searching. It takes time.
So are you saying you know girls that are 21 and older who have never had a boyfriend in there entire life? girls that have always been single?
Yes! I know girls that are still single and have never even been with a guy besides being a friend. always ask questions from why guys don't ask me out? to Should I think about dating other girls? haha It's mostly because they're shy around guys or are just busy with their careers or college classes. What you think it's just guys that go through this? Some girls go through this too.
Well yeah, it's because I think girls have it a little bit easier since us guys usually have to take the initiative, approach the girl first, make the first move and ask her out. It's very rare when a girl takes the initiative and asks a guy out.
How can I learn how to talk and approach girls better? should I read self-help books? should I read books written by pick-up artists?
It's always been guys that initiate. It sucks but that's the way it works. Girls doing the initiating is relatively a new thing, but only a couple of girls have the courage to do that. I'm not gonna lie, dating in your 20s is a challenge. It's either girls that have a man or married or have kids, etc. It's not easy. But don't give up because there will be that fine looking girl that is actually single and no guy has even asked her out because she has intimidating beauty.
I am completely aware of that, I know that us guys have to initiate, it sucks, I hate taking the initiative because I have not had any success with it, and I don't know how to do. How can I learn to initiate things the right way?
Reading pick up books are not bad but don't take them to heart. I mean there some good stuff and advice, but just take as it is: advice. The best thing to do is just practice. Talking and approaching girls is kind of like making new friends but with a twist: You got to show interest in her. Flirt with her, tease her, smile, etc. etc. Always remember to be confident and just go for it.
Yeah but what if I keep practicing and talking to girls the wrong way? How will I know if I made a mistake or not? just because a girl rejects a guy, does not always mean the guy made a mistake when approaching and talking to her, the guy could have just not been her type in the first place.
Seriously, how was every other guy out there able to get his first girlfriend in high school, in the teenage years, etc.? How come they had the ability and how come I don't have the ability and skills? Were those guys born with those skills?
I just wonder why I lack the ability to get a girlfriend.
Also I don't want my very first girlfriend to become my wife. I don't really care if she is the right one, I just want to end the "single streak", I want to finally jump and cross that hurdle, I want to be in dating mode, boyfriend/girlfriend mode like everyone else is and has.
You need to forget about HS. That was past. So what? I didn't get my first date till I was 22. I thought two things after HS: I could keep whining about why I can't a girl like those guys in HS or I can start now and learn for myself. I did the latter. I will say this: you will KNOW when you make a mistake. Trust me. The way they look at you, the way they talk to you, etc. So you can sit there and whine how you can't get a girl or actually go out and learn. It takes time, but you'll get it.
Oh really? so you also got your first girlfriend at age 22 as well? I thought you were the typical average person who got their first boyfriend/girlfriend in high school, no offense.
So you did not go out on your first date and first girlfriend until you were 22 or 23?
How come after high school, there are more taken girls than single girls? In high school there were a lot more single girls.
The answer would be "yes" But those people are very rare..and the only time that should happen is if you have no attraction to either a man or a women. But if you have been asking girls out..then don't worry about it. You are only 21 and still have a LONG time to go. So just keep trying and don't give up hope!
Just to get your hopes up, let me tell you what it was like for me. I was that teenager that everybody didn't like because I was NOWHERE near attractive...that really nerdy kid that everyone picks on. It took until just a few months ago before I started to even THINK about serious relationships or dating...just because I had given up...But recently I found the girl of my dreams and am perfectly happy because I thought I was going to stay being alone for the rest of my life.
So don't just give up ok? You WILL find someone some day if you keep trying. But just don't try too hard, because then you will look desperate.
So good luck!
How can I avoid trying too hard? How can I tell if I am looking or trying too hard? How can I keep trying in a non-trying too hard way? Overall, how can I keep talking to girls and asking them out without looking and trying too hard?
Also remember, us guys have it harder in the beginning, because us guys have to make the first move, approach the girl, start talking to her first, and asking her out, us guys have to overall take the initiative when it comes to dating and relationships. All girls have to do is just stand back and wait, they just have to accept or reject the guy's invitation for the date, they just have to approve of the date and relationship. See how easy girls have it compared to us?
I know that girls gave it hard because they get pregnant and have to go through the pain of childbirth, but now that we have the contraception pill, and abortions, it seems that girls can skip all that.
How should I keep trying then? I obviously can't stop looking because girls are not going to chase guys.
Just don't make it your lifes work to find a girl. Relationships comes to you, you don't go to them. When ur talking to a girl just don't act like all your interested in is going out, you have to take interest in THEM. My advice...get to know the person as a friend before you go further. But overall go on with your life and don't make dating a top priority...Just go on with your life and one day..someone will come along.
What do you mean relationships come to you? your making it sound like as if a girl is going to approach me, strike up a conversation with me and ask me out, have you forgotten that us guys are the ones that have to ask the girl out? us guys have to initiate the date and relationship, girls are not going to pursue or chase guys, however I wish girls would, but unfortuneately girls feel it is the guy's job to do everything in the beginning.
No No No...lol What I mean is that when you actually meet a girl...you won't be expecting it. And honestly stop with that "Only guys will ask girls out, not the other way around" crap. We aren't in primitive, religious days anymore, its 2009. Girls ask guys out too. Just because you think it doesn't happen, doesn't mean it never happens.
Well I do believe that girls will ask guys out, and I am all for it too, I have nothing against girls asking guys out, but you still have to admit, more than half the time, it is up to the guys to do the asking.
Don't you agree?
Well still, most people have their first boyfriend/girlfriend and lose their virginity in the teenage years, I don't like being different, I hate being a late bloomer, I hate being a minority.
Not at all! 21 is not that old now 40...you might have some issues. I am 21 and I have just started dating which was a personal choice of mine. When I was younger I constantly saw young love drama and to me I felt that 16 was too young to deal with a broken heart. So I told myself that I would wait till I turned 21 because by that point in my life I would know who I am as a person and what I am looking for in a guy. I find a guy dresses nice, has a lot of confidence and can make really good contact very attractive. Girls tend to judge boys by there body language not just there looks. If you could maybe tell me more about yourself like what kind of girls you like and how you approach them then maybe I can offer you some less general advice...
PS being a virgin is not a bad thing a lot of girls may find that an attractive quality...
So you got your very first boyfriend at age 21?
Also, looks are the initial attraction for me, like the first thing I always notice about a girl is her looks, then I get to the personality part.
Aren't you going to respond?
"Girls have it so much easier, better yet, girls have always had it easier when it comes to romance, dating, and relationships, they have had it easy since the beginning of time."
So not true. I've never had a boyfriend, been kissed, held hands, etc.
Well I'm sorry, I can relate to you, I'm 21 and I have always been single.
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My new opinion, looking for love isn't worth it. My girlfriend just left me, because I LIKE her but she doesn't really like me...even though she did nothing but make me think she did. So yet again, I am that guy that can like, but never BE liked. So at least now I can just get outta high school, join the military to pay for college, and live by myself.
Yeah but still, 21 is too long for still being single.
So you are never going to ask a girl out ever again? I feel I should stop too, heck, I'll just get a hooker or an escort.
Probably not... I've just lost faith in love... I have done some research into my family, and apparently in the last 5 generations, noone has ever stayed together, everyone has seperated. So I'm going to take THAT as a hint to keep single...Besides I have always been happier by myself. And being single will allow me to join the military and leave nothing behind, and then use that to pay for college for another couple of years.
One part of my mind tells me to give up, and the other part tells me not to give up. I want to give up because I am tired of being rejected, I am tired of approaching and talking to girls and then finding out they are taken already. I wish girls would put a sign or sticker on them that says "single" or "taken", that way I won't waste my time and effort flirting with a girl who has a boyfriend already. I also feel I should give up since I am a guy, and us guys have to make the first move.
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