Sexual Relationships
+1 y

The Friendship Sex Problem Between Men and Women

The Friendship Sex Problem Between Men and Women

We feel attracted to many people sexually but this does not mean we would be good in a relationship.

Guys and girls can be friends. Sometimes there is a flirtation or attraction there. But you have to be very careful when you cross that line. And unfortunately some people are frivolous about it and it is very hard to pretend crossing that line never happened.

That line. When he looks at you with that spark in his eye. When you realize that he can make you laugh and looks kinda cute in certain way. When he tells you you look beautiful and makes you blush. When you sit together all night at the party, brushing fingertips and knees, flirting and laughing while holding each others' eyes. All this time you are thinking sexy thoughts and realize that you want to do dirty things together. Or maybe he thought it all along.

At the end of the night he walks you out like a gentleman and lingers, as you look at each other with that smile. Suddenly he leans down and kissed you on the lips as you gasp with surprise. A nice firm kiss like out of the movies, holding your lips but politely hinting at more to come. You gasp in delight.

Soon you are talking regularly and flirting. You make out a few times and spend some time together with his friends too. And then he tells you that he is very attracted to you but just wants to be friends. Yet actually tried to stay friends and still flirts. Meanwhile you feel resentful, angry and confused. You also feel inferior.

This happened to me. We were friends and what I described is what happened to me. Realistically he wouldn't be good for a boyfriend. He is a LOT older than me (I'm 24 he's 42) and he is kinda a player. I was fine being his friend but I always felt a little attracted to him and then when he was coming onto me I felt it big time.

Had as he not kissed me I could have been fine being friends but there was a mutual attraction that we both felt. He is known among his friends as a commitment phobe. He told me recently that even if we don't hook up he still likes to be my friend because he just likes me. At least he is still treating me like a human. He also told me he bets a lot of guys like me and that I am very hot.

Yet it still bothers me all the same. When he kissed me and left me breathless the realm of friendship was gone. And it can't just come back. I will always feel some resentment and disappointment. Those feelings were real. Even though I knew he was flaky and a commitment phobe and too old for me. Even though I knew he was a big flirt. Before we crossed the line I could be satisfied with thinking he's cute but being just friends and laughing at his flaky ways in an "oh him" type of way. But once we got more romantic I wanted more. I couldn't just laugh him off anymore. I wanted to be his special woman.

So guys and girls, be careful with your friends. It is normal to feel attracted to the friends of the opposite sex (assuming you are heterosexual like I am, or if you are bi or gay amend that statement as needed.)

But be careful. That special kiss can't be forgotten. Once you cross that line it is harder to really be friends. Don't cross it if you aren't interested in dating and possibly entering a relationship. Because if you already have a rapport as friends and you feel sexually attracted then it will be awfully hard for the other person to move on and not resent you if you were just playing for some ass. And if you got along as friends and have a sexual attraction then you actually may be good as more than friends. However if one of the parties is a commitment phobic or player that won't change. So you also should be careful if your friend is expressing interest as more than friends. Make sure it isn't just to get laid.

A mutual friend told me that the guy I wrote about above was interested in me but ultimately decided we wouldn't be good in a relationship. I see why he thinks that. But the spark was there and I felt very user and resentful. Please be a real friend and don't become more unless you are seriously open to and considering a real relationship with your friend.

2 3

Most Helpful Guy

  • And this is what I don't understand about this whole topic. Why would you want a committed relationship based primarily on your sexual attraction? To me, most of the time people speak about 'wanting' a 'relationship' from these scenarios really feels like what they really want is some kind of long term 'fling'.

    I think is the case because most of the time, I witness people enter relationships with no real sense of direction or end-goal. People also tend to be ignorant of their partner's true values, hopes and ambitions about being in the relationship which is bad because you are could be driving the relationship into a wall without you realising it.

    This is why, I don't really care so much for sexual attraction as much as knowing what a person would want to achieve in a relationship. It's much more 'safe' and there's a sense of direction at least. If I see a girl who I am attracted to, I don't automatically 'like' her just like that. I would need to know truly how the her relationship values are before I even consider having romantic interest. I could go on but I'll leave it here.

    • It's easy when you're objective but when your friend crossed that line and you are a girl you start to see him in a more romantic way that's my point

    • That's such an irrational step to make. Are you telling me that girls act on their sexual urges to determine whether they want a relationship or not?

    • No. What I'm saying is that once a guy makes a move it causes feelings even if logically you know he wouldn't necessarily be a good boyfriend for you

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girl

  • I thought this was an obvious though. Some people can easily do the friends with benefits with no problem. But a lot of people marry or in longterm realtionships with people they are sexually attracted to and can tolerate (the sex is good) and then few years into their relationship they realize they dont really like the person when sex isn't as frequent or the persons looks has become to familiar. FYI women loose sexual attraction to men first! So, moral of the story dont cross that line if you know you can't be with a person who your not only sexually attracted to , is your friend but also gives you those butterflies

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

2 7

  • Funny I always experience the opposite. I think we would be good in a relationship but the spark is never there. I would be an excellent boyfriend but unfortunately no girl has that sexual passion when they think of me.

  • There are plenty of girls who I am friends with right now who I could easily be with (I am older than them too, but not to the extreme of your guy) and who I genuinely enjoy even just as friends. They mean a lot to me as friends but there is that sexual spark as well. Sometimes from me, sometimes from them. I flirt like crazy, usually over the top as do they. But thanks to our great society, parties and drinking etc. are rare so I won't ever end up sleeping with them and I believe this is a good thing. Otherwise the emotional trauma that the poor girl (and myself to some extent) would make me feel terribly guilty.

    At times I consider it of course because we click but I'm well aware of the fact that my max commitment has been 6 months. I love the idea but when it really happens I either lose steam or she does and then the drift. Do I want to do that to a friend of mine, someone who simply enjoys my company for who I am rather than my riches, body or any other superficial male attractiveness indicator?

    no, I really don't.

  • Nicely said... For me it was just opposite I loved and kissed her but she said we are still friends. now I don't think I love any girl I even rejected a proposal.. She changed me a lot . I feel the same... And ask girls and guys please don't make it if you don't want to be special in someone's life.

  • You can't ever go back to being just friends. That's true both ways. If two people cross the line, either you take flight or you crash and burn. Being friends is over and done with. Friendship is gone. You sacrificed it on the altar of love, and there is no resurrecting it. Either you enter a relationship and become lovers, or you go your separate ways, because someone is going to get burned and that someone isn't going to be happy about it. If you get burned, then it's time to move on. You are no longer friends with the person that burned you. Get space, stay away, give yourself time to heal and move on. You have no obligation to continuing seeing them, friends or otherwise. Do yourself a favor and jump ship.

  • This is very true. Feelings can easily get bruised even if you're being careful. That being said, I really don't think sex is just for strengthening commitment. Friends CAN "cross that line" unscathed. It just doesn't happen that often. Mostly because women are taught to save their sexuality for "the right guy," and are called sluts if they have sex for any reason other than romantic love.

    So be careful, especially if you're a guy trying to do something like this. Be honest about not wanting a relationship as soon as things start to get heated. But also be cognizant of the reason it's dangerous and don't judge people who enjoy "crossing the line" so long as they're doing no harm.

  • pseudosentimental female nonsense. that ain't friendship in the first place... .

  • Most of my friends are guys and ther's a sexual attraction but i'm very carepful lololo

  • Here is how you put this little problem to rest:
    1) GO BAT SHYT CRAZY ON THIS MOFO AND ALMOST (don't really do it or you'll go to jail) STAB THE BCH!
    -Be all, "Don't you ever fucking kiss me again or I'LL KILL YOU, SLUT!
    2) Apologize for going bat sht and say," I'm so sorry i called you a slut cause you're so nice :)"
    3) Tell him you just want to be friends and do NOT want kisses.

    • Death threats aren't cool.

  • I'm 24 he's 42

    I stopped reading there. He's old enough to be your dad ya dumb sloot.

    • So he shouldn't be pulling the moves... he looks a lot younger

    • Pff... my cousin married a guy 26 years older and she's happy - no, he's not exceptionally wealthy. Don't pay any attention to anon if you really like him.

Home >  Sexual Relationships  > The Friendship Sex Problem Between Men and Women