Why would my husband have the need/desire to look at other naked women on the computer?

I don't mean to sound silly but I am a HOT 30yo woman. I do anything and everything in the bedroom for him, keep him totally sexually satisfied, and we have fun doing it. Our sex life has always been awesome. I am a great wife. We have fun together. We laugh and play and tease each other like kids. I totally busted him when I found some crap he looked up on the Internet (girls with big fake boobs, wet t shirt contests, big asses, muscular legs, sh*t like that). I was beyond hurt. My last marriage ended because of this and he knew what kind of emotional damage it has left me with. I feel like he chose those other women over me. He says that it's ridiculous to think that! Umm hello?! I told him before we got married that I could basically deal with anything BUT THAT! I'm TRYING with all my heart to move past it but I think about it constantly. He wants me to forgive him but I can't, not when he KNEW the extent of the damage my ex did to me. Now we can't even go to the pool together because I feel that he's eye f***ing every chick that may be up there. I don't want to feel that I'm married to a perv. We have 2 kids together. 10yo boy and 3yo girl. Please someone help me get this sorted out in my head. Thanks.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It hurts me to know how you feel.

    I don't think I'm the best to tell you this because I'm not your age, nor have I ever been married.

    I'm a guy, so I know how I feel when I look at these images.

    I never really search for it, unless I'm already looking at it through maybe a pop-up or something.

    I honestly though, don't think he's in the state of opposition as you are.

    I know how much it hurts to see him do something that you don't approve of, but in his defense, its more momentary enjoyment, and trust me, they don't even compare to you in his mind. Why he did it is something of a phase that he was probably going through.

    It shouldn't be expected that he wants out of what you two have built.

    I know you've told him before how you feel about that, and not that he forgot, but now that he sees the seriousiness behind that, I doubt he'll ever do it again.

    I know you feel like he's fullfilling a need else where, but its really not the case.

    Maybe he's uses it to get ready for you... just maybe...

    Older men would always tell me "Looking is okay".

    Men will look...

    My thing is "Look but don't touch"

    I seriouly hope things turn around for you.

    Good Luck


    A Loving Black Man


What Guys Said 38

  • Because they are there. Women are beautiful. Sexy women even more beautiful. As simple as that. Nothing "pervert" about that.:

    Endymion ( John Keats)

    A thing of beauty is a joy for ever:

    Its loveliness increases; it will never

    Pass into nothingness; but still will keep

    A bower quiet for us, and a sleep

    Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.

    Therefore, on every morrow, are we wreathing

    A flowery band to bind us to the earth,

    Spite of despondence, of the inhuman dearth

    Of noble natures, of the gloomy days,

    Of all the unhealthy and o'er-darkened ways

    Made for our searching: yes, in spite of all,

    Some shape of beauty moves away the pall

    From our dark spirits.

    Read the complete text here: link One of the most beautiful English texts.

    You can't expect a man not to look at girls on the beach or near the pool either.

    He's looking, but you call it "eye f***ing". That's the difference.

    "My last marriage ended because of this"

    Then I suspect the one who has a problem is you.

    "I am a HOT 30yo woman."

    Yes, probably.

    "I am a great wife."

    Are you that sure about it?

    Jealousy comes from fear, fear of being inferior (that fear -or feeling- hasn't to reflect a reality! ! Just fear or the feeling is enough. )

    I'm NOT saying you are not a great wife, I'm saying you're not sure about it at all !

    Think about it. Seriously.

  • One thing should reassure you: the more women het looks at, the less chances there are that he will get obsessed or in love or both with one particular woman and dump you.

  • It sounds like you both have very healthy sex drives. Your husband also has very very mild taste in p0rn, considering the range and depth of what is available.

    This really does sound like a problem for you. You seem like a perfectly nice person, and your husband sounds like a normal human being.

    But this problem is one of your own making. You say you told him that you would stand for anything except him looking at p0rn. And then you say you “busted” him by going through his search history. So he wasn’t doing it in front of you. He was doing it secretly because he knew how you felt about the subject. And you went out of your way to find out the details

    Most men, and many many women use p0rn. Does this make them “pervs”? Of course not.

    Guys who rig cameras to look up dresses at the mall are pervs.

    Guys who google “wet-t shirt” are not.

    There is an old saying –“it doesn’t matter where you get your appetite, as long as you come home to eat”.

    Are you really (and I mean REALLY) saying that you never cast a secret look at the guys at the pool and think “Oooh. He’s yummy”? Never, ever?

    Because if you haven’t you may need apply for sainthood, or seek counselling about your repressed sexuality. And if you have, even once, then it is pretty hypocritical to call your husband out for the same behaviour.

    Is your husband really comparing you to these images, or are you just worried that he secretly is? Is he actually saying to you “I wish you had boobs like this girl”? Or are you just annoyed that you aren’t the exact centre of his universe 24/7?

    Because if it’s the former, that is something you should both sit down and talk about. If that is the case, he has the problem and you are right to be concerned.

    But if it’s the latter, then YOU have the problem. And you need to get your crap together , and take a really good long look at what is causing you to think like this. Or you risk losing the man that you obviously love, and the father of your kids, over such a trivial and normal behavior that it’s hard to believe that you’re even asking the question.

    Relax and listen to his side. He is NOT your previous husband. It’s time to move on passed your last marriage, and make your present one work.

    Good luck. I hope it all works out for you

  • Ease up. He is going to look at other women, or lie about it, or both. The best thing would be for him to just be honest about it. You look at other men (don't lie). I bet he doesn't have all these hateful feelings for you because of it. The best thing would be some counseling to address 1. Denial and dishonesty concerning only being able to find one person in the whole world attractive, and 2. Self esteem.

  • I went through this with my ex wife. She felt the same way you do. However, guys like some alone time to themselves as well as wife time. He may like to see something like that once in awhile or he may like something and not want to tell you about it. We enjoy our time with our wives but he may just want to do a quicky where he doesn't have to worry about pleasing anyone but himself.

    Things you can do to help alleviate it all. Be open to try some things he is looking up on the computer at a spur moment. put on a whtie shirt and wet it down when he walks through the door "on accident" , darn that sink faucet.

    Offer to watch it with him. Tell him you want to put on a porn and watch it with him. See what excites him.

    Just realize that sometimes we want a quick thing that involves jsut us. It isn't always about wahts on the other side. maybe take some photos and put them on the computer for him. Or if he has a porn folder delete it all and put photos of you in it.

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What Girls Said 29

  • as long as he's with you , that's what matters but he's got to stop it and just tell him that directly and hopefully he gets over this addiction of his.

  • Speaking from the perspective of a grown woman your age, there's nothing wrong with you or him. This has nothing to do with you. It's just a fantasy he has, and it's involving pictures and not real people. It doesn't mean you aren't enough. You've never fantasized about another man? It's not meant to be anything that materializes in any realistic way. It's a harmless hormonal thing. I suggest you invest in some toys and have your own fantasy life so you won't feel bad about it anymore.

  • you can't punish your 2nd husband for your 1st husband's wrong actions

    when I watch porn it's strictly to get me off

    in no way do I wish I was that girl

    the only thing it does is get me a little off and makes me crave sex with justin even more.

    that's it.

    if it's a problem that's one thing but porn is harmless.

    he's not "choosing" you over anyone

    you're the one he says I love you to and said 'i do' to.

    if he wanted girls like that, he wouldn't be with you.

    if you're that threatened and feel really insecure ask him if that's something he wants to try

  • My heart breaks for you. I can't imagine what it must've felt like to discover what was going on. While men are naturally visual, there's a very big line drawn between curiosity and obsession. bikini girls in a magazine is one thing, but pornography crosses the line. Porn addiction is real, and it ruins marriages. Confront him, and tell him that you want counseling. Your concerns are warranted, and even a counselor would have something to say about it. If he respects you he'll consent.

    Best of luck. Stay strong.

  • It hurts you, so he should get rid of it. End of discussion.

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