Sexual Relationships
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Numbers of partners and promiscuity: The maths

There are a lot of posts on here asking things such as:

- How many sexual partners makes you a slut?

- How do you feel about your partner’s number of sexual partners?

- What number is normal for a girl?

- Would you sleep with a whore and marry a virgin?

I just wanted to make a short myTake to talk you all through some basic maths. When you take into account all monogamous heterosexual sexual encounters then by logical deduction girls have exactly the same amount of sex as boys. This is pretty obvious but I’ll repeat it again very slowly and very clearly: when you look at every single time ever that exactly one girl and one boy have had sex with each other, all girls and all boys must have had sex exactly the same amount of times.

Numbers of partners and promiscuity: the maths.

What this means is that thinking that boys must have had more sex than girls literally mathematically doesn’t work. If boys want more sex they are going to have to accept that girls will be having more sex too. And girls who think that they shouldn’t have much sex because boys should have more sex than girls would mean that therefore boys would be getting less sex.

How does this answer the above questions? Well it just puts things into perspective, every time a boy or girl calls the other gender a pejorative word for promiscuous (eg slut, player etc.) they are discouraging the other gender from having sex. And every time you try to stop the other gender from having sex you are making sure that your gender will also have less sex by logical deduction.

Numbers of partners and promiscuity: The maths

I think that most people can agree that sex in general is a wonderful thing (safe and consensual sex of course). It makes you happy, has innumerable health benefits, and well who doesn’t love sex? We should all be enjoying sex as much as we want to! So if you want more happy, fit, healthy people in the world who are having more happy, healthy sex let’s all stop shaming each other on our ‘number’ and propagating mathematically incorrect stereotypes that some numbers are better for some genders than other numbers. On average boy’s number = girl’s number so let’s just stop counting and move on.

Have a lovely day everyone :)

0 3

Most Helpful Guy

  • I agree... Its true that whenever a man and a woman have sex each team gets a point, so the averages must be the same. However the distribution could be different and this is what guys complain about.

    For example 10 guys 10 girls
    Each of the 10 girls hook up once with the same 4 guys.

    So the math would be

    Guys:
    Total # of sexual encounters:10+10+10+10+0+0+0+0+0+0=40
    Average:40/10=4

    Girls:
    Total # of sexual encounters: 4+4+4+4+4+4+4+4+4+4=40
    Average:40/10=4

    Now OBVIOUSLY Im not claiming this is the real life distribution. Virgins do not make up 40% of the male population. However people do argue that there is more variation on the male team than the female team. Meaning that there are a few guys at the top who score significantly more points than the rest. Meanwhile for girls they say the distribution is more even.

    I believe this is what @hellionthesage was trying to touch upon.

    • Precisely.

    • @Bandit74 you genius and @hellionthesage. Exactly. In terms of sluts or promiscuity, the number of partners count, not the average sex acts. Its not even, at all. Bottom line several girls are going to sleep with stud man while the rest of us are going to contribute to the porn industry. So you left with a handful of happy ladies and a few happy men. So all that nice sex shit that take owner mentions is not for some men.

    • That is exactly what I've been trying to say to scrambledagain for days now ! Averages say nothing about distribution :) I never claimed they did in my mytake.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Awesome take :D

    • Highly inaccurate take.

    • Why do you think so?

    • The maths, its wrong.

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • "Number of times" that "people in the heterosexual male group" have had sex = X

    "Number of times" that "people in the heterosexual female group" have had sex = Y

    X = Y

    Otherwise, which group are people in the male group having sex with?

    Otherwise, which group are people in the female group having sex with?

    Now, the correctness and truth to that point, contrary to what @Scrambledagain is trying to argue, is not diminished by the fact that "the number of MALES" within the group that has had sex is smaller than "the number of FEMALES" within the group that has had sex.

    That's apples to oranges.

    "Number of times SEX HAS BEEN HAD by A MEMBER OF the MALE GROUP" ... compared to "Number of INDIVIDUAL MEN who have HAD SEX" ... (two different things).

    Number of times SEX HAS BEEN HAD by A MEMBER OF the (heterosexual) MALE GROUP = 100 (for example)

    Number of times SEX HAS BEEN HAD by A MEMBER OF the (heterosexual) FEMALE GROUP = 100 (for example)

    Now, if there are only (5) girls in the female group, and (5) boys in the male group, OF COURSE that doesn't mean that "all 5" girls have had sex, or that "all 5 boys" have had the SAME AMOUNT of sex.

    Yet, how is that at all relevant? How is the distribution among he individual members of the group at all relevant to the question of whether the number of times sex occurs within a group as a whole is equal between male and female heterosexual groups (assuming and controlling for things like bisexuality, etc.)?

    It's not. It's just an argument someone makes because they feel the need to make someone sound wrong on Issue (A) and feel like they're right on Issue (B) by making a valid point on Issue (B), which is only tangentially related but substantially different than Issue (A).

    What is the "average" if all 5 guys in the male group each had sex 20 times, versus if 4 guys had sex zero times, but 1 guy had sex 100 times? Still 20. How many times has a member of the male group had sex? 100 times, under both cases.

    So, @Scrambledagain 's point is not actually in conflict in any way with @DFTgirl 's point.

    • This is very clear and truly wonderful, thank you !

    • Yeah it is..,. Read the take properly. your explanation of averages proved my point.

    • @Scrambledagain care to elaborate? The stage is your... with no restrictions... so please... feel free to illustrate and clarify

  • I mentioned something similar to this when replying to someone's question a few months ago. The only way I can see the male (or female) number being higher, is if they are having sex with the same females (or males).

    Let's say 5 women and 100 men are having sex. So more men are having sex, but those 5 women are having more sex than anyone. I find the likelihood of that example to be very slim, but still possible. Iv'e done no research on the topic, but I just wanted to mention that there's a possibility that the numbers could have a greater gap.

    Other than that, yeah I don't understand how people forget that every man that has sex with a woman, means that woman is having sex with a man as well.

    • "The only way I can see the male (or female) number being higher, is if they are having sex with the same females (or males)." Herp a derp. It's almost as if a child can destroy OP's argument.

    • @RajeshTheJeshter Are you saying you disagree with what she said?

    • @RajeshTheJeshter

  • Good points, it's no wonder some guys can't get laid when they are intent on insulting all women who have sex.

    • Trust me, im in a circle where women and men are sluts and men still can't get laid. The maths is wrong here (in the context of promiscuity and number of partners)

    • @Scrambledagain What makes the math wrong?

    • @mrf284212 the maths is right in terms of sexual contact. For every vagina there must be a penis. But in the context of promiscuity, it's not... at all. you can't use amount of sex in promiscuity. So the sum is right, in the wrong context, which makes the result wrong. Let's take 3 groups of 6) Each group has 3 males (one good with girls, the other not, and let's throw in average Joe) the rest of the group is female (3). All of them choose to be promiscuous. let me tell you how it goes- the 3 guys who are good with women from each group will have all 9 girls from the groups. Those girls in turn have 3 guys. One of those girls from each group may fancy average Joe, so they hook up. That means those 3 joes get their girl. So Studs =9, 3 girls= 4, 6 girls= 3. Other guy: nothing.

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  • Actually that presupposes one to one ratio. That is not necessarily the case for instance our ancestors are mostly female because 80% of all females reproduced as opposed to only 40% of the males. This would also suggest that women would be more likely to have more partners then men, statisticly speaking (this is due to how we reproduce and the increased cost it has to women which gives them a greater sexual market value then men who have very little resources invested in reproduction).
    "every time you try to stop the other gender from having sex you are making sure that your gender will also have less sex by logical deduction." This is impling/suggesting that one) people are trying to prevent sex rather then promiscuity which is two very different things and two) that they want to be promiscuis themselves while expecting the other gender to not be. Both of which are assumptions and generalizations, neither of which make for a logical argument. It is entirely possible this is true but is also more likely that the opposite is true that is they do not wish to be promiscuis and do not wish others to be promiscuis and that they are against promiscuity not sex. Further more while there is ample evidence of the benefits of sex, that is considerably different then benefits of promiscuity. One can have sex (and the benefits that come with it) with one to a small number of people in there life time, it is not dependent on number of partners but the amount of sex which are not comparative. In addition we have ample scientific evidence that promiscuity acutally results in many negative affects. Less stability in relationships and lower satisfaction in said relationships as well as higher rate of divorce and infidelity, Depression etc. So again sex and promiscuity are two very different things and should not be equated to the same thing, because they clearly are not.
    www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/.../nihms499028.pdf
    socialpathology.blogspot.com/.../...orce-risk.html
    socialpathology.blogspot.com/.../...uity-data.html

    • I'm really starting to regret posting this mytake because the more comments I get the more I despair about the state of people's mathematical education. I would suggest reading pnl86 comment which explains the maths very clearly for you. If you feel promiscuity is bad that's ok, everyone has their own opinion on that matter. But as for the maths it cannot actually be flawed I promise. The maths is pure maths and is definitely right. The conclusion of the maths was that men's_average_number_of_sexual_partners = women's_average_number_of_sexual_partners I also initially stated that the number_of_times_men_have_had_sex_ever=number_of_times_women_have_had_sex_ever If you can mathematically disprove either of these statements i'll be impressed. Just to be clear averages have no bearing on the devation from the average, they just give the average. Women cannot on average have more partners than men on average. It literally doesn't work.

    • I've just understood that you were referring to prehistoric times when the population of women did not equal the population of men. In which case your maths is correct. My article was referring to the current population state of the planet, not prehistoric times. The ratio of men to women is much more equal nowadays :)

    • As for your thoughts on people criticising sluts you are correct, there are people out there who criticise female promiscuity and male promiscuity equally. However I am referring to a minority of men and women I see who believe that the numbers should be uneven and that a man should have had more sexual partners/more sexual encounters than a woman. That doesn't really work if you understand my reasoning. If someone is criticizing promiscuity in general then that is fine. My gripe is with those who devalue it in one gender and value it in the other :) I hope I've cleared things up !

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  • I bet you didn't know - knew all of those except for bladder control - but it makes sense.

    The obsession to count may be clinical. xD

  • I thought there'd be an actual equation so i'm a little disappointed. But nice Take:)

  • I know heterosexual males in general have more sex partners than heterosexual females (I learned that in a class.) It seems mathematically impossible (since a male needs a female) but the difference is, there are a large percentage of guys willing to have sex with multiple women, while there is only a small percentage of girls who feel the same. Therefore, we can have a situation where ten random guys all use the SAME girl for sex.

    Either way, I could care less. The only "Red Flag" I see in a promiscuous girl is the fact she has a higher chance of having a Sexually Transmitted Disease or Infection (STD/STI), than a girl who limited or zero sex partners (obvious.)

    • actually all you can 'know' is what people report... people lie:)

    • You need to cite a published study or else you don't know anything.

    • @slatyb It doesn't matter, because a lot of people lie anyway. It's pretty obvious men have more sex partners than women on average, since men generally WANT more sex partners than women (even though women can get sex easier.) Are you living under a rock?

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  • I really don't understand why people feel the need to judge someone by their amount of sexual partners. It's like, let them fucking live, why do you care so much about what I do with my pussy/dick?

  • "When you take into account all monogamous heterosexual sexual encounters then by logical deduction girls have exactly the same amount of sex as boys."

    Actually there's the 20-80 principle. 20% of guys get 80% of the women who just rotate for them. They steam through dates and relationships at a far faster rate than the other guys who don't get as much. So it's not completely equal there.

    • No, it's not that 20% of the guys who have a lot of sex are doing it with 80% of the women. They are mostly doing it with the 20% of women who have a lot of sex too.

  • I don't even know why this is a problem, I don't like promiscuity in either men or women but I am not going to slut shame a woman who does engage in promiscuity, that's her decision, her actions are not affecting me.

    My only gripe with these women is a small handful of them have tried to have relationships with me after they had decided they wanted to settle down and I find that infringes upon my male pride and bruises my ego, so a swift "let's just be friends talk" does the trick (usually).

  • While you (and your math) are correct about the AVERAGE (or mean) number of sexual encounters, that is a meaningless statistic in this case. People who complain about "sluts" (and I'm NOT one of them - I hate the word) are complaining about the DISTRIBUTION. That can be as unequal as you want to make it.

    For a ridiculous example, ALL the men in the world have sex with one (Poor, poor, sore) woman once in their miserable lives. Average sex act per man and women? One. Each man and each woman in the world has had an AVERAGE of one sex act. Nevertheless, there are 6,999,999,999 virgin women, and no virgin men.

  • I would marry an honest slut, not a deluded one. And even then, it depends. If I had a relationship with an ex party girl and we both openly acknowledged that she was able to sleep around because she liked it, that she slept with the hottest guys she could find and it had nothing to do with spiritual mumbo jumbo, that I'm her consolation prize, and that it takes no amount of effort for even moderately attractive women to get laid while guys have to bust their ass, unless they're a small minority of the super-attractive, and that she wouldn't have touched me with a 10 foot pole in her party days, I wouldn't discount a LTR if there was something more. That's just honest biology. If she told me all sorts of bunk about how I'm the destination of love and that she deeply regrets her past, and blah blah blah, when the topic came up, I'd be more inclined to get turned off and end it. And it has nothing to do with morals or anything irrational. I just couldn't get intimate with someone whose judgment I see as off the rails.

  • All statistics about number of sexual encounters are based on questionairres. Men tend to exaggerate by estimating, women tend to understate due to attempting to count the numbers which results in forgetting a few here and there.
    There is actually research about that difference in perception.

    That being said, promiscuous people have been linked again and again to...
    ... mental instability and higher rates of mental illness
    ... higher rates of STDs (It's a numbers game)
    ... be more likely to be a single parent (numbers game)
    ... have higher rates of abortion (numbers game)
    ... have less stable relationships and higher divorce rates
    ... have increased chances of having been in an abusive relationship
    ... be more likely to cheat
    ... be more likely to become addicted
    ... be more likely to come out of a broken household.

    Want some sources?

    cdn.freedomainradio.com/...iage_Partners_Study.pdf
    -> Page 19-25. Especially Page 24-25 is quite relevant.

    www.everydayhealth.com/.../...eaten-longevity.aspx

    medicalxpress.com/.../...partners-linked-drug.html

    news-releases.uiowa.edu/.../061411paik_study.html

    www.barbararisman.com/.../...earch_final_paper.pdf

    www.ideals.illinois.edu/.../Saroj_Hardit.pdf
    -> Promiscuity is linked to sexual aggression.
    -> Page 59. "The number of sexual partners was positively related to parental violence."
    -> Page 70. "As the number of sexual partners increased, so did the propensity to sexually aggression."

    https://www.bradley.edu/dotAsset/165862.pdf
    -> Page 4. "Perhaps the strongest personality correlate of risky sexual behaviour is impulsive sensation-seeking"
    -> Page 8. Promiscuous people are more likely to be impulsive, have low agreeableness, low conscientiousness, sensation-seeking and a higher level of sexual infidelity.
    -> Page 14. "People who describe themselves as more unfaithful tend to have personality traits linked to a lack of trust and empathy (i. e. low agreeableness)"

    www.sociopathicstyle.com/psychopathic-traits/
    -> Point 11. Promiscuity is a common symptom of psychopathy. Goes hand in hand with the other study mentioning impulsiveness as it shows it here on point 14.

    ink.library.smu.edu.sg/.../viewcontent.cgi
    -> Page 8. Higher amount of sexual partners is directly linked to higher degrees of psychopathy, narcissism, machiavellianism and an increase of any combination of those 3.

    genepi.qimr.edu.au/.../CV262Bailey_UQ_Copy.pdf
    -> Page 4, Table 1. (Note: Sociosexuality = Parameter for willingness to engage in sexual activity outside of comitted relationships)

    To put it into my own words: I think promiscuity is a symptom of mental instability and is a way of self-destructive behaviour, just like i. e. Obesity (not physical-health induced obesity). It's a huge red flag objectively, biologically and evolutionary for anyone who wants a comitted and successful relationship.
    Thus there is no logical argument to me that promiscuity is in any way to be seen as positive

    • Quite correct. Which is why with marriages, divorce was frowned on, and why men look for the most virginal girl to get married to.

    • So much wrong with this is isn't funny.

    • if men truly believe promiscuity itself is so horrid, it doesn't explain why men would be looking for virgins as apposed to making sure they remain virgins themselves-- thats so clearly completely irrational. is undeniably bullshit.

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  • I don't know because personally I don't go out of my way to find that stuff out but usually I hear guys say that 10+ For girls is a turnoff

  • This take is 100% wrong. Really really wrong. It doesn't work like that. Just because two people of the opposite gender are doing it, doesn't make it an equal spread. Fact is the minority of guys get the majority of the girls. Basically one attractive guy screws many women. So you have 1 male slut for several female sluts (I love sluts by the way and am a proud one... just stating facts) There is a study in an American high school where 80% of the women had sex with only 20% of the guys. That's one study. if you look at other factors like the prostitution market and online dating, men have it far more difficult in getting sex. An average to hot girl can get any guy. But only a select few guys will attract those women. Even in my social group: I have 3 player friends. They have had almost all the women in my social circle at one stage or another. Those girls have had those 3 studs. But it's unbalanced because I, or half my friends havnt had these girls. Sex is uneven in the genders and favours women way more than men. It's as clear as daylight.

    • My article was referring to the average, not the individual. I understand that there are still differences between individuals. What your gripe is that life is unfair because some guys get more sexual partners than other guys? And that that is not true of women because we all have more similar amounts of sexual partners? Sorry to break it to you but there are discrepancies between the amounts of sexual partners women get too. And also life is kind of unfair and there will always be some guys getting more sexual partners than other guys, and some girls getting more sexual partners than other girls. I don't think anyone is to blame for that. But in terms of the actual number of times intercourse takes place it has to be equal numbers. As for whether things are fair... Well I definitely wasn't arguing that it was fair. Also I would like to see your studies that say that women all have similar numbers of sexual partners whereas men have a big difference in numbers :)

    • The maths is definitely right :) You cannot fault that for men to get more sex women must get more sex and vice-versa. You also cannot fault my averages that if men want a greater average number of sexual partners then women must also have a greater average number of sexual partners. As for how big the deviation is from that average I am making literally no assumptions as I do not have the figures. So my article cannot be 100% wrong. Unless you can provide actual mathematical proof that it is possible for men to have more sexual partners than women on average in which case I am happy to eat my words.

    • Here's the problem though. There are also a lot of women who are also single. Your perspective is speaking from the guys who don't have sex a lot. Guys are very visual. So it's just as common or more common for a man to deny a girl because she's not attractive enough. Thus she remains single. Meanwhile women are more emotional and thus they are more willing to take a chance on a guy who isn't even all that attractive and thus meaning even the so called "losers"/non studs have a better chance of getting pussy than a girl who's visually unappealing. Except for the guys who will take anything that has a vagina, but that would still only make things somewhat equal. Sex doesn't favor women at all. There are female "studs" too except we don't call them "studs" we call them "sluts". They exist though. Usually they are somewhat attractive at least and guys love them. So again they are getting sex. Not these fat, ugly, girls because most guys care more about appearance than anything.

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  • The total number may be equal, but you cannot assume homogeneous number of sex for everyone. Think of a simpler case where there are 10 girls and 10 guys in a sıciety.
    Now, if one girls has sex once with every guy, then the girl will have had sex ten times and every guy will have had sex one time. The other nine girls will be virgins. So, even though the gross total number of sex is equal, that one girl is a slut and the guys now are more experienced than the vast majority of the girl population, 1 sex or guys and 0 sex for vast majority of girls.
    So, even though the point you get to at the end of your take is right, your reasoning is simply not well supported and possibly wrong.

    • Possible, but unreal. There aren't enough sluts to go around, and they aren't slutty enough. You can't divide women into virgins and sluts. Both the average and the variance are the same for both sexes.

    • @slaytb yeah, of course my case is not probable, I was just trying to give a counter example. I was simply trying to show the variance for men and women do not have to be equal, so the claim "since sex is conducted by one man and one woman, there must be same number of people in each gender that has sex" is baseless.

  • Averages won't be equal. It's pretty simple.

    If you look at a room full of girls, probably over half will be fairly attractive. I was at a college group tonight, a church thing. Looked around the room. Lots of attractive women, over half.

    But women, we know, view things differently. Such as, on okcupid, women rated 80% of men as below average.

    drhelen.blogspot.com/.../...-listen-to-female.html

    Women find the a minority of men attractive. We men find half or more of women attractive.

    See the problem here? Most women want a small group of men. Hence, a small group of us get most of the sex while most of those other louts are still virgins.

    • Please read the below comments, supposing equal male to female ratio the averages have to be equal. Saying that it only gives you the average, not the distribution around the average. I am in no way saying everyone has equal amounts of sexual partners, just that on average we do.

    • I do understand your issue. Being one of the virgins you refer to isn't very nice and isn't fair on you. Sadly there is nothing I or anyone else can do about that because you can't force women to have sex with men they don't want to have sex with. I'm sorry I can't be of further help with your issue :)

    • Aww babe, you said that if I promised to call you after, I could be your special number 34# when we met up tomorrow! :(

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  • I remain a virgin so that I can increase my chances of finding a girl with the same values.

    • How young are you willing to marry?

    • @slatyb 20 or 21

  • What about gay people? Like if a man and a man have sex with eachother?

    • I did specify heterosexual. I didn't take into account gay people in this myTake because it would have made things too complicated. That isn't to say that they aren't very important members of the community, I just tried to simplify as much as possible so I had to omit them. And of course since my myTake was about how some people think one gender should have a different average number of sexual partners to the other it kind of only really applies to heterosexual relationships. I'm sure the same can be said within the homosexual community too though, someone should try and do the same thing for homosexuals in a myTake :) (hint hint)

  • I wish I was a slut. I only had casual sex for a few minutes with four girls.

    • I thought I've seen you post that you've only been with prostitutes?

    • @schnipdip They weren't prostitutes.

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