Sexual Relationships
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Premarital Sex, the reason I say no!

Premarital Sex, the reason I say no.

Sex. It's a wonderful thing, of love, pleasure, sensations running all over your body, the occasional moan, the gruffy grunt, and the sweet orgasm at the end. The joys of having someone inside you or being inside of someone . . . except I wouldn't know because I am a virgin. 18 years counting.

You see, most people assume that I'm a virgin because my parents are strict, or because no guy wants to sleep with me, or because I am a religious fanatic, or possibly because I have an alien growing inside me and any man who dares enters it's domain will have his member obliterated - and all of those are plausible reasons.

However, none of these reasons are what made me choose the abstinence road. No, what made me choose the abstinence road is the idea of sex its self. The vulnerbilty that happens during that moment - for that splift second when all your emotions dance on your face. Yes, I have a deep fear of intimacy and commitment, and not because my father abandoned me when I was young, or I experianced trauma as a kid. None of that.

Reason why I fear intimacy and commitment is . . . I feel like the alien will indeed castrate my partner's member, leaving him bleeding on me, and I have a serious phobia of blood. Whenever I see that shit, it terrifies me, makes me go crazy. There are reasons as to why the skin covers the flesh, and veins, and arteries and the bloodstream and organs! REASONS! It's bad enough I see it every month - I'm surprised that there's no floor bed on the bathroom floor for everytime I faint - but having an accidental second circumsion and the results of it all over my body, no way in hell am I having sex!

Now that I've wasted at least two minutes of your life, let me say, premarital sex is a choice. No person should ever feel pressured to be abstinence or sexually activate. And yes, it's true, (for all you christians who pointed at the bible) the bible does mention not having sex before marriage, but thats because people back than were fucking like rabbits, back and forth. This is what Paul says

"Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (English Standard Version, 1 Corinthians 7:1-5)

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (NIV, 1 Corinthians 7:8-9)"

Please bear in mind that Paul was a bit of a dick . . . and he basically told people to stay single because he was single, and that if they weren't strong enough to resist sexual immorality (which is open for interpretation) they might as well get married. Now I don't know about you, but it's kind of odd to me that back then, even before Christ, Kings had concubines, who they did not marry - and not just one, but the most would've been like 500. That's a lot of vagina for one dick. And nowhere does it mention that God told Paul to say that, he just sprouted it out of the blue because some poor person with raging hormones sent him a questionaire.

So let me not waste your time anymore, in conclusion, premarital sex should be up to you, not anyone else. :)

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT - NEGATIVE AND POSITIVE, I AIN'T GONNA JUDGE!

1 4

Most Helpful Girl

  • Long and short of it: you're saying it's a no "right or wrong" choice. And that's something I can get behind.

    On a personal note, I would say not to let fear motivate you. If you're curious to try it and have no moral obhection, have sex. You have one life and one youth and neither last that long. Just find the right guy (or girl, no judgment) and you'll see that being vulnerable with that person can actually be pretty amazing. Not to mention emotionally healthy.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Sex is only a big deal because people make it one. It should be something fun that people are happy to enjoy, not stress the fuck out over.

    • Absolutely. People make it out to be a bigger deal than it is. Sex no longer has to result in pregnancy or marriage, so it shouldn't be treated as a big decision.

    • @Takada so sex is a animalistic action right?/ what if sex didn't feel good or was ''fun'' at all? do u think everyone would be acting like rabbits? Sex it all about responsibility having control dignity respect for your body and your companion its about commitment being loyal and faithful to just ONE person sex and marriage was invented created by God for procreation as a family!

    • @cadet Why should sex be about responsibility when it doesn't have to have any consequences? Why should people deny themselves the pleasure of sex? Having respect for yourself means you will not be ashamed to participate in your most basic urges. Sex can be done with multiple people, so it's not about being loyal to one person. Not everyone believes in your god. And I hate to break it to you, there is no god. Get your head out of the primitive hole it's in and join the rest of us in the 21st century, where we're not scared of our own sexuality.

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 23

  • I'm confused... why don't you want to have sex before marriage? TBH, I got a little grossed out when you were talking about dicks getting cut off, so you kind of lost me there.

    But good for you sticking to your guns. I decided to lose my virginity at 21 because I decided that it's not fair for my future husband to be going out there and doing whatever he wants, but I can't experience an intimate relationship with anyone other than him. And THEN, what happens when you get divorced? Dude took your virginity, and you're in the same boat as someone who has had sex outside of marriage when you go into your next relationship.

    • Lol, the whole alien thing was an exaggeration. I'm on the fence with sex, don't know how I feel about having it, but I don't judge others if they choose to or not. EXACTLY! I find it highly unfair that the man I'm going to marry most probably has a trail of panties behind him. It pisses me off that even though I'm saving myself for him, he's slept with the whole world. Its rare to find a virgin male around our area, and the cultures in my country price woman based on their purity. Called Labola. However, I feel like I'm just not ready to be that intimate with a person - I do have trust issues.

    • My advice (not that you're asking for it): DON'T have sex, especially the first time UNTIL you're absolutely sure that you're not going to regret it emotionally. And make sure the guy is a gentleman. I was adamant all throughout college until I got into grad school that I just didn't feel emotionally ready to have sex, even when I had boyfriends along the way (one of whom dumped me because I wouldn't sleep with him). I can get reallllly emotionally affected by sex. And so, for the first time I actually chose someone that I knew I wouldn't get emotionally attached to. He was sweet but kind of a dorky douche. The second guy omg, sooooo in love with him (and he looked like Tom Brady), but I was glad I wasn't a virgin because I felt sick to my stomach sad for weeks after we broke up (3 years relationship). I couldn't imagine also looking back and thinking "and he took my virginity TOO!" For me that would have been too much. Sounds crazy probably, but I'm crazy. And I have trust issues too

  • You guys can make your own choices in life, but the idea that sex doesn't affect your decisions is ridiculous. I know and have gone out with so many women who've gone back to their ex because they let their emotional attachment override all the facts that were the cause of the relationship not working out the first time.

    I've had a woman I was dating go back to her ex, who dumped her and has two kids with another woman, because I wouldn't sleep with her on a second date. I've had a woman call me up and ask me out for a second date, only to have them text me the next day saying sorry they're back with their ex. I've had women (co-worker) tell me that she's been living with her boyfriend of 3 years that she doesn't love and doesn't get along with because she hopes it will work out someday.

    Granted, I can't prove that these women don't have other emotional issues and wouldn't be acting the same way even if they were virgins, but lets be real. Who doesn't feel a strong emotional bond with someone you're that physically close to? There's a reason why skin-to-skin contact is so important for newborns and a mother. Having something in the way, such as clothes, make a huge a measurable difference in the baby's vitals and mood.

    The same is true for a man and a woman who are naked one on top of the other. That skin-to-skin contact create an emotional bond that alters your emotions more than just about anything else will in your entire life, especially for women. Handling the emotions of dating is difficult enough on it's own, adding in the emotions of sex before you're already sure this person is who you want to spend the rest of your life with just makes it that much harder to objectively decide if your partner is a suitable mate for a long term relationship.

    Don't end up one of those people who's missing out on spending their life with someone they find amazing because they're emotionally hung up on an ex they had sex with many times and one to "give it one last try" even though it hasn't worked out the last 3 tries.

    • So much to read, but worth it. I completely agree, 100%. Sex, one way or the other, does create an emotional bond, whether it's a one night stand, or a long term relationship. I have a cousin who does one night stands, and even though she doesn't have any issues that I know of, she says that every time she sleeps with someone, they take a piece of her with them.

    • your cousin is right because she is giving away her dignity and self respect or self worth every time she has sex not to mention STDs AIDS pregnancy even with condom its not 100% fool proof no guarantee!

  • I don't want to come off as disrespectful but in my opinion being a virgin at 18 years old is really not something difficult or extraordinary to achieve. It happens to a lot of women, willingly or not and I've seen a few women proclaim that bold statement before who couldn't live up to it. If you think it's easy to abstain from sexual intercourse before you're married, think again. It will only become gradually more difficult as time goes on and social pressure keeps increasing. Before you know it you will find a guy, fall in love and eventually really want to experience it yourself too. And it will happen so fast there will be no time to think about marriage first. At least that's what I believe is more likely to happen.

    The good thing is, there is no problem with that. Since you aren't religious anyway there is no reason to hate yourself afterwards. In fact I'd say your reason for having no premarital sex is a bit strange in itself, because it will not change after marriage. How will marriage help you overcome your fear about having sex?

  • Sex doesn't change that much of a human being.

    • carrying a baby for 9 months then raising a kid for 18 years and getting STDs AIDS and this don't/wont change a human being any? what utopia or perfect world are u living in?

    • @cadet My god why you all human beings are afraid of STDs so much? It's not like every second person is carrying infection. If we all hold such mentality, the future of humanity will diminish.

    • opinion, since when did STDs become your friend a good thing? The word STD means sexually transmitted disease! Take a look at the 3rd word ok? This word ''disease'' is a death knell to a persons physical health I don't know about you, but to get or have a ''disease'' a sexual one at that and it can stay dormant undetectable for months or even years that makes me physically sick cuts my life span and im spreading it around infecting my spouse this cantt be a ''good'' thing! With your attitude your thinking that u can't get a disease u are immune is like embracing typhoid mary TB Aids botulisim Do u have a death wish? Keep having many sex partners and u will be spreading around many STDs u don't know u have till months even years! But hey u are having fun right?

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  • for me? No Sex. Like, at all. I dont like disappointing people, i dont like failing, and i have more important things to do, like video games, and animating.

    And no, my views will not change, its not like people just have random changes of heart as they get older.

  • well cute, at 18 years and counting u are a rookie at staying a virgin ok? I am 50 still a virgin never had sex and won't till I marry! Actually God created sex he created man and woman for man to procreate commanding man to ''replentish the earth'' God also performed the 1st marriage [Adam and Eve ]So sex originally is for making babies ok? The pleasure from sex is a added benefit! Sex is really between a husband and his wife after marriage only! We as humans are or were created as higher than angels Also we are not like animals who have sex only by instinct with no love no soul no morals knowing right from wrong!

    • 50 years old? Thats impressive. . . and a little sad, howcome you haven't met anyone yet? Like, I'm sure you've dated before. . . or courted?

    • tell u what, I have lived in the country most my life never was wealthy didn't have cars given to me by my parents so 'dating'' never courted? not sure how this is done! And by girls back in high school and women years later their standards are im to look like tom cruise but no, im average looking I was very shy back then still shy now but not as much Women today and back then I observed were and are selfish materialistic worries about my age controlling they want a man who is wealthy has a career handsome perfect! That's why I gave up on American women So my future wife will be a Chinese lady who cares about my inward qualities my character She don't care if im wealthy or not my appearance my age or our age differences! Even if she isn't a virgin I don't care!

  • Although I don't believe in having casual flings, having sex before marriage is a must if you want to find out whether you're sexually compatible or not.

  • ""having an accidental second circumsion and the results of it all over my body, no way in hell am I having sex!""

    I have zero clue what you are talking about.

    • Sorry. It was meant to insinuate a castration, and blood. But, it's an exaggeration, no worries.

    • ... yes, yes it is. If that's your reasoning, then it is unreasonable.

  • "No marriage! It's unfair to men"

    • If there was more abstinence there would ne more marraige

    • @Monsters yes and less ''oops'' pregnancies then abortions as the answer to ''fix'' the ''problem''!

  • Yay! Yay! Preach!

  • It's your choice you're 73% right , cause sex is what you do with someone that you truly life , and on purpose of givin birth to a human being . most of guys consider sex as entertainement and after sex they lose interest then dump. and if his partner get pregnant he just lets her go. honestly , i had sex with only one girl , that i truly loved her and we're planing to move forward and live with each other , i never made love to a girl that i dated but i don't have any idea if she loves me or no , ...

  • You need to talk to a doctor about your insecurities regarding sex and intimacy.

    Sex before marrying someone is actually really important, without it, you can't tell if you're really compatible

  • Actually, Paul said that because a lot of the early Christians had formed a theory saying that Jesus would return before John the disciple had died. Since they thought Jesus would be returning so soon, Paul thought it best that people stay the way they were, and not get caught up in things like marriage.

    Also, kings had so many concubines because they were narcissists who thought that they could do what they want. Just because it's mentioned in the bible doesn't mean that God condones it.

    And last, here's the reasons *I'm* saving myself for marriage:

    *sin-and-love.deviantart.com/.../The-Four-Loves-ch-5-554381243

    *sin-and-love.deviantart.com/.../Mere-Christianity-bk-3-ch-6-552240466

    *sin-and-love.deviantart.com/.../Mere-Christianity-bk-3-ch-5-553691823

    *www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a9763-why-humans-have-evolved-to-prefer-monogamy

    *Read what I said in the comments here: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1473295-do-you-think-it-s-inconsistent-to-be-christian-also-do-sexual-things

    • I should probably clarify that when I was talking about the reason Paul said stuff, I was only talking about the part where he told widows and other people not to marry. The part where he says that everyone should have a spouse and that they all have a right to sex had nothing to do with the incorrect theory.

    • Thank you, I didn't know about the Christians' theories and stuff, but I did know about Paul thinking people should stay the same. But whose to say God does or does not condone sex before marriage. Sure, there are a lot of references, however, you can give me a scripture quoted by a prophet e. g "thou says the Lord" or God speaking himself that sex before marriage is a huge no no. Thanks again, really helpful.

    • Also, since people will doubtlessly be throwing the "experience" clause at me, I should include this link as well: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a9250-having-a-lot-of-sex-doesn-t-make-you-a-sexpert

      I would also like to point out that you can gain a whole wealth of information about ANYTHING merely by doing your research on it.

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  • I dont thick sex should only after marriege but it should be with someone who you love. I dont agree that much with casual sex but that is just my opinion.

  • It is the one gift you can give your spouse how about abstaining for positive reasons than it is gross. for sure it is special if done with the right person at the right time.

  • I agree with being cautious about who you have sex with and all but marriage seems like a very arbitrary check point. All this logic will go out the window the day you fall in love. Are you going to rush the guy to church so you can get married and abstain for years from touching the one you love? That seems like a terrible idea in a practical and emotional level, what if the guy doesn't want to get married do you plan to never have sex? Your plan will work in a relationship for convenience but fail miserably in a romantic relationship.

    • here I thought marriage or wanting to marry a person was because u LOVE them not just to marry for sex! To base a marriage on sex only without no love not lust is asinine at best!

    • I never said sex only you see what an extremist you are?

    • Ahhh starting with PC labels as a weapon right? sure, im a pure extremist no STDs to give my wife being im a virgin I think she will thank me!

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  • If you don't like premarital sex, then don't do it.

  • Hmmm waste all that time sexless and wait tilla girl decides you can have sex... yeah, no

    • Lol, sorry, but that's funny... but to the girl that posted, all good stuff, you're pretty funny too

    • I ain't waiting 6 - 10 years just to get some pussy just being honest and neither will any guy

  • Premarital sex is very common today nothing
    wrong with it I think good choice
    Like to chat sometime

  • Life is no fun without premarital sex.

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