Sexual Relationships
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What I've Learned From Being In a Friends With Benefits Situation

That's if you can call it "Friends with Benefits". He doesn't like calling it that but he also can't have a committed relationship for genuine reasons and neither can I really (bad break up). He wanted to be more than friends with benefits but less than a girlfriend (how does that work?).

Anywaaaaay... this take is about what I've learnt so far, what the situation entails and how it's different to relationships, for me personally, so you guys could get some insight of how it works and if it'd work for you.

Disclaimer: This is a personal account of my experiences. Every relationship is different and if you're a guy, it will likely be different for you.

What I've Learnt From Being In a Friends With Benefits Situation


Totally Open

I can tell him anything because there's nothing riding on what I tell him, like a relationship. I won't be comfortable telling a guy I hope to be in a relationship with about a lot of stuff because I'd worry about scaring him off! This guy doesn't know anyone I know and has no reason to tell others anything I tell him. I don't care what he thinks of me because I know he'll still want to sleep with me (shallow I know) and if he did judge and decided to not talk to me again, I wouldn't care. In fact, we had one fall out and we didn't speak to each other for about 5 months and it didn't bother either of us. It's all really relaxed.

Good Sex

Sex is really good, if you've tried out a few people before you meet the person. I've slept with a few guys since I had the break up and this guy performs exactly how I like in bed, whilst others did not. Every time I see him, I know great sex is soon to come! It's much better than dating someone for months, only to realise they're not good in bed.

Lies

They will lie to your face. They will act like they care about your life and hobbies but you'll soon find out they've not remembered any of it and you've got no obligation to remember anything about them either. There's no need for them to remember anything about you. They might say you're really hot even if they think you're average, just so they get sex again. You should take everything they say with a pinch of salt and assume they don't mean it.

Respect

You do still get respect in friend with benefits relationships and you should still expect respect, even in this situation. They should still respect your boundaries in sex. The guy I'm with doesn't like me referring to myself as a 'whore' as a joke. He respects me as the young woman I am and treats me like he would a girlfriend, even holding my hand, just without the commitment and a few other parts. If I tell him I'm talking to or seeing a guy, he totally respects it and backs away. He doesn't get clingy/jealous at all.


A friends with benefits situation can be complicated but it's only as complicated as you make it.
If you're a particularly sensitive person, take rejection badly, expect love/attention constantly and /or are not a very assertive person, I wouldn't recommend a friends with benefits relationship.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • "Pointless"? "Meaningless"? "Being used as an object"?

    I really don't get how someone is being used if they are all aware of the situation and agree with it. Being used implies being treated like an objetct, which is to say: having their feelings and wishes disregarded. That's the difference between an object and a subject.

    An object doesn't have a will. A subject does. Just because someone is being regarded just as a sexual partner, it deosn't mean they are being used as an object, as long as it's in ressonance with their will. On the other hand, someone can be used as an object while being regarded as a spouse, a life partner etc.

    Imagine someone that doesn't want to be in a serious relationship or marriage, but is pressured to do so against their will using emotional blackmail. For example, some people say things like: "I love you, if you leave I'll just kill myself". Or "you can't leave, think of our kids". THAT is disregarding someone's will and so is treating someone as an object.

    Seeing someone exclusively as a sexual partner doesn't necessarily implies in objectification. And To objectify someone you don't have to see them in a sexual way.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Frankly, I just don't see a point in doing it.
    It just seems like a bad situation to put yourself in because of how quickly it can go wrong (and in almost all the cases I've heard, it EVENTUALLY goes wrong)... due to the nature, the second someone gets feelings it's pretty much instant heartbreak.

    I just feel like if you're not ready to be in a relationship (since that's apparently the reason why you're in a friends with benefits relationship to begin with), then you should just wait and work on yourself without any of that stuff to distract you until you are ready to go back to it.

    And, also, I'd wager (and always will) that it's better to have sex with someone you actually love.

    • It's been months, neither of us have feelings for each other. We don't speak/see each other that often. Only boyfriends and love can break my heart. I still work on myself in the mean time and honestly, the sex is better than some of my ex's were in bed.

    • What do you mean by "it can go wrong"? As opposed to relationships that never do?

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What Girls & Guys Said

9 22

  • Having a friends with benefits situation is all about maturity. I think it can be done successfully as long as the expectations are kept low and the two people involved are mature about sex and relationships.

    • I totally agree. It's not suitable for everyone.

    • Define "maturity" in the context of your comment. It's for old folks?

    • @brain5000 Maturity... not age. Two completely different things. It's for people who are emotionally mature.

    • Show All

  • I have two fuck buddies. You are describing them. Friends with benefits there is too much personal relationships. My two guys I like spare tires in a car. You need him. There is no relationship other than sex. We do it and that's it. And they are great

  • Could end in tears If one friends with benefits develops feelings and gets too emotionally attached to the other, who does not share these feelings and still only seen it as a bit of fun.

    • I don't see that happening. (y)

    • That's good then. I was just saying that it could happen. Not necessarily that it's going to happen to you. As long as the feeling stays mutual for both of you and doesn't develop any further.

  • A setup for danger. The danger just hasn't fully manifest yet. It takes a while.

  • This is very true when you find a compatible sex partner. Since we just care about the sex, we spill things EASILY to one another. They would know me faster than most girls I want to date. We would occasionally have mini dates, just to eat and talk about life. But ultimately it just ended up with sex and it fizzled out later without any hang ups.

  • There seem advantage of it but it still come down to pointless and meaningless. It still give the feeling being used and feel worthless. I being used by this guy for sex, like putting yourself no quality

    • I prefer to know I'm being used, than being oblivious and falling for someone. It's not being used though as it's equally beneficial to you both.

    • Isn't everyone using each other?

    • @KawaiiPie67 One of life's major questions.

  • Wow I expected " and never do it because I got ditched/hurt (mascara running)"
    Balanced nice!
    My first relationship was a friends with benefits and hot as fuck and I don't regret it a bit even though he left after a month. Probably only regret is should have fooled around more but then he was the one who had a low sex drive not me.

  • To me I don't really see anything ugly about having a friend to screw. It's better than just picking somebody at random or somebody who would lie about loving you just to get sex (and this DOES include females). As long as your both cool with it, it actually seems pretty hot to me, to have sex with a close friend.

  • Just another business deal as usual sexual or financial

    • Hey but its better than getting a gigolo or escort

  • I'm not sure how lying and respect can go hand in hand.

    • was wondering who was gonna mention that.

    • Respecting your sexual and social boundaries.

    • But not you as a person? That makes no sense to me but to each her own I suppose.

    • Show All

  • Its pretty much about getting straight to the point without the formality of dating. Sex date.

  • Someone once told me that "the key to success is setting expectations," and it looks as though both of you understand the limits of this relationship. Another said the key to success in relationships is communication, others said trust. Looks as though this relationship works because you have all of these things. It almost seems sad that there can't be any more to it.

    • Interesting comment.

  • Even less of a reason to traditionally date... it's about fucking with no strings and eventually adding them! #Rejoice ! :)

    • and you wonder why ur still single

    • @Machiatto no need to take one of my very few trolling attempts so seriously! #GotEm ✌

    • Or there is something called "sarcasm" You don't sound quick-witted at all

  • So he gets no strings attached sex sooner and without having to pay to take you on dates and also knows things about you that you wouldn't tell a boyfriend. Seems to me that for guys the ideal scenario is to start out as friends with benefits and then see if they want more later.

  • lol don't expect to speak for any of the girls here because they are all far too goodie two shoes to have a fuck buddy.

  • Interesting how just a change in title can so vastly alter the parameters of our behavior patterns with each other. Really quite incredible.

  • Hmm i haven't tried it, i would like to though.

  • I think you do the right thing. People should care more about sex and understand that if there is not love, sex can still exist and make sense. Sex doesn't need love to survive, but we need it to be healthier and balanced. We should respect more what is"sex" as an isolated act.

    A curiosity: There's a primates spicie considered the most peacefull from all.
    No one ever record any fight beetween them.
    Why? Because when there's stress beetween some of them, they make sex and things get together. A primate doesn't let the other eat more leafs from that tree? He's pissed out, so they do sex, done, hapiness returns, this alwayss happens with this specie. No violence was ever registered, and females (more small) are the leaders there. Amazing. We need some of this for ourself.

  • I'd rather stay a virgin.

  • "A friends with benefits situation can be complicated but it's only as complicated as you make it."
    indeed, it is, 10 points for you :)

    Not sure why you bring out the point about lying - it doesn't matter. Your goal is to hook up at some point in time, the rest is not your business and vice versa for him.

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