Debunking Social Norms: Bisexuality

Welcome to Debunking Social Norms, where I do my best to debunk and overthrow old social doctrines and show that some social taboos are, in fact, perfectly acceptable. In this week's Take, I am going to explain the difference between Bisexuality and Polyamory.


Debunking Social Norms: Bisexuality

A topic near to my heart (I am bisexual), bisexuality is often one of the most misunderstood sexualities within the LGBTQ community. It's not just the general straight population either, many within the homosexual community are ignorant of what it means to be bisexual.

Bisexuality vs. Polyamory

In terms of misunderstanding, this has to be the biggest ignorance that people have in regards to bisexuality: bisexuals are not inherently polyamorous, and polyamorous people are not inherently bisexuals. Those are two completely different categories. Bisexuals do not have a quota to fill: just because I like girls and guys doesn't mean I need to date both. I am content with one and only one. I will not want another person when I am in a relationship in the same way that any monoamorous person will not want another person while they are in a relationship.

Sexually Confused

Nope, I just am less picky than monosexual people. I like masculinity and femininity. Both are attractive to me. Too many times, I have heard from gay men, "So, you just can't make up your mind?" and other belittling statements and questions. From the straight camp, bisexuals get, "You are just confused." We are not confused. We know what we want: man or woman is acceptable.

I Am Not Gay, Nor Am I Straight

If I happen to be dating a man, that doesn't make me gay, it just means that I am in a homosexual relationship. If I happen to be dating a woman, that doesn't make me straight. I am bisexual because I like both men and women. That is really the only qualifying factor of bisexuality.


Thank you for taking the time to read my Take. I am taking ideas for my next Debunking Social Norms, so leave your ideas in the comments or message me.

Debunking Social Norms: Girls Asking Out Guys

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Most Helpful Guy

  • So how would marriage work?
    Would you get either a gay marriage or a straight marriage?
    Wouldn't that make you exclusively one or the other in the end?

    How about dating a man and a woman at the same time would that work?

    • Well, it's all about who I would be with for the rest of my life. Think of it this way: just because a man marries a woman, that doesn't mean that he only has an eye for that woman. He will still find other women attractive. If he is a faithful person, he won't cheat. This is just the same for bisexuals, but we have a larger group of people we are attracted to than monosexuals (hetero and homosexual). As for dating a man and woman, that's a section of sexuality called polyamory (many loves). Polyamory is not exclusive to bisexuality, as there are straight and gay polyamorists. The difference between polyamory and cheating is that the other partner knows that they are seeing someone else, and that they are ok with that.

    • Thanks for clearing that up. Who do you find it easier to get a girlfriend or a bf? I'd assume a girlfriend since straight people are the majority but then again women are very complicated.

    • Men are easier to get into bed, but women are easier to get in relationships with. In my experience that is.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I understand all of that, but it still doesn't change the fact that I don't want to date any of you. I get asked why so many times and many think it's because I believe in the stereotypes: I don't.. lol.

    • So why are you against dating bisexuals?

    • Not interested in any man that's done anything with other men. It's a sexual turn-off.

    • Fair enough. At least you have a decent reason.

  • I agree. Something else you could have added to the take is that bisexuals also are not more likely to cheat just because they feel attraction towards both males and females. Yes, in a sense you have more people to choose from I guess, but that doesn't mean that you'll start chasing after everyone you're attracted to despite already being in a relationship. Bisexuals are capable of practicing restraint, just like any other decent human being. I'm straight, but it still really pisses me off when people say that they refuse to date bisexual people just because they would be more afraid of their partner cheating on them. Come on. Cheating has nothing to do with your sexuality, it has to do with your personality and your morals.

    • its the attraction and mutual understanding you have with someone be it male or female that makes your relationship. to be honest there's not a lot of diffrence in realtionships when you are living together ;)

  • Also would like to point out: Being polyamorous also does not mean you have a quote to fill, nor does it mean you need to be dating both genders.

    There are homosexual and heterosexual and bi and pansexual polyamorous people, and many people who are polyamorous do not always have more than one partner at any given time. Other wise, I really like this take, because a lot of people do have that confusion--if someone who's bi is dating someone, people tend to assume 'oh so your gay/straight' based on your partner's gender.

    and the whole 'confused' thing just gets on my nerves cx

    • ^ I agree

  • I'm bi I have been w

    • with 6 women in my life 3 of which were genuine relationships 1-2 years and 1 was much longer and i still have relations with her sometimes with my current man. my experiences with women make up just over 1/3 of my total sexual partners and 1/4 of all my longterm relationships.. i swing more towards guys but will always be attracted to the women & for now i have a great relationship with my guy

  • I really liked this take, thank you for shedding some light on the typical misunderstandings and stereotypes we face, I still haven't managed to come out as bisexual to my parents because I'm just way too scared of how they would react since they are quite conservative but they would probably just say 'It's only a phase' anyways.. :(

    • Don't worry. My family is Catholic in the strictest definition. My grandmother has an autograph of every pope that she has lived to see. They were slow to understanding, but eventually, they came to accept me and my lesbian cousin for who we are.

    • Same here! only my sister knows im bisexual. I don't know when and if I will tell my parents.

  • It amazes me how so many people can't grasp or understand how some people like both men and women. I'm straight and it's easy for me to understand. People who don't get it clearly have some very wrong ideas about sexuality and identify.

  • Yayyy to LGBT <3 <3 <3

    • Three down votes :(

  • I am asexual. It is kind of funny buy I feel asexual people amd polysexual (bi, pan) people have more in common than asexual people do with monosexual (straight, gay) people. I can not speak for the other way around. It is like we face the opposite ends of the same double standards. I have several poly friends, and I have heard their frustrations with these miconceptions. Good take!

  • You'd think people would get it. It's as simple as you say, but everyone always assumes you're either saying you're bisexual to make being gay look better, or that you're just looking for attention, etc. A lot of gay people seem to look down on bisexuals. Like we're just slutty and want everyone.

  • Thanks for this take but I would like to point out that many people believe that bisexual people can't choose simply because SOME don't or they flip flop between men and women constantly. Now if someone makes this assumption without even knowing anyone who does this then they are just being ignorant. I'm speaking from experience. I have a relative who has 2 kids. One minute she was with a woman and the next she was with a guy whom she was pregnant for, by the time the first child was born she was back dating women for a while and they broke up and then she started dating another guy who she got pregnant for a 2nd time. While she was seeing him she got back with her ex girlfriend and it did not last but by the time this 2nd child was born she had a new girlfriend. I have an aunt who has 3 children they are all adults but ever since I can remember she always had a girlfriend she never went back to men. My point is everyone's situation is different. A bi person that dates men and women simultaneously or one and then the next is no different from a straight person who is not monogamous or is a serial dater. Who are we to judge?

    • Wow. Isn't life complex enough?

    • @Gojira I guess not

  • Finally someone who acknowledges that my sexuality exists

  • I think it would have been great if you explained what "Polyamory" is, too.

    • Polyamory basically means that you prefer to be in multiple relationships. This is different from cheating, because where cheating involves deceit, polyamory is about openness and expressing your desires. Monoamory is the opposite: it is about exclusivity.

  • I believe bisexuality is the same as being gay. The only difference is gays are more set on one sex (being the same). Bisexuals are more confused. Bisexuals are straight people trying to repent more. But then that could be gays as well. But still, being gay or bisexual is a sin. The only difference, bisexuals are most likely going to marry the opposite sex.

  • This didn't debunk anything.

    • This was made to debunk the social stereotypes of bisexuality by showing the ways in which bisexuals are stereotyped and explaining how those stereotypes are wrong.

    • I know why you wrote it.

    • Well, then why do you feel like this didn't debunk anything?

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  • Thank God I'm straight and never had a choice in the matter. What this really does for me is make me even more thankful that my natural attraction is to the opposite sex only and that's one part of my life I'll never have to try to simplify. It's already as simple as it ever needs to be.

    Thanks for clarifying some terms though. That did help.

  • I'm bisexual and I really hate how everyone assumes I'm confused or going through a phase. I've liked both sexes since I was a child. I know who I am.

    Being bi is fluid. We can like one sex more than the other at different times through our lives. I used to prefer women over men. Then men over women. All depends.

    Being bi is frustrating sometimes because we can get shunned from the gay community, and of course even the straight.

    • Biphobia is huge in the gay community. Especially among lesbians.. they can be such bigots.

  • I've never been with a woman, just kissing but I can't wait to be with one.

    I still identify as bisexual and my gay friends always told me " I would never date a bisexual because they're confused". The lack of understanding in that statement is huge but they don't see it.

  • I never met a lesbian that didn't suck cock.

    • Then you never met a real lesbian

  • You know I don't know why the LGBT community has to make US accept them, isn't it up to you to accept yourself as who you are and not care what we heterosexuals think? I understand you need to promote your rights but I'm really sick of having it shoved in my face, I can't even watch a TV series anymore without two guys kissing.. It's none of my business what you do in private but expecting the whole world to just change social norms is unrealistic, I'm disabled but not every building has a ramp, it's just something you need to accept in my opinion.

    • Can you see it from the homosexual point of view? I mean, jeez, all of these straight couples, and their public displays of affection. Keep it at home, I don't want to see it. Asking the whole world to change social norms isn't unrealistic. Look what just happened in court: gay couples can get married. If that isn't an outward sign of social change, then I don't know what is. Look, we do care what straight people think. We have just wanted to be equal with them. For the most part, now we are. And it should be a world accessible to LGBT people, just as it should be a world accessible to people regardless of race, or regardless of physical or mental disability. If America is truly for freedom, it should offer the opportunity to all people, so that all people may have the chance to succeed and find love.

    • @Nice_Guy_Last Personally I'm not a fan of PDA in general doesn't mean that I go to court and have the government ban it. Society is too over-sexualized, if you want to make love to someone do it in the privacy of your own home.

    • Fair enough.

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  • Whatever you want to call it, if it involves liking the same sex its gay.

    • I think you are mixing up terms. Queer is anyone who belongs to the LGBT community.

    • No he's got it right, some people use queer and gay interchangeably when referring to someone who is not normal sexuality. Not that we don't know the difference, it's just unless you are specifically contrasting their differences, it may as well mean the same thing.

    • ahahahah YUP

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