Six Reasons Why Sex Isn't Fun For You

1. You are way too insecure

Six Reasons Why Sex Isn't Fun For You

You should be excited about wanting to go to the next phase of your relationship with your partner. Instead of looking forward to it, you constantly dwell on the fact that they will see you naked.

This "time of excitement" further brings out the insecurity issues you've had all along.

  • Am I too fat?
  • Will my stretchmarks be seen?
  • Are my boobs just right?
  • Will she like my penis size?

These are just a few of the many questions you ask yourself about your image.

Working on these insecurities before reaching the physical aspect of your relationship will do wonders for your sex life. If you keep focusing on the things you cannot change, you will not enjoy the encounter. Depending on the extent of your feelings, you may even try to further prolong moving to this phase of your relationship. This leads the person you are pursuing "on hold". They will wonder why things are standing still and not moving forward.

Insecurity issues further hinders the development of a relationship.

2. You do the same old routine

A. The same ol' way, just a different day

Six Reasons Why Sex Isn't Fun For You

At first the sex was amazing but now it's boring. The problem isn't that your partner's performance has changed (for the worse). It's the fact that it hasn't changed at all!

It was fun the first couple of months! After many years....not so much!

If you do something the same way over and over, you're only bound to get bored of it.

Have you ever heard the same song time and time again?

It was probably your most favorite. But after hearing it countless times, you want to change the radio station anytime it comes on. When it comes to sex you want to make a change. Sure, you'll go back to hearing your favorite song every now and then, but now it's time for something a little different.

  • Why do you not try surprising your partner with sex, instead of planning it?

Being spontaneous always increases the fun! You can add to the enjoyment by greeting your guy dressed in hot lingerie.

  • Give surprise oral sex
  • Add more foreplay to your routine (This builds on the intensity factor)
  • Have sex in an outdoor setting if you're adventurous.

Just do something different!

There's so many other things you can do to add to the spice in your relationship.

Talk about these things with your partner. See where their boundaries lie and if they agree.

B. You're not willing to explore

Sex is supposed to be about fun and going the extra mile for your partner. Chances are, you won't be into everything your person of choice is into. But the fact that you are going to extreme lengths to satisfy that person will make them grateful. This person should be doing the same for you.

Healthy compromise is always a good thing.

You don't have to do this sexual act all of the time, but occasionally doing so in efforts to make your significant other happy is very applaudable.

3. You do not like the length of your sex session

Six Reasons Why Sex Isn't Fun For You

A. Sex is way too short.

Reason (1) - Just way too excited!

He just started.

-2 minutes later-

Oh dear, now he's finished! :-(

You want your girl to enjoy the sex but the problem is you cannot last more than a few minutes.

  • Have you tried jerking off before the actual intercourse?

Getting the first nut out of the way, makes you last longer.

  • Do not start off with a position that gets your overly excited!

This makes you want to cum much faster! Some people say, "save the best for last" for a reason.

Reason (2) - Overwhelmed with stress.

You're not focused on your partner. You're mind is left wondering about all of the hassles and stressful things in your life. This effects your performance negatively. You find yourself unable to get erected or having difficulty maintaining one.

B. Sex is way too long

If you're on the other end of this spectrum, (sex is too short) you're probably wondering why on Earth would someone hate long sex?

Some people are just unable to handle long hours of penetration.Their body starts to physically get tired.

Their parts start to ache and hurt. This causes discomfort and very minimial pleasure.

When you really know your partner, you'll know what length of sex works for them. Some people are able to handle long love sessions. While others aren't.

To really know what your partner wants, you should have a open road of communication.

Each time you have sex with someone , you learn more about what they want.

If they haven't complained to you about anything, then continue doing as you please!

4. You haven't found the right person

Six Reasons Why Sex Isn't Fun For You

You love sex in general but not with this person. This person doesn't listen to your needs at all. You find yourself not enjoying the sex at all.

Some people are just not compatible sex wise.

Before you give up hope,

I suggest speaking to your partner about this. If they are open, they will take into account what you have said and try to improve their performance.

Great sex won't happen overnight...but they'll definitely make efforts to move forward in that direction.

Six Reasons Why Sex Isn't Fun For You

5. You're not physically attracted to your partner

I find that when I am emotionally connected to someone , my physical attraction for them grows. However, not every one is like this. If they do not find you attractive at all from the beginning, chances are that will not change (unless your appearance improves significantly). This can hinder the sex life.

The person who is not attracted probably makes little or no advances towards intercourse because they aren't interested in it with their significant other.

There is no doubt this is a definite blow to ones self esteem.

No one likes to be seen as unattractive.

6. You're feeling guilty

Six Reasons Why Sex Isn't Fun For You

You don't feel that you should enjoy something that goes against your morals.

  • Is it sex before marriage?
  • Did you have sex with someone who is promiscuous (and your personal feelings are usually against someone who is like this?)
  • Did you have sex with someone elses significant other?

Whatever it is, you don't allow yourself to enjoy the full extent of the sexual encounter because you submit to your emotions.

Do not let your past decisions define you. They are only just a choice you made once in time. If you're feeling that guilty about them, then do not continue to engage in something that is emotionally destroying you.

Six Reasons Why Sex Isn't Fun For You

I personally love a good sex session.

Who doesn't?

When you find yourself confident, honest, a good communicator and fully secure you'll enjoy your sex life a whole lot more!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yesterday was the first time I had an orgasm in my life. He was tender towards me. He listened to me, explored my body, the biggest turn on was that he enjoyed my body and took his time studying me and exploring me.

    • High five! Hopefully more to come. ... literally

    • Was he older?

    • He was 28

    • Show All

Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly you can get insecure about getting insecure it's crazy. just thinking what if I can't perform can make you perform badly. i find being able to zone out is helpful i. e meditation helps

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What Girls & Guys Said

9 19
  • Can I please just subscribe to all your awesome mytakes? The insecurity issue is so huge in your own mind and then so tiny in the mind of the person you're with.

    • Thanks :) You are so right about the insecurity issue. People are their own worst critics. We spend time obsessing over a particular flaw the other person probably wouldn't even notice.

  • I am so lucky that none of this affects me, I am super happy with my sex life, my partner and i are on the same page and enjoy the same sort of stuff, we try new things and after almost 4 years it has never got boring. We still find each other sexy... Really I didn't know it til now but he is my one :)

  • Great post, especially for long sex sessions and insecurity, I deal with those problems.

  • #6 Hit the jackpot for me

    • I felt guilty for allowing myself to be pressured into sex before marriage. So thats why I haven't made that mistake again since that one boyfriend

  • Where is feeling out of shape? I naturally last a long time, say 30 min, but I just can't keep up any fun or interesting positions or pace for that long... but this was easily the best motivator to get more in shape vs. just trying to slim down! the better shape I am in, the better sex I can have!

    • Do u mean stamina? Well if u ask me u last longer than most. If u r needing to do all of that work sounds like u have a lazy partner. I rode my guy for twenty minutes the other day.

    • I feel both people should contribute. There's no reason why someone should be doing all of the work all of the time

    • No, not sexual stamina, physical stamina, like I last long enough to get winded or tired out during! But the sex is good and I like how long I last, my GFs seem to as well. And at least from girls I have dated, they are even worse than me in putting work in, they can go about 10-15min before it is not doing naything for me anymore! Plus I like being dominant in sex anyway, so often I take a 10 min breather and flip them over again. but I am not an in shape person and don't really date in shape girls, I don't like the fitness obsessed types, just being healthy and attractive is enough for me, but I suppose it has its draw backs in this regard...

    • Show All
  • I am a woman, and this hits home for me. You have done an amazing job on this post. Sex with my partner feels amazing, but majority of the time we used to do misionary. Now we have more variety. However, I do have insecurities. I feel like that really ruins the experience for me, and my partner. I feel a bit on the heavy side, but he says im fine.

  • It covered everything :o
    For me, it's #2 :(

  • LOL... long hours of sex?
    That is fantasy talk. I used to be on a particular pain medication that caused me to take forever. After 10 min of pumping both of us were typically tired of it. I doubt many people are going to want 'hours' even if it were possible. Foreplay... sure if your young and want sex to go forever I guess...

    • I actually had two hour sex the other day, breaks in between. but you are right maybe I am in the "few category"

    • Also the average session of pumping is ten min. So typically , you are doing just fine

    • 7 min is the avg I have see if you just get right to it. I am very oral. basically I want to play for a while, then I take care of her orally so she cums at least 1x, more if she wants, then I finish. by that time it rarely takes long. I am not someone that wants to just have intercourse. I dated a woman like that in January. I broke it off because we were just sexually incompatible. we would be laying in bed, sometimes 2 hrs. then all of a sudden she is getting naked and she wants me to get to it. I am like WTF? I talked to her about it and was going to break up after the 1st week and 2nd week. But I was so unhappy I was dreading going over there. finally I just said 'forget this". she still didn't get it. I told her I don't want sex to just be intercourse. I was ok with it being 1 for me, next time for her. her idea of blowing me was about 30 sec.

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  • Ok, 1 and 6. Who is that in their own head when there is a naked woman right in front of you?

    • I think mostly women do that kind of thing. And people with tiny penises. And people from very religious households who are transitioning out of it.

  • Number 1. Even though my boyfriend says I'm "perfect" i still feel insecure. I see all the bad stuff...

    • Totally feel the same! A few times I looked down at my thighs and I was like OMFG!!! I figured out they don't see all that stuff lol Especially if the lighting is just right

    • @Coffinspire Guys aren't as observant as girls.. i've noticed but it still makes me uncomfortable.

  • It's a nice take I suppose, although I wouldn't encourage degeneracy in a public setting.

    • Some people like to live on the wild side. Public setting doesn't always mean there has to be people around. It could be in your back yard , an empty park etc.

  • Learn from this, you non-good-sex-getting people out there. RULE 1!!! Don't be insecure - just don't care. "Don't think; just do" is the motto.

  • These are some good tips. (No pun intended. Ha!)

  • lol the headder made me think this was going to be a condescending, judgmental post about how you shouldn´t have sex :D i´m positively surprised. nice take.

  • Yeah...4 and 5 is the consequence of being a nice, ugly or shy guy. Hence the enormous demand for sex workers, porn, the ridiculous amount of human trafficking for sex and that really funny Ashley Madison fiasco.

  • 7. It's a far likelyhood anyone will ever say yes to you.

    That's what I'm trying to cope with currently. I think i have to accept the fact that it's a fairly certain likelihood no one in my life will ever say yes to me. I don't know how I'm gonna be happy knowing that but I'm trying.

  • physical attraction is so important

  • Great post, and good advice for a majority of people Who read this

  • Good take. I think sometimes bad diet and lack of exercise can play into this too. For example running out of energy to quickly and so on.

  • Literally all but 6 :(

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