Sexual Relationships
+1 y

There's more to a person than the amount of sex partners they have

There's more to who you are than the number you have racked up. Every one that is judging you is doing so based on religious and moral beliefs. You have to understand, that it's impossible for literally every person to agree with something. No matter what the topic is, there will always be those with opposing views. You have to understand that there's no getting away from that. Different views, comes along with any territory.

You have plenty of sex partners

There's more to a person than the amount of sex partners they have.


As long as you are:

A) Protecting yourself

Even with just one sex partner sex can turn into a game of Russian roulette. It's very important that you educate yourself about sex before engaging in it. All it takes is one person, and one time. Is a few moments of pleasure worth your entire life? You could easily contract HIV which turns into a deadly virus called AIDS. Weigh your options. There are various forms of birth control methods that will prevent pregnancy and protect against stds. Find the one that best suits you.

Even if the birth control method chosen were to fail (nothing is 100%) there are other methods that can work as a emergency contraceptive to prevent pregnancy. In our generation, we have so much available when it comes to sex and protection. So educate yourself! The more you know the better it is for you and your partners.

B) Honest

Are you misleading others in order to get what you want?

We all have heard of that person who hits and runs (engages in sex with a person and never calls them back).

Do you really want to be that person?

It's never okay to tell someone what they want to hear just so you can get sex from them. Yes, you got what you wanted. But you have to ask yourself, was that the right thing to do?

Are you cheating on your significant other or cheating with someone elses?

It's one thing to sleep around, but it's another to drag innocent people down a path of hurt they don't deserve. You can get what you want by being honest with each and every one. You can even find someone who shares the same values as you. Have you ever heard of open relationships? Swingers? or Polyamory? Look into it if you haven't already.

C) Not relying on sex

Some people find sex addiction a joke, they don't believe it exists. What some people fail to realize is that, anything can become an addiction. When someone heavily relies on an object of choice, a substance, or even a person it can become one. If someone is constantly using something in order to feel "normal" or fill a void, then there is a major problem. This person will eventually rely on that "feel good moment" and chase that feeling which results in repetitive behavior (in order to gain what makes them feel good). When it comes to sex, that can be very dangerous. It could lead you down a road of destruction . You could lose everything.

When an addiction controls someone they often lie, cheat, steal, just to get what they want.Some sex addicts end up prostiuting just to get what they want. Some even regularly pay for sex (if they haven't already sold their body). This can lead you to lose a lot of money and be at an extreme financial set back.

If you have your grips on all of these, then do not let how people view what you do in the privacy of your own bed room define you. If you know you are protecting yourself, honest, and not relying on sex then continue to enjoy. Some people seem to sum you up in just one word "slut" or "whore" that is their attempt to define you, which further projects their ignorance. Stay true to yourself and what you like.

What you're doing isn't everyones cup of tea. As long as you know you aren't inflicting harm then why should I allow myself to possess so much anger towards how you want to live your life?

I have very few or no sex partners

There's more to a person than the amount of sex partners they have

So, people are pretty much flying out of their Mom's womb not a virgin in today's generation.

Okay, you got me! Huge exaggeration but you get the point.

It seems as if you are the last virgin walking. Even if you aren't one, you feel as if you have very little sex experience when it comes to your peers. In comparison to your friends your number seems like almost nothing. You constantly think about this which causes you to feel like a loser, inadequate or like no one will want you!

You are way too hard on yourself!

No one with adult maturity will shame you for your lack of experience. If your friends are doing so,

then it leads me to question are they really your friends?

You can have just one sex partner and have all the experience in the world when it comes to that person. You don't necessarily have to be with every one to gain knowledge.

Whether you have had plenty of sex partners or not, there is more to who you are as a person.

Look at the personal attributes you have to offer and excel at those.

Put your positive energy into doing something positive rather than dwelling on where society expects you to be at a given time in your life.

Often times, those who feel they are at a set back tend to be their own worse critics.

I've heard comments anywhere from:

"I'm extremely unattractive, I'm doomed for life"

to

"My private area isn't ideal, I am useless in society."

If someone feels that strongly I suggest they reach out and talk to someone or look into counseling. Usually someone that hates a part of themselves to that degree of a level doesn't simply just "snap out of that feeling". They could be facing depression since these thoughts seemingly consume their lives.

There's more to a person than the amount of sex partners they have

Your sex life does not have to be the public topic of discussion. Especially to those who have no

desire of ever wanting to get into a relationship with you.

A reminder: Don't let society define how you should be.

Again: For the time being look at all of the greatness you have achieved and continue to build on that.

We are all people.

We shouldn't shame others because they chose a different path for themselves.

Even if you choose to express your opinion, there's a way of doing so without

tearing another down.

Don't empower yourself by shaming others.

Our uniqueness, our individuality, and our life experience molds us into fascinating beings. I hope we can embrace that. I pray we may all challenge ourselves to delve into the deepest resources of our hearts to cultivate an atmosphere of understanding, acceptance, tolerance, and compassion. We are all in this life together.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • This is EXACTLY why I advocate for a don't ask, don't tell policy when it comes to sexual history. If you like or love someone and trust them, it matters not. Each relationship stands on its own.

    • Totally agree... It not your partners business whether you are homosexual or not.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Eh true. But I still wouldn't date a guy that racked up a lot of partners. We just dont view sex the same. The lower the better.
    Nice take.

    • Personal preference is different than being judgmental. That's what I'm getting at here. Thanks for commenting.

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 27

  • Thank you for this post, I felt really guilty about the amount of partners I had in the past. I have little to no interest in pursuing anymore partners, I enjoy being in relationship with someone perfect and I would be embarrassed to mention my past in fear of scaring them away.

    Great post!

    • Thanks :)

  • I've slept with guys who are on their 20th woman and sometimes it dissuades me but if I found a really lovely guy who'd slept with that amount, I'd look past it so I'd expect other men to do the same.

    • Would you get with a guy who is a virgin still?

    • @Toad-1 I have twice and I don't plan on doing that again.

    • Why what happened?

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  • I have a don't ask don't tell policy.

  • I've lived both life and trust me, having one good partner is far better option. :/

  • I disagree with your premise that anyone who is judging you based on your number of sexual partners is doing so based on religious and moral beliefs. While I consider myself a religious and moral person, I understand that there is much more to life than religion and morals. However, let's assume that I am looking for a long term relationship and not casual sex, a friend with benefits, or a one night stand. I have two partners who I have been dating non-exclusively. Susan is a 47 year old divorced woman who has had 5 sexual partners in her lifetime. Mary is a 47 year old divorced woman who has had more than 40 sexual partners in her lifetime. Around the same time, both of them tell me that they are ready for us to have a sexual relationship. Since I am looking for a long term monogamous relationship, I must choose between the two of them. It would be ludicrous to assume that I shouldn't consider Mary's sexual history and it would be ludicrous to assume that I have an equal chance of having a successful long term relationship with both women. Those conclusions are not based upon religion or morality, but simply upon the experience many people have accumulated and our understanding of human nature.

    I write because I see religious people being made to look like idiots, blind zealots, bigots, and hypocrites far too often. I am not suggesting that was your intention with the comment that you made. However, it seems that many people want to insist that a person should be able to do whatever they want without bearing any consequences for their decisions. If a man or woman wants to have 50 or 100 sexual partners, they have the right to pursue that goal. The remainder of us have the right to use that information to make assessments about their character, personality, goals, etc. There will always be consequences for our decisions; to insist that it is wrong for anyone to make judgments about another person based on hat person's history seems to be a judgment that you are making about others. Right?

    • You're misunderstanding me completely. No where in my article did I say people should not have a preference. I stated towards the end, it's okay to have an opinion but the manner in which someone expresses it is unhealthy. I'm all for people having preferences because it's impossible for people to have the same outlook or values on certain things pertaining to life. Ideally , people want someone that shares the values that they do. When it comes to judgment , usually they are negative. People shame a person when they have slept with many. If the person is not spreading stds , cheating , lying , or using sex as a mask to cover their underlying issues. Who are we to say their private sex life is wrong if they are honest about it and doing none of those things? To define someone as a whore or a slut , when they r not impacting other people's lives negatively says a lot about the person throwing out those labels. I am creating an eye opener , not judging as you now can see.

    • To even insinuate that is terrible on your behalf because you are accusing me of being a hypocrite. That is the "judgment" I am speaking about.

    • I did misapprehend the gist of what you were saying and if I suggested that you are a hypocrite, I apologize. I do understand your point completely. I do not care one whit what someone does with their genitals when they are behind closed doors. I don't care whether they are promiscuous, homosexual, having threesomes or orgies, as long as the behavior is all shared by consenting adults. But if they come into my life, of course I must make some judgments and form some conclusions, and you are allowing for that; you are merely saying to let others live their lives as long as it does not impact our lives. With that, I agree. Perhaps that is not what you expected to hear a religious person say, but we are not all walking epitomes and stereotypes as the media suggests.

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  • I don't judge people on their sexual partners, but I judge them on it when I am choosing a boyfriend. I don't think a guy who has slept around a lot is worthy of being in a relationship with me. Sorry if that sounds narcissistic, but I'm just telling the truth. I don't care enough about other people's lives to judge them on their number lol

    • It's not narcissistic. If you want to be monogamous and the other person in the relationship doesn't have monogamous tendencies then issues can arise.

  • That's true, come end of the day, sex has a different meaning for many people. Just do what is right by you, cause come end of the day, it's your life, and no one else's.

    If you have a lot of sex, someone is gonna make fun of you. If you have little sex, someone is gonna make fun of you.

    So fuck it, be you.

    • @mexborough Aw, look at you. A random nobody coming out of nowhere to start a fight.

  • Large numbers of partners imply particular attitudes about sex, which usually go hand-in-hand with someone not being honest, etc. Usually, let them do the talking about their reasons for why they had which partner. If they're not even honest with themselves, they probably won't be honest with you either.

    It's understandable to feel guilty about having many partners. Deep down, everyone knows they're designed with the intent of having only one. To not be able to have the first also be the last is an admission of failure.

    That's why I don't let just any gal near my bedroom. A test of character is needed before I would even think about it. And if she is revealed to be less-than, then no dice.

  • it has nothing to do with religions or belifes, why we men deslike it because its bad not because its against religion , the thing is having way too many partners won't affect the way i interact with you or talk to you when we meet but a realtionship or even sex... probably not with a girl like that i dont want to have anything of that kind with such a girl , because in addition to what my fellows under me said having too many partners means you've been shared a lot and we men dont like sharing our stuff so its a huge turn off to know that what i have now lots of guys had behind me you're not special nor private anymore , your body is not for me only and is my secret no eveyone has seen and played with it at some point so thats not cool at all... also it has to do with dignity and respect and the fact that its humillating to have a girlfriend who sucked many dicks or had so many guys inside her , they will be like " i put my dick in her mouth , i put my dick in your girls mouth mate what you have i tried before you have no advantage over me, i did your girl " ( maybe they won't but we feel it anyway )

    • I said "religious" AND "moral" beliefs. ---moral beliefs CAN be non-religious which is why I included it in my sentence. Moral beliefs are views according to one-self and not a bible. There is a differentiation between those two words. I get why you dislike women that sleep around. I'm not telling people to "not have a preference" It's okay that they do. I'm just saying that if someone isn't a cheater, homewrecker, has a sex addiction, honest with every one , why put a nasty label on them? Let that person live their life, there is more to them than the number of people they have been with sexually. I feel the only people that deserve those ugly labels are those people with harmful intents, then it is understandable in my opinion.

    • no one is stopping you from banging every guy in sight you can do as you please , but dont expect a good man after you're done playing and want something serious

    • I didn't insert myself in this article, so I'd appreciate it if you don't do the same with me. I am speaking in general and hypothetically speaking , I'd like to keep it that way, Thanks! I covered both ends of the spectrum those who sleep around a lot and those who do not.

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  • Man, Whats up with all the Slut / Sleeze glorification lately?

    If your fuckin a different dude/gal everyweek, Somethings clearly up with you xD

    • Where am I glorifying it? Please show me a line where I am doing that? Or did u miss the overall message completely?

    • Just the general vibe of your message seems very... 'it dosent matter if you've fucked 500 people this year, its cool, because your a great human being and you rock!!! embrace your inner whorness!!! you go!!' No, Fair enough if you did not directly say its cool to be promiscious, But... You basically told people who are how great human beings they are and how them being promicious is irellevent.

    • Aside from peoples individual moral views how is it wrong? If the person is honest with everyone , not spreading disease , not cheating , doesn't have a sex addiction , then it's not wrong. Something that is wrong is deceitful and harms others. My point here is you shouldn't judge people especially when they are honest with themselves and others. There's more to a person than what they do in the privacy of their own bedroom. There's killers , rapist , child molesters out there. Those people are wrong no matter which way you slice it. Don't see how someone enjoying sex is wrong unless they are spreading stds , cheating , and have a addiction with it

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  • Please tell me this isn't away to brainwash guys into this "the past is the past" BS.

    • There's a deeper message in this article than that. Even if that WERE my message, there a such thing as growth. Who I was 5 years ago... Isn't the same person I am today. You define someone by who they become from their past,... not the past itself. It's okay to have a preference and not want to date someone that was promiscuous. But to shame someone because of it says a lot about you as a person.

  • I have the same opinion some guys here have. I'm not a guy that sleeps around with everyone, so I'll be judgmental towards the number of sex partners for a potential girlfriend.

    • There's a difference between judgmental and having a preference. Preferences are fine. It's normal to want someone that values sex the same way you do. But to bring judgment and tear someone else down isn't okay especially when they are not a liar, cheater , std spreader, or have a sex addiction. If they are in an open relationship or polyamory whose to say they are wrong? Wrong means to inflict harm.

  • OP, this is what I don't like about your mytake:

    1) You seem to imply that guys are the ones at fault for having their own preferences, that we should be ashamed if we don't like promiscuity, and that we should basically give up our values and completely submit to the other side.

    2) You seem to promote promiscuity, subtly and visibly.

    3) I agree with the other guys here, since I've signed up there have been dozens of mytakes talking about how if guys don't want to date a promiscuous woman, then we are sexist and misogynistic. Your mytake seems like yet another one that can be added to that pile.

    • Before i begin , i must say i find it interesting that i covered both sides of the spectrum those who have too many partners and those who have few yet people only seem to acknowledge the promiscuous section. Here's what I dislike about your response and your misinterpretation of mytake : 1. This "take" was not even gender specific. I did not mention male or female sex in it. So, if you think I said anything about men that's only from a fragment of your imagination. I did not shame people for having preferences , if you read towards the end of my take I clearly stated it's okay to have an opinion but if it is not 1 that tears someone down. My overall message is, simply let people live their life if it does not affect yours or the people around them. 2. No where did I promote that. Again, without this take promiscuity would still exist. So, the fact that people are engaging in it has nothing to do with me. People have done so since pre historic times and continue to do so now

    • I am simply saying if someone is a person that is not an std spreader , cheater , liar , or someone using sex has a way to cover up their underlying issues , who are you to say their choices are wrong when they are enjoying an act in the privacy of their own home? Wrong means to inflict harm. These people aren't doing that especially if they are honest. There is more to a person than a number they have yet people choose to define them by using the words "slut" or "whore" all because they disagree. Should someones private sex acts define their existence has a human being and cancel out all of the positives in their life? No. Again , I'm all for preferences but not judgment which often has ugly and vile words that follow it. 3. Again, this take was not gender specific. I made this for both sides which is why I did not insert a sex when speaking.

    • Right, well I see what you said to another person down there. In my view, you did a bad job in clarifying that this is not about dating preferences, but rather, people judging others in general. And besides, I'm not going to just drop everything and stop judging others considering males who don't have sex still appear to be looked down upon. The people who are pro-promiscuity seem to hate virgins for some reason, and that is why the tension never ends.

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  • well, if I have knowledge that a girl has slept with a bunch of guys in a short time span, that tells me she is definitely not ready for a commitment and also that she is promiscuous af. I would not be mean to this person tho.

    • That's respectable. Not everyone shares the same values.

    • ty for upvote :)

    • No problem :)

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  • I'm with you on this one. I don't care who or what she's done in the past so long as she's clean and happy.

  • Eh, so are you saying i can have my opinion but its just like "live and let live" with it? I dont see being undiscriminating as good, at least depending on the situation snd who is affected by it, but for a relationship i would look for traits that i admire or that align with my own? I mean i wouldn't go out and marry some random person so that it would be undiscrminating. Im honestly confused as hell right now, what do you mean tho

    • @Usaname You are exactly right in what you took from this article. That is exactly what I am saying. I don't mind people having a preference but when it comes to condemning someone who is doing no wrong by calling them derogatory names , then I have a problem. I am not okay with those who lie, cheat , mislead , or use sex has a cover up for their underlying issues. Those people may be all of those vile names. But the people that are purely having sex for fun, and are honest or in open relationships what harm are they causing others by living their life? They shouldn't be grouped in the same category. People should let people live their life by not judging. Sure, an opinion is ok. But when you're saying slut or whore and defining someone by what they do in the privacy of their own bedroom , it's wrong.

    • Damn, hopefully these people really get that out of this, thats just a great message, good take

  • "Every one that is judging you is doing so based on religious and moral beliefs"

    That actually isn't correct. First of all you can be non-religious and still dislike it. More importantly though: Science disproves you at every point and shows how promiscuity is to be seen as negative on many levels.

    And because I am a lazy bum I will quote myself from a previous thread:

    • Promiscuous people have been linked time and time again to...
      ... mental instability and higher rates of mental illness
      ... higher rates of STDs (It's a numbers game after all)
      ... be more likely to be a single parent (a numbers game once again)
      ... have higher rates of abortion (numbers game)
      ... have less stable relationships and higher divorce rates
      ... have increased chances of having been in an abusive relationship
      ... be more likely to cheat
      ... being more likely to become addicted
      ... be more likely to come out of a broken household.

      Want some sources?
      cdn. freedomainradio. com/... iage_Partners_Study. pdf
      -> Page 19-25. Especially Page 24-25 is quite relevant.

      www.everydayhealth.com/.../...eaten-longevity.aspx

      medicalxpress. com/.../... partners-linked-drug. html

      news-releases. uiowa. edu/.../061411paik_study. html

      https://www.barbararisman.com/uploads/7/8/9/2

      www.ideals.illinois.edu/.../Saroj_Hardit.pdf
      -> Promiscuity is linked to sexual aggression.
      -> Page 59. "The number of sexua

    • https://www.bradley.edu/dotAsset/165862.pdf
      -> Page 4. "Perhaps the strongest personality correlate of risky sexual behaviour is impulsive sensation-seeking"
      -> Page 8. Promiscuous people are more likely to be impulsive, have low agreeableness, low conscientiousness, sensation-seeking and a higher level of sexual infidelity.
      -> Page 14. "People who describe themselves as more unfaithful tend to have personality traits linked to a lack of trust and empathy (i. e. low agreeableness)"

      www.sociopathicstyle.com/psychopathic-traits/
      -> Point 11. Promiscuity is a common symptom of psychopathy. Goes hand in hand with the the study mentioning impulsiveness as it shows it here on page 14 as well

      ink.library.smu.edu.sg/.../viewcontent.cgi
      -> Page 8. Higher amount of sexual partners is directly linked to higher degrees of psychopathy, narcissism, machiavellianism and an increase of any combination of those 3.

      genepi.qimr.edu.au/.../CV262Bailey_UQ_Copy.pdf
      -> Page 4. (Note: Sociosexuality = Parameter for willingness to engage in sexual activity outside of comitted relationshipships)

    • Sorry about the links earlier - forgot that GAG cuts the links shorter. Here I list them again:

      cdn.freedomainradio.com/...iage_Partners_Study.pdf

      www.everydayhealth.com/.../...eaten-longevity.aspx

      medicalxpress.com/.../...partners-linked-drug.html

      news-releases.uiowa.edu/.../061411paik_study.html

      www.barbararisman.com/.../...earch_final_paper.pdf

      www.ideals.illinois.edu/.../Saroj_Hardit.pdf

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  • I wish there two women in the bed in tje first pic, I just siting on the couch, Watch the show.😍

  • i disagree with not being able to lie to a women to get her in bed. it really depends on the situation. if she's trying to play you and wants to get you to lock her down while she's been running the town its ok to do a hit and run.

    • This article was made with the assumption that the people being mentioned is not ratchet

  • How about we just get to the mere fact that someone's number of partners and sex life or lack of is no one's business but their own. The only reason it would be relevant is if the person, guy or girl, has an std of a kid or just flat out cheats and has commitment issues.

    • Bottom line is everyone goes through life differently and for different reasons. There will always be people more experienced and less experienced than you so there's no reason to feel superior to those who have less luck than you and no reason to feel inferior than those who have better luck than you. This is basically defining people over a physical act. What makes a person is their personality and character, not how many people they have or haven't slept with.

    • Great take by the way. Also from my experience, the guys I've met who brag about their sex lives and put others down who don't have as much luck are also the douchiest guys that you'd never wanna be friends with.

    • Thanks. I've personally never met guys like that (only online) not in the flesh. I notice they tend to be more judgmental because they are upset with their own coming short in that aspect. So yes you are right. I agree. I am sure if they were getting a lot from the opposite sex they wouldn't be as big of a douche (judgment wise). If they were they'd be a hypocrite.

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