Why Are Men So Needy?

I'm a stay at home fiancee? My fiancee works from home so were together constantly. I cook everything that he eats. I wake up. Shower. Cook him whatever he wants for breakfast. He is 6‘7” 185 so he usually eats it all. I eat cereal. I start cleaning while I wait on him hand and foot. at 12pm I start to cook lunch. he's eating by 1. I start cleaning again and I'm usually done by 2. I go out with friends and get back by 5. Dinners ready by 7:30. Twice a week he goes to his office. I bring him lunch there. Twice a week his nephew comes over which means I have to get him from the next town over. Wake up at six to get him ready for school. Take him to school. And get him from after care at his school in the next town over. Also I do laundry every Monday and Thursday. I have no problem with any of this. I'm a “bred housewife” as my dad would say. lol. My problem is him wanting sex twice a day. Am I being dramatic? Or do you guys see the problem?

 

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    He may be the one who's earning money, but you're working full time waiting on him hand and foot and driving his guests around. How do two people create enough mess to require you to clean for hours each day anyhow? Even if you're happy to fill the housewife role, that doesn't mean you should let him walk all over you. He needs to be taking your needs into account as well. So if you're feeling tired and busy, let him know, and come up with a compromise. You shouldn't feel that you MUST have sex with him at one time or another.


    The fact that he talked you out of college is a red flag to me. I feel like he's trying to trick you into becoming his housekeeper without much regard for your feelings or respect for you as a person. The fact that you feel stuck is a bad sign. It's not too late for you to go to college and do the things that you want to do. Don't stay with him just for financial support; it's not worth sacrificing your life and goals that are important to you just to escape financial worries.


    My advice to you is to stand up for yourself more and go after what you want. If he really cares about you, he will be cooperative and support you in your endeavors. If you need to get your own job to support yourself through college or allow you more freedom, do it. It doesn't bode well for your relationship if he only wants to be with you if you'll cook and clean for him. You're already feeling frustrated and trapped, so make some changes while you can. Don't marry him while you're unhappy, that will secure things as they are. If you can't fix the relationship so both of you are happy in it, don't go making it into a legally binding lifelong committment. if you can fix the relationship so both of you are getting what you need, great.

  • He wants sex twice a day? or you do?

    • Yea. That shouldn't be a big deal. I know that after having sex for a long time my va jj can hurt too, so doing it twice a day is a little much. Well, if you do it every day neways.

    • we have sex everyday but twice a day is just a little much

    • Well, in reality I don't agree with most of the things he think he can make you do. If you're OK with it that's fine, but the sex thing is up to you. I mean, I'd love doing it twice a day, but if you aren't in the mood it shouldn't be your responsibility. It's not like he's not getting any sex at all. He has to understand that sometimes your just not going to be in the mood.

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  • Excuse me! You knew before that he likes sex twice a day & had no problem with it. You probably enjoyed it. You still should. Making a few meals a day, cleaning & driving a child to & from school, & doing laundry both only twice a week, while getting to go out with friends in the afternoon tires you out? Honey, I work 45 hour + every week, raised 2 kids, made breakfast, packed lunches & made supper everyday, & took them to school everyday. And did the laundry & cleaned the house. I had & still have sex twice a day, because I want too. It isn't a chore!

    If you don't want to, don't do it.

    • I know, sometimes we do feel under appreciated & sometimes just "used," like the help. I think that's the time to have a very gentle talk with him & say baby, we need to get back to "us," so we don't lose what we have. I wouldn't let lose on him about feeling like hired help, he won't take that well, but if you want both of you to appreciate each other more & such, it might be good. Do it in a loving way. Maybe with wine & dessert? We all feel this at times, guys too. Good luck.

    • ohmygod yes. with all my heart. sometimes I get upset and say things like the “3yrs and a range rover later” comment but he's the best thing that has ever happened to me. I needed that question:) you have me bawlin and here. reality check...

    • Do you appreciate him?

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  • Wow... sounds like you're a super lady provider in his eyes. Did he ever consider you like a fiancee at all? Or just someone that serves him like a servant at home including desert twice a day? I think he's not treating you so well... you should start being difficult and show him how you feel. You're not an animal or a machine. You should be given as much love as you're giving him.


    And NO you're DEFINITELY NOT being dramatic. He's a big problem imo.

  • Hmmm...well if you did not work so hard every day...would twice a day sex still be too much? I certainly would not need sex twice a day nowadays...but at that age..yeah I would have liked sex twice a day...liking & getting are two different things tho... I read male ANON below...sounds like you two are almost ready for counseling and haven't even had your honeymoon yet...boy I wouldn't marry someone unless I was SURE! I was 38 when I got married...and it's not easy...my boy is Special Needs (autistic) the stats say that 90% of Special Needs marriages end in divorce. One of the worst killers of marriages is taking your spouse for granted. But you two sound like you are almost there. Better step up the communication or maybe get counseling...or throw in the towel...

    • The LAST thing I wish to do...is feel like I talked you out of a perfectly good relationship...but there are problems here...it is not anywhere NEAR too late to go to college...u are not stuck but the fact that you said "stuck" is an ominous sign to me...the first five years of marriage really should be pretty blissful...it is in that 7-10 year range that interest frequently starts to wane.

    • i dnt really want to give up on him. I graduated high school with a 3.8 and let him talk me out of college...im stuck. I have to make the best of it and I guess teach him to appreciate me. so 16years from now he can go around tellin how much he loves me.

  • Isn't that what a housewife is suppose to do? You're staying at home and not working so I think it's right for him to be able to have his stuff when he needs it. Sorry if I sound rude but if I woman doesn't have a job then doing the home chores should be their job. If the man wants a sammich,make him a freaking sammich. :D

    • Alright,well good luck.

    • yeah. its a promise from high school. but yeah. ill ask him:)

    • Wow,well it looks like you got into that marriage for the wrong things or were probably pressured into that marriage for the wrong things. Anyway well tell him to help around the house or tell him to do some of the things like cook,clean or take out the trash since you two are about to tie the knot anyways and I don't think he would back out just because of a couple of suggestions.

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  • Your fiancee is lazy as hell, and suddenly you generalize all men as needy, really?


    I'm sorry, its blunt but it's the truth. Don't be his mama, tell him to get off his ass and stop babysitting him if your tired of it. If he works from home there isn't any reason he can't at least attempt to help out.

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