The Real Ways Traditionally Masculinity Is Being Crushed

The Real Ways Traditionally Masculinity Is Being Crushed

There's a lot of getting upset both on in this site and elsewehere on how men are becoming more like women in certain senses and that traditional masculinity is going away. While the majority of these points are raised to insult modern men, some argue that this is the way it should be. While I am a progressive in general, I think certain things about tradition helped men feel good about themsleves and navigate their way in the world. Here are some of the real reasons I feel masculinity is being crushed in today's society:

Pornography

Starting out with the most obvious, the advent of thousands upon thousands of completely free pictures and video (many of them high definition) for any wild scenario, or crazy sexual fetish you could imagine has made the term "porn addict" kind of redundant when used to describe young males. While there is nothign inherently wrong with masterbation doing so multiple times daily can change things in the brain which make holding an erection during regular sex as well as the sensation of regular sex itself less arousing. It also can create obsession that's easier to build given that pornography is so easily available. To put it simply, the majority of men more so than before are watching porn instead of having great sex.

Fear of Getting Hurt

The modern male fears pain of any kind especially physical. Controlled pain such a football game or a palling around with your friends doesn't so much lead to getting hurt as doing so would clearly be more than the norm, but rather fighting so hard there's a good chance your nose will get broken, thorwing yourself against a cement wall because you think it's funny, or jumping off a really high banister to see what happens are no longer as typical as playing videogames with headsets on. On the emotional side, rejection pain is more fear inducing than ever and romance is all but dead due to widespread intimacy issues and a disdain for having to be the one to get blown off. Hense, the fear estranges the man from those things that bring to him adrenaline and testosterone--key things that could be seen as "making a man more manly" and a crucial part of the masculine experience.

Forever Young

On the flipside of this, many men mistake how temporary their own youths and their own lives themselves really are. Every moment of every day we are dying--this is a fact. Yet, we don't consider time as valuably possibly because of how long people are living or possibly because death is no longer on the mind of the modern man. Death gives value to life as something you eventually run out of therefore you have to make the most of it while you have it. This estranges a man from himself by giving him all the more reason to waste his life not realizing the sand in the hourglass is running out with every day, month, and year that goes by.

Phantom of Individuality Obscures the Fact That We Are Cogs in the System

We are pumped with messages that we matter and are individuals. That it's important to know who we are and have a clear voice and not care what anyone thinks about it. Yet, this obscures us from the fact that more than ever we are merely cogs in the system of society. We get up and spend an average of 17 hours of 24 hours a day either working or sleeping. We work to make the world go round and to give priveleage to everyone but ourselves. We are hamsters in the wheel doing what we're supposed to do and at least before men realized what they were. Now, everyone thinks the system is designed to work for them instead of them built to keep the system going. Once you realize you're a cog, you can pull away from the machine and be your own machine. Masculinity needs a real understanding that your life is your own and not one that's fed in a pop culture wrapping.

Our Wants Have Evolved and Obscured

"When you don't know what you want you end up with a lot of what you don't want." A man's wants and dreams used to be simple, but as we've evolved so have our dreams and the modern male struggles to know what is that will make him happy. Many men would say having nothing but sex with beautiful woman all day everyday would be all they need, but even this is misguided. What men need and used to have was a purpose that they chose whether it was to see the world or make a million dollars or simply raise a good son--there was a clear point of happiness that guided a man on his journey. Now, we're not sure what journey we really want to embark on...

Life Was Always (More or Less) Fair For Us...

This can be said for said for a lot of things. Society cared a lot about us compared to women and children and now with things actually being unfair such as child custody, female on male rape, and over allowance of female emotional cruelty on males without sympathy from others we are having a hard time learning to deal with it. Women on the other hand have had generations of oppression based on gender and so the crude joke at their expense may not affect them as much as a woman joking that "she'll report you for rape" that you didn't do. The modern male suffers from this inequality by being thrown off his core by changing tides...

"Ego on Fleek"

The key to ultimate confidence is forgetting the "self" the image of yourself in the third person as someone exterior that you can lift up higher with a leather jacket or a gold watch. Now with more and more ads directed as women instead of men who can now also and do purchase just as much as men we are constantly thrown "cool" looking men which only inflates our own ego and desire to be cool. Like women, the modern men define themselves more and more by how "great" they are in the eyes of others by seeing the reactions they can get from having abs, good looking clothes, etc. creating distance from the truth that we are best when we having nothing cool about us at all except ourselves.

No Real Obstacles

Obstacles are what push us past our limits into the men we could never dream of ourselves becoming. How could Goku ever reach Super Saiyan if he didn't have to in order to save the ones he loved? Greatness isn't a default state. Comfort is a default state which we leave because the situation demands that we do. With less to worry about in life, men have less of a reason to be much more than average joe.

Society No Longer Helps Us "Own" The Women in Our Lives

Used to be women very much acted like their men owned them. Sure, they got some choice in who it was, but a strong male was thought to direct a woman and correct her mistakes. Luckily for humanity, women are now empowered to direct themselves however, we men are still learning to adapt. Our codes given to us by our fathers are vague as they themselves were confused in the wake of feminism and now we still have this desire to own our women to disasturous consequences for both the man and the woman. Looking at it another way, the things you own eventually come to own you. Until we can finally stop wanting to having any control over our women we will always be controlled by them.

Sadness Isn't As Cute Anymore...

Also used to be that the sad man with issues and frustrations would get the sympathy of many women, but now is the day of the "Fun, Upbeat male." More and more women want to stop having drama and start having fun. What you get as a result is a lot of smiling men "with invisible guns to their heads" meaning there is a lot of depression even among the happiest looking guys that you never ever see. A man needs to brood when he's got troubles. He doesn't need to clown around 24/7.

Girls Are Still Figuring Out Their New Place in Society

Girls don't really have more power--they have more freedom. They don't have anymore control of us than they ever did they just have more control of themselves. Yet, women seem overwhelmed by the endless list of options on their plate and modern woman who does not believe in traditional values isn't sure who or what to commit to and so doesn't commit to anything. The modern male then gets caught up in this drama as they want a relationship when they can't have one and don't want one when they can and always seem to find what's missing about us instead of what's there as if the choice in the wrong male is life or death. Men suffer as they ride this wave...

Raised By Women

Finally, we are generation raised by our mothers instead of our fathers. This is obviously not true for everyone but the idea of the male taking time in his day to teach his son to play baseball seems archaic and old school. Women then do the majority of nuruting and teaching about life and so we are women's vision of men come to life. But just like you can imagine a generation of women raised solely by their fathers would turn out we are usually some weird extreme of a woman's sexual fantasy and/or a totally eunich like male. We are either far too good or far too bad for most girls and one of the two generally blows up in our faces. Men have been seen to suffer from lack of a close relationship with an older more experienced male to the extent that a lot of destructive cruel behavior at a young age is seen by many therapists a desperate cry for the father they miss and wish would spend more time with them. This cruelty is then directed out at women in their lives. For all these reasons and more, I do feel more involvement from the father in a male's life could go a long way...

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well said, well said. Like my mom says, our generation is changing and is different from the other generations. This, I believe, is due to the boom of technology. The points you made above could be easily attributed to technology too. Porn can now be easily accessed. Family structures are changing, gradually breaking from the traditional "mom, dad, and 2.5 kids." This can partially be attributed to the equal job opportunities women now have in society. And because technology, in a way, has even the grounds for both genders, we are all trying to figure our way through all this confusion.
    Masculinity, as you mentioned, is now being redefined. The traditional male rarely exists anymore. And from a girl's perspective, the traditional female rarely exists either. Imagine being freed from a cage you thought you would spend the rest of your life in. For years, you could see the world outside that cage, but you couldn't do the things you wanted to do. But now, you're free. The problem is, our generation is one of the first batch to be let out of that cage - so the guidance given to us cannot apply to all situations.
    Technology has given people all over the world the chance of freedom and equality. Coming from a person who does not live in the US, the rest of the world is gradually hopping on the equality train. Years ago, it wasn't even a possibility, but now, social media has allowed people to share their opinions and thoughts. As the idea of gender equality is spread, the roles of traditional males and traditional females change.

    What I'm saying is, even though I'm sad to see traditional masculinity crushed, I'm glad that the change in gender roles brought gender equality. :D

    • thank you :) how do you think guys should handle girls not having the guidance to live in this brave, new, more free world where they had way more decisions to make than even their mothers?

    • it's true :D I really liked how you said it I think communication is key. Guys can talk about what they're confused about, while girls could talk about they're confused about. There is a common misconception that in order to win a girl, the guy must put on a mask and shape his mask to be more attractive to the girl likes. The guy may try to be more "fun" or "outgoing" or whatever society says guys should be like. But the thing is, when we skin away our layers and drop our masks, guys and girls are essentially the same. We all want to be accepted, to be respected, and to be loved. If we drop the masks and 'talk it out', we can find a way to cohabitate without stepping on each other's feet. It's can't just be a guy-handling-a-confused-girl thing. It has to be a girl-and-a-guy-work-together-to-help-each-other thing. Girls must understand that feminism doesn't equal berating guys. The loss of confidence in a guy will not result in the addition of confidence in a girl. word limit

    • you are wise well beyond your years, Young Lady : ) I'd be cautious about talking down feminism lest guys think it's ok to disregard it entirely but I get your point!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Very well written MyTake, especially on the last point about men being raised by women. The older I get, the more thankful I am for having both my father, uncle, and my grandfathers as male role models.

    Quite a few of these dudes my age come off having a dash of femininity to them... probably from the lack of male role models.

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  • Really interesting take 👌🏽 I guess there is a lost sense of identity. And the gender roles in society have been pretty much very clear for the past centuries until recently when things have finally changed. And with change comes consequences - good and bad. And also a lot of what your father taught you is no longer valid, because its outdated, so most guys are lost in what to do because of no clear guidance.

    Also agree with the comment that traditional masculinity is making a comeback but I think its because people want a sense of identity. And people like to follow a guideline instead of moving into the new unknown. We're living an interesting generation of people though I have to say.

    • thanks and that's a very interesting points about people wanting to follow a guideline. I don't know why people are so afraid to listen to their own opinions but are so open to listening to anyone's opinion so long as it's not their own. It's like they can't tap into their natural intuition about they feel about things regardless of what their gender or whoever is. cute name by the way lol

    • That's humans for you ahaha 😅 And thanks by the way aha ☺️

  • traditional masculinity was based on subjugation of women. thats what masculinity meant. 'not woman'. ' power over women.,

    yes with everyone having the legal wiggle room to become human you are certainly losing your previously appointed entitlement, and you are surely despairing over that. but in a few decades there won't be any giant changes people will be accustomed to the lost art of female oppression and the male robot. trying to bering it back is only going to make it take longer and cause drama,. just let it go gracefully and embrace the traces of reality that are becoming visible as we move towards being human. and not winning in life simply bc you belong to the pee shooters.

    you'll have to learn to get by on who you are was a human being not your sex is.

    this does not mean you should accept bad treatment. if your friends are pricks drop them. if you're being treated unfairly fight for your rights., but bc you're human not bc the specter of masculinity entitlement haunts you.

    • all I said is that is haunts men not that it should be brought back settle down

  • Interesting take !

    Not many men will admit there is anything wrong with porn.

    About "Life Was Always (More or Less) Fair For Us" though. Compared to women maybe, yes but in general life was def not fair throughout most of history. It mostly terribly cruel and unfair

  • Men are just being allowed to be human beings and not emotionless robots nowadays. The fear of other men policing whether or not they are adhering to the rules of masculinity well enough became a tiring little game.

    • people dont like to hear reason i guess..

    • @Azara I guess so

    • @Azara @Minxxie

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  • I would never have pegged you as a "progressive" in any way, shape or form lol Interesting.
    You seem to be more conservative and traditional in my opinion.

    But I like this take. I feel that you made good points. Especially on the "Life Was Always (More or Less) Fair For Us...". I know this makes me sound like a misandrist, but I find it kinda weird how much men complain about the unfair things (I do agree that they're unfair) in society now. Yet women were subjected to this for YEARS, CENTURIES, and with feminism now, so many men think we're complaining too much. There are some silly causes I agree, like the little girls wanting to wear tank tops and mini skirts at school, and how they should be allowed. I disagree but that's another topic. But not all women's issues are silly. Not all of them should be dismissed as "feminazi mumbo jumbo".
    I feel that this is more visible the more traditional even your subculture is. Like I live and was raised in the US. But I'm from a traditional and conservative, ultra Catholic family. And you can see how just being a male gave them so many advantages. Like for my mom, her parents back in Mexico sent her brothers (my uncles) to school, while my mom begged to go. They told her "no, because you will only be as smart as a girl can get". She cried and now she's self taught read and write. But they felt it was a waste and preferred her doing housework.
    You see things like this, though not that extreme, in machista familes as well. It's frustrating, to say the least. Because even if both the male and female are working, the woman is expected to still cook and clean once she gets home. Even if the woman works the same hours, sometimes more, than her male partner. I saw this a lot with my mom and dad, aunts and uncles. You call them out on it, and you get your ass beat for questioning them. But me being the rebel that I am, I still did.
    Which I feel that ties into the "Society No Longer Helps Us "Own" The Women in Our Lives". Because it's an unfortunate stereotype, that I found true in my circle at least, that it was acceptable and the norm to hit your wife. Why? If she was disobedient, if she was unfaithful, if she didn't have food ready. Though I'm glad this is surprisingly quickly dying down, and it's not seen as acceptable today as it was when I was growing up.

    "No Real Obstacles" I feel that's true for everyone. We're stagnating. We've gone from "reach for the stars" to "reach for the remote" as a society.

    • Thanks! Conservative? I wrote a bunch of feminist articles which was featured in a series of takes GaG promoted for Feminism for weeks (only male to do so my proudest achievement on here haha) but I also like to avoid being just one type of thinker/writer. This take itself was meant to be a commonground between me a liberal and traditional male conservatives who feel angry about their loss of identity. i wanted to speak to them in a way they would listen to and could understand so that they might not be so angry. i'm glad you got it, as making a point in this way can often come off as if I'm blaming women myself but it's more about well, i get the point that masculinity has changed and it kind of sucks for us men... i've heard about that latin machismo sounds very intense. i also know there's a lot of father-daugther sexual abuse which i'm guessing goes back to "i'm the man the head of the house everything and everyone in this house is mine" it would be interesting to see how this

    • translates to latino immigrants in the united states who may have those values and yet are in a culture with different values about this.

    • I didn't see them. I thought you were another staunch conservative. Yea, it is but it's not as bad as before. My mom moved here because she didn't want her daughters to be subjected to this. And sons of course. Though she still holds biases like the whole "babying" the men of the house. This irked me to no end especially considering how she would treat my oldest brother like a king. When my brother was a jackass to her, and how I was paying for everything and he was just taking and my mother saw no problem with it. I guess this is why I was like feminism? You mean he has to do his fair share and we don't have to cater to the men who beat us, call us names, or sexually abuse us? SIGN ME UP. NOW. This is also why, when I read all this bitterness towards women, just because of guys with dating troubles, I'm like what? Really? That's why you hate women? Psshhhh. Consider yourself lucky that that's the WORST the opposite sex has done to you.

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  • Pornography does create a detriment to men as it stimulates the most basic instincts which where restrained and controled since the birth of civilization (the harem, instant gratification etc all function on the level of the reptilian brain) Fear of pain is not one of these unmasculine traits as far as I have seen, in fact we do know that men still have a much higher threshold for pain then women, so that being a biological ability would not have changed, we are however taught to act like women, their are increasingly fewer and fewer male spaces, fewer and fewer male figures for children to look up to etc which would be affecting masculinity. " Women on the other hand have had generations of oppression based on gender." this statement is outright wrong and in fact if you look at both current and historical facts you'll notice that women where always treated better then men not worse. Its so blatent that I really can't understand why no one seems to understand this. When the titanic sank for instance, it was men who where forced by societal standards to stay and die while the women saved themselves. This alone should be evidence of the societal view of women being more important then men not less (100 women died on the titanic compared to the 1358 men) I would agree with the sentiment of your statement of us being cogs, I would say its that we live for a machine (corporations, banking etc) instead of being able to see our own handy work our own accomplishments we are seeing our work being consumed by a nonentity and for what seems like nothing. The greater emphasis on material wealth rather then accomplishment is also an issue. I would agree with your statement of changing wants. The fact was that men where historicly respected so much not because they where men but because of all the sacrifices they made, they worked hard, they would die fighting to protect their families they had purpose and that purpose was the betterment of their families and their society, it gave them purpose. Now whether we show up to work or not seems to have no real value, the job will get done, the reward for it will be pieces of paper or a number in an account nothing substantial nothing worth fighting and dying for. Again, your argument about women being owned is inaccurate, men died for womens "honor" women didn't. If a one party is expected to feed and clothe and die for the other, which is the slave and which the master? I think its rather obvious.

    • As for being raised by single mothers I would agree with that, in fact we know that males raised by single mothers are more likely to be arrested, have drug problems, more likely to commit suicide etc. I have also noticed that they tend to be less masculine in that they do not know how to cope in all probability because they never had a father to show them. As I mentioned their are no positive male role models in our society and they are being pushed out even more. We have school systems which have become feminized so that masculine traits are a hindrence (which is why males are dropping out at higher rates and over 60% of all college graduates are female and rising) But you yourself are actually pushing the very ideology that has feminized men. You have in this take stated that women where oppressed which they where not. In fact if they where oppressed how did they get any rights? Every time they portray themselves as victims and men as oppressors,

    • if this where the case then why would men care enough to try and make things fair? Do you think that would have worked for slaves? Or any other group for that matter?

  • I've noticed that traditional masculinity is making a comeback. Probably to do with those guys are the ones girls want to fuck not those effeminate guys who call themselves feminists because they think they will nail chicks.

  • Something to think about. I agree on a few things you mentioned, such as the importance of having a purpose, the amount of time people spend working, and the importance of obstacles.

  • Interesting things to think about for sure...
    ... anyone feel like watching "fight club" for some reason?

  • I actually agree with all your points.

    But the reason of fading away of traditional roles is all a reason of the genders themselves. Men have lost that 'out of the box' thinking, where they can categorise what action is right and what is wrong based upon logical thinking. One of the reasons why men nowadays cannot really learn the right thing but instead go for developing the wrong traits. Pretty much the same applies to women too. I know some you women who think traditional roles for women are 'boring' and 'make them feel weak and subjugated'. They instead think that the only path to greatness is to compete with men, throw abuses and taunts at the male gender and then think they are doing a really great job.

    Its a very screwed up concept. They live in a make believe world where 'abusive/manly behaviour is considered great so we too start abusing and bashing up'. Since when was abusive behaviour a great thing? Its never been so but women want to believe in it.

  • Interesting. I feel that with recent feminism, it's gone from equality to "I'm a woman let me do whatever I want. Free the nipple. I want to be 'metaphorically' a man!" So men's role in society is to be the woman or they can be labeled misogynistic. The world is so open to this we are eroding the past firm & masculine definition of a man. It's like the world is having an identity crisis. I don't really know what to think.

  • This could do with a lot less Feminist propaganda but otherwise it's pretty solid.

    • What propaganda? I think your tinfoil hat is too big and it doesn't let you read properly.

    • @JustAnotherPassenger Hmmm No. That would require me to believe in some kind of radical conspiracy theory, which I don't. Perhaps your just projecting? Are you a Feminist by chance?

    • not this are you a feminist by chance bs again. you guys are becoming a cult i don't know why i'm the only one on on here who sees it.

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  • I stopped reading at "throwing yourself against a brick wall to see what happens"

    Lol good luck with that. I'm just gonna sit here and be a pussy with my maturity and healthy emotional responses to the world around me.

    You go be a real man and cry and pee your pants about how wrong i am. #macho

  • I have to disagree on all factors. I feel the reason men are not as masculine as they used to be is more of a result of us not having to be. I mean one time at work someone was afraid of hurting himself lifting a small table he could by himself. So I just went over there myself, picked it up myself and moved it. Really I feel it is more of us just getting weaker due to not having to do so much manual labour then anything.

  • That was good , and especially liked the southpark pic...

  • We're a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer we need
    sry had to
    -tyler durden

  • Traditional masculinity? I am anything but not "masculine" lol but I'd never hold on door for anyone, Let anyone go first or any other shit. Those "gentleman rules" were just pussyass nerds who had no clue what they were doing and never really got laid lol as we evolve, we are figuring it out correct. Everyones equal

  • Great Bro advice in the take

    • thanks Bro

  • Now, give me a single reason why being a traditionally manly man is good.
    One thing that particularly bugs me is the second one. Are you saying that all males should want to play rought sports? What is wrong with me not wanting to face the possibility of a broken nose or a face covered in mud? It's simple conservation instinct.

  • I was born to all females my father left when I was a boy. also born black uncut and to top it all off I'm 4.5 girth 5inches. it seems like God hated me or is punishing me for thing I'd done later in life.

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