I Will Not Sleep With You Yet

Have you ever wondered why that girl was playing hard to get? Moral conflicts? Always a safe guess. A little go-naked shame? Happens to the best of us. Innocence, perhaps? Unusual, but possible. What if some of us just don't sleep on first dates by choice?

I will never, ever sleep with a guy on a first date because of ME. I don't have strong feelings on the moral field, I believe the "playing hard to get" attitude gets you nowhere and I do LOVE sex. I just find it so inconvenient. Great sex can be confusing and lead to a passionate sexual fling with someone that simply doesn't match my expectations. Poor performance can send me away from a great guy that could do a lot better in bed. Finally, if the ultimate outcome will be great sex with The One, I see no reason to jump straight there. Below, my picture of four common possible scenarios, drawn based on experience (mine and my girl friends).

Amazing sex with a guy I end up not liking
Some guys' performance is inherently better than average. Everybody knows some of us are better lovers. Let's suppose I hit the target and end up in bed with one of these. I'll find myself wanting a rerun. Can you blame me? But maybe after a couple of more dates, the two of us find out we're not compatible at all. Conclusion: I'd had a night to remember, and a hard time letting this one go regardless of the fact that I don't like him. Breaking up here will be a tough call for me.

A lousy sack with a great guy that probably could do better and I might get to like a lot
Read carefully, this is oh-so-convenient! for you. First times are usually a bit awkward, even after a couple of dates, when you know the person a little more. Let alone getting naked in front of a recent acquaintance, forgive me if I'm wrong but I'm getting the vibe that both partners could be a tad uptight. Conclusion: one lousy first, doesn't compromise the entire life of a sexual relationship. The thing is, after that first impression I might find it hard to give the guy a second chance. Yes, sex matters to girls, too. Sad thing here is, in my experience, I could be losing one of the few good ones.

Average performance in someone reasonably compatible with me
I dare say this may be the most common. We keep going out and getting to know each other better. The relationship is comfortable, I adapt. Sex can get better or worse, depending on the case. We might get older and bored together. Winning some company, I may be losing the chance to live the real love thing, but we can hold on to this a long while. Until one of us finds someone else. As you see, this scenario might lead to a forever kind of thing, or just a good, satisfying, couple of years romance. But what if I get stuck here, and miss the REAL love thing?

Amazing sex with The One
Weird and scarce. What if it happened to me? I'd consider myself the luckiest girl on Earth. God, will I hold on to that one!

Next time you're judging a girl for not having sex on your first date, think a little longer about the kind of relationship it'll turn out to be. For in most of these situations I believe I'll be better off anyway (and you, too).


What Guys Said 11

  • OOPS, I repeated myself with weeks interval, without paying attention

  • Another reason is a (sometimes nearly subconscious) idea she has "daddy wouldn't like his daughter to do that". Sounds a bit ridiculous but is very present with some girls, even at 30 and over: educationaly induced inhibitions. What good girls do and don't'. The BIG reason whole generations of women did not want oral or anal sex. 'Only whores and gaysdo such things'

    (gives also often distorted results in surveys)

  • You are forgetting a deeper reason: Your parents and anyone else learned you for year they trust you not to behave like that. Once you're grown up or nearly you take your own life in hand. But deep in you there is that feeling that you just aren't right if you do that. Because everyone told you so often that nice serious girls don't.

    You just were conditioned not to have sex but... It took them 20 years . They had 20 years (or 16 years) time to condition you, to get you full of guilty feelings

  • I couldn't agree more with you. For me it would be totally awkward to have sex on the first date. She doesn't know me and I doesn't know her at all. True it begins at the first date when you guys get to know each other, but for me it would be way too early to do it one the first meeting.

    I would rather get to known her better. in my opinion true sex of love would only be made when you guys are both attracted to each other, and both are ready to do it. :)

  • Exactly this is one of those heads - I loose, tails - you win situation for you girls...

  • I do agree however the first few dates fall into the "not just yet" category.

    But anything other than that, IS PURE Control. Men aren't their pawns just cause the have a vagina.

    If men only wanted sex, there are many 3rd world countries with ULTRA hot 19-23yo virgins that we could go to.

    The costs of travel and "hooking up" costs less than dataing those bi@tches who use sex as a tool to control on a yearly basis

  • Ahh, the beloved I will not sleep with you yet wild card Unfortunatly for men,some girls use it for PURE CONTROL.

    I don't mind waiting, but once its clear of what both are intentions are, if she pulls the lets wait card on me, I won't stand for that. Women don't realise dates, spending time, money, gifts, more time, more spending adds up to a top notch prostitue.

    If I only wanted sex, Id go to eastern europe sleep with hot young virgins and it will costy me less than 6 months of dates !!!

  • Who says anyone guys or girls have to have sex on the first date let alone first say 10 dates whatever happened to getting to know someone, for me personally sex is not, not by any means all its cracked up to be. I think its way overrated to say the very least. I don't think there is anything wrong with morals, and so what if the girl doesn't sleep with the guy on the first date I couldn't help but think whore? or why? Just because one dates it doesn't & automatically mean sex, I'm not like most

  • You forgot to mention one other reason.....what if she's still having sex with her ex? That's what happened to me. She even told me that she was really attracted to me, and wanted to have sex, but that it would ruin everything. She said "I know myself, and as soon as we have sex, it will all be over." Then I found out she was still having sex with her ex from 9 months earlier....even though he kicked her out of the house. Figure that one out.

    • Poor you. In that case I would leave her. It's seems like she isn't over her ex. yet. Everybody boys or girls can choose between having sex with someone (of course if it isn't rape). They have the option! So if they are cheating on you, it's better to just leave them. They are not worth your time. That's what I think.

      Somebody would say give her a second chance, but come on, even if you do that I think personally after having a round with her ex she will be more attracted to him instead. maybe no? I am just expressing my opinions. have no clue or experience on relationships. :P

  • Boy, you weren't kidding about having no moral thoughts on the issue. Machiavellian maybe.

  • This is probably the most intelligent, thought out viewpoint I've seen in a long while. You've brought up excellent points that would otherwise be easily overlooked. When you ponder these scenarios, it really makes you think and consider the 'what if's'


What Girls Said 11

  • You can easily flip it around. what if you fall in love get attached then have sex and realiz you're not compatible.

    id rather have great sex then realize i dont like him. c'mon thats NOT hard to move on from at ALL.,, and you have an automatic friends with benefits if need arises. as apposed to love someone i can't stand sleeping with.

    i think provided excellent reasons to have sex asap.

    as for poor performance. if you KNOW the guy cold do better then its your responsibility not to just jump off the handle bc it was not perfect.

    in both situations all you need to do is think logically.

    im not suggesting you have sex before you are ready. but if you ready your reasons are not reasons they are just fears about what might happen in the future.

    think of why you even feel the need to justify why you want have sex until ore ready. you dont 'need' to explain it. people should fck when they want to fuck no time sooner. a guy who is going to hold that against you isn't worth having sex with. you dont owe him 'proof' that you have a right not to have sex when you're not ready.

    you seem to have some kind of guilty feeling about doing it, not doing so you are writing an article that really is just common sex. if yore not ready on the first date thees no reason to do it. no one should expect you to. but you dont need reasons to not want to do something. and your reasons give more support to doing it than not.

  • I truly love this one! You're so right! A guy that gets mad at a girl for not putting out obviously has no respect and doesn't deserve booty in the first place!

  • I hate how guys have the nerve to get mad at you for not putting out. They act like you owe them sex! I don't have casual sex because I get attached easily.

  • I really like your story and I agree with you. At one point most of us realises that meaningless sex is meaningless, better sooner than later :)

  • I don't like to have sex too soon in a "relationship" because it seems to bring the woman closer to the guy because of the chemical things that go on in the head. Then if he decides later that he doesn't want me any more I have to get over the guy and deal with the coming down effect. It's a lot harder I have found after you have had sex with someone. For me anyways.

  • Nice. Very well written. I like your style.

  • I do not think sex on a first date says much for either person, unless you have been friends for a while. Dating is the time spent to get to know one another, not one anothers bodies. And yes some women use it as a tool but not all. My ex-husband and I only had sex 2 time in the 8 months we were dating before we got married, and that was on him cause I wanted it more. So not all women are like that there are some men that do it too.. Thanks

  • I did find that experience with the one--and all I can say is I can die tomorrow fulfilled--don't settle--LOOK FOR IT--it is amazing!!!!!!!!!

  • So who do you like

  • I totally wish I could take back some of the nights I've spent with guys that didn't matter at all. I wish I thought about these reasons when I was younger.

  • I agree with you 100%! Unfortunately, guys never think that far ahead. (They're always like I want sex NOW!) Better have a woman tell him no. :)