Sexual Relationships
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What not to say when finding out someone is a virgin

I and other virgins have come together to compile this list of things that we are tired of hearing upon people find out we’re virgins. Some people are cool about it but others like to interject these standard statements that can leave us baffled and not sure what to think. Here are a list of our things we think are not particularly the best to say when you find out someone is a virgin.

1. "You’re a virgin? Wow, that’s so rare!"

What not to say when finding out someone is a virgin.

Also sometimes followed by “you’re like the only one.” Yes thank you for making me feel like some kind of unicorn. And I have had some literally call me a unicorn.

2. "You should NEVER do it!"

What not to say when finding out someone is a virgin

Why? No, really, I’m actually concerned. Why shouldn’t I?

3. "Make sure you save it for the right one."

What not to say when finding out someone is a virgin

Actually, this isn’t that bad but it’s one of those unsolicited advice things. Frankly, it’s in my hands to do with what I wish.

4. "Don’t get pregnant."

What not to say when finding out someone is a virgin

Thank you?

5. "You must be a good girl/boy."

What not to say when finding out someone is a virgin

This one annoys me. This implies that people who have sex are “bad” and those who do not are “good” when in fact sex is just a natural part of life and doing or not doing it is neither good nor bad. This also implies I live life in a bubble.

6. "Let me guess, you’re saving it for marriage?"

What not to say when finding out someone is a virgin

Maybe, maybe not. Does it matter either way? Is it somehow bad if I was?

7. "You should just hurry up and get it over with."

What not to say when finding out someone is a virgin

Woah, why, what’s the rush? Virginity means different things to different people, for some it’s too special to just “get it over with”.

8. "Stay that way, trust me."

What not to say when finding out someone is a virgin

Trust you on my personal decision, hmm…Nope, nope. And I’m not entirely sure why I should stay this way, either.

9. "Don’t worry, you’ll find the right one."

What not to say when finding out someone is a virgin

This is just a big assumption. I could already be with someone or just not at that stage in my life where I want to find someone.

10. "You’re really pure."

What not to say when finding out someone is a virgin

Just like #5, this implies having sex is impure when it is simply natural.

So that was the list of what not to say to a virgin. But hey, everyone is different. Whilst some may have a problem with hearing the above, others may not.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yesterday, I answered a question on here about "how many sexual partners have you had" and my answer was zero. This morning when I came on here to check my messages I had three comments on my answer, one was asking since I'm 28 how am I still a virgin. Another was someone saying they could help me out with that and the last one was someone telling me I was lying. I answered all three of those comments and people wanting to know, didn't bother me. My point is, none of the those things that you listed would bother me to hear. Why should I care how people react to me being a virgin? Truth be told, in this day and age finding someone who hasn't had sex is quite rare. So, it's not like people don't have a reason to be genuinely shocked by it. It's like if you were in the 1960's and came across a person who didn't wear bell bottomed pants or did some kind of a drug or was some type of hippy, you'd probably be like "Really, seriously?". Every generation has it's social standards that it's known for and in the 21st century I'd say it's technology and sex, that this generation is known for. So, I don't see anything wrong with those reactions. Besides, none of those reactions are actually mean, they are just statements. No big deal.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I agree with this, and while I'm not a virgin myself guys get way worse sayings when others find out they are virgins.

    • True, a guy will be shamed and brought down making him feel like he has no worth.

    • Yeah exactly and that only makes it worse because it makes the guy have no confidence and possibly attractive which will show to women which makes it harder.

    • Less attractive*

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • LOL Great take :) I love the "don't get pregnant" line. I remember this and felt like since I was a virgin, it automatically meant I must be stupid, as if people having sex were in on some great secret that they knew of that others didn't about birth control. I hated the fact that people just viewed me as being innocent when in actual fact I was horny as all fuck, but didn't want to lose it to some dumbass guy in Grade 9 or 10 at the time, which was all I had around me.

  • Hmm... Interesting how none of these are the same as the reactions male virgins get. Maybe I should write a take on that someday.

    • please do! we don't have enough male voices concerning sexism against men, especially in the actual sex or no-sex having area ;.;

    • True story.

    • Please do :) All the other virgins who helped compiled this list, only 1 was male.

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  • I'm a virgin and none of those upset me in even the slightest. Who wouldn't like being called a unicorn? I like it when people ooh and ahh and even get snippy with me (which almost always makes me go, "Don't hate because I can wait!" ) over being one. I feel even more unique. Because I know some people just can't wait to have sex.

    Reactions to those things can just as easily be done like for wanting to know why you don't shop at a certain store or where a certain shirt anymore: Because it's YOUR decision. I don't get why these would actually upset anyone... I semi recently blurted that I was a virgin at a family party. Everyone just froze for a bit and then bombarded me with questions like the ones above. I just laughed and answered, same as I would to a stranger.

    But then... Everyone is different so... *shrugs*

    • It's not really upsetting, more mildly irritating but you are right, everyone is different :)

    • I was referring to the ones who get legit pissed and depressed over it. The just irritated ones are fine. Anything can irritate easily. I just think there are a lot more serious issues out there to be seriously upset over like poverty, raoe, and murder.

    • *rape

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  • Yeeesss thank you. I'm not a virgin anymore but I heard some of these when I still was. Really annoying. I also like the fact that you don't think your virginity makes you more "pure" or "super duper unicorn special". Some people act so high and mighty for being virgins, it's annoying. You seem very down to earth. STAY THAT WAY lol.

    • Haha, thank you!

    • That so true!

  • One that I love is: "Oh my god how? You're pretty!"

    Yeah because if I'm kind of attractive that means that I suddenly lose the ability to say no to sex.

  • #5 is too damn true ahah #1 as well, I had a classmate that gave me the nickname pegasus lol for being so rare 😂😂

  • amen sista. i was a virgin until i was 24 (so like... earlier this year lol) and i heard literally ALL of these. it's no one's business.

  • How about offering to help you with that? (either personally, or by fixing you up with someone) I figured that would be #1 on your list...

    • That's a good one, I guess we missed that one haha.

  • Personally I'm indiffrent to some one being a virgin. I would ask as to how the individual in question would know since I would imagine you would need to bring up the topic first, well unless the person out of the blue asks you if your a virgin which is weird. I do like your points on the purity good/bad thing however, I never understood why people viewed sex as bad. Interesting take.

  • Nice take :D
    True, virgins will always be judged by those kinds of people, who lost their virginity too early or had a bad experience (or have multiple partners) and virgins judge them. It's a never-ending battle.

  • I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 17, by then all my other friends had been with multiple partners and I was one of the few that held out until I was at least a little older. My first time wasn’t all that I had expected and I was really thinking “is this it?” I was also worried, what if the condom had a tear in it or even if maybe she had some kind of disease as she had been with a few partners before me. I was worried sick for at least a week. I would have a lot of guys tease me about being a virgin and ask me about when I was “going to get laid”. It’s funny how today that most of them are the ones that have one or two kids from two or three different mothers and have the state garnishing their wages for child support. It just goes to show that their are consequences for irresponsible sexual behavior, and I never wanted to be that guy. I would tell anyone not to be in a hurry to get busy with just anyone, after all you are only a virgin once. It’s something that should be saved for someone special whom you can potentially see a future with.

  • Unicorns aren't rare, they're fictional.
    But love this!

    • Haha exactly my point, now I'm a fictional creature because I'm a virgin? Well then!

    • Sorry finding it funny i got a down vote for this one. I think i'm gonna start a thread called: Unicorns! Fact or Fiction? Lol

    • Lol I would love to read it! But everyone has a down vote, I think it's the same girl down voting everybody.

  • Yessss! On point! Nice take😄👍!

  • Being called frigid

    • Thank goodness I've personally never had that one but anyone who says that is a jerk.

  • I remember my girlfriend telling me once how annoying some of these things were and also that people sometimes went "aww" after finding out she was a virgin. I think that's what bothered her the most and I agree, it's so stupid to say aww like being a virgin turns you into some kind of duckling or puppy. It's a really annoying, dumb thing to say.

    • That is so patronising!

  • Sex is for preservation of the family unit, and continuation, and for preventing distractions in the worship life between spouses.

    Otherwise, it's not sex itself that's impure, it's the ways one goes about getting it - and reasons for doing so - that make someone impure. If it's meant for you and your spouse only, then anything before the spouse is technically a form of adultery. Which is more impure in spirit than in body.

    The whole "you must be so pure" thing is a bad thing to say for two different reasons:

    1. It makes a mockery of those who wish to do the right thing, which is wrong and pointless at the same time.
    2. It assumes that whoever hasn't crossed the threshold physically has no internal struggles with any temptations. And implies a sort of envy or contempt over such. Which is also wrong and pointless.

    • So sex does not make you impure... unless you are not married, then it makes you impure. Why and how does it make people impure and in what way does it change them? Unless nothing in them changes? Maybe the change is only in the mind of moralistic jerks who think they know everything cause they read the bible? Please explain, I want to laugh...

    • @juicybrain... it's sad to see when someone believes sex is purely for self satisfaction and stress release. Who are you to say there isn't a God? Pre-marital sex is a sin in almost EVERY religion. That's fine if you're an Atheist, no one cares. However, religion gives sexual intercourse a meaning - to share a bond with someone whom you love and cherish. It doesn't say "Fuck everything that walks and talks".

    • Sex for personal gain only cannot be acceptable, because of the inherent design intent of it in humans and because of the inherently communal nature of it. Therefore, to take what you do not have owed due to non-marriage is the same as theft. Should I explain to you how shoplifting makes your spirit impure?

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  • My question would be how are these people finding out you are virgins? When I was still a virgin, I didn't go around telling people I was? Nobody judged me about being a virgin cause it was none of their business. Maybe if you kept to yourself the fact that you are virgins, you would avoid the stupid stuff people say in this situation?

    • Very true. :))

    • Friends. Social circles. Family. They all like to ask if you've had sex yet, and you can't lie about having it otherwise they'll start asking who with. Trust me, your status in regards to sexual experience is very rarely a thing you don't talk about. (In my experience. My friends all know mine and everyone else's sexual status, and I know most of theirs.)

    • Sometimes, friends overstep boundaries and need to be put back into their place. You just tell them that it's none of their business. I really don't see how family can ask you if you're still a virgin, that would be a major no-no in my book. @BaileyisDarcy

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  • Great take! I really get this because i'm one too!

  • I suspect the "don't get pregnant" thing is because people assume you are naive about sex? i. e. if you ever had it you wouldn't know to use protection?

    but you seem to have your wits about you, more so than most people (virgins and non-virgins alike).

    • I think that's a common misconception some people have, thinking a virgin knows nothing about sex and how it works just because they've never had it. With the way my friends talk about sex constantly I'd be surprised if there was anything I didn't know by this point haha.

  • I dont see why people would be shocked about that like if i met a virgin that would be a blessing just knowing that someone you like had sex and fucked another person makes me a little jealous but i combat that by trying to do better in bed

    • that's understandable bc you're 16, but you should probably work on that jealousy thing bc sex is a lot more common and accepted, and you want to be able to date girls without being jealous bc they've had relationships before. it's not healthy for /you/ - you'll be very unhappy if that sticks. always remember: if the sex/relationship was really that good, she'd still be doing him/her. if she's doing you instead, the sex wasn't better than the overall experience of being with you.

    • I don't think that's anything to be jealous about. It's not a bad thing if they have had someone before you.

    • Yeah you're right i'm not as jealous about it no more lol thank you (: But what i used to do to combat that was just try to do better in bed it used to be an inseceurity but i really don't care about it much now

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