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Making Love Versus Having Sex

Eddie Murphy was once quoted as saying that there is no difference between the act of lovemaking and the act of sex. Since then, I have had men say to me, "You know, why are women so hung up on the whole sex and making love idea-it's the same thing?"

I'd say yes and no. The physical act is the same. The emotional act is what is different, and in my humble opinion, until someone actually makes love to another human being, they will always think that the two are similar.

There have been countless times in my marriage where my husband and I just enjoyed one another's body's, as well as times when we spiritually connected via intercourse. The soulful bonding wasn't something that happened instantaneously either.

When my husband and I first met, I was very afraid to get close and my walls were up. The sex between us was always amazing, but I constantly held a part of myself back.



One night, I started opening up about a lot of my fears and worries, after which he lovingly reassured me. We started kissing and soon, we engaged in what I would have to say is the first love making session I have ever had in my life. Many glorious orgasms were had by yours truly, to the point where I developed a head ache due to the intensity (I learned this is not all that uncommon.) I cried from the sheer pleasure of it-he wiped my tears-we kissed, touched, laughed-continued on.

Afterwards, we lay in the afterglow, talking and connecting on such a deep level, I don't think words will ever describe it.

That my dears, was not sex. That was love making.

I fear what the Eddie Murphy's of the world don't know, is that emotional connection is just as important as a physical one. If you can only connect with a person on a superficial level, than everything you do with a person will be superficial, including sex.

That is not to say that every second of ever moment is going to be angelic ecstasy.

My partner and I fight, get involved with work and projects, deal with kids and family and tackle the daily grind - we also grab the occasional, unromantic quickie or two.

What I am talking about is intimacy-the feeling you get when you look into the eyes of another person and know they see you, and you them.

Such a thing is a wondrous blessing that is perhaps not bestowed upon everyone. For this amazing butterfly to land on your hand, you have to first believe it exists, then be willing to receive it, palm up, without reservation.

Until such time, most will go on thinking that sex can only be a physical act, while those in the know will continue to enjoy the beauty that can be found in the arms of someone who truly and completely cherishes you.

What Guys Said 8

  • I have to agree with everyone, this is really well written!! Nice job!

  • "Many glorious orgasms were had by yours truly, to the point where I developed a head ache due to the intensity (I learned this is not all that uncommon.) I cried from the sheer pleasure..."

    So,... when is he publishing a book, and where can I pick up a copy?

  • Very well written!

  • "The emotional act is what is different, and in my humble opinion, until someone actually makes love to another human being, they will always think that the two are similar."

    So well put, so accurate.

  • Humanity will be much better off when people commonly understand the FUNDAMENTAL difference between love-making and having sex. This article is great.

  • I think for me I have had casual sex but I would rather be making love. I think for a lot of men casual sex is better than nothing and for women it is worse. That said for some people both men and women being somewhat promiscuous and having a lot of partners is fun, and I don't that is bad in and of itself if no one is getting hurt, often someone is though

  • Well I definitely can enjoy both but making love is definitely better than just sex. There's a joke common among teenage guys that sex is like pizza, even if its bad its good. Not really true some pizza is bad and some pizza is amazing. But that is not even really my point. Sex with a really good looking women not necessarily better. What makes it really good is having sex with a woman who both loves you and it enthusiasticly enjoying herself

  • OH MY GOD!!! I have been searching for a way to explain this to my WIFE!! YAY

    THANK YOU!!

What Girls Said 18

  • I just recently felt that level of intimacy...that I never thought really existed...that the "love making'" almost made me cry...that I just have to close my eyes and cherish that moment...It is as well, had me thinking " this is the man I can't live without"...

  • I'm a virgin,but I absolutely agree with you.You explained it quite well

  • That was one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. I'm a virgin but I will hold on to this information for when I want to make love in the future. thanks.

  • Very well put, I absolutely love this,

  • That was beautiful. I appreciate your opinion on this.

  • Awesome idea..tho I doubt that'll ever happen to me :(

  • Exactly and need to be lucky to have a person who truly love us and the act

  • Thanks guys--may you know the blessing of lovemaking...

  • I love this its so true

  • That's so beautiful!

  • ThanksDean!

  • Teenagers in general (including me) count it as "making love" if you're looking them in the eyes.. But I suppose that's right.. Cause the emotional attachment.. I guess I've never had sex then.. Just made love.. :) I do believe that..

  • Amazing! I can honestly say that I've never experienced what you wrote... but I'm kinda glad. After years of sub par guys, I'm finally dating the most amazing (sensitive, selfless, caring, uplifting, charming, sweet, etc. etc.) man, and I know that one day I'll be able to experience that with him. Thanks for reminding me that it's okay for me to wait for it . :)

  • Thank you--there is something so -- man....words can't describe...

  • Sex is the name of the physical act of intercourse, making love is what the person or partner feels emotionally when having sex. They just don't want to call it sex because they feel they have a special emotional connection.

  • Thank you so much for sharing this reminding and confirming in me and to me that sex really is so much more special than just the pure act of it. When I start to become sexually active I want it so badly to be with someone who I will be able to connect on a deep level with, trully feel them and their soul and not just do the act itself for selfless pleasure.

    I always viewed sex as something special between two people so thanks for reminding me that it exists, I just have to me lucky to find it

  • u are so right

  • My hubby and I met when very, very young and have been together for about 20 years now! (whew!) ! I am almost 40 now and it used to be that we both wanted to "make love" a lot of slow passioniate moves, gazes, caresses, ya know. But now as we both get older, we both know we have been in this long enough to know that we love each other exclusively and we just go crazy in the bedroom when we aren't too tired! :)! I know, I know, eeeww for some younger people in this forum, but hey its gr8 now!

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