How My Religion Screwed Me Up!

[Anonymous]

I respect everyone's religion, and this is my personal experience.

Growing up, I came from a very strict, religious family. We didn't talk about sex, or drinking- all I knew is that I had to get good grades, listen to my parents, and absolutely no sex before marriage. And most definitely no living together with a guy before a ring on my finger. Now I never questioned this, in fact it only became an issue when I turned 23 years of age.

I was fully prepared and open to a relationship. However after so much dating and being disappointed I started to notice a trend. Because I had needs and natural urges, I was more inclined to stay in unfulfilling relationships, just because I was ready to get married and settled down. It became a real problem furthermore, when I met someone I really liked, and decided to move in with him.

Gerald was super romantic, sweet and non-religious. Although this was an issue at first, I grew to enjoy spending our time together. Before I knew it, it was our 1 year anniversary and we decided to do the inevitable. Move in together! I knew that I wasn't ready for marriage at 24 years of age, and I wanted to enjoy living with him and getting to know him. So I told my parents...

My parents were extremely angry and disappointed in my decision to move in with Gerald. We had a few fights and they didn't talk to me for 2 months. Finally they came around, as they didn't want to lose their only daughter. I told my mom that I decided to give up my virginity, but that I was ok with that. My mom was very sad and had a hard time, but she respected my wishes.

Things between Gerald and I didn't work out, and I am living with a roommate now. I am glad that I decided to follow against my religion and my parent's views. Honestly, had I kept to that- I would have been married to someone that I would have settled for, and I would never be ok with that. I started to ponder about all of my previous relationships and how I could have enjoyed doing what I wanted and what came naturally, but I declined all of this just to please someone and something that I didn't believe in.

[btbc92]

Here is what I say is wrong with you: your confused. You don't know what you want. You say religion screwed you up but that is far from the truth. Saving yourself for marriage would have been the wise decision, following your parent's advice and not moving in with anybody before marriage is and always have been the wise decision. Your problem: you're impatient. While you may not believe and never have, the issue is you will forever be confused. Those are not religious views, these are life views. And not everybody is going to believe in the same thing. BUT, you will suffer this. Gerald will not be the first and certainly not the last if you continue down this path your in. It will not get better. That decision puts your soul and his soul on the line.

You are married to Gerald, spiritually illegally. You held no understanding why it is wrong. And right now may not be enough to wake you up to the reality of it. Now Gerald will forever be part of you and it can and will eventually determine how you will handle you future relationships for now on. Thank you for sharing your story and experience. But you need to seriously reevaluate yourself because you don't know about sex still. Your parents did what they had to do, they can't control you. But you don't see how you've badly hurt them. Sex outside of marriage is selfishness. You can't love when you're selfish. Gerald got what he wanted. But you lost out on the blessing had you not been with Gerald. I just pray and hope you are seriously prepared for what is about to come.

[myTake Owner]

I made the right decision for myself. Waiting for marriage to have sex, or waiting for marriage to move in with my boyfriend were viewed by me as something sacred; which it is. But at the end of the day, I am happy that I chose what I did. Although I may have strayed for the path and decided to indulge, I was about to marry the wrong man prior to Gerald... wrong in that I would have married him to keep my parents happy, and to have sex. I would have ended up divorced and if not divorced then unhappy, and potentially with children? It's scary. Thanks for your opinion.

[Lightspeed-Lemon]

It's not that you would have married Gerald if you'd followed your religion. You simply wouldn't have moved in with him when he asked, which may have been the right course of action since the relationship fell apart anyway. It doesn't sound like religion screwed you up. However, plenty of people are screwed up by not having any moral values or ideals instilled in them while growing up. As a result, they fall into drugs, materialism, or promiscuous sex, thinking these will lead to happiness. The paradox is that people who live for God and for others find more personal happiness than people who only live for themselves.

[19magic]

So your belief in God and that he loves you makes you happy. Not the real love you get from friends and family, or the little things like seeing a baby laugh, feeling a refreshing breeze. Anything being used to replace a hole is detrimental to your health, but it depends how you use it. If you use stuff because it's fun then there's nothing wrong with that, if your using stuff to get away from something that's happening within your life that's when things are bad.

[Lightspeed-Lemon]

@19magic Why do you assume that the love of friends and family, baby laughter, or refreshing breezes have nothing to do with God? Many believe it's in these kinds of simple things that we see God most clearly.

[19magic]

So you see an all mighty being in other people, within other people. I can understand nature to an extent, but seeing God in a baby's laugh, is something that sounds really odd to me. What it's hod voice you hear or it becuase of God that you hear such a sound, or are you going to say if jesus wasn't brought to us and didn't die for us, this baby wouldn't have been born, and such we wouldn't be able to hear it laugh.

[Lightspeed-Lemon]

@19magic I'm not here to convert you. You are ridiculing the image of God as a magical being in the sky. But to some, "God" is simply a higher power or the "source code" of the universe. There are certainly dimensions higher than ours, so to think we are the highest power out there is hubris. Consider how elegant and balanced the universe is, governed by laws like gravitation, time, dimension, etc. There are literally hundreds of thousands of other galaxies and possibly an infinite number of other universes. You either believe all this somehow got created by accident out of NOTHING... or you think there must be more to it. That there could be a grand pattern or ultimate purpose to existence that we as a race and as individuals are helping to fulfill. Maybe you look at Mount Rushmore and think the faces in the rock were caused by natural erosion, but others see the work of an intelligence there.

[19magic]

Sorry if I seemed argumentative, I'm just curious what brought you to those conclusions. There's a lot in life that can't be explained, like isn't the Easter islands one of those things. I just never understood when people say they've seen God, or that God will help them live when their poor, stave often and still bring babies into this world. It's things like that, that make me ask how and why.

[DaniaMQ]

Good thing you didn't get married to him if at the end it didn't work out but... i can't see how religion had to do with it?
you usually hear things like "guys/girls want to have sex before marriage coz there's no commitment" ... thats the thing... once you get what you want its over (not for everyone of course, but mostly) and that's why I think religion forbids it. Besides, if you actually move in with the guy, and then have sex and all before marriage then wth is the point of getting married? I don't think there is, and that's why LOTS of people (especially teens) don't want to get married anymore. If you want to get married to a person its something for the rest of your life. That means the personality is what TRULY matters... not how things go in bed. So... if the relationship ended coz of his personality or whatever then it hasn't got to do with doing It or not before marriage or at least that's what I think. And by the way, I'm not trying to offend you or attack you or anything like that (sorry if it seems like it), its just what I personally think

[windknowsmyname]

My thoughts about this is that it's a life lesson as you may speak but I can't help but to say your religion has nothing to do your dating life. Nor it screwed you up. Here's why. Sex before marriage is a thing struggle with, plus I'm introverted, and s Christian. So you know my social skills suck my dating life suck, and then some. Things fall out of place when you handle it poorly, when you react insanely, when stop trusting in the Holy Spirit and when you give up on self discipline. Urges comes! That's true. I'd be 1st horn dog in strip club begging for sex. But real self discipline tells you to marry. In the Christian bible ( that I personally feel been altered) says if you can't exsercise control then it's better to marry. If your parents disagree with your partner and you like him. You call upon the Holy Spirit. If you feel that it's not working. Then go on. Your going to need the experience necessary one way or another. Sorry if I rambled enough. But I feel that experience can't screw you up unless your of the world.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Yes Many Bible are corrupt. Stick with the NKjV. All these "modern" Bibles are watered down and pure garbage.

[slatyb]

@Hispanic-Cool-Guy There's nothing magical about the King James bible, except that it's written in archaic English, and that sounds all mystical and official because we only hear it when reading the Bible. Even Shakespeare's English is more modern than the KJV. All the modern versions of the Bible are translated from sources older than the KJV, but into modern English.

[I-am-a-nobody]

Religion did not mess you up.
You really have a false choice of
1) marriage to Gerald (who really didn't love you)
2) unfulfilling relationships because of your urges

You really needed to wait and learn patience which would build your character and pay dividends in the future. It's not "fun" to be patient, but it really is the best course. If you really trusted God, this would be less of a problem, but you've kind of been living off your parents faith, while not having a faith of your own. I've heard Billy Graham say something like, "God doesn't have grandchildren, He has children." You need to have a DIRECT relationship with God and not one through your parents.

I don't want to paint as bleak a picture as btbc92, but you've made a mistake living with Gerald. You really need to reevaluate your life and the direction you're headed.

[myTake Owner]

I made the right decision for myself. Waiting for marriage to have sex, or waiting for marriage to move in with my boyfriend were viewed by me as something sacred; which it is. But at the end of the day, I am happy that I chose what I did. Although I may have strayed for the path and decided to indulge, I was about to marry the wrong man prior to Gerald... wrong in that I would have married him to keep my parents happy, and to have sex. I would have ended up divorced and if not divorced then unhappy, and potentially with children? It's scary. Thanks for your opinion.

[JDavid25]

That has less to do with "religion" and more to do with you finally getting freedom, and lacking self control and discipline.. You just didn't have patience and wanted to yo things yo way instead of God's..

[slatyb]

@JDavid25 You haven't given her or anyone else a good reason to wait, except YOUR belief that somehow that's what God wants. How you came to that conclusion I have no clue. No one knows whether God exists, and if he exists, whether God cares at all about human behavior.

[JDavid25]

@slatyb.. I don't know if she is still a Christian cause I know that's the "religion" she's talkin about, and whether she waits or not is her choice.. What I'm doin and tellin her that religion wasn't her problem.. And that what she thought was best for her probably wasn't.. Just her satisfaction with fittin into society as an adult.. I know that God exist, with the amount of things I've experienced, and if he did obviously he cares about us if we were made with feelings, a purpose, and wanting to be loved..

[slatyb]

@JDavid25 I don't understand how you think that she made the wrong decision. They had mutually enjoyable sex. The relationship ended. That happens. People who wait tend to marry too young and their marriages fail at high rates. She wisely avoided that trap.

[JDavid25]

@slatyb.. Well, yeah she was wise in the fact that she didn't jump into married just to have sex, and love somebody.. But it's not about marrying too young, it's about marrying the wrong person for the wrong reasons.. And according to the religion she talked about.. it was a bad decision.. And yes, I know it happens.. All the time..

[JDavid25]

She didn't jump into marriage**...

[I-am-a-nobody]

@slatyb
You said...
"People who wait tend to marry too young and their marriages fail at high rates."

However, , people who wait tend to have the most stable marriages and by a very wide margin.
family-studies.org/.../

[Phoenix98]

Well your family didn't follow the word of God then I am afraid or they misinterpreted the bible.

As for religion screwing up your life lol religion had nothing to do with it as both @I-am-a-nobody and @btbc92 I am not saying you didn't make the right choice by not marry Gerald but the outcome that resulted because of the choices you made was not because of religion but because of exactly that the choices you made and your own urges, among other things.

It's easy to blame religion but it's not the source of your problems and issues.

[John_Doesnt]

That's the No True Scotsman fallacy. Saying "They didn't follow the word of God" is based on your personal opinion of what your God believes.
Isn't it a coincidence that everyone's God agrees with everything they say/do?

[Phoenix98]

@John_Doesnt No it's based on what the actual bible say's.

For instance there isn't a prudish note or verse from genesis to revelations in fact there is an entire book in the bible that does nothing but celebrate the erotic love of sex. And god encourages people to be knowledgeable about sex and what it was created for and when it should be done which is after marriage.

Already knowing that, I can tell that they aren't following it I can tell the same thing from the fact that they never talked about drinking and that hey were fine with her being with a none believer.

So it's not my personal opinion just biblical fact, I'm sure they thought or think they are following it but from what I am reading they missed something somewhere. Unless the asker left something out.

[John_Doesnt]

The bible also says that slavery is a natural part of the human condition and that a person should be stoned to death for working on the Sabbath. But you don't follow those "word's of God" either.

[slatyb]

I don't think she has a problem now. She was taught to value virginity over happiness, rejected that dogma, and is happier for it.

[spoonman2014]

Mine affected my love life. I lost my virginity a long time ago but I go through phases where i'm petrified to talk to girls sometimes. And my political views, i'm liberal but right wing ideas hangover like a dark cloud, now not all of them are bad views but hating on certain demographics because of the bible and traditional American values are stupid. My dad a black man from the shitty parts of philly thinks liberals are evil.
I think if they were truly terrible they wouldn't be a major political party ya know?

[KnightCross]

well don't blame the religion if u didn't have a happy end.

if u haven't moved to Gerard's probably u would not have conceded ur virginity and u would still be virgin and not that hurt and bitter as u sound to be. really don't blame ur parents or God because of things that u urself screwed up.

if u didn't believe in since the beginning, ok so u should have just go for it... but i will say what ur parents probably have already said to u:"things will not end well and u will end up a lot hurt in the process". but that's ur decision. some people needs to learn by the hard way, with pain until they learn things about life.

[art84]

Sounds more like you wanted to settle down and didn't want to wait. I have a friend who was in a similar situation where she grew up with a strict mother and it was her rules or nothing. The girl eventually got in an argument with her mother when she found out that her daughter was pregnant. The girl ran off with the guy and got married. Now the girl lives with the guy and her child and is happy now. Still it makes me wonder what would have happen if my friend not gotten married, she would have probably been forced to settle for someone she didn't want to and gotten married at an older age instead of her early 20's.

[JDavid25]

This mytake actually had nothing to do with yo religion and more to do with yo parents being super strict on you.. When you finally got out, you got to do what you wanted, and did it.. But, who said you weren't ready for marriage at 24.. You ready when you ready.. Obviously you were just impatience for a relationship, and sex, and wanted to jump on in there..

[slatyb]

It has a everything to do with religious teaching. These days, the idea that girls should remain virgins until marriage is inevitably rooted on some fundamentalist religion, whether Christianity, Islam, Judaism, or Hinduism. Her parents didn't make up the prohibition against sex before marriage all on their own.

[JDavid25]

@slatyb.. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with waitin til marriage.. You just gotta have self control.. I prefer to lean on God simply cause I'mma male with a fairly high libido.. Otherwise you do go straight into marriage because you felt you suppressed yoself.. Me, I'm takin it slow.. at 23 I'm still a virgin and do plan on waiting for the right girl, and gettin married..

[natured]

Hello dear, well you just created a whole lot of fuss about this topic, but I wanted to tell you that YOU made the perfect decision and it is important to feel good about yourself, yes, religion does have impacts on people, but SOME like those impacts SOME DON'T, I didn't like them either and I never even let the influence me from the get go since my parents gave me the freedom to choose.

<3 Take care and good luck

[slatyb]

You made a good decision not to rush into a marriage just to meet your sexual needs. When it comes to abstinence until marriage, there are a lot more talkers than doers. Abstinence until marriage has been unpopular in the US since the 1940s. Have you asked your mother if she was a virgin on her wedding night?

[CheckPlease]

I'm confuse you say that your religion and up bringing are a problem and then your glad that you decided to follow it and your parents?
It sounds more like your upbringing shaped you a whole lot more than your religion?

[levantine99]

victim mentality won't help you. its neither your religion's or your parents' fault. they did the best they could for you. doing "what you wanted" wouldn't make you more mature nor more happy... .

[Anonymous]

I married my first love because we wanted to be together physically. Had a kid in my early twenties but finished my studies, over the years I find myself attracted to other men but has never done anything about it because its just a crush. Recently met someone who shares not just my religious belief, but my hobby and interest and values. I think I actually fell in love with him but am heart broken when I can't do it, go againts my religion and family. Anyway I've come to accept this is my life.

[jacquesvol]

I was spared that, since my parents ere atheists. But I read and heard stories similar to yours. (about different religions)

[myTake Owner]

I honestly, made the right choice for myself. Or at the very least I didn't allow it to consume me by pushing me into marriage when I wasn't ready

[John_Doesnt]

I like this. My religion screwed me up too. I still have some nightmares about the crazy stories of Hell and the devil & crap.

[Unit1]

Not really directly religion did mess you up but you being your parents puppet so to say. And your parents were linked to religion.

Case solved.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

This has nothing to do with religion. You just wanted to enjoy sex without any commitment.

[slatyb]

And why shouldn't she? That's the miracle of modern science -- we can enjoy sex without getting pregnant or getting some STD.

[skeptic002]

what is your religion?

[skeptic002]

since you won't answer ill post anyway better study your bible hun

GENESIS 6:4
There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them,

These remains were discovered by Saudi oil industry technicians. He or she stood between 15 and 20 feet tall
surbrook.devermore.net/.../giant-skeleton_02.jpg

Egyptian depictions
greaterancestors.com/.../...49446_1660659302_n.jpg

www.talkpundit.com/.../footprint-31.jpg

[slatyb]

Joke right? This has been completely discredited.

[skeptic002]

@slatyb

so the whole earth is a liar
that's what you are saying
good luck with that lie

[slatyb]

https://www.snopes.com/photos/odd/giantman.asp

No, the "whole earth" is not a liar. That photograph is a lie, and the other two are just drawings. You might as well believe that the cover of "The Little Prince" proves that once there was a child as big as a whole planed. The Greeks have stories of giants too, and monsters, and those Greek myths are as true as the book of Genesis.

[skeptic002]

@slatyb

one get your facts straight I HAVE NOT posted any of those pictures ON THE SNOPE SITE I know those are fake I DO NOT POST THOSE
3 to 4 years of study on ancient history you sound dumb

and yes by you saying giants are fake
you are calling the whole earth a liar

lets me show you

BIBLE
Sons of God came down had sex with the women they gave birth to giants

GREEK
Zeus came down had sex with the women gave birth to giants

Norse
the Gods came down had sex with women gave birth to giants or jotun

Sumerian
Annunaki came down had sex with the women gave birth to giants

Book of enoch
Angels came down had sex with the women gave birth to giants

I keep going!!!
so yes you are saying the whole earth is lying that's how ignorant you are

THIS EVENT COVERED THE WHOLE EARTH AND AS FOR THE MONSTERS OF GREEK HISTORY THEY ARE REAL

[slatyb]

There are no remains of giant humans. The bit about the Saudi oil industry technicians is fake news.

[skeptic002]

@slatyb

that's a female its 9ft im 6+ in height and I have stood next to 7 foot men they make me feel small so this women is huge so how big are the men
www.sott.net/.../giant_mound_builder.jpg

it's obvious to anyone this is real

Matthew 24:37
As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man

they are gonna return and they are gonna rape the women again and more
calmcrash.files.wordpress.com/.../...feet-tall.jpg

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...f4d542332c.jpg

greaterancestors.com/.../...49446_1660659302_n.jpg

truthwatchers.com/.../Hebrew-1.jpg

[slatyb]

Look up the square-cube law. A 9-foot tall person would need much thicker proportions to support all that weight. If a 6-foot tall person weighs 100kg, then a 9-foot tall person with the same proportions would weigh 335kg. Their legs would have to be elephantine to support all that weight. But we don't see that in the drawings or fake photos. We see a normally proportioned skeleton, not the skeleton of a 9-foot tall person.

[skeptic002]

@slatyb

stop trying to sound smart most of the science of today is crap anyway

go based off physical evidence I mean this thing we call the GREAT WALL OF CHINA
vizts.com/.../great-wall-of-china-view.jpg

was once called THE RAMPARTS OF OG AND MAGOG
og and magog where 2 giant kings from past history that ruled over certain areas

and today they still worship these idiots like dumbasses today they parade 2 giant statues through the streets of Europe they call it the LORD MAYOR PARADE

i.telegraph.co.uk/.../Gog_3429653b.jpg

see anyone who has studied the ancient past knows there where real giants

[slatyb]

LOL. You can't follow basic math and physics but you don't have to because someone read the Bible to you. So you have all the answers and know better than all those people with their fancy education's.

[skeptic002]

@slatyb

at this point in my life
I DO KNOW MORE THEN THEM

Hosea 4:6 for my children are destroyed for lack of knowledge

[Anonymous]

im sorry?