Just had my heart broken for the second time and I don't know what to do?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend of 2 months broke up with me last night and said that he thought we were too different and we're not compatible. It was really sudden and unexpected. We had been friends for a while before we started dating and I know I'm in love with him, although I never told him because I knew he didn't reciprocate.

Anyway, I just don't know what to do from here. I feel completely broken. I haven't stopped feeling pain since it happened. It hurts to breathe, it hurts to exist. Thinking of him is painful, but thinking of other guys is unbearable. I feel like I don't want to be happy, but I can't stand feeling so miserable.

He told me that he wanted to still be friends and he sounded like he meant it, but I don't know that I can go back to being just friends. I love him and I want him in my life, but I'm positive that I can't be around him until I stop being in love with him. And I don't want to stop being in love with him because that'll mean that I've given up on us being together.

As you can see, I'm a total mess. The first time I'd had my heart broken was painful, but now, the second time, I feel destroyed. I don't know how I'll be able to love again, I'm too scared of this happening a third time.

I guess what I'm asking is, what should I do? Should I tell him what a hard time I'm having and say that I don't know if I can be friends, or should I pretend I'm fine to avoid awkwardness if we do ever become friends? Other than that, any helpful words would be wonderful. I feel so lost and broken.

[Anonymous]

I know exactly how you feel, trust me. It's kind of ironic for me to read this because the same exact thing happened to me about 3 weeks ago. I was dating this guy for a while, then all of a sudden he became "unsure of his feelings".

Your story sounds very similar to my story, and I still don't have a complete solution to this problem, but I can tell you what I did.

This guy broke my heart once before, this time was the second time when he told me he wasn't sure about us. He was saying "I don't think we're right for each other, we don't have much in common", when we actually did, but he was too blind to see it.

Maybe this is just the way that I am, but I made sure he had no idea that everything he said hurt me. Some girls show their boyfriends that they don't want them to leave, but I made sure I didn't. I acted like I didn't care and I said "if you're not happy, then just leave. I'll just find someone else." That triggered him. He kept saying "Wow so you don't care. If you don't care now, did you ever?" And we went back and forth. Eventually, we got into a huge argument and started saying really mean things to each other, but I still showed no pain, even though I was dying inside. I've learned that acting like you're better off without him kills him inside, so that's what I did.

The very next day after the big fight, he asked to still be friends. I told him "After everything you said to me yesterday, you still want to be friends?!" Then I said,"I'm sorry but I can't be your friend. I loved you, but you just let me down. Don't call me even if I cross your mind, it's hard enough I have to see you around school. The last thing I need is to chase after some guy who has no feelings towards me. I can't be your friend. How can I be friends with someone I'm trying to forget about? I'm really sorry."

We haven't talked since then, but I see him around school. When I see him, I make sure I'm always with someone, so I won't look as miserable as I am.

The first few days were the worst, but I had friends to make me feel better and distract my mind from thinking about him. I'm not gonna lie, I still think about him, but only at times when I'm alone. But I have found other nice guys for the future.

This guy broke your heart twice, he's capable of doing it again. It's hard. It's really hard, but I promise you things aren't as bad as they seem. I've realized that I don't love the guy I was with, I just loved the thought of having someone there, maybe you'll realize that you might feel the same way. It's going to be hard, but my advice is to avoid him. Do whatever you can to forget him. Unfollow him on social networks, but don't block him, so he'll see how good you're doing without him. No matter how lonely you feel at times don't call him, erase his number. If he was willing to let you go that easily, maybe he didn't feel the same way about you as did about him.

I'm really sorry this happened to you, but I promise things will get better :)

[bubbiexo]

I'm sorry, sweetheart :(

I agree with a lot of what prettydecoy said. At this time, I don't think that you could successfully have a friendship because it could be potentially painful for you if he were to find someone. You will get over it and you will be okay, I promise. My first love and I were together for 1.5 years and when we broke up I couldn't stand to be near him or even talk to anyone about him because it hurt so bad. He just didn't love me anymore, and I had to accept that and move on. I stopped contact with him for a while and I slowly started to feel better. Now, almost 5 years later, he is a great friend of mine and I don't feel anything romantically toward him at all. It IS possible. I like to think that when there is a lot of love in the relationship, it doesn't just go away when you break up. It just manifests as a different kind of love.



It sounds like this break-up was very friendly and there is hope for friendship in the future. And you will love again. I know right now it feels like time has stopped and nothing will fill that hole, but it will be okay. Like prettydecoy said, surround yourself with positive friends, find stuff that you like to do that makes you happy. Just keep moving.

Just tell him that he is very important to you and you would love to be friends, but don't think that you can do so at this time. You will heal and thinking of him will no longer be painful, then talking to him will no longer be painful, and finally, being around him will no longer be painful.

Stay strong and I promise you're going to be okay. Good luck xoxo

[prettydecoy]

These feelings are normal, especially for someone young who has had few relationships. I suggest, based on my own experiences, that you do not remain friends with him at this time. In my opinion, you can't be a real friend anyway if you still have ulterior motives (i.e. to get back with him) because someday he will probably find another woman and it will hurt you deeply. Instead, hold your head up high. Surround yourself with positive friends. Devote your time to doing what you love to do (maybe volunteering to help other people) and to self-growth. Then if fate brings you back together in months or years, give friendship another shot when you're both older, wiser and more mature. Relationships can be painful but you do learn something from each one. And even though you are feeling destroyed now, you may feel differently in the future and the man who is right for you is out there somewhere waiting for you to go through the life experiences that will make you the woman he wants and needs. Time will heal this wound, and you can use the learning experience if you choose.

[cheesesteak7]

I always suggest to put it things in perspective. You're young and there are 10s of millions of young adult males in the country.

I know this is about a singular person, but you also have to realize there's so much else out there, cliche as it may be. Believe me, I know it's hard to get over that one person, and you may never do it. But as long as you are rational and positive about the future and other opportunities and don't let your emotions affect you, you should be fine.

Plus the relationship was only 2 months. You shouldn't be so destroyed over something so short-lived. You shouldn't be so attached either. Try to learn some independence or learn to love yourself for you first. You can't be good to someone else unless you're good to yourself first.

[dx021]

Life goes on. That's the harsh truth that seems impossible right now.

Girls who meant the word to me are vague memories now. Although you're right, it does kinda kill the future, I'm prob only capable of giving like 20% of what I use to give lol

[Anonymous]

You will find love again. Being friends with him will be very hard if not impossible. Sometimes you just have to move on. Good luck.