There's a lot of getting upset both on in this site and elsewehere on how men are becoming more like women in certain senses and that traditional masculinity is going away. While the majority of these points are raised to insult modern men, some argue that this is the way it should be. While I am a progressive in general, I think certain things about tradition helped men feel good about themsleves and navigate their way in the world. Here are some of the real reasons I feel masculinity is being crushed in today's society:
Pornography
Starting out with the most obvious, the advent of thousands upon thousands of completely free pictures and video (many of them high definition) for any wild scenario, or crazy sexual fetish you could imagine has made the term "porn addict" kind of redundant when used to describe young males. While there is nothign inherently wrong with masterbation doing so multiple times daily can change things in the brain which make holding an erection during regular sex as well as the sensation of regular sex itself less arousing. It also can create obsession that's easier to build given that pornography is so easily available. To put it simply, the majority of men more so than before are watching porn instead of having great sex.
Fear of Getting Hurt
The modern male fears pain of any kind especially physical. Controlled pain such a football game or a palling around with your friends doesn't so much lead to getting hurt as doing so would clearly be more than the norm, but rather fighting so hard there's a good chance your nose will get broken, thorwing yourself against a cement wall because you think it's funny, or jumping off a really high banister to see what happens are no longer as typical as playing videogames with headsets on. On the emotional side, rejection pain is more fear inducing than ever and romance is all but dead due to widespread intimacy issues and a disdain for having to be the one to get blown off. Hense, the fear estranges the man from those things that bring to him adrenaline and testosterone--key things that could be seen as "making a man more manly" and a crucial part of the masculine experience.
Forever Young
On the flipside of this, many men mistake how temporary their own youths and their own lives themselves really are. Every moment of every day we are dying--this is a fact. Yet, we don't consider time as valuably possibly because of how long people are living or possibly because death is no longer on the mind of the modern man. Death gives value to life as something you eventually run out of therefore you have to make the most of it while you have it. This estranges a man from himself by giving him all the more reason to waste his life not realizing the sand in the hourglass is running out with every day, month, and year that goes by.
Phantom of Individuality Obscures the Fact That We Are Cogs in the System
We are pumped with messages that we matter and are individuals. That it's important to know who we are and have a clear voice and not care what anyone thinks about it. Yet, this obscures us from the fact that more than ever we are merely cogs in the system of society. We get up and spend an average of 17 hours of 24 hours a day either working or sleeping. We work to make the world go round and to give priveleage to everyone but ourselves. We are hamsters in the wheel doing what we're supposed to do and at least before men realized what they were. Now, everyone thinks the system is designed to work for them instead of them built to keep the system going. Once you realize you're a cog, you can pull away from the machine and be your own machine. Masculinity needs a real understanding that your life is your own and not one that's fed in a pop culture wrapping.
Our Wants Have Evolved and Obscured
"When you don't know what you want you end up with a lot of what you don't want." A man's wants and dreams used to be simple, but as we've evolved so have our dreams and the modern male struggles to know what is that will make him happy. Many men would say having nothing but sex with beautiful woman all day everyday would be all they need, but even this is misguided. What men need and used to have was a purpose that they chose whether it was to see the world or make a million dollars or simply raise a good son--there was a clear point of happiness that guided a man on his journey. Now, we're not sure what journey we really want to embark on...
Life Was Always (More or Less) Fair For Us...
This can be said for said for a lot of things. Society cared a lot about us compared to women and children and now with things actually being unfair such as child custody, female on male rape, and over allowance of female emotional cruelty on males without sympathy from others we are having a hard time learning to deal with it. Women on the other hand have had generations of oppression based on gender and so the crude joke at their expense may not affect them as much as a woman joking that "she'll report you for rape" that you didn't do. The modern male suffers from this inequality by being thrown off his core by changing tides...
"Ego on Fleek"
The key to ultimate confidence is forgetting the "self" the image of yourself in the third person as someone exterior that you can lift up higher with a leather jacket or a gold watch. Now with more and more ads directed as women instead of men who can now also and do purchase just as much as men we are constantly thrown "cool" looking men which only inflates our own ego and desire to be cool. Like women, the modern men define themselves more and more by how "great" they are in the eyes of others by seeing the reactions they can get from having abs, good looking clothes, etc. creating distance from the truth that we are best when we having nothing cool about us at all except ourselves.
No Real Obstacles
Obstacles are what push us past our limits into the men we could never dream of ourselves becoming. How could Goku ever reach Super Saiyan if he didn't have to in order to save the ones he loved? Greatness isn't a default state. Comfort is a default state which we leave because the situation demands that we do. With less to worry about in life, men have less of a reason to be much more than average joe.
Society No Longer Helps Us "Own" The Women in Our Lives
Used to be women very much acted like their men owned them. Sure, they got some choice in who it was, but a strong male was thought to direct a woman and correct her mistakes. Luckily for humanity, women are now empowered to direct themselves however, we men are still learning to adapt. Our codes given to us by our fathers are vague as they themselves were confused in the wake of feminism and now we still have this desire to own our women to disasturous consequences for both the man and the woman. Looking at it another way, the things you own eventually come to own you. Until we can finally stop wanting to having any control over our women we will always be controlled by them.
Sadness Isn't As Cute Anymore...
Also used to be that the sad man with issues and frustrations would get the sympathy of many women, but now is the day of the "Fun, Upbeat male." More and more women want to stop having drama and start having fun. What you get as a result is a lot of smiling men "with invisible guns to their heads" meaning there is a lot of depression even among the happiest looking guys that you never ever see. A man needs to brood when he's got troubles. He doesn't need to clown around 24/7.
Girls Are Still Figuring Out Their New Place in Society
Girls don't really have more power--they have more freedom. They don't have anymore control of us than they ever did they just have more control of themselves. Yet, women seem overwhelmed by the endless list of options on their plate and modern woman who does not believe in traditional values isn't sure who or what to commit to and so doesn't commit to anything. The modern male then gets caught up in this drama as they want a relationship when they can't have one and don't want one when they can and always seem to find what's missing about us instead of what's there as if the choice in the wrong male is life or death. Men suffer as they ride this wave...
Raised By Women
Finally, we are generation raised by our mothers instead of our fathers. This is obviously not true for everyone but the idea of the male taking time in his day to teach his son to play baseball seems archaic and old school. Women then do the majority of nuruting and teaching about life and so we are women's vision of men come to life. But just like you can imagine a generation of women raised solely by their fathers would turn out we are usually some weird extreme of a woman's sexual fantasy and/or a totally eunich like male. We are either far too good or far too bad for most girls and one of the two generally blows up in our faces. Men have been seen to suffer from lack of a close relationship with an older more experienced male to the extent that a lot of destructive cruel behavior at a young age is seen by many therapists a desperate cry for the father they miss and wish would spend more time with them. This cruelty is then directed out at women in their lives. For all these reasons and more, I do feel more involvement from the father in a male's life could go a long way...
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