My boyfriend is so jealous and it's driving me crazy!!

[Anonymous]

my boyfriend is constantly checking my phone to make sure I ain't texting any guys. he goes threw my address book to look at all the numbers and if he don't recognize the guys name he asks me who it is. Now most of my friends are guys and I keep them in my phone so I can text them and when he goes threw my phone I tell him they are just friends and he says uh huh or w.e you say or something stupid. So I deleted all of the guys numbers out of my phone except for the guys that he knows wouldn't do anything. Well today he started asking me what I text them and he wanted to read all my text messages and he even wanted me to delete the ones that he told me before that I could leave in. I don't know what to do anymore he is totally driving me crazy. I have lost most of my friends because of him and even some of my family members because I won't leave him. I don't know if I should leave him or stay with him. I mean I love him to death but I don't know that I can deal with this much longer. What would you do if you were in my shoes? please answer as soon as you can because I really need your help on what to do!

[mugsy]

Jealousy sux. It totally degrades a relationship. It CAN be healthy if it's on a SMALL level (like feeling a twinge of jealousy at times, but never sayin' anything about it, for example. THAT is normal). It's the fact that your boyfriend is ACTING on his jealousy... like a jealous child ... VERY immature (and a turn off for you.). Plus it's "driving you crazy!"

But here's what you can do, if you want to give it one more try with him, to see if he'll change his behavior...

1) Nicely but FIRMLY, tell him that you are not willing to give up your family and friends over him, and that you are NOT cheating on him, and NEVER would.

2) Then let him know that every time he gets jealous, think of how much you LOVE and TRUST him, and that you would like the SAME respect from HIM (regarding Love and Trust).

3) Then apologize (sincerely) to him if any guys texted you while you were WITH him in the room, restaurant, home, on a date. (Other than that, you DO NOT owe your boyfriend an apology for getting texts when he IS NOT in the room/house/restaurant/on a date with you).

4) Let him know that you appreciate that he loves you so much, and that you are feeling very pressured and mistrusted, and that this makes you feel so badly inside.

NOW...

If this (what I wrote above) DOESN'T change his behavior (and I doubt it will, unless he is mature enough to analyze what you said and really make the effort to change), then you MUST leave him and NEVER look back (I'll talk about more on this in future letters to you).

Forget about giving him an ultimatum (such as "YOU better stop looking through my things or I WILL LEAVE YOU!) That doesn't work. That will just p*ss him off, and he'll possibly even go into a jealous rage and want to control you more.

I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt here, and hoping that he WILL see the light and modify his jealous behavior, and learn how to be respectful to your privacy.

I do have to ask you some questions, however...

1) Have you ever cheated on him before (and does he know about it?)

2) Has he ever hit you?

3) Does he have a history of hitting, stalking, or going into jealous rages with other females, prior to dating you?

Thanks. Write back to me, and I'll reply with more. I'm happy to help anytime! :)

[Asker]

No I have NEVER cheated on him before and no he has never hit me. and for 3 I don't no of any if he did. but see weve been going out for over 7 months(almost 8) and I love him to death and I don't want to loose him because he's the best thing that ever happened to me and I really don't no what to do!!! please tell me more!! : )

[midknightmissy]

Hey mugsy !!!!

i have the same exact problem my boyfriend drives me mad he is so so jealous. and I have to add that he hit me once or twice and he does have a history of hitting his ex and I add that he knows about my ex boyfriend.

PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!!!!!!!!

[thelittlethings]

He is trying to delete all your friends so he is all you got. You can't ditch your friends for a guy then expect them to be there when the guy ditches you. I have been in your shoes and when it ended, which it will, I was all alone with nobody to turn to because I let him do this.

And he wanted you to delete some of the guys he let you leave in last time? He let you? He doesn't own you and should have no control over you. Read this "Well today he started asking me what I text them and he wanted to read all my text messages and he even wanted me to delete the ones that he told me before that I could leave in" to yourself a few times. That ONE sentence alone should be enough to leave him. The ONE paragraph gives about a million reasons and I am sure there is tons more to the story. Read this to yourself, realize how f***ed up the situation is. And get the hell out of there. You are better than that.

[dragonfli786351]

a relationship is based on trust, he obviously doesn't trust you. confront him about it tell him either he curb his jealous trifflin' ways lol or you can't be with him. I personally wouldn't deal with that, he isn't your father, and has no control over who you talk to or don't talk to. I have a boyfriend he knows I have just about all male friends, I told him to deal with it.

[dogeatdog]

First, re-read what you just wrote and then answer as if it were your own best friend asking you.

Guys can be possessive. More like insecure.

Are you insecure?

[kim123]

no trust maybe he cheating on you and he thinking you doing the samething to him sometimes it be like that or I could be wrong just ask him wheres the trust at and O that is not love if you love somebody they should trust you.