Making Love Versus Having Sex

Eddie Murphy was once quoted as saying that there is no difference between the act of lovemaking and the act of sex. Since then, I have had men say to me, "You know, why are women so hung up on the whole sex and making love idea-it's the same thing?"

I'd say yes and no. The physical act is the same. The emotional act is what is different, and in my humble opinion, until someone actually makes love to another human being, they will always think that the two are similar.

There have been countless times in my marriage where my husband and I just enjoyed one another's body's, as well as times when we spiritually connected via intercourse. The soulful bonding wasn't something that happened instantaneously either.

When my husband and I first met, I was very afraid to get close and my walls were up. The sex between us was always amazing, but I constantly held a part of myself back.



One night, I started opening up about a lot of my fears and worries, after which he lovingly reassured me. We started kissing and soon, we engaged in what I would have to say is the first love making session I have ever had in my life. Many glorious orgasms were had by yours truly, to the point where I developed a head ache due to the intensity (I learned this is not all that uncommon.) I cried from the sheer pleasure of it-he wiped my tears-we kissed, touched, laughed-continued on.

Afterwards, we lay in the afterglow, talking and connecting on such a deep level, I don't think words will ever describe it.

That my dears, was not sex. That was love making.

I fear what the Eddie Murphy's of the world don't know, is that emotional connection is just as important as a physical one. If you can only connect with a person on a superficial level, than everything you do with a person will be superficial, including sex.

That is not to say that every second of ever moment is going to be angelic ecstasy.

My partner and I fight, get involved with work and projects, deal with kids and family and tackle the daily grind - we also grab the occasional, unromantic quickie or two.

What I am talking about is intimacy-the feeling you get when you look into the eyes of another person and know they see you, and you them.

Such a thing is a wondrous blessing that is perhaps not bestowed upon everyone. For this amazing butterfly to land on your hand, you have to first believe it exists, then be willing to receive it, palm up, without reservation.

Until such time, most will go on thinking that sex can only be a physical act, while those in the know will continue to enjoy the beauty that can be found in the arms of someone who truly and completely cherishes you.


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What Guys Said 8

  • I have to agree with everyone, this is really well written!! Nice job!

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  • "Many glorious orgasms were had by yours truly, to the point where I developed a head ache due to the intensity (I learned this is not all that uncommon.) I cried from the sheer pleasure..."

    So,... when is he publishing a book, and where can I pick up a copy?

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  • Very well written!

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  • "The emotional act is what is different, and in my humble opinion, until someone actually makes love to another human being, they will always think that the two are similar."

    So well put, so accurate.

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  • Humanity will be much better off when people commonly understand the FUNDAMENTAL difference between love-making and having sex. This article is great.

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What Girls Said 18

  • I just recently felt that level of intimacy...that I never thought really existed...that the "love making'" almost made me cry...that I just have to close my eyes and cherish that moment...It is as well, had me thinking " this is the man I can't live without"...

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  • I'm a virgin,but I absolutely agree with you.You explained it quite well

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  • That was one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. I'm a virgin but I will hold on to this information for when I want to make love in the future. thanks.

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  • Very well put, I absolutely love this,

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  • That was beautiful. I appreciate your opinion on this.

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