Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Why I no longer feel 100% straight and why that's okay

Why I no longer feel 100% straight and why thats okay

So my whole life I've loved guys. I've always been boy crazy. Because of this I almost never questioned my sexuality, and on the few times I did I always came away thinking: I'm definitely straight.

That's why nobody was more surprised than me at the sudden shift my sexuality has taken over the last 6 months. I'm not sure if it's just growing older or the fact I'm more sexually experienced, but ever since around my 20th birthday I noticed myself noticing girls.

My gut instinct at first was to try to suppress it...but why? I'm a human being. Human beings are attracted to other human beings. Up til now it may have been exclusively men for me but maybe thats changing and maybe thats okay.

See the problem in our society is that we turn our sexuality into an identity. You have straight, bisexual and gay and we tell ourselves they're cut from totally separate cloths and you're stuck being one way your entire life.

But what if this belief, that lately seems to be promoted by both sides, is a fallacy? What if the lines are more blurred? And what if there's more fluidity than we like to acknowledge? What if our sexuality CAN change?

And I mean why not? We all grow and evolve in a million different ways as we get older. Why not this aspect?

As a society we need to rid ourselves of these tropes we desperately cling to. Our sexuality is not a reflection of our sense of self. It has no bearing on who we are as people.

If a person (16/18+ and consenting) turns you on, go with it. Don't feel guilt or shame or confusion. Just enjoy the experience.

At this point I guess you could call me heteroflexible. But thats not really a fixed label so much as a current state of being. I'm allowing myself to feel whatever I feel and to flirt with whoever I want.

I *mostly* like guys. And at the moment I have no real interest in experimenting/physical contact with other girls...but I recognize that that may change as I get older. And if it does thats okay.

Choosing to remain stagnant limits your potential. We only live once and and we aren't on this earth long enough to be afraid of ourselves or the changes that come with time because they can be amazing if we allow them to be.

0 1

Most Helpful Guy

  • Sexuality is best presented as a line.
    Purely heterosexual is way to the left, and purely homosexual is way to the right. Heterosexual with no preference is in the middle.
    most people are not one of the far left or fr right preferences, but they are often so far to one side that they do not realistically see themselves going for the other side.
    And honestly, if you're able to develop a friendship with the same sex then it shows you are not exclusively heterosexual in nature. But it doesn't mean you'll suddenly fuck persons of the same sex.

    Also society has imense power to shape a person. So to asume a lot of people have a suppressed sexuality is just natural. They probably won't be the complete oposite, but to say there are several closet bicurious people out there (especially among males) would very likely be true.

    Can sexuality change over time? Yes it can in my opinion. Think of it as a floating point along the earlier mentioned line. It won't suddenly jump a lot (unless due to a severe mental trauma, or brain injury. that can in some cases change it) but it can slowly change. Maybe you got rid of a social stigma, and figured you were more into boys than you tought? Maybe you just explored new sides? or maybe you figured you were in fact straight, and not bicurious?

    So that's my opinion on sexuality.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm in a very similar place. Only recently I've accepted the fact that I'm heteroflexible and I'm not afraid to say it. I know I've always liked guys, but not gonna lie, on a rare occasion I found myself sexually attracted to girls too. I didn't think much of it, since I knew I liked guys way more than girls and I would never be in a romantic relationship with a girl. But if the opportunity presented itself, and I was REALLY attracted to a girl, I'd have sex with her, and I guess that doesn't make me fully straight at all. So yeah, I can really relate to this take :)

    • There are a lot of women like you out there. The absolute best of all worlds is if you find a boyfriend who is ok with that and you are ok with him being with your girlfriend. I've had this arrangement of two bisexual girlfriends and it is truly amazing for everyone.

    • @WalterRadio wth? no. never. I'm monogamous af. o_o

    • That's your feeling, and there is nothing wrong with it, but recognize that the cost is to stay confused. The confusion is because you are looking for answers inside a box. The answer may be outside the box. I don't know everything you might find outside your box, I gave one example, and you may not think it is right for you. But look outside the box with an open mind until you find what you are looking for.

    • Show All

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

7 18

  • Why did you post this as 'Anonymous'? I would love to 'talk' with you, privately, because You are RIGHT! The judgmental, condemning culture can't be changed unless some start, like you, questioning the ridiculous, ignorant, status quo!!
    I love that you just posted this, even 'Anonymously', because the world is changing, and more are going to say what you said, and the Haters are going to have to find a way to deal with their ignorance, and close-mindedness!!

  • If you are just starting to feel an attraction to the same sex then it is the culture that is doing this to you. I see this on TV and movies way too much.

    • I agree

    • 1000% agreed. I don't even think she's attracted to women on a sexual scale. I'm totally into women. I adore them. I'm facinated by them and I want to spend my life with a cutie who completes me. Cringe aside, I'm not afraid to say that a man is attractive. If he's butched and what have you, I'm not insecure to say "Damn that guy is hot". But I'm not SEXUALLY aroused or interested in him... it's more of a "I wish I was like him, but whatever" thing.

    • @BruceJender YES

  • Wow, well written 👏
    I completely understand what you're saying and i'm glad you have no shame to say it. Society wants to label everything but we ain't products, we are who we are, we feel what we feel and we got to accept it and be proud of it. Bravo, girl ☺️

  • You may have always had a tendency towards these feelings but never met anyone who elicited them from you... Or didn't consider it bc it was not as pooka or atopic as it is once you get to university.

    You've just got Avery descriptive word to put to feelings you may have always had but not known anyone they could fall upon. Could've been dormant.

    I don't think it's at all surprising for anyone to suddenly note attraction to same sex.

    First time I met a boy I really liked I was 19. First time I thiught I might like a girl I was 20.

    As a hike I was attracted to boys and girls but never liked anyone as a person. I just didn't even consider women bc nine if th girls I liked seemed to be I to girls so I thiught it was a just an inconvenience of feeling I'd have to live with.

  • Hetroflexable thats such a great way for most ladies to go by.

    I say you like who you like just go with it. It matters not what some people say as long as you are comftable with who you are with

  • Yeah, I hear you. =)
    Nice take.

  • Sounds more like you're trying more to convince yourself that it's okay, rather than us.

    I wouldn't rule out the idea of sexuality having a bearing on who we are as people. It's finicky granted, but I think there is some evidence to suggest that your sexuality can also show what sort of person you are.

  • Wow great post. I'm glad your expanding your horizons.
    I myself came out of the closet not too long ago.

  • I like that you're so open and shared this

  • Sexuality is fluid. I think if we could abolish gender then people would more easily accept liking people that they like. My girlfriend is a lesbian and the was really weirded out about being attracted to me, she accidentally listed herself as bi on okcupid and I messaged her and she couldn't stop coming and looking at my profile so eventually she messaged me back.

    • So she's not "lesbian" then? She's bi?

    • I'm a very feminine looking guy but aside from that it's a one off. I'm the only man that she's ever been attracted to and other than me she remains only attracted to women. She still identifies as gay and I respect that.

  • Wow, very well written take and I like how you have presented your point of view.

  • Yea that's pretty much how i feel. Guys are fun to look at, but it doesn't really do anything. Butterflies maybe if we're being generous.

    But who knows what the future holds

  • "but ever since around my 20th birthday I noticed myself noticing girls."

    What do you mean by 'notice girls'. I've 'noticed' several things in my life, but those things don't definite me.

    If you are sexually attracted to women, you're at the very least bicurious and ALWAYS have been, it's not exactly a phase or your sexuality "maturing" or whatever you want to call it, it's something you have always had and were born with.

    Like I told another answer, I've always been into women 1000%... but I'm not afraid to admit that I find other men attractive - but I have no intention on doing anything sexual with them AT ALL.

    "If you are just starting to feel an attraction to the same sex then it is the culture that is doing this to you. I see this on TV and movies way too much. " is the perfect answer.

    • I couldn't disagree with many of your statements more! She said she 'noticed' girls' at 20, but that doesn't imply any latent sexuality, or desire! Maybe she just saw a cute girl, and thought something, in passing? It may be more common, as people 'grow up' and realize that it's OK to be who they are, and feel more comfortable with their bodies, and seeing other, naked people, in college, or wherever! Women are AMAZING, so why shouldn't she like seeing them? Why do people seem to equate a momentary thought, a feeling, and put a LABEL on people? Why can't we just be who we are, and NOT need to be 'defined' as 'Gay' or 'Bi' or whatever? WE define our 'Culture' and how we relate! I think that most people are at least curious, sometimes, but afraid to be 'LABELED' so they repress their feelings. That's sad, when we have the Freedom, here, in the US, to be who we feel, and say that we like what we like!

    • Because those very labels make us what we are as human beings. Of course it doesn't matter what you are, but what does is who you choose to be.

  • unfortunately the same doesn't go for men. Women hate dating bi sexual men.

    • That seems true from all the questions asked by bi guys. But I don't understand why.

  • Maybe its your hormones and again maybe it will fade away.

  • This thing is getting stupid

  • actual almost every girls likes to be a bi sexual person but if a guys is like that then no one dates him because men have many restriction in this case.

  • its okay as long as its a girl!

  • From my personal experience, about 60% of women are bi-curious, about 25% have had an experience with another woman and about 15% are bisexual.

    I had two girlfriends at the same time who were bisexual. We had amazing sex. All three of us agreed that the best sex is two women who are into each other and the man at the same time. Too bad they had to graduate from college and move. We've been talking about a reunion.

    I think in the near future, we will start to see acceptance of poly families. There are just too many women who like their primary relationship to be with a man, but who like sex with both men and women.

  • so you are fluid good on you

  • Show More (5)
Home >  Sexual Relationships  > Why I no longer feel 100% straight and why that's okay