Why would my husband have the need/desire to look at other naked women on the computer? (Page 2)
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Testosterone is a hell of a drug. Men checking out women is not perverted behavior, IT'S BIOLOGY! Now, in a marriage, a man is wise to hide his natural curiosity from his wife, but just because he's checking out internet porn doesn't mean he's cheating. Every healthy man with a pulse is doing likewise.
Trust me, you wouldn't want him if he weren't a masculine man. You'd be on here calling him a p*ssy, a wimp and every other derogatory term you could think to type. It's understandable that you don't want porn shoved in your face, but this is just part of the deal with men. You can't want a man to be masculine and then demand that he shut off his sex drive. Doesn't work that way.
Good with the bad.
That is a pathetic answer from a addict to porn.
You really have a whole sexual shame thing going on. I feel very, very sorry for you.
I agree with Rahim517. Porn isn't a big deal unless it controls your life. It can be really fun. :P
> You can't want a man to be masculine and then demand that he shut off his sex drive.
Well phrased. That's basically it.
You have every right to feel upset. While some people will tell you that porn is "normal", it's also your RIGHT to be with someone who shares your view and only wants you. If he knew from the start that you didn't like porn and how it felt for you, then he should have respected that. In this case, he didn't.
I feel the exact same way
I answer this same basic question a lot here and in real life too.
I personally feel that it has NOTHING to do with desire or intent and EVERYTHING to do with primal instinct!
Very few species on this planet actually practice monogamy. If you look at the natural world you see males mating with as many females as they can. Why? Diversity. Spreading the strong genetic characteristics that allowed him to get the females in the first place.
Well, News Flash. Human Beings live under the same natural laws that the animals do. Yes, he have opposing thumbs and walk upright... but according to a lot of scientist dudes we didn't always! Our lives are made up of our experiences AND our instincts! Every time we try to mold the laws of nature around our humanity and our MASSIVE human egos it ends up in disaster.
Then again, I could be full of sh*t!
My heart breaks for you. I can't imagine what it must've felt like to discover what was going on. While men are naturally visual, there's a very big line drawn between curiosity and obsession. bikini girls in a magazine is one thing, but pornography crosses the line. Porn addiction is real, and it ruins marriages. Confront him, and tell him that you want counseling. Your concerns are warranted, and even a counselor would have something to say about it. If he respects you he'll consent.
Best of luck. Stay strong.
get over it, guys look at porn, that's the way it is. he's not doing anything with the porn star in real life and probably wouldn't even if given a chance. the idea of porn is that its imaginary, its not real, doesn't really happen (do you get the point?) guys look at porn and that's never going to change. it doesn't matter how long you have been married, some times you just have to get off on something and porn is so easy to do that. he still loves you, still does things with you...so why would you care if he looks at porn? have you ever just been horny and wanted to do something about it? cause that's all he's doing.guys get horny and jerk it asap
you can't punish your 2nd husband for your 1st husband's wrong actions
when I watch porn it's strictly to get me off
in no way do I wish I was that girl
the only thing it does is get me a little off and makes me crave sex with justin even more.
that's it.
if it's a problem that's one thing but porn is harmless.
he's not "choosing" you over anyone
you're the one he says I love you to and said 'i do' to.
if he wanted girls like that, he wouldn't be with you.
if you're that threatened and feel really insecure ask him if that's something he wants to try
your not married to a prev. your married to a man. all men are prevs to a certain extent.
that said, pornography can be more addictive than heroin. its not that he isn't getting what he needs from you, its that its VERY easy to get on the computer to pay taxes and end up looking at naked women... easier than you would think.
dont be hurt, but maybe he should get some counseling... I'm not a big fan of most of the advice that shrinks give people... but like I said, to men porn is really really addictive.
Ya know what.
I am in the same situation your in. I'm a fine ass girl who does everything in the bedroom.
But yet when guys are with me they have the desire to look at other women, although guys that walk past them are looking at me.
I have come to the determination that men may be satisfied with their women in the bedroom,
but they will always have the desire to look at other women.
It is something natural and it is something you have to get over. Eyes are made for looking. As long as he isn't disrespecting you and getting other girls numbers. Everything should be fine.
Exactly. As he's looking at other women, the other guys with them are looking at you. Nobody is in imminent danger of jumping ship. Guys always look.
(Or they stifle themselves with great effort even as they remain intensely aware of the women they're "not looking at.")
Porn has nothing to do with how he feels about you or what he thinks of you.Porn is for entertainment and to help people get off.A person can be with the sexiest person on earth,have earth shattering orgasms and the best sex with them,but the best sex is always with ones self.Why?Who knows yourself,your body and your pleasure better than you.Men are visual,and porn just allows them to be turned on.You're insecurity and jealousy is what will push him away.porn is just to help people get off,if he wanted someone else,i guarantee he would be with someone else.You can't be there every moment of his life every time he gets horny or needs to release
if he still has these urges to look at porn when you are already beautiful and you keep him satisfied, I think there's something really wrong in his head. He really needs to go see a counselor to help him with his addiction! What was his reason for looking at it ? Did you ask him why he does it? It could be a sign that his getting bored and that he wants to spice things up? I need more info so I can give you a better answer! I want to know what was his perspective in doing what he did! Get back at me.
This is something he has to deal with. If he wants to quit he will. If he doesn't he won't. I had a friend who's husband looked at porn. She was sensitive to porn like you are and couldn't stop thinking about it. It's ruining her relationship with her husband. She tried making him quit. She put up blocks on his computer, took the computer away, and eventually cut the cord to the computer. This made things worse. He didn't want to quit.
If he's addicted like this, you might as well get out of the relationship if you think you can't handle it.
In my personal opinion, porn is childish. Why not have a real woman satisfy your sexual needs? Men need to grow up.
Even if you do have a great sex life, men do like to fanticize other women. It doesn't mean he loves you less or is loosing interest. If he knew how you felt about that sort of thing, that's his fault for disrespecting you. Its not uncommon for men to do that so don't think your married to a perv. Before you forgive him, you need to make sure he knows your serious and your really hurt. And if it continues seek help from a professional. My boyfriend asked me if it was okay to watch porn. And I told him no. I found him doing it one day and I asked him why? He told me just for the fantacy. We are no longer together. But, I wish you luck!
Porn, and that kind of thing, is for when you are single.
When I am in a relationship, I NEVER look online, or even care, in public, when seeing another woman, even though I would be attracted, if I was single!
When I am with a Lady, I AM WITH HER! NO OTHERS EXIST!!
She is my all, my EVERYTHING!!! That's what I want it to be! Trust, faithfulness, and integrity!
I am sorry that this guy is behaving like this, and doesn't know that somehow, some way, you will find out, and feel terrible!
I don't understand this one's thoughts, and it makes no sense to me!
I went through this with my ex wife. She felt the same way you do. However, guys like some alone time to themselves as well as wife time. He may like to see something like that once in awhile or he may like something and not want to tell you about it. We enjoy our time with our wives but he may just want to do a quicky where he doesn't have to worry about pleasing anyone but himself.
Things you can do to help alleviate it all. Be open to try some things he is looking up on the computer at a spur moment. put on a whtie shirt and wet it down when he walks through the door "on accident" , darn that sink faucet.
Offer to watch it with him. Tell him you want to put on a porn and watch it with him. See what excites him.
Just realize that sometimes we want a quick thing that involves jsut us. It isn't always about wahts on the other side. maybe take some photos and put them on the computer for him. Or if he has a porn folder delete it all and put photos of you in it.
It sounds like he has a porn addiction. It's very common these days as you can tell by all the replies from addicts rationalizing their addiction and calling everybody else a "prude" because they aren't addicted like themselves.
Since you have kids, I would definitely try to work with him to help him quit. What helped me give up my porn addiction was reading the "Easy Peasy PMO method" and developing other hobbies and interests to take the place of my bad habits. If I get an urge to watch porn, I immediately do something else like workout or go for a walk. It's a tough addiction to get over because it's very easily accessible, but it is possible to get over it.
If you ask me looking at porn is normal. If a cut guy goes by you with his shirt off you look don't you? If I see a girl in wet look leggings I look it's just normal. I look at some porn on line once in a while my sister ogles naked men on line and her and her girl friends send pictures of naked men to each other. I don't see what the problem is. Unless you husband IS some kind of pervert and he's constantly surfing porn and e mailing these women etc It seems just like a person looking for natural sexual release. Being jealous of a bunch of porn women and cgi images that he looks at seems a little odd to me. Maybe you should go and see a professional if this persists it doesn't sound healthy.
What did guys do before porn existed? Before the internet and magazines? Doesn't seem natural at all.
Wow...get over yourself please, men look at porn all the time even if they love someone such as yourself, you sound like you have confidence issues, it's fine to check out other women just like you check out other men but the fact is your in a relationship and you both love each other if there's no trust between you two then why bother?
You're telling me that when you look at pictures of naked women, you're only LOOKING. You never imagine sexual acts? Bull... You can't try to justify pornography. It's degrading to women, and causes a rift in marriages. They call it porn ADDICTION for a reason. Fortunately, women's brains aren't set up like men's- so when we see attractive males, we can appreciate their physique, but don't imagine bedding them, or other explicit acts. And we generally don't seek naked pictures of them either.
Hey "love guru," men are different than women in their sexual behaviors because of a thing called testosterone. You can't compare the two genders. Take the most aroused you've ever been, multiply that by 100, and that's the level of arousal a 20 year-old male has on an average day. You may not like your man looking at porn because you think it's a sign he wants to cheat, but that's simply not the case. If you don't like it, marry a woman. They generally have little interest in sex.
Another dumb ass answer . Jack off is a action of a selfish person.
You should learn the language before you try to communicate with others in writing.
To The-Love-guru: Lol. :P I love porn. So speak for yourself!!
My boyfriends the same way. I give him anything he wants sexually, and he still insists on watching porn. What I've learned? Men are horny. You are probably super sexy, but he's just being a man. Once they've seen one woman naked, they want to see them all. What I've learned to do? Next time you catch him masterbating to porn either on t.v. or internet, walk up to him confidently and begin giving him oral. Invite him to enjoy a porn with you the next time you enjoy intercourse. ...you never know, This could turn you on just as much as it does him.
Don't freak out. He's just being a man. He knows you're beautiful. And if you can't beat him, join him. Sit down beside him and start watching it. That'll turn him on more than you know.
Tell him how you do really feel about the situation. Ask him if you don't satisfied him enough so that's why he sees pornography, ask him if he does really know how you do feel.
Independently his answer, you should keep up your self steem and think about the most important thing: your family.
But most important, tell him to shut off all that porno, not because you "want to ruin his fun", because of your children, what will happen if one of them busts him like you did or sees it accidentally? As advice, you have to do a parental block in your computer, but also tell him before you do it.
I think its more of your problem than his.First thing when you knew he watches it and you don't like it then you shouldn't have married him.Second thing is that after 10+ year old marriage and you are still stuck with the reason that failed your first marriage to me it looks like you have ego problem as well as insecurity issues.Probably you really don't want your marriage to work otherwise getting divorced over some stupid reason like porn doesn't make sense.