Why would my husband have the need/desire to look at other naked women on the computer?
I don't mean to sound silly but I am a HOT 30yo woman. I do anything and everything in the bedroom for him, keep him totally sexually satisfied, and we have fun doing it. Our sex life has always been awesome. I am a great wife. We have fun together. We laugh and play and tease each other like kids. I totally busted him when I found some crap he looked up on the Internet (girls with big fake boobs, wet t shirt contests, big asses, muscular legs, sh*t like that). I was beyond hurt. My last marriage ended because of this and he knew what kind of emotional damage it has left me with. I feel like he chose those other women over me. He says that it's ridiculous to think that! Umm hello?! I told him before we got married that I could basically deal with anything BUT THAT! I'm TRYING with all my heart to move past it but I think about it constantly. He wants me to forgive him but I can't, not when he KNEW the extent of the damage my ex did to me. Now we can't even go to the pool together because I feel that he's eye f***ing every chick that may be up there. I don't want to feel that I'm married to a perv. We have 2 kids together. 10yo boy and 3yo girl. Please someone help me get this sorted out in my head. Thanks.
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
It hurts me to know how you feel.
I don't think I'm the best to tell you this because I'm not your age, nor have I ever been married.
I'm a guy, so I know how I feel when I look at these images.
I never really search for it, unless I'm already looking at it through maybe a pop-up or something.
I honestly though, don't think he's in the state of opposition as you are.
I know how much it hurts to see him do something that you don't approve of, but in his defense, its more momentary enjoyment, and trust me, they don't even compare to you in his mind. Why he did it is something of a phase that he was probably going through.
It shouldn't be expected that he wants out of what you two have built.
I know you've told him before how you feel about that, and not that he forgot, but now that he sees the seriousiness behind that, I doubt he'll ever do it again.
I know you feel like he's fullfilling a need else where, but its really not the case.
Maybe he's uses it to get ready for you... just maybe...
Older men would always tell me "Looking is okay".
Men will look...
My thing is "Look but don't touch"
I seriouly hope things turn around for you.
A Loving Black Man
What Guys Said 36
It sounds like you both have very healthy sex drives. Your husband also has very very mild taste in p0rn, considering the range and depth of what is available.
This really does sound like a problem for you. You seem like a perfectly nice person, and your husband sounds like a normal human being.
But this problem is one of your own making. You say you told him that you would stand for anything except him looking at p0rn. And then you say you “busted” him by going through his search history. So he wasn’t doing it in front of you. He was doing it secretly because he knew how you felt about the subject. And you went out of your way to find out the details
Most men, and many many women use p0rn. Does this make them “pervs”? Of course not.
Guys who rig cameras to look up dresses at the mall are pervs.
Guys who google “wet-t shirt” are not.
There is an old saying –“it doesn’t matter where you get your appetite, as long as you come home to eat”.
Are you really (and I mean REALLY) saying that you never cast a secret look at the guys at the pool and think “Oooh. He’s yummy”? Never, ever?
Because if you haven’t you may need apply for sainthood, or seek counselling about your repressed sexuality. And if you have, even once, then it is pretty hypocritical to call your husband out for the same behaviour.
Is your husband really comparing you to these images, or are you just worried that he secretly is? Is he actually saying to you “I wish you had boobs like this girl”? Or are you just annoyed that you aren’t the exact centre of his universe 24/7?
Because if it’s the former, that is something you should both sit down and talk about. If that is the case, he has the problem and you are right to be concerned.
But if it’s the latter, then YOU have the problem. And you need to get your crap together , and take a really good long look at what is causing you to think like this. Or you risk losing the man that you obviously love, and the father of your kids, over such a trivial and normal behavior that it’s hard to believe that you’re even asking the question.
Relax and listen to his side. He is NOT your previous husband. It’s time to move on passed your last marriage, and make your present one work.
Good luck. I hope it all works out for you
looking at p*rn is normal. he may be checking other girls out but I'm sure youve checked out guys too before, its not fun when it happens to you but its normal and EVERYONE does it. it doesn't mean anything will come out of it. I think you need to relax.
but anyway you sound hot so you should message me please
If you ask me looking at porn is normal. If a cut guy goes by you with his shirt off you look don't you? If I see a girl in wet look leggings I look it's just normal. I look at some porn on line once in a while my sister ogles naked men on line and her and her girl friends send pictures of naked men to each other. I don't see what the problem is. Unless you husband IS some kind of pervert and he's constantly surfing porn and e mailing these women etc It seems just like a person looking for natural sexual release. Being jealous of a bunch of porn women and cgi images that he looks at seems a little odd to me. Maybe you should go and see a professional if this persists it doesn't sound healthy.
I went through this with my ex wife. She felt the same way you do. However, guys like some alone time to themselves as well as wife time. He may like to see something like that once in awhile or he may like something and not want to tell you about it. We enjoy our time with our wives but he may just want to do a quicky where he doesn't have to worry about pleasing anyone but himself.
Things you can do to help alleviate it all. Be open to try some things he is looking up on the computer at a spur moment. put on a whtie shirt and wet it down when he walks through the door "on accident" , darn that sink faucet.
Offer to watch it with him. Tell him you want to put on a porn and watch it with him. See what excites him.
Just realize that sometimes we want a quick thing that involves jsut us. It isn't always about wahts on the other side. maybe take some photos and put them on the computer for him. Or if he has a porn folder delete it all and put photos of you in it.
I think its more of your problem than his.First thing when you knew he watches it and you don't like it then you shouldn't have married him.Second thing is that after 10+ year old marriage and you are still stuck with the reason that failed your first marriage to me it looks like you have ego problem as well as insecurity issues.Probably you really don't want your marriage to work otherwise getting divorced over some stupid reason like porn doesn't make sense.
just so you know, the parts of a woman's brain that light up during conversation are the same areas that light up in guy's brains when they look at hardcore porn. I look at absolutely crazy things that don't get translated into real life, like triple penetration, stuff like that. you are insecure and misunderstand why guys masturbate
your not married to a prev. your married to a man. all men are prevs to a certain extent.
that said, pornography can be more addictive than heroin. its not that he isn't getting what he needs from you, its that its VERY easy to get on the computer to pay taxes and end up looking at naked women... easier than you would think.
dont be hurt, but maybe he should get some counseling... I'm not a big fan of most of the advice that shrinks give people... but like I said, to men porn is really really addictive.
I answer this same basic question a lot here and in real life too.
I personally feel that it has NOTHING to do with desire or intent and EVERYTHING to do with primal instinct!
Very few species on this planet actually practice monogamy. If you look at the natural world you see males mating with as many females as they can. Why? Diversity. Spreading the strong genetic characteristics that allowed him to get the females in the first place.
Well, News Flash. Human Beings live under the same natural laws that the animals do. Yes, he have opposing thumbs and walk upright... but according to a lot of scientist dudes we didn't always! Our lives are made up of our experiences AND our instincts! Every time we try to mold the laws of nature around our humanity and our MASSIVE human egos it ends up in disaster.
Then again, I could be full of sh*t!
You have every right to feel upset. While some people will tell you that porn is "normal", it's also your RIGHT to be with someone who shares your view and only wants you. If he knew from the start that you didn't like porn and how it felt for you, then he should have respected that. In this case, he didn't.
Nothing wrong with it, or just feeling insecure it seems. Your hot and established but give the guy some credit he is a male. He has erges you can't simply put out. Plus sometimes it leads to better ideas in the bedroom. If you really hate it. Then do this.
Watch it with him and get an idea of what he likes and wants. Then form a plan and do it. So you can build some confidence and he can see you care. You can even cut a deal.
this will sound harsh, but I see this tpe of question a lot and it makes me sick thinking that people are breaking up over it.
LET IT GO. you ruined one marriage already, don't do it again. ALL MEN ALWAYS LOOK AT AND APPRECIATE EVERY HOT GIRL THEY EVER SEE EVER!
if you think otherwise you are kidding yourself and all girls need to get this through their heads.
stop trying to police people's minds. he doesn't tell you what is okay to think about and look at, so don't tell him. that fact that it bothers you so much speaks volumes about your mental state. you have a serious insecurity issue. some girls see sexuality as unseperable from love and relationships, but this is JUST PLAIN WRONGHEADED. I'll masterbate to pictures and the thought of my girl's own friends or anyone else I find sexy. big f'n deal. I never cheat on her. I never do anything gross or inappropriate.
let him get the stuff from porn that he doesn't get from you. would you rather get fake boobs or let him jack off to it once in a while?
guys just really don't get the problem with this. we don't feel lie we are doing anything wrong and it is because we aren't. it has nothing to do with our wives or relationships at all, it is just jerking off. stop confusing the two.
Because they are there. Women are beautiful. Sexy women even more beautiful. As simple as that. Nothing "pervert" about that.:
Endymion ( John Keats)
A thing of beauty is a joy for ever:
Its loveliness increases; it will never
Pass into nothingness; but still will keep
A bower quiet for us, and a sleep
Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.
Therefore, on every morrow, are we wreathing
A flowery band to bind us to the earth,
Spite of despondence, of the inhuman dearth
Of noble natures, of the gloomy days,
Of all the unhealthy and o'er-darkened ways
Made for our searching: yes, in spite of all,
Some shape of beauty moves away the pall
From our dark spirits.
Read the complete text here: link One of the most beautiful English texts.
You can't expect a man not to look at girls on the beach or near the pool either.
He's looking, but you call it "eye f***ing". That's the difference.
"My last marriage ended because of this"
Then I suspect the one who has a problem is you.
"I am a HOT 30yo woman."
"I am a great wife."
Are you that sure about it?
Jealousy comes from fear, fear of being inferior (that fear -or feeling- hasn't to reflect a reality! ! Just fear or the feeling is enough. )
I'm NOT saying you are not a great wife, I'm saying you're not sure about it at all !
Think about it. Seriously.
Guys just can't resist it "unlimited free naked women" it has nothing to do with you. If you are worried about your husband looking at other girls that's probably because he is but that is just human nature if you married him that means you should trust him and trust that he won't do any thing but look.
Your last marriage screwed you up to an insecurity issue...Now I'm a big fan of internet porn to an extent and I have an awesome girlfriend. At this point...if your homeboy is talking, communicating, chatting, or got the skanks in your home. You shouldn't have nothing to worry. If you are that secure in your marriage that is. But think of the reason why you married this guy...then ask yourself has he gone too far? What is too far? Texting, chatting, skank in your home is too far...none of that is going on. And you are probably in a better marriage anyways. Think, us men will look at a walk-by chick at the pool, beach, or computer...its how we re-act to the "walk-by" situation. At most times its innocent...Geez, when guys go to a live football game do you think they would actually ask their wives "Honey, may I look at the cheerleaders perform at half-time or should I go to the toliet and miss that routine for you?"...thats how lame it sounds. If he is looking its innocent on the computer...what he is doing with it is totally different. My buddy's wife won't let him look at porn...but he can have risky photos of her in his Iphone...so you decide. Get back if you need more advice.
Hmm when I hear anyone doing anything like that I think of the 80/20 complex saying when a man/ woman is only getting 80 percent out of a relationship the person will go to another source for that extra 20 but this idk. he might not be perverted but I would talk with him about it. ask him if its something about you or if its him. its hard to tell. good luck! I hope everything works out for you and your family =[
Well, it can't be removed from your head because it is YOUR problem. Being a guy, I can understand him looking at porn. From my standpoint (being a guy) you'd have a lot to worry about IF he didn't have porn as an outlet. Notice I didn't say the "only outlet". He has a lot on his plate. The job, you, and the kids to provide for.
And I KNOW "Sex Time" is relevant when it comes to Men & Women's views. What you think is a good pace for your sex lives may not be anywhere near enough for him. And if it is, he still a guy! We have that drive! It's there. It's always going to be there. It starts at 13, for some of us sooner, and won't end until we're in our late 60's from what I've read. Married or not married; kids or no kids it is a NEED FOR RELEASE. It has nothing to do with porn. It went from France to the Underground in Prohibition times to Magazines in the 50s & 60s to VHS in the 70s & 80s and then to Internet porn. All of which just made it easier for guys to satisfy a need when the wife was not in the mood.
You're dad was a disillusioned scumbag. He thought the girls in those magazines could be his. Today smart men have no disillusions about the shaved blonde slavic and califorina barbie types who are a dime-a-dozen in porn. All they amount to is a quick & easy way to get Rosy Palm to be more efficient.
You need to get that through your head. The only way you make it a threat is by making an issue of it. In a backwards way you are going to force the scenario you don't want to happen.
I saw you asked "If a wife or girlfriend got on the phone to talk to some guy to fufill her "needs" then would we be okay with that? And if that was the case then what did the women need thier bf/husband for?" This is where Men & Women differ. You just added a sense that is not there. For men it's all visual; only visual. NO interaction.
It's a what a lot of people refer to as a "guy-thing." Women have thier "thing" too. Like planning Weddings or putting those damn sailor suits( with that damn hat that has the ribbon hanging) on our infant boys! And the insufferable need to stop at Bed, Bath & Beyond 15 minutes before kick-off! But do we pose ultimatums over those towels you hang in the bathroom that we are NOT supposed to use? No! Why? Because we know there's porn. You have Registrys, baby clothes, shoe stores, & Soap. We have sports, Barbeque & porn.
Look, you're obviously (and unjustly. But that's only MY opinion) making your current husband foot the bill over some baggage caused by your ol' man and 1st husband. Get some help and maybe have him go with you. And you two can work it out like that. Because I've read some of your responses to some of the other answers long after you posed your question. You get extremely closed minded when one of the guys is openly blunt and (sometimes) hostile. So maybe getting yourself some professional help, not counselling, is in order.
Hi Ladies, I am going to be frank with you'll. Guys you have to stop lying to you'll women. Most guys looks at porn for different reasons. For example, it has nothing to do with the lady they are with. Guys just don't want to feel like they are the lesser dogs and be called a dummy when they don't certain things like different sexual positions. Furthermore, it natural for guys and girls to look at other people it is called quasority. To be frank, I think all women should know what their men like about them. But on the other hand most women uses this as a weapon against them to get what she wants. Most guys are turn on by different things like the breast, lips, hips, ass, hair, facial feature, eyes, and the way she walks or sits. For me, several years ago I had a serious problem I just believe that are girls were slut even it God said that they were a virgin, this was due personal experiences and because of catching girls lying to many times. But to keep on the subject, I does look at porn but I cannot remember what I saw as soon as I close the browser. However when I look at porn, for example I would used to girls that I have seen during the day and try to look for girls that look like them or a beautiful girl that I am trying to talk to and see what they would look like naked. For example, if I see a girl sitting with short skirt on and has on no undies, because if I would look at her to long and she sees me I would be pervert to her so I just check the Internet to see what a girl v's look like in that position and how it look. You see most girls thinks that guys are perverts if they are sitting down bad and he look at their product but that not true. They are just so happy to see it, they forget to look away so girls think they are when they just want to capture how beautiful it look. As for me I don't care about this, just want to see if you have a 10000 girls if all their v look alike. I think people or girl should sit their children down and tell them that it is ok to have small breast, or 3/4 of all girl insert things down their even if they have not been with a man. Also, that 98 % of all girls masturbate whether or not they admitted it. When I look at porn I usually get a cac girl , negro and a Asian girl and see the different in their v's. However most guys looks at porn just to knowledge about a women body because most girls never let their boyfriend sees them naked. stastic shows that only 20% of all women are comfortable with letting their boyfriend see them naked so to fulfilled this lust to see their girlfriend naked they turns to the internet to get whet they want. To be frank, if you want your boyfriend to stop looking at porn go sleep naked and walk around in the room naked when he is there and he will stop. There are certain things men wants to know about a lady but because they don't want to offend you'll they turn to other sources. A guy just want t see V's when they want to see it and not bagging every time for it. That's why God created us naked!
get over it, guys look at porn, that's the way it is. he's not doing anything with the porn star in real life and probably wouldn't even if given a chance. the idea of porn is that its imaginary, its not real, doesn't really happen (do you get the point?) guys look at porn and that's never going to change. it doesn't matter how long you have been married, some times you just have to get off on something and porn is so easy to do that. he still loves you, still does things with you...so why would you care if he looks at porn? have you ever just been horny and wanted to do something about it? cause that's all he's doing.guys get horny and jerk it asap
Porn can be more addictive than the hardest drugs for some guys. Without help, it can be a very frustrating and demoralizing process to try and cut the habbit. If he really wants to stop, he needs accountability from someone other than you and possibly some professional help.
Check out the book Every Man's Battle link
Copy and pasting my answer to another dear lady who is in the same boat.
I am a married man, my wife KNOWS I look at porn, does she care, no, do I still shut the pages down when she comes into the room, yes.
You confronting him is embarrassing to him, of course he will get angry because its the only way a man can get out of embarrassment.
I don't see why you get upset really, it's not as if he is doing anything physically with these women and newsflash dear, he doesn't find them as potential next wife or a bit on the side, I'm sorry to be blunt but it's just for a good old classic masturbation time.
Men are turned on by porn, it's natural and when some guy scoffs at porn "oh I don't need that sort of thing" I respond with a resounding "yeh right" because its bull.
ALL straight men look at porn from the very basic to the bizarre and the taboo, we look at women in the street when your not looking, we fancy the neighbour across the street, don't be surprised to know we fancy your sister or your friends, we deny it but trust me, its what we do.
Now then, the difference is, do we act on it, that is the thing that separates the loyal from the cheaters, if you are scared that he will eventually take out his lustful fantasies in real life by having an affair then believe me, no amount of censoring him will prevent that from happening, if a man will cheat then he will do so porn or not.
Also if that is your fear then wouldn't you rather like my wife have the knowledge that no matter how many busty ladies I see being bent into awkward positions and entered by 3 men at a time that I lay next to her at night and the only woman I love and have sex with is her.
At the end of the day your man is a hot blooded male, he needs to masturbate as we men folk do and porn or not he is doing so and its a little unfair for you to prevent him from doing so, in the long run he is with you, he loves you and knows how to separate the tarts on the screen who he couldn't recognise in a line up because they are just objects of sexual entertainment from the woman he loves and cares about;
Be a dear, leave him alone, if you don't want to know but will leave him be then tell him to download ccleaner to clear his history to prevent you from obsessing over controlling his need to toss off, stop embarrassing him, women don't realise that men actually need to masturbate otherwise they become agitated, aggressive and annoying.
They aren't real to him, you are and have nothing to worry about.
Men are wired that way. Their eyes will follow the human female form without their conscious permission. This doesn't mean that he wants you any less at all, or that he wants those other girls at all. Masturbation is just physical stimulation -- it cleans the pipes and causes relaxation, but it isn't satisfying. Porn is just a visual part of masturbation -- it can aid in stimulation but it doesn't replace a real woman even one tiny little bit. My opinion is, you don't need to worry about the porn itself because a sexual relationship with you and porn aren't replacements for each other at all. If there is any reason why he didn't just come to you to have his pipes cleaned, (lol,) it is probably because he just wanted to orgasm and didn't want to bother you or maybe you weren't available or something. He still wants you just as much as he did before. The fact that he knew you were really disturbed by this in the past and did it anyway is a little disturbing, but I can say that porn is like junk food. It is very hard to resist, even though it doesn't satisfy you at all.
There is also the possibility that he's got some performance anxiety or something else is bothering him and he didn't feel comfortable going to you with his orgasm need.
I wish I knew what to tell you about this, as I was with a girl for a while that felt the same way about it, and I know it really bothers some women. I guess all I can say is that if he loved you before, he loves you just as much after looking at porn and if he wanted you sexually before, he wants you just as much after looking at porn, (possibly even more because his sexual neurons have been stimulated.)
Ease up. He is going to look at other women, or lie about it, or both. The best thing would be for him to just be honest about it. You look at other men (don't lie). I bet he doesn't have all these hateful feelings for you because of it. The best thing would be some counseling to address 1. Denial and dishonesty concerning only being able to find one person in the whole world attractive, and 2. Self esteem.
I have an aswer:
I can vouch and say, that for the most part is purely psychological. And I don't think that he is unattractived to you in any way, shape, or form. But have you ever JUST masturbated or thought about having sex with someone other than your husband. Its like another world in the sexual imagination in the head of a guy. We/they just don't do it. And if guys don't agree with me, I don't think they are being entirely true.
I would demand he stop watching porn immediately, or get out of this relationship.
Testosterone and urges happen in single guys or where there is lack of sex..however if you do anything and everything then he needs to act on those desires with you.. Don't tolerate it..no more porn or tell him your gone
I'm a 19 year old male and well I know how addiction pornography can be but if my women asked me to quit I would. I don't really think I would even watch porn If I had a girl friend because I know she can satisfy my urges spiritually and physically. I wish you luck with your problem talk to him, If he truly loves you he will do anything for you.
All men look at porn of some sort or other, except those men who are psychologically or emotionally neutered. Men's brains are wired to instictively get sexually excited upon "SEEING" a sexy female.
On the other hand, women are not visual. They like emotion. When you watch soaps on TV and feel sympathy for some man who is being mistreated by his girl, is that emotional cheating?
Both these feelings are merely for entertainment. What happens when people watch sex scenes in movies? Don't they feel excitement? Is that cheating? Do you want to cover his eyes when such scenes come up?
Understand that your relationship is more than just sex. You have children together. You are husband and wife. You are soul mates. These are very strong bonds.
if he still has these urges to look at porn when you are already beautiful and you keep him satisfied, I think there's something really wrong in his head. He really needs to go see a counselor to help him with his addiction! What was his reason for looking at it ? Did you ask him why he does it? It could be a sign that his getting bored and that he wants to spice things up? I need more info so I can give you a better answer! I want to know what was his perspective in doing what he did! Get back at me.
Hey, I've been porn free now for about 3 years.
Yes, it is an ADDICTION.
I keep on reading guy excuses that it has to do with testosterone... but that is major B.S.
How many guys look at porn an then just go reading their morning paper right afterwards WITHOUT taking a stop at the bathroom to relieve themselves of the pent up pressure?
I don't really know any guys that do that.
Besides, it's a known fact that if a guy want to increase his T levels he needs to refrain from slapping the monkey AND any other sort of activity which will make him ejaculate.
He's not doing it for the T.
And no, having a steaming sex life isn't going to help him.
He could either go seek therapy, or heck... get him to talk to a Jehovah's Witness! That will straighten his morals a bit.
The first thing is for him to understand that he's addicted.
Did I mention I used to have an 80K pic porn collection when the internet wasn't yet saturated with the stuff? (1995)
Willpower is the key, just like in any other addiction.
Let me know if you need any other hints to get him to stop, I did it... so can he.
Testosterone is a hell of a drug. Men checking out women is not perverted behavior, IT'S BIOLOGY! Now, in a marriage, a man is wise to hide his natural curiosity from his wife, but just because he's checking out internet porn doesn't mean he's cheating. Every healthy man with a pulse is doing likewise.
Trust me, you wouldn't want him if he weren't a masculine man. You'd be on here calling him a p*ssy, a wimp and every other derogatory term you could think to type. It's understandable that you don't want porn shoved in your face, but this is just part of the deal with men. You can't want a man to be masculine and then demand that he shut off his sex drive. Doesn't work that way.
Good with the bad.
Wow...get over yourself please, men look at porn all the time even if they love someone such as yourself, you sound like you have confidence issues, it's fine to check out other women just like you check out other men but the fact is your in a relationship and you both love each other if there's no trust between you two then why bother?
Only you can get over it. Is he sleeping around with women? No? It's pictures that stimulate him - get over it - YOU are married - he loves YOU - he makes love to YOU - women are beautiful - let him have fun - would you rather him get bored with you? Then take it away and keep confronting him.
Porn isn't the best thing around - but the fact is people do look at it - with or without their partners - if you can't accept that - then find somebody that won't do it. Get a divorce.
You are married, you have two children - it is porn. If you feel he has a problem when it's 24/7 before and after sex etc. - talk to him and don't be confrontational - your feelings are natural.
If you can't accept it - then divorce him - or understand that it is simply a way for him to fulfill other urges. It sucks, but that's who you married. Love him, or leave him.
Sorry to be so straight forward - but you need to be an adult and decide to look past it - if it is truly a problem - suggest he get help - but he isn't going to change because his wife "nags" him.
What Girls Said 26
You want honesty? Everybody's "normal" is different. I'm not going to press my beliefs on you but answer your question. Truth is you were up front with him about how you felt. He obviously agreed or you would not be in a relationship right now.
Yeah, maybe you have issues. I mean the reality is this is fantasy pictures on a website. But the truth is what it represents to you is more than an image.
You had a devastating past experience to your ego. It matters. It effects your self image and by the comments you made you obviously try hard in all areas of your life to please your guy. You need that affirmation to give you empowerment. Your sexuality seems to feed off that. So the fact that he looked elsewhere made you feel the hit. Why can't you be enough?
Am I on the right track?
You are a beautiful, strong woman fighting against a world of accepted human behavior. Unfortunately you are going to have to sit down and decide,
Can YOU buy into your own empowerment or not?
If you can't and he cannot give you what you need you will just battle yourself for all the issues and no one wins.
Bottom line- Respect yourself enough to give yourself a break. You are amazing but you cannot hold yourself to the comparison of a fake person in a fake internet world. If you can't reach that place in yourself to let it go then this "normal" behavior is not YOUR normal. If it hurts you then you have to remove it from either your brain (coming to terms) or removing it from your life.
I'm sorry but most of the guy's answers about it being "normal" are BULLSHIT. It is absolutely NOT normal, it has BECOME normalized over the past couple of decades but this species went thousands of years without it! It has also been proven to RUIN relationships, so again saying p*rn has nothing to do with relationships is BULLSHIT. There have been psychological studies which have proven that it rewires men's brains, and watching p*rn just trains the brain to watch more, watch harder, watch nastier, watch more degrading p*rn. It completely changes the way men view women, in molds men's minds into believing that that is what's hot, that's what's sexy, and that to turn men on they need to be complete whores. Men who watch p*rn also have a MUCH harder time getting as turned on by real women as they do by p*rn. P*rn ruins men's imaginations, makes them lazy thinkers (the sexual fantasies they have are based on sh*t they've seen in p*rn, not actually being creative), and it COMPLETELY devalues, degrades and objectifies women. P*rn has turned from a women laying out in a playboy mag to chicks now getting pummeled by a group of guys, used and degraded, and now that it what men have been molded to be turned on by. P*rn addiction is no f***ing joke, it ruins men's minds, it is ABSOLUTELY perverted ( I mean hello sex was designed for procreation and love expression, not 20 guys cumming in some chick's mouth), and it ruins relationships. Any guy who does not want to face the harsh realities of p*rn, what it has done to relationships and to men's views of women, what it does to shape their own f***ing minds, is in denial. They're in denial because they don't want to have to own up to a bad habit, they don't want to acknowledge it as problematic, they don't want to stop doing it. That's the bottom line. Since other guys do it too it's "normal". Well, in China they harvest organs on the black market, a lot of people do it, even the government's in on it, does that make it normal? Absolutely f***ing not. What's perverse and wrong is perverse and wrong no matter how many people are doing it. And not ALL men watch p*rn. Many do, but there are plenty of straight men out there who respect women and CHOOSE NOT TO watch it! Imagine that! A guy with some dignity and taste, imagine that.
Mans think that we women don't the same desire as they do infact I now some woman's who have such strong desire see man fail to realized that some of them at not even good looking at all but they think in their head that they are all that wake up the majority of does p*rn star woman don't mind getting laid and pay but they also HAVE A STONG DESIRE FOR THE SIX PACK MAN OR AT LEAST THE WELL FITTED MAN . That is all you see let's be real in does video because is not just about sex but also image so the gentlemans in this fascinating world YA THINK WE ARE LESS BEAUTIFUL A HAVE GOOD NEWS OS LESS ATTRACTIVE TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT YOUR SELF FIRST. And if p*rn is not going away neither are we wives and girlfriend.
My boyfriends the same way. I give him anything he wants sexually, and he still insists on watching porn. What I've learned? Men are horny. You are probably super sexy, but he's just being a man. Once they've seen one woman naked, they want to see them all. What I've learned to do? Next time you catch him masterbating to porn either on t.v. or internet, walk up to him confidently and begin giving him oral. Invite him to enjoy a porn with you the next time you enjoy intercourse. ...you never know, This could turn you on just as much as it does him.
Don't freak out. He's just being a man. He knows you're beautiful. And if you can't beat him, join him. Sit down beside him and start watching it. That'll turn him on more than you know.
* READ ME THIS WILL WORK! *
I had the same problem. It was driving me nuts everywhere we went I was constantly thinking about what he was thinking about! but that's different now... what I did was I toke pictures of myself, like if he was searching for example wet t-shirt I toke a picture like that and put it on our computer desktop under DON'T OPEN.. (I knew he would open it ) and every picture he searched there was a picture of me, and if he searched videos there was a video... the second thing I did was I had another item on our desktop called DON'T OPEN 2 (once again knew he would open it) and in that document was a little msg from me telling him how if he wants to see more to leave a document on the desktop marked OPEN. This really helped save my relationship and it sparked a little bit of excitement for the both of us.. it was fun! and when he got home and I went on the computer there was a document marked open with a little msg inside. I talked to him about it that night and asked if he would be cool if I left those pictures for him instead of him searching and giving us viruses! lol he agreed and I haven't had that problem since! but if you can't use your computer because of the kids... ViA text ;) its a huge turn on for guys or even leave picutres on his phone for him but just let him know that they are there. so that he does'nt go showing co-workers pictures of the kids and OOPS ! trust me if this doesn't work I don't know what will!
best of luck!
Speaking from the perspective of a grown woman your age, there's nothing wrong with you or him. This has nothing to do with you. It's just a fantasy he has, and it's involving pictures and not real people. It doesn't mean you aren't enough. You've never fantasized about another man? It's not meant to be anything that materializes in any realistic way. It's a harmless hormonal thing. I suggest you invest in some toys and have your own fantasy life so you won't feel bad about it anymore.
Unfortunately, I see this kind of attitude all too often--still. Why some people choose to embrace the sentiments of the 1950's-1980's is beyond me. This new age puritanical revival fueled by very insecure and overly damaged people (championed by their women and abused and bruised by their men) is over. It's done. Let it go. Women are powerful and are not afraid to grab what they want and do what they want. This includes watching or making porn. This includes doing whatever they wish to do in the bedroom because THEY want to do it, not because they have a wifely duty to serve their man like the 1950's brought back into American culture after WWII, or especially NOT because they fear losing "their man" if they don't. I hate to get into politics here because this is NOT the proper forum for it so I will end my rant there.
Like some of the others have suggested, try watching it with your husband. What exactly is it that you are afraid of regarding him watching porn? All people look at other people (real life, porn or wherever) in a sexual manner. Mostly this is on a subconscious level that one is never aware of but often it becomes obvious (even to others if you drool). This is NORMAL. It is biology. If you don't operate this way then you are abnormal. Healthy biological beings all have this drive. The psyche is also designed to kick in here by giving you sexual thoughts, little fantasies or just urges and attractions to make sure that the biology does what it is supposed to do--MATE.
* You may be a gorgeous woman (to a degree. real attractiveness is mostly attitude).
* You may be a wonderful wife (in a limited capacity. attitude is a great trait).
* You may be great in bed (but being amazing means that everything you do is of your own volition; mind, body and soul). I may be wrong but are you sure that what you do sexually with him is FULLY enjoyed by you? At one point you say that you "do anything and everything in the bedroom for him, keep him totally sexually satisfied, and we have fun doing it." and then you later imply that he is a "perv." There is a major conflict there.
* It doesn't sound like you are healthy. Both of you get advice and get help. You both have two children. Don't you dare follow the party line and split up. Selfish selfish selfish! Get your self (and your husband) straightened out. Get your sh*t together. Your children come first.
* It doesn't sound like the proper communication is being shared from either of you.
* Relax. Try to have more fun. Try to be more open.
I truly wish you and your children the best of success and hope you both find a way to more greatly enjoy life.
Ya know what.
I am in the same situation your in. I'm a fine ass girl who does everything in the bedroom.
But yet when guys are with me they have the desire to look at other women, although guys that walk past them are looking at me.
I have come to the determination that men may be satisfied with their women in the bedroom,
but they will always have the desire to look at other women.
It is something natural and it is something you have to get over. Eyes are made for looking. As long as he isn't disrespecting you and getting other girls numbers. Everything should be fine.
Porn has nothing to do with how he feels about you or what he thinks of you.Porn is for entertainment and to help people get off.A person can be with the sexiest person on earth,have earth shattering orgasms and the best sex with them,but the best sex is always with ones self.Why?Who knows yourself,your body and your pleasure better than you.Men are visual,and porn just allows them to be turned on.You're insecurity and jealousy is what will push him away.porn is just to help people get off,if he wanted someone else,i guarantee he would be with someone else.You can't be there every moment of his life every time he gets horny or needs to release
i would say let him do what he wants girl.if not this will cause strain on ur relationship its just video or pictures anyways if you can't stand him doing that am sure you could not stand him cheating..so let it be he'll get tiredor find ways to enjoy it with him...me and boyfriend does I'm always happy when he does because sex is always great after...
Tell him how you do really feel about the situation. Ask him if you don't satisfied him enough so that's why he sees pornography, ask him if he does really know how you do feel.
Independently his answer, you should keep up your self steem and think about the most important thing: your family.
But most important, tell him to shut off all that porno, not because you "want to ruin his fun", because of your children, what will happen if one of them busts him like you did or sees it accidentally? As advice, you have to do a parental block in your computer, but also tell him before you do it.
Wow, I understand how you feel. He should have respected your view on the whole shabang on porn -- especially if you try and succeed in keeping him sexually satisfied. Heck, I'd be frustrated beyond belief... but sadly, porn is a form of eye candy. Not saying everyone likes porn, but everyone likes eye candy.
But in this situation, he needs to let it go... it's hard as hell, but he should if he loves you.
I know exactly how you feel! I told my boyfriend that I couldn't tolerate cheating and I felt like watching porn was a form of cheating. I grew up with a porn addicted father who eventually cheated on my mom and left her along with me and my two younger siblings. My mom was devastated and to this day doesn't date because she is afraid of having another broken heart. She and I feel very similar about the situation. I feel like I'm not good enough, as does she. My boyfriend swore up and down that it had nothing to do with me. He is probably right, but I still feel as if I don't make him happy.
I have a 3 month old daughter now, and I refuse to let her live in the same kind of household I did when I was a child. I remember finding adult magazines hidden all over the house. I remember turning on the computer and finding XXX rated pictures and videos my father had downloaded. My boyfriend swore he won't watch it anymore as soon as he found out I was pregnant because he is afraid of losing his daughter. It's a hard habit to break, I'll tell you that! He struggled with it my entire pregnancy. He has yet to watch it since she's been born. I think our daughter is my answered prayer.
This is something he has to deal with. If he wants to quit he will. If he doesn't he won't. I had a friend who's husband looked at porn. She was sensitive to porn like you are and couldn't stop thinking about it. It's ruining her relationship with her husband. She tried making him quit. She put up blocks on his computer, took the computer away, and eventually cut the cord to the computer. This made things worse. He didn't want to quit.
If he's addicted like this, you might as well get out of the relationship if you think you can't handle it.
In my personal opinion, porn is childish. Why not have a real woman satisfy your sexual needs? Men need to grow up.
I am a girl and I will admit that I look at porn and I don't feel I am doing anything wrong.
I do not look because I think that they have something my boyfriend doesn't I am just looking because I enjoy it.
I love my boyfriend and I know he has looked at porn and that he checks out girls. It is natural to look at other people and I don't feel he is doing it because he wants to be with them or that they have something that I don't I feel it is normal and he is just looking for fun.
I understand that it makes you feel uneasy knowing he is looking at other people but I honestly don't believe that there is anyone out there that hasn't looked at anyone else. There are poeple that will lie and try to hide but there isn't much you can do to have someone look at other people.
You should be happy that he loves you ,is attracted to you and wants to be with you instead of any other girl he has ever seen.
That is just my opinion I wouldn't leave him for this if it truly upsets you and he seems to understand then I think you can work through this.
you can't punish your 2nd husband for your 1st husband's wrong actions
when I watch porn it's strictly to get me off
in no way do I wish I was that girl
the only thing it does is get me a little off and makes me crave sex with justin even more.
if it's a problem that's one thing but porn is harmless.
he's not "choosing" you over anyone
you're the one he says I love you to and said 'i do' to.
if he wanted girls like that, he wouldn't be with you.
if you're that threatened and feel really insecure ask him if that's something he wants to try
Even if you do have a great sex life, men do like to fanticize other women. It doesn't mean he loves you less or is loosing interest. If he knew how you felt about that sort of thing, that's his fault for disrespecting you. Its not uncommon for men to do that so don't think your married to a perv. Before you forgive him, you need to make sure he knows your serious and your really hurt. And if it continues seek help from a professional. My boyfriend asked me if it was okay to watch porn. And I told him no. I found him doing it one day and I asked him why? He told me just for the fantacy. We are no longer together. But, I wish you luck!
My heart breaks for you. I can't imagine what it must've felt like to discover what was going on. While men are naturally visual, there's a very big line drawn between curiosity and obsession. bikini girls in a magazine is one thing, but pornography crosses the line. Porn addiction is real, and it ruins marriages. Confront him, and tell him that you want counseling. Your concerns are warranted, and even a counselor would have something to say about it. If he respects you he'll consent.
Best of luck. Stay strong.