Is it good to share your insecurities with your partner even if it involves them?

Question

I personally feel like i need to shy away from exposing my insecurities, becasue It would make me seem vulnerable, weak and unappealing.
However, I recently came across a website where a women is arguing the importance of speaking your mind, no matter how insecure you may look.
This is what she said 
"Who cares if your partner thinks you're insecure? Speak your heart! If they can't handle it, then they aren't strong enough. And therefore, are they even strong enough to have the relationship?
Never be afraid to seem clingy or insecure or whatever thing we build up in our minds.
Say what you feel. No question. You will always stand strong because you at least, are always willing and able to speak your heart. Life is just too short for anything less!"
I have seen posts on GAG where  a lot  of people have said that insecure people are off putting. I have said the same thing, but  aren't  we all insecure in one way or another?
What are your thought on this?

MzCoco · Accepted Answer

Yes Yes Yes. Tell your partner your insecurities.

As people have said before me here communication is by far the most vital thing to relationships. Most problems that couples have can be solved by communication. We all have insecurities and you can never be secure about something until you have exposed your fears, accepted them for what they are and began to work on them.

In my experiences, my boyfriend of 4 years and I have made a point of making our relationship completely transparent and honest. We talk bluntly but respectfully to each other. Keep our phones open and unlocked, keep our lives integrated, and most importantly always share emotions when things happen and without judgement of each other. I may sound full of it but we have NEVER had a fight in all four years, disagreements since obviously we are not perfect, but we always manage to strive to openly and always honestly speak to one another. Talk over our disputes in the calmest possible manner. I have told him about all my insecurities big and small, and this by far has been and will be the the best relationship I have ever been a part of because of that.

If you can't be honest with the person you want to spend your life with then who can you be honest with? Insecurity can be off putting when you dont know how to handle it. The difference is, say for example you are afraid of your significant other of cheating

instead of saying " who is that? is that a woman? why are you looking at her? where have you been? give me your phone, im calling this number back. Tell me now!"

You can approach the situation as "Honestly, i am very afraid of losing you. This is an area of myself that I struggle with. I feel that you are getting to close to that woman at work and id really appreciate it if you wouldn't interact with her in the ways that you are. "

The difference is all in how you present your insecurities. Own them, be honest and don't react in aggressive or fearful ways.

acka72 · Accepted Answer

The thing that is really tough with this question is that it all depends with the individuals that you are dealing with.  The problem many people have is that they dump their emotions and their needs on their partners and then have no consideration for their partners feelings cause the partner has to be the "strong" one.  I think its OK to let your guard down once in a while and I think that's healthy if both partners can open up this way with no judgement.  Sadly though, it  doesn't  work this way.  I think that's why it is really important to have friends and people you can talk to outside of the relationship because your partner is not perfect eighther, they have problems of their own even if they don't express them and adding yours to the cocktail may drag them down.  This is true with men, and its tough expressing your feelings when they are not used to expressing theirs and in the mean time you just put an extra weight on their shoulders.  I think that people have to change the concept of a relationship being this soppy idea that two people complete each other and act as caretakers of one another.  People should think of relationships more like team work each individual takes care of their problems and motivates the other into becomming a better human being.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I think it really depends and should be done in moderation. I hate showing my insecurities but it actually is healthy in a relationship when its not over done. Every time I open up to my partner I feellike I increases our trust in each other.

I think there is a danger in both neglecting to share your insecurity that can develop in unhealthy ways like jealousy. And there is a danger of over sharing. Just an example here: if you're constantly complaining about your weight and nothing he said or does to make you feel better and you argue with him or complain it won't just be an annoyance to him but also tell him that he's not enough to make you feel better, that your opinion of yourself will never change, and will be something he'll always have to put up hearing and arguing over.

Basically its okay to share your insecurity at times that affect you but it doesn't need to be told hundreds of times.

If something is obviously affecting you and you just blow it off and tell him nothings wrong... that can also hurt the relationship.

backspace · Accepted Answer

I don't know but people have been telling me all my life that I should never tell my partner my insecurities and but on the other hand I have always done just that. And as someone once said one day a girl will come along and she will not care about my insecurities because she'll love the whole package my insecurities and all.

Just a couple of months ago I meat this girl and we really opened up to each other and she said just about a week ago that she fells so good about everything because she can be herself in front of me and can be weak and cry and she knows I'm there to hold her and that if feels really good. And it works the other way around to and it feels really good. I think that we're really close like I have never been this close and I think it's because of honest communication.

cheesesteak7 · Accepted Answer

I fully believe in being transparent, honest, and fully communicative w/ your partner. Even if it means making you vulnerable in front of your partner. As others have said, it SHOULD bring you closer together. But also as others have said, you have to be reasonable about it, not be dramatic or anything.

I have personal experience w/ this, as me and my ex essentially broke up due to lack of sharing our insecurities (well, mostly her...). So take it from me - being up front and honest about your own insecurities to your partner is a GOOD thing. If they don't like it, then F them. If they understand, then great, you guys can work on those insecurities together.

Summeroflove · Answer

Yes it is. If you can’t share your insecurities, be vulnerable, cry, express emotions, just be who you truly are around your significant other in a healthy way. There is a major problem and you probably need to find someone else.

Now sometimes people are just horrible partners and other times it’s just not meant to be.

Me personally it’s important to find a woman whose nurturing, whose caring, whose sweet, whose kind, etc. Someone who would make a great wife and a great mother.

If you can’t honestly express emotions or maybe

NOW…. Being honest IS important. I don’t really like women who ask “does this make my butt look fat” and don’t want a honest answer.

There is a way to tell the truth without being a asshole. But it’s better to speak the truth or say nothing.

If you give your partner false complements. How do you know when you’re being genuinely? Or vice versa if your partner gives you false complements. How do you know when it’s legitimate or not?

Paris13 · Answer

Yes, in one way or another, we are All insecure in some way or another. It just takes someone special in our lives to help us overcome this problem.
I wouldn't say there is any reason to go around "advertising" feeling this way, or even being clingy. Perhaps it could Be your partner's fault for Why you are feeling like this, and having to---hang on to dear life. xx

ShesSoSilly · Answer

I think there's a difference between the off putting insecure partner and simply communicating honestly with your partner. When someone is always down on themselves and refuses to see any other way but their own, personally THAT is what is off putting and unattractive to me.
I also think its extremely important to communicate with your partner or nothing will be resolved and that can damage not only yourself but the relationship as well.

Thoughts and feelings should never be bottled inside. You should feel free to talk about these things and casually let them know, "I'm having issues with ______ and I acknowledge it, I'm working on it, I could use some understanding from you sometimes".
Compare that to how people can otherwise be passive aggressive and expect their partner to just "get it" and make them feel better even though the partner has no clue what's going on.

I do agree that if someone cannot accept you for you, flaws/insecurities and all, they aren't meant for you. We cannot change who we are or how we feel. All we can do is work on the things we have the power to and find someone who's accepting of you or even can relate to you. They should build you up and help you overcome these insecurities not judge you for them, assuming you are being mature and communicating not being passive aggressive.

EyeSeaYew · Answer

Of course when you're in a close relationship with someone (whether it be a romantic relationship or your best friend) you two should both feel comfortable sharing your deep feelings, which includes your insecurities. What's off putting is when you share your insecurities with someone you're really not in a deep relationship with, and what's also off putting is when you are an extremely insecure person. Everyone has insecurities, but having insecurities does not necessarily make you an insecure person. I consider myself to be generally confident in who I am but I still have a few insecurities when it comes to both my personality and my looks.

So yes, technically, it is good to speak your mind when you're in a close relationship with someone and you're both comfortable with each other. But a confident person will be able to discuss some of their insecurities, work on them, and move on. It is never good to appear or clingy or insecure and those are not qualities that you should be okay with having. Needy people do not tend to have strong relationships.

16drumstix · Answer

I think it's healthy to share some of your worries and fears with your partner, especially if it involves them. You don't have to share every single insecurity you have at the moment. That can be burdensome to process all at once, but sharing some vital, relationship-affecting fears would be a good way to get closer.

I've always felt a little lighter and more steady, more sure of what's going on with my life when I share it someone I trust. Plus, it makes them understand you more, where you're coming from, and how they can help.

I think it is only a turn off if it becomes repetitive. To be honest, I was like that, after talking, my bf told me he thought I was strong and while he's there for me, I can also tough it out. Got me thinking, "Oh yeah, I'm strong enough not to need that constant reassurance." So sharing fears is never a bad thing. Just think it through, time it right, and don't overdo it.

HandsomeRaj · Answer

Communicating effectively is the base of being 'human' :) communication is a must especially in a relationship. If you are insecure about something then communicate it to your partner. If he/she is unaware of your insecurity especially regarding them then what is the relationship you share - this is what I firmly believe.

My gf of 5 years has been insecure about me all the while though we have spoken about all the reasons from time to time (as recent as yesterday night), now insecurity is a part of her (like a child), what I have done is managed to get her to open up to ask which otherwise she'd have stayed bottled up leading to a nightmare for both of us. I don't stop her from asking & I don't refrain from answering :)

Communication is the best way of strengthening any relationship :)

ColdFeet · Answer

You can't form a bond without showing the real you but you just have to gauge it in line with how the relationship is progressing. It's also highly dependent on the maturity of your partner. I personally appreciate when a guy is vulnerable in front of me if I can do something to make it better even if that means just listening. That's how you learn to trust each other. And anyway what is sex if not putting yourself in a vulnerable position.  This is very different to the annoying girlfriend constantly asking if that girl was prettier than her. I think that's the insecure thing you've seen on GAG. We all have some insecurity but you should have a certain level of confidence or acceptance of who you are.

EmeraldSky · Answer

Personally, I believe that every man and woman should be able to divulge any and every painful, frustrating, most irrational insecurity to their significant other. Not only does it build character, but it adds a layer of trust and increases the comfort level.

If a guy makes me feel like I can't be vulnerable with him, then I devalue the relationship. I have no desire to be apart of the relationship where I have to save face and put up a front for the sake of not being viewed as "weak and unappealing". I couldn't agree more with the woman in the article: who wants a man who pressures her to either keep up this artificial, deceptive front or he's going to harshly judge her as being "weak and unappealing"? Sounds worth less than what a romantic bond could be!

kaylaS91 · Answer

Of course I agree that it's good to share your insecurities with your partner, even if it involves them. If you already are an item, honesty and open communication is a large part of ensuring a successful relationship. I'm open to my boyfriend about what makes me feel self-conscious and why, which just helps him understand why I may act in a certain way or say certain things on some occasions. It also makes him able to comfort me and do the sweetest things to reassure me and offer support as he'll know how I'm really feeling.

I don't see any harm in being open like that. I'm assuming your significant other will already see you at the most intimate level physically, so why not be open with your insecurities as well.

Troian · Answer

I think that woman is right. At first, I was afraid to share my insecurities with my boyfriend but a couple of weeks ago, we had a really long conversation about all of them and i. e. felt so great. He told me that being in a relationship is trussing the other. It's being able to say everything you have on your heart and I think he's right. Like yesterday, I wasn't feeling well and I told him, now it's all better. I'm not afraid to look insecurities. He will just say that the way I overthink everything everything show that I'm truly a girl.
Sure, if you spend your time complaining, it might be a problem. But your boyfriend is here to be by your side no matter what happen.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes and no. Sometimes it can be seen as vulnerable, weak and unappealing if you go on and on about them. Other times it can seem like you are blaming your partner for not doing a better job to comfort them. It is important to communicate with your partner, but being too open and too honest is also a problem, especially if you aren't tactful while communicating.

I would say that it is much worse for a guy to open up than a girl, because like it or not our current gender roles don't allow "men" to open up, and get accused of being little boys if we try. Women however are still seen as more emotional than men, so they are not looked down on for showing the same emotions. This stereotyping gives men an advantage in the corporate world, but gives women an advantage in their personal life.

Anonymous · Answer

1. Depends on the insecurity.
2. The statement that your partner is not strong enough is invalid. Your partner can't be responsible for you at that level and carry your weight.
3. Notice how she does not ensure that the relationship will last with this practice.
4. You also have parents, siblings and other relatives/family members. Hopefully not all of them are pricks and some or one of them genuinely cares about you. Use them!
5. Most partner/bf/gf/spouse relationship are so funny in life... you will spend the most time and money with them but they are not your best friend and my flake on you depending on the problems. Realistically, its not as close of a relationship as it is romanticized.

Casper286 · Answer

Well it depends on the people that in the relationship. Some people will find a person who voices their insecurities to be weak and pathetic yet others will respect them for voicing their insecurities. Everyone has their insecurities and if you don't, chances are you have an ego problem, it just depends on how open people are to sharing their insecurities.

Anonymous · Answer

I tell my boyfriend about my insecurities sometimes. I would like to tell him everything, but I'm scared it'll make him realize how there are better women out there and that it might cause him to leave me.

Hans222 · Answer

Always be yourself in a relationship... if you're insecure your partner MUST know it. You can't hide it since your parner is someone you want to pass several hours a day with.
No chance that playing a role would work there :-)

Anonymous · Answer

Honestly, I've always been told to be open and honest about my insecurities, but every time I've done that, it's been thrown back in my face. I've never seen good results from it.
Ultimately though, those guys weren't right for me, so it definitely helped me to see that. If the person is real and truly cares, they'll be more interested in helping you overcome those insecurities, not in running from you.
I hope that makes sense :-)

jacquesvol · Answer

It would be ideal if everyone could share everything, insecurities as well as dreams and lusts with their partners but early education learned us to shut up about and hide many things. Why? Adults can judge the impact of what they tell and do, little children can't and may create big problems that way.
Thus children get drilled with a lot of dos and don'ts. It's hard to get completely rid of reflexes that have been earned so early and which have proven their utility so often.

kheserthorpe · Answer

There's a difference between being open and honest, and trying to fish for complements to temporarily fill in your self-esteem void, and from pulling someone else into a neurotic fixation on an imperfection.

Anonymous · Answer

There's a difference between insecure and annoying/whiny. Annoying/whiny is unappealing; it off puts people. However, sharing something personal about which you feel insecure provides a special connection. It is sexy to know something so deeply personal about another. And, it is the most euphoric confidence builder ever to know that you are trusted with your girl/boyfriend's sincerest innermost feelings.

linds34 · Answer

Communication is the most important thing in a committed relationship.  If you don't feel you can share these things with your partner then who would you share them with?  So I'd say it is good.

Is it good to share your insecurities with your partner even if it involves them?

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