Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
Note: This will be from my male perspective but it's equally applicable to a woman's perspective...
A question that I see on GAG consistently is "how do I ask my lady for sex" or some variant like "how do I find out if she's kinky"?
One of the most positive things to come out of my divorce, aside for not being with my ex anymore, was from the marriage counseling we undertook late in our marriage. For reasons that are unclear to me, I was of the opinion my whole life that sex wasn't something a man talked to lady about and that a straight up conversation of the subject would send her tearing out of the room screaming? Sound familiar?
Well guess what? They won't! I'm going to make some general statements and as with all generalities, there are a lot of exceptions but my experience has been that those exceptions are rare. Women are mostly pleasers and if they get what they need (and even oft times when they don't), they will do just about anything within reason to please their men. This seems to apply generally but since I'm a compulsive helper, I tend to put her up on a pedestal and do all I can to keep her happy. I dote on my women and spoil them like the princesses they are. That said, that's not necessary. Here's what I have found that was so surprising:
I have adopted a practice of waiting until sex is on the table and then I just talk to them about it, usually over a drink in a quiet, intimate setting. We have a calm, direct, matter of fact conversation. It's a bit like a business meeting but, of course, there's a strong emotional and sexual overtone. I tell her who I am sexually and what I want and need. I just lay it out there.
I have come to believe that everyone, and I mean everyone, is kinky. Some of us are a lot more upfront about that fact than those people that think they are vanilla. When I tell her what I want and need, she may look a little shocked but she's more curious and interested. The point is that as long as you're not a pedophile or sex murderer or otherwise inherently dangerous, the pleaser in her will carry the day and she'll sign up to try things. If you want to do dominant and/or sadistic things, you need to establish a safe word. This is a word she'd never use during sex except if she needs for things to stop so you can talk. It can be anything. I've had ladies use everything from Red Light to Strawberries to Cereal. This allows her, if she wants, to struggle and cry out stop and no and you can just keep going knowing it's just part of her role. My commitment to her is that if she uses her safe word, things stop immediately, without rancor or complaint. While I may not like that she used her safe word, it's more important that she feel safe and ultimately in control. All that said, I've never had a woman safe word. I just make it abundantly clear that the very last thing I want is for me to have a great time only to find out that she felt used or abused.
One very disturbing thing I see in GAG is where a man is rough and dominant but doesn't have her consent. Submission starts, and more importantly ends, with the consent of the sub. Her safe word is how she withdraws her consent
Bottom line: Just talk to the other person. Have a calm, direct, matter of fact conversation and figure out what cums (sic) next.
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