The Lover vs. The Boyfriend: How Women Treat These Two Guys Differently

[Anonymous]

Do you ever feel that a woman can treat you how you perceive her? Or how you behave to her and she mirrors?

It seems that a woman will say she wants something, but actually her actions display nearly the opposite. So she says she wants a nice, charming, polite, kind, sweet guy who treats her nice, who texts her stuff, who responds to her. Yet this guy she is extremely slow with, may delay and not be as flirty back to?!

Someone who isn't as sweet or kind, but just hits on her, well to him, she reveals her inner slutty side?

Women treat you how you treat them

See below and opine...

THE WOMAN
- nice personality (sweet, kind, caring)
- fairly innocent in behavior
- very sexy/pretty

Now say she has two men who interact with her.

BOTH ARE EQUALLY ATTRACTIVE:

GUY 1

in her social circle. He is interested in who she is, her interests, passions. He uplifts her. He also texts her, makes her laugh, is sweet, kind etc. He's also pretty charming and treats her like a lady. He is also exciting and they have fun together. She loves his texts, she loves his company, she loves how he remembers things about her. He's fun, he's subtle, he's great.

GUY 2:

someone she met more recently. He may either be in her social circle as an entrant or else someone she just runs into. Now he isn't sweet. He doesn't text her that much at all. He isn't that nice or a gentleman. He doesn't act kindly in that sense. He isn't as eloquent as Guy 1. He can be crazy at times, maybe taking pics with the ladies etc. He is more in your face. He can also be fun, more in your face.

Now for the same woman, if EACH GUY HAS A SEXUAL CONVERSATION WITH HER, will she respond differently?

Indeed, a woman will probably treat each guy differently based on how they treat her. But the confusing thing is, despite women saying they want a nice guy, that guy doesn't see her sexy side or her acting wild? Is this because of the anti-slut defence? Is it that she wants to appear innocent even though the good guy would love to see this side of her?

Sometimes a guy who treats a woman worse (no texts, no sweet words, etc) will have the woman acting so slutty to him. Whereas a good guy has the same woman acting so innocent and hardly initiating etc.

Whilst a good guy wants to have fun with her, she acts like an angel, whilst she dreams about getting a cum facial or having dirty sex, and possibly having that or acting flirty and letting herself go with a not so good guy who isn't actually nice to her?!

FOR EACH OF THESE SCENARIOS, HOW DOES EACH GUY GET TREATED BY THE SAME WOMAN?

1. So if she is hit on, or the guy tells her she looks hot, and he imagines her doing dirty things?
2. If the guy makes a move, which guy is she likely to go to bed with FAST?
3. If she is in bed, which guy is going to be able to call her "a dirty slut", "his cum slut", "a dirty girl" etc?
4. Who will she be dirty for in bed? Guy 1 or 2? Will she be worried about looking like a slut to guy 1 and then not be her full sexual animal that is within her?
5. Who would she want to get a cum facial from?
6. Who would she want to get banged from behind from doggystyle?
7. Who would she act like a total slut for, the guy who is nice to her and she sees now and again, or the guy who she probably won't stay in touch with that much?

8. If a woman met a great guy when she had a boyfriend, and they became friends, and she later became single, would she ever consider that guy as a boyfriend or lover material? What can that guy do? Or will she only act innocent around him?

The lover sees the woman in the top image fast and gets to see her being kinky and free. She then acts innocent and dresses like this for the good guy with him wondering how to tell his female friend she looks cute and he'd love to see more (like the lover saw above).

When you look into a woman’s eyes she should see that you know she wants to get fucked.

Women quickly categorize men. How you behave will determine what role she can see you play in her life.

So in order to be successful with women, can a guy simply never be friendly and kind to a woman?!

If a guy meets a girl with a boyfriend at uni or work, and can't avoid her, naturally they may end up being friends. Now a lot of people claim that the guy is therefore friendzoned, but in this case, there is still a chance right? But the thing is if the girl becomes single, she will most likely act innocent around the guy (friend), when he would be totally fine with her being free and her sexy self?! Sigh...women.

POST YOUR THOUGHTS ON ABOVE, below. Especially the scenarios.

[MrOracle]

This is just the Nice Guy vs. Bad Boy discussion.

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1996355-what-is-the-definition-of-a-nice-guy

Girls don't want a NiceGuy. They WANT a GoodGuy... but since those are always in short supply and highly desired, most girls only get to choose between BadBoys and NiceGuys, and MOST girls will choose an exciting, interesting, confident BadBoy over a spineless NiceGuy everytime.

And there is nothing wrong with that. Don't like it? Well, you should realize this: you have the power to BECOME a GoodGuy - and no one else can make you one but you. You yourself CHOOSE whether or not you are a NiceGuy or a GoodGuy, and if you think the effort to be a GoodGuy is too much, think about how much effort and pain and regret you get from choosing the NiceGuy path, and suddenly the effort needed to be a GoodGuy seems a whole lot less.

In the end, you cannot change other people, you can only change YOURSELF. You can cry all you like about how the world isn't fair - and it isn't - but fair or unfair, your path and your choices are your own to make, and you will suffer the consequences of those actions - both the good and the bad.

[myTake Owner]

Agree on this, nicely put. 1. So how do you be a good guy? 2. If you met a girl when she had a boyfriend in a situation like university, what can you do. So for example, she's great, you're great. She thinks you're great and admires your qualities. Given you work together (coursework etc) you can't avoid her, and since you click you do become friends. You are flirty in general with all, but don't overtly touch or hit on her given her status. Not to mention back in those days you were less experienced and quite shy. Say she kept in touch after graduating. You met up (though with her boyfriend or in groups). You texted now and again and she seemed to like (initiation was mutual). This is all despite distance (thus mainly texting, occasional meetup). Now though you have improved yourself physically as well as built on your great traits of speech, work ethic etc that she liked. You don't know if she found you attractive. Last time you met her you found out she was single (recently broke up).

[myTake Owner]

Others in the group were about to turn up, and you thought it might be crass to hit on her straight away. But you now wonder how the hell you can start to touch her, kino, flirt etc from here? Just because you met her when she had a boyfriend, can you not be viewed as a sexual man now? What do you think?

[MrOracle]

Just as you said: you flirt with her a bit when she has a boyfriend, but you keep your options open - you don't stop meeting and pursuing other (quality) women just because you think she is cool (NiceGuys often lock into a single girl, and give up socially on everyone else, and essentially FriendZone themselves). But, if you meet up with her and both of you are single, there's nothing wrong with approaching her (of course, feel her out and make sure she's ready to date again). The point is: at no time should you be desperate, pathetic, or put your life (especially your love life) on hold for a girl who is unavailable. She will respect you more if you don't.

[myTake Owner]

Thing is back then I was not as savvy and may not have been so obvious in my flirtations. I was definitely fun to be around though I reckon and she did seem to like my personality and kept in touch with me after graduation. Please can you read point 2 I replied to you with it has the details of how I met up and under what circumstances. At no point did I put my life on hold. I haven't really dated much tbh, but that's to do with work and simply not meeting many nice and pretty single people in my environment. (I don't date for the sake). I met up with her and found out she was single (as mentioned in point 2), but wasn't sure it was an apt moment to say anything (others were about to show up and it seemed crass to suddenly hit on her upon hearing this news). She is single now though, so if meeting up with her, HOW do you approach it and hit on/flirt/seduce her?

[MrOracle]

You simply make contact with her ("it was great to see you the other day - I'd have liked to talk with you some more.") and see if she seems interested. If she's interested, she's going to enthusiastically continue the conversation, and it not, she won't. But, in my opinion, it sounds like you HAVE put your social life on hold. It doesn't sound like you've been expending much effort to meet people (that often requires EFFORT - not just waiting for the right girl to come along and drop in your lap). You say "I don't date for the sake of dating" which tells me that you don't make it a priority. Well, when things aren't a priority in your life, you rarely achieve successes in those areas. What will you do if she says "no, thanks, not interested"? You have no Plan B. You've focused everything on her, which is going to make you desperate and stressed, and that will put her off. That's the trap you've made for yourself.

[myTake Owner]

Dude, I haven't put my life on hold. I have dated other people. Atm I'm single. If she were to say no, it's no biggie. That's fine, I just wait till I run into some other woman I like. What I mean is, I'm not going out to just bang any one. I am the prize and so only if I really like someone, will I ask them out. Can you pls read point 2 and answer my questions. The way you are providing advice suggests you aren't reading it. I wrote the details you need to know in my first reply to you in 2 points. One of the things I wrote was about the girl currently being far away and having met her face to face a while back. Of course I texted her after that and she responded enthusiastically. You are simply telling me advice as if I just bumped into some random chick yesterday. Pls read and opine if you have any advice

[MrOracle]

Long Distance Relationships (LDRs) don't work, so if she doesn't live near you, and isn't planning to live near you soon, then you really should just forget her and move on. There's no point in trying to create a relationship over the phone/computer - the point of a relationship is to SPEND TIME TOGETHER. I read what you wrote, but there just isn't any point in pursuing her if that's the situation. There are plenty of other women in the world - many who DO live near you.

[myTake Owner]

She is moving back in a few months. I may be visiting her city in the summer. Based on this?

[MrOracle]

Based on that, give it a shot... but even then, be careful not to act like she is the end-all-be-all of women, because it will make you seem desperate, and nothing turns a girl off as fast as desperation. Make it clear that you are interested in her, but also that it's no big deal if the turns you down. She will be intrigued, and will feel special that you are giving her attention when you clearly could get other girls. That will make her more interested in you. This is why confidence is so important - women react to confidence without even realizing it, and they also react to desperation and a lack of confidence, but not in a way that you want them to. You must STAY STRONG and not give away too much. She needs to RESPECT you, which means you have to be able to tell her NO, or to tell her if she's over the line, etc. She will test you again and again, and you must not fail.

[myTake Owner]

Ok so generally speaking I project confidence in life (i think why she admired me back at uni). So how do you make it clear you are interested whilst also displaying "you can get other girls"? In the span of a week visit or when she moves back by October for instance? How do you act in person, and secondly how about how often to text? (e. g. is monthly too little)? Is it better to be on the radar more or less versus other guys who text her more often and she sees more often (atm) ?

[MrOracle]

You give a girl attention, but you don't hang on her like a puppydog - acting like she was the last girl in the world and you HAVE to have her. That will creep her out. Watch a couple of James Bond movies, and pay attention to how Bond acts around women. He clearly recognizes that the women are attractive, and even interesting, but he never acts like if he doesn't get her that he's going to crawl into a corner and cry - instead, he acts like if he doesn't get her, he'll shrug and just start flirting with another hot girl in the room - or maybe just drink and gamble and enjoy himself. He doesn't build up any particular girl as a make-or-break situation. By not doing that, he is relaxed around the woman he's flirting with, and that makes him much more attractive to her - and he's far likelier to end up with her. That's the concept I'm trying to get across. If you put women on a pedestal, and put so much pressure on yourself, you'll seem needy and creepy.

[myTake Owner]

I get that. Bond is very good indeed. But if it's a woman you already know in the specific situation (when she had a boyfriend you first met, now she's single and so are you)? I agree with the frame that you can have any woman, but how do you flirt with the woman in this case/display interest and maintain that frame? At the same time, how often, etc to text her?

[MrOracle]

It's about maintaining the ATTITUDE. Yes, you'd LIKE her to date you, but it isn't the end of the world if she won't. Too many people can only take an attitude at either extreme: overwhelming love/lust for someone, or complete indifference to them. You have to find the middle ground: you enjoy her company and are interested, but don't NEED her to breathe or to be "not-depressed-and-suicidal."

[myTake Owner]

Understood. So how often to text as I asked? And in person how to convey this sense of don't need her, but interested in her?

[MrOracle]

You text her when you have something of *substance* to say. "Whatcha doin?" isn't something of substance. Otherwise, you can text her once a day if she isn't actively engaging in the conversation, and as much as you like if she IS engaging in the conversation. But always remember that people have real lives, and so you should not EVER expect someone to always reply immediately. Sometimes it may take them 2 or 3 days to get back to you - and maybe their grandma died, or they're having a fight with their folks, or there is tension at work, etc. Really, though, most of it will depend on how engaged she is. The worst thing you can do is be too eager or too demanding of her time/attention.

[myTake Owner]

Lol I understand that. Who said I ever text "Whatcha doin?" I have never done that ever. EVER. Clarify engagement and based on a whatsapp interaction (like texting) and last seens etc. All I would expect is prompt replies and people not reading a message and not replying for ages. I never do that. And genuine girls don't do that. I've deleted people who try to use me for validation and are flaky with texts. With this specific girl, what do you advise as I asked, to convey the preselection vibe? a lot of what you are saying is generic stuff meeting a brand new girl, not someone you already know and met when she had a boyfriend (in a uni context, thus couldn't avoid). So texting, do women prefer guys who text more often (not everyday as you suggested, but say every week or 2 weeks) given distance or is that just friends? Is someone who texts once a month not close enough? And when I text, she seems very enthusiastic and engaged. I'm just worried that when I think of her, I shouldn't text?

[myTake Owner]

Any thoughts?

Also pls check this out: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a27854-woman-hears-the-exact-same-thing-from-two-guys-but-she-reacts

[myTake Owner]

WELL? Thoughts on my specific points?

[myTake Owner]

Completely incorrect. Shows you didn't understand the take. Check this out www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2164515-who-does-each-person-care-about-in-each-of-these-9-sexual-scenarios

[myTake Owner]

The attractive guy friend - someone funny, exciting and hot. The douche guy friend - objectifies women, less good looking, not sweet Yet she would probably act innocent to the first guy even though she likes him more and be sexual/slutty pose like a cheerleader round the 2nd guy

[myTake Owner]

Can u help www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2229447-can-you-match-who-a-sweet-woman-would-do-these-things-with-explain

[LittleSally]

This is usally the kind of thinking that goes on in a head of a dude who spends waaaay too much time hinting at liking someone and never actually doing something about it.
Of course it's going to seem like you're nice and all women are the worst... o. O

[myTake Owner]

Pls see the quote. What if the guy met her when she had a boyfriend and now she is single. This he didn't not act, quite the contrary he was respectful and a decent person?

[LittleSally]

It's always and forever the friend zone if there's no flirting insinuating something sexual.

[myTake Owner]

Define flirting. What if he'd praised her, been a little cheeky and flirty now and again?

[LittleSally]

That's fine, but flirting with your eyes too - the bedroom eyes - if she never felt like you liked her as more than a friend you're lost in there as a friend.

[myTake Owner]

Ok so how would he proceed now? Pls describe how he should look at her to give her the beddroom eyes?

[myTake Owner]

Pls explain

[myTake Owner]

Not really a guy can't hit on his friend if she is not single. And when she becomes single how is he viewed?

[pnl86]

So, you blame women?

That's very interesting, robbing yourself of any accountability and responsibility. That reminds me of some movie:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wse_hgca220

When I recall that scene and think of a girl, it's funny. When I hear a guy that makes me recall that scene, it's sad.

www.theinspirationallifestyle.com/.../

It's so easy to point the finger at other people and direct blame away from yourself. It's so easy to crawl up in a corner and cry as you play victim, or get angry and enraged... as you criticize others for their own faults for continuing to "do you wrong." After all, the more you do that, the less time and energy you have to focus on the common denominator to all your problems... you.

You're not in control of others and what other people do or think. You're in control of what you do and how you think. You have the power to change yourself. You don't have the power to change other people.

So, instead of attributing this to "women," why not attribute responsibility for these outcomes to yourself as a man? Why not be accountable to yourself for what you fail to do as a man, or the wrong things you do as a man?

Why not understand that your own behavior is pigeon-holing you into an inescapable and irreversible corner of being forever just a friend? Why not try to cut that shit out? Why not try having sex by actually turning a girl on SEXUALLY, and getting a girl excited SEXUALLY... because YOU are a SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE MAN? Instead of relying on the forces of social obligation and emotional reciprocity? Instead of trying to guilt and shame a girl into having sex with you, because you've spent so much time and money on her, because you have all these deep feelings for her, because you're in a relationship, because you're married, etc., etc., etc., why do you try giving a shit about HER... SEXUALLY?

Maybe then, you wouldn't find yourself in the friend zone. Maybe then, you wouldn't find yourself just being a roommate who PROVIDES for her, and she occasionally has obligatory sex with? Maybe she may actually be excited about the word "sex" and associating that idea with "YOU." Maybe if there's something in it for her, and not just you, you transform from being an obligation/chore into a lover.

Maybe, I don't know, I'm just saying

[myTake Owner]

If the girl has a boyfriend, it wouldn't be right to be sexual to her would it? If the girl becomes a friend given the environment (e. g. uni/work together, can't avoid her) and you both click, not your fault. If the girl becomes single, then what to do?

[pnl86]

My comments are directed to men at large, not to you specifically (as it's quite clear you understood). If a girl already has a boyfriend, then you can mentally place her off limits. You can mentally dump her in the same category as a man, or an ugly old woman. Basically, not worth pursuing sexually. If the environment "forces" a girl to be exposed to you, then that's not your fault. You're not going to tone down who you are and your own sexuality because she has a boyfriend. She can pick up on you and be attracted to you, and you can continue to put your hand out and say, "Sorry, stop, you have a boyfriend, this is wrong." If the girl becomes single, depends on how you find out. If she tells you, then what are you waiting for? A red carpet invitation? If she doesn't directly tell you, then you already have a very comfortable reason to be talking, you're already familiar with each other socially. So, you pick it up from there and continue as before. Things will naturally happen.

[myTake Owner]

Agreed and nice points. Trouble is she told me she was single in response to asking how she was (in person) then out of politeness to fill the gap I asked how he was. Then she goes, "oh we broke up". Now I'm panicking lol. But I felt it would be crass to start hitting on her immediately. She was also visiting back over here (she works in a different timezone). I might be visiting her city, tho she is moving back here by November time. I dunno when she broke up, but I would guess she's had at least a year of being single. So what the hell do I do now lol? I feel nervous about it, cos it's not like some brand new girl I meet and can flirt with. The whole time, whilst I have been generally flirty and a fun guy (also she admires my qualities or did so back at uni when we worked together), haven't really hit on her as such yet. And need to kino i guess. Advice and thoughts?

[pnl86]

Stop trying to make her your girlfriend. Dating is like oral argument. You can never win a case on oral argument. You can only LOSE. So, just continue to hang out together. Resist the urge to present yourself as a potential boyfriend. Stop selling to her, in your mind. Be yourself, and by that, I mean, continue to be the man she's enchanted with. The guy who makes plans. The guy who takes direct action. The guy who doesn't give a shit how she feels about him, but is still hanging out with her. The guy who isn't afraid to "touch" her early on. The guy who isn't afraid to let her know she looks very sexy in those heels or that dress, and "make her feel" sexy and good about herself as a woman. The guy who isn't afraid to put his sexual intentions on the table, and put her in the position of either reciprocating them or rejecting them.

[pnl86]

In an effort to avoid coming off as a rapist, or creepy, or sexually pushy... you end up coming off as passive, asexual, and just a friend. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but most women want the man to be the sexual aggressor. They would rather die single with their eggs rotting than be the sexual aggressor. The reason for that is because a large part of her sex appeal as a woman is her looks. So, if a man can't even acknowledge them or be motivated enough by her looks, then she's not receiving feedback and validation that she has some hook on him - and she doesn't feel safe or secure. A man's sex appeal to a female partner is his assertiveness and proactiveness. If sex were left up to women, the human race would be extinct. So, YOU have to play your masculine role and move your ass in that department. Stop waiting for "the right moment." Stop "holding yourself back." Watch the boat scene in The Little Mermaid again.

[pnl86]

She has better things to do that talk and spend time with a random guy. In economics, we call this "revealed" preferences. She could be using that block of time for something else. Instead, she chooses to spend it with you. Why do you think that is? Stop looking for more signs that she's interested. She's curious. From there on, take action. Plan to show her around town, or something or some place fun, for when she's here in November. Do it with a smile. Then go for dinner after you've toured the city for the day. Make it a day-long date. But you have to be creative. You have to have mental energy. You have to get in touch with the part of you that makes you fun and interesting. You can't have this girl fall in love with pnl86 from the Internet. So, spend some time thinking about something casually fun and not over the top or "impressive" to do (remeber, you're NOT selling/courting), and just drag her along as YOUR company on YOUR adventure, for YOU.

[myTake Owner]

I like your points and do agree with them. Trouble is I find that that is much much easier with brand new women to show your assertiveness/sexual man qualities. I might be visiting her earlier than November, so any ideas (it would be her city in that case which I don't know). Trouble is given she had a boyfriend before, I didn't touch her in that way if that makes sense. Of course I was naturally funny and charming etc, which I think she liked (she did after all keep in touch after graduating from uni). In terms of being the same guy, I can do that. It's a bit hard over distance since it's mainly texting then. Any ideas on texting? As for in person, how do you ramp up the touching now beyond hug and the occasional poke? So that she sees you as a sexual prize? She does spend time with me sure, but mostly it's been in groups (even if it started off as a planned meet between us). That was when she was taken. Now she's single, how to play it? Is the less initiation by text

[myTake Owner]

now she's single, does that mean anything? I feel like there was more initiation from her side earlier lol. But she is very very enthusiastic when responding now. In terms of her looks, I don't think I mentioned that (since she was taken). So how do I start to compliment that aspect of her? I really wanna just say, damn you look hot or are hot or pretty etc. What would she like and respond to? Thing is for all these things, I already know her. I tried to be charming last time I saw her (when I found out she was single), but felt it a bit crass to do anything right then. Now it's been a year, can I act? She is single by the way. Since I know her, and she knows me, I feel unsure how to just gradually touch her, flirt etc. Any tips?

[pnl86]

A friend of mine does IP law. He's always talking to me about how Pepsi pays big money to "trademark" or "copyright" an "experience." To me, that just sounds crazy. But diving into it a bit more, it's helped me connect with jurors in the sense that I now think of trial through the lens of a juror's "experience." How does each juror "experience" the trial? Well, if that helps at all, think of yourself as an "experience." How does she "experience" you? What is the "Anonymous" experience? Over text, a pleasant experience is basically a human and interactive "Buzzfeed." You don't have the time to browse the internet for funny or entertaining shit, and it's boring to do it alone. But if you have someone who serves it to you on a silver platter, and seamlessly weaves it into the conversation naturally and fluidly, you have what marketing people called an "engaged" audience.

[pnl86]

Add to that the factor of human interaction... basically being a sounding board for her opinions and projective identification "through" you. That's why you can't be selling. It has to be 100% genuinely you. If you're selling, you lose the benefit of projective identification. If it's 100% genuinely you, and you find something entertaining and funny... then by relating to you, you allow her to identify herself as someone who is "funny" and "fun" and "up-to-date" and "in-the-know," etc. You have to be looking out for how much projective identification she needs. If she cuts you off, or proudly says, "Yeah, I've seen that before," then she has a need to relate through projective identification. If she doesn't "relate" to you at all, then that's your cue that the two of you may be incompatible (or that she's extremely shy/reserved/etc. ... unlikely after 1+ years).

[pnl86]

Over text, you're pretty limited to just allowing her to relate to you (and to feel good about) her personality/opinions/views/intellectual abilities/etc. That's it. My personal opinion on texting is that sexual compliments don't belong on a text message. You want the good feelings you give her about herself to be "temporary" and "fleeting," not "permanent" and "referable." You don't want her to pull out that text message and be able to analyze what you said and what you meant. You want her to think about what your exact words were, and what your tone of voice sounded like, and to drive herself crazy trying to remember that feeling and recall those details (and longing for her next fix). If you're limited to text, then hold off on being sexual. If you're not limited to texting, then try a video chat on Skype or something along those lines. I would "avoid" texting or flirting via text.

[pnl86]

Over video chat or in person, you have to start off slow. First you have to test for things like her comfort and cultural level of acceptability. Never really an issue with any girls I ever dated, because they were usually bisexual with tattoos, so no need to worry about shit like that. But, people tell me that there are some girls outside that bi/ink culture that care about shit like this, so you should be cognizant of it. Remember, the goal is to "engage" your audience. How do you direct her mental attention on thinking about herself sexually? "I like that top." That's it. NOT "I like that top ON YOU," or "I LOVE YOUR BOOBS" or "I'D LOVE TO MOTOR BOAT YOUR TITTIES." Just, "I like that top." Let her wonder if you like "that top" or you like how that top looks "on her," or whether you like "her" or "what's under that top." Let those be "HER THOUGHTS," not "YOUR WORDS."

[pnl86]

See how she responds. Afterwards, push the envelope a little bit. "Mmm, you look really good in those shorts." Less ambiguity there, notice that? You're taking away the safety net of ambiguity and vagueness, and by doing so, you're making things a little bit more uncomfortable and tense. But, if you haven't started off slow, first, and tested and established the ground-work first... and her comfort level, and her confidence (in herself), then going from step 1 to step 9 in one step is likely to be met with a severe over-reaction to understandable shock and discomfort (and quickly rationalized as "sleazy, pervy, etc."). So, you have to start off slow, and then push the envelope. Remove ambiguity, and as you do so, let your intentions and sexual interest become more and more clear, until it's in her face... until it's clear to everyone... and things get tense and a bit uncomfortable.. sexually.

[pnl86]

Then, you can have fun playing with the level of ambiguity/tension. In my opinion (and I'm not an expert on this) but that's what I consider "flirting" to be. For example, if she's wearing a pair of "fuck me" heels, and she looks good in them... you can gaze at her legs and let her catch you... and then apologize playfully and say something like, "Oh, I'm sorry. I was just imagining you and me on a bed.. and you.. with those heels... and just thinking about you on top of me.. and whether the waterbed would pop or not with those heels." Take it there. Push the envelope, and then take it away. Get her exposed to the uncomfortable tension, let her start to decide whether she wants to give in to her knee-jerk reaction of resisting it... but before she does, take it away. That way, when she thinks back on it... it wasn't so bad. She's a big girl. She could handle that kind of tension... and she's sort of wishing you didn't pull the tension away.

[pnl86]

That being said, the sexual conversation should start off as being only like 0.05% of your total talking time... to maybe about 2.5% of your total talking time. That's "flirting" (sexually). Beyond that, I mean, it's great if you're both being back and forth beyond that... but at that point... it's no longer flirting... it's just dirty talking, foreplay, and time to get a room. The point about "tension" is that it works when there's a contrast effect. Life is mundane, flat. Tension is exciting, because it's the "high" in the face of all the "lows." Highs and lows. Twists and turns. That's what's exciting and fun. Flat, predictable, formal, normal... not fun. Don't be afraid to be vocal and overt about the fact that you're a man, and that you like sex, and that you like her, and that you find her sexually attractive, and that you want to have sex with her. It's not "insulting" or "offensive." It's "flattering" and "exciting."

[myTake Owner]

Thanks for this! Ok, I like these points. What do you make of this: 1. Yes I agree texting compliments that are sexual is hard. I guess fleeting is better. But can texting help build that if you compliment other qualities on text? 2. I mean I can’t really video call, but I might be going to visit her/she visiting my city soon. So in person will try to be flirtier this time. Does it work though? Can you be seen as sexual if you met her at uni when she had a bf? Now she’s single? How do you phrase yourself to her in terms of compliments to her so she knows you find her attractive? Or do women know you like them lol? 3. Yes culturally I think she is a more innocent type (but I’m sure very naughty) like me, but she does seem a very fun person. I’ve never seen anyone tell her she looks good before to know how she reacts, so will start subtly. Which words are best?

[myTake Owner]

4. I like your point about the audience! But if you say “I like that top/those shorts/that hair” is that sexual complimenting or just being friendly? And can you start given you were hesitant earlier (out of both the fact she had a boyfriend and for the past few years you were a complete novice versus a novice/apprentice now? 5. I like the “look good in those shorts”. Is it ok to say that haha? I really would like to since she has nice legs indeed. But how to tell if it is appreciated and can you just say it off the bat? So if you have a week of being with her (given the visit by her) can you pull this off in that timeframe? 6. Right so how do you suggest gradually doing it? DO women like physical compliments? And can you clarify and expand on pushing the envelope with examples pls? You seem very clued up on this. Pls feel free to pm me if you prefer to write the examples there. I will pm you now with my username so you can respond.

[myTake Owner]

7. I like the looking at her with desire look. I’ll try to do it now she’s single. But as for saying directly I thought about you and me in bed, can you say that lol? I think that might be step 10 right? Anything else to really push the level of tension so she feels excited? I think she admires my qualities and is excited in action scenarios/meet ups with me (which have been mainly group so far, but may be solo on her next visit), but how to get sexual excitement? I know she at least likes me in some way, just not sure about physically (though she has said “you look good” before which made me feel great given I just worked out lol). She also compliments my skills at various things.

[myTake Owner]

8. Right so sexual should be a very small percentage. Thing is I have hardly said that to her given her status, so how to proceed? I feel like I’m scared to be who I am given I have held myself back the last few years (admitedely only 1 of those was face to face mostly at uni, the rest was long distance interspersed with some visits by her). I mean for example, one day she was eating a banana, and I literally thought of her giving head, but what do you do in those situations? As for moving from hanging out solo to the bedroom, can it be done? And in say a week?

[myTake Owner]

9. I agree, people like excitement, especially women. What can you suggest to do with her? 10. If you’re a virgin, how to act/tell her? 11. I guess you’re right, it’s flattering to find her attractive, but how do you say/hint it without just blurting out “You, I find you very sexually attractive by the way, always have”. Thoughts on this pls? I will pm you, if you wish to reply privately with your wise secrets!

[myTake Owner]

Pm is fine

[myTake Owner]

Look forward to your thoughts

[myTake Owner]

You obviously didn't read what I wrote, I said sadly most women fall to peer pressure and do this

[vishna]

Bitter man syndrome, ideas, MyTake.

[myTake Owner]

Ad hominem comment lol without reading points 1-8 and the specific quote example at the bottom about the guy who meets a girl with a boyfriend. Pls read.

[myTake Owner]

What do you think about points 1-8?

[vishna]

Simply put, you've just got it all wrong.

[myTake Owner]

Clarify and explain for each point

[myTake Owner]

As in how

[myTake Owner]

Girl who didn't read it answer.

[Bugsbunnysghost]

Tbh, in modern times guys having a fatherlike attitude lose. Women want more smart ass guys. But, it don't take a long time. I have never seen a 50 y. o bad ass guy.

[myTake Owner]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a27854-woman-hears-the-exact-same-thing-from-two-guys-but-she-reacts

[somebodysaycheese]

Well, I gotta say you are WAAAY wrong. The asshole, the one i know is a hoe is the one i act more of a innocent girl with . The guy who is more sweet, quiet is the one is the one im going to be dominant with because most likely we won't initiate anything.

[myTake Owner]

And with regards to point 8?

[myTake Owner]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a27854-woman-hears-the-exact-same-thing-from-two-guys-but-she-reacts

[Billlewis]

I find this fascinating., and I hope I can have a relationship with a woman like that. Any time a woman is seeing other guys, and she treats them much, much better than she treats me, I'll move mountains for her.

[ThisDudeHere]

i.ytimg.com/vi/zrfUJzfMZ_4/maxresdefault.jpg

[Chief16]

OMG, that be the strongest man in the world.

[myTake Owner]

Points 1-8 above, thoughts

[AleDeEurope]

Many guys forget that women sometimes do think with their genitals, like men.
If a guy that's less "good" than the other guy manages to get her wet, turn on her sexual side, she's most likely going to choose that guy, cause she's thinking more of the sexual adventures they'll be in.

You can't win a girl if you don't turn her on, it doesn't matter how good of a person you are, that's what a friend is.

[ConsultantIsBack]

Hot girls want hot guys? Whaaat Upvote man👍

[myTake Owner]

So can guy 1 I this case turn her on? And how do you advise doing it if you already know the girl?

[AleDeEurope]

It depends if he's attractive. You gotta flirt with her, you can just treat her like a friend, that's why many guys complain they're nice but the girl doesn't choose him, the problem is that he was just being a friend, he didn't light up the spark, her sexual interest.

[myTake Owner]

Good point! Ok but say he met her like the bottom quote (when she had a bf). You know the situations at uni where you work together so you can't avoid being friends or round her. And now she has become single. In this situation what are your thoughts, examples of flirting and to be seen as a sexual man or desired by her?

[myTake Owner]

Ps she finds you uplifting, sweet texting and funny/charming?

[AleDeEurope]

That's tricky, but if the girl does consider you boyfriend or hookup material, then you have a chance. It's not difficult to get out of the "friendzone" you just gotta do the same thing as if you just met her. Just flirt and get her interested in you in a sexual way.

[myTake Owner]

Ok so examples of flirting? For a boyfriend material guy?

[myTake Owner]

How do you turn on then as the gooder guy

[AleDeEurope]

I forgot to answer your first question: It depends on the kind of person you are, on your personality, just avoid being an asshole. I don't know what you mean by the other question... to be a good guy just act like a good person, it's pretty simple.

[myTake Owner]

Ok but what about this? www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a27854-woman-hears-the-exact-same-thing-from-two-guys-but-she-reacts

Pls opine on there if u can

[myTake Owner]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2164515-who-does-each-person-care-about-in-each-of-these-9-sexual-scenarios

Can u help

[myTake Owner]

The attractive guy friend - someone funny, exciting and hot. The douche guy friend - objectifies women, less good looking, not sweet Yet she would probably act innocent to the first guy even though she likes him more and be sexual/slutty pose like a cheerleader round the 2nd guy

[myTake Owner]

Can u check out this question www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2229447-can-you-match-who-a-sweet-woman-would-do-these-things-with-explain

[Metlahaed]

Why doesn't the good guy just be a bad guy in bed, if that is what he wants and what she wants too?

[myTake Owner]

Sure he wants to but the point is how does he get there in the first place? If she holds back the sexual side when they're friends and acts innocent whereas a less sweet guy she acts sluttier around? See guy 1 above and also the quote about the guy meeting taken girl?

[Metlahaed]

Don't be a pussy. The "nice" guy just wants to wait for the girl to make a move because he is a loser and a pussy. Just make a move if you a like a girl, that is all. If she doesn't respond, find a new girl, or get a nice girl.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah and a real jerk would hit on a girl with a boyfriend. It's not "being a pussy" to be respectful dude. Now she is single tho, how should he behave? Pls read the actual example above and then re-comment

[myTake Owner]

Lol just read your comment, dude I think you didn't read/misunderstood. The premise is that the guy who is nicer to her, is not seeing her dirty side? Also see points 1-8

[Metlahaed]

Bring it out, that is my point.

[myTake Owner]

Pls opine on here: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a27854-woman-hears-the-exact-same-thing-from-two-guys-but-she-reacts

[abundantlyrich]

Too much time on the puter

[Tdieseler]

can't make heads or tails of the whole thing. it said the lover vs boyfriend... i didn't see anything about that in the article... just guy 1 and guy 2

[myTake Owner]

Thoughts on points 1-8 up there

[myTake Owner]

@Tdieseler so the point is for points 1-8 above in the quote, how would she react to each guy? Guy 1 is a good guy and friend and guy 2 less so?

[myTake Owner]

Points 1-8?

[Chief16]

Lol.
Stop. You're being miserable.
Why is it so hard to see love is not equal to sex and vice versa. Just cause a woman wants to bang someone doesn't mean that she loves him. Know what I'm saying?
Guys do it too, I mean how many times would an average guy have thought of banging a random woman? Same with girls too. Its a basic feeling.

[myTake Owner]

Thought but they wouldn't act on it. And the guy wouldn't be flirty and act sexual with a random or less nice woman. He'd rather be sexual with the pretty cute girl who is nice to him

[myTake Owner]

Personally i'd love being dirty with a woman I loved? What are you trying to say?

[myTake Owner]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a27854-woman-hears-the-exact-same-thing-from-two-guys-but-she-reacts

[rjroy3]

Breaking news. Girl acts differently with a guy that turns her on.

[myTake Owner]

So how do you turn her on when she has a boyfriend already? In a uni situation where you can't avoid her and work together. And if you were respectful not to, can you hit on her when she is single again even though technically you are friends (tho not besties).

[rjroy3]

I don't think you should, so I won't advise you on how

[myTake Owner]

Why though? As in is it your fault you met her when she had a boyfriend lol? I mean I do really like her as a friend as well. But have always thought her attractive, but never said this out of respect. Can you not?

[rjroy3]

Do you currently have a dating life?

[myTake Owner]

Nope, I like her though

[myTake Owner]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a27854-woman-hears-the-exact-same-thing-from-two-guys-but-she-reacts

Check this out

[frozenhorizon]

I never experience any of these things, what does it mean? lol

[myTake Owner]

So does a woman act sexual round a lover only and not a good boyfriend material guy?

[frozenhorizon]

She acts sexual around someone she's attracted to which varies per person and it may or may not include the traits of those "types" you mentioned...

[frozenhorizon]

I mean I've never experienced being a "nice boyfriend type" for a girl and she didn't want to date me. Maybe I'm the "asshole" type (I don't think so?) or I'm simply not a sucker. But I think it's more likely that your analysis is flawed?

[myTake Owner]

So who would she act sexual around, what traits, and what if he met her when she had a boyfriend and now she is single? (Friends cos it was uni, kept in touch, now she's single)?

[frozenhorizon]

Well I'm saying it depends on who she's attracted to, it varies per person, you just have to look for signals that she's attracted to you haha.

[myTake Owner]

Such as? And how would he give off that vibe back to her?

[frozenhorizon]

Well physically... making eye contact, smiling at you, pupils and/or nostrils dilating, physically facing you in a non-defensive way (i. e. arms not crossed), giggling easily, touching you (even if it seems by accident or coincidental). Verbally, I guess her asking you questions to know more about you or hinting at/suggesting doing things together (i. e. saying "I want to come!" if you tell her something you're doing)

[frozenhorizon]

The verbal ones are more about liking you as a potential partner though, whereas the physical ones are more relevant specifically to sex I would say

[frozenhorizon]

Also complimenting your appearance of course.

[myTake Owner]

Right but can a friend do those things too? Ok, how would you up the touching now she is single (met when had boyfriend, became friends naturally since it was uni, now she is single)? And how to convey you like her subtly?

[frozenhorizon]

I guess a friend can do some of those things but it depends on the frequency and and how many of them. If it's like all of those things, pretty often, then they'd probably at least consider you as more than a friend. I don't know about conveying subtle ways... I'm better at telling if people like me than actually expressing anything to them haha

[myTake Owner]

So what kinda things to do and how to ramp it up over say a week?

[frozenhorizon]

lmao I don't know, what do you like doing, what does she like to do? It all depends on that, invite her to do something that you both enjoy. But whenever you're together just try to be physically close to her (maybe touch if she isn't moving away) and pay a lot of attention to her to let her know you're interested in her haha. Like the main thing is just doing things that let her know you're interested such as moving physically closer. Re: your post--for example if a girl says something like "I wish I had a boyfriend like you" she's probably waiting for you to make a move / show interest in her directly. If you don't do anything like that she's probably assuming you're not interested. Like I'd even say that I disagree with your comment about women creating "categories" for the men they meet - the men put themselves in those categories by their nonverbal actions.

[frozenhorizon]

I mean I somewhat agree that people (including women) will treat you differently depending on how you treat them, but your *actions* are more important than what you say.

[myTake Owner]

1. Ok so I get flirt with her. Got it. 2. I get get closer to her. But how do you do that subtly and naturally given YOU ALREADY KNOW HER. 3. Agreed on categories. But what if you met her when she had a bf? Are you forever in a friend situation, or are you a potential lover/bf in the future should she become single and so are you? 4. Details on 'non verbal actions' to make her see you that way (IN THIS SPECIFIC CASE - met her when she had boyfriend, and now she is single, currently long distance, but she is visiting for a week)?

[frozenhorizon]

3. Hmm, I get what you're saying. I don't think it matters that she used to have a boyfriend when you met. 4. Hmm, have you spent time together alone much? I feel like that would be one main thing, like invite her to do stuff with just the two of you in situations/places that wouldn't really be something "just friends" tend to do. Not sure about specific interactions beyond that, I feel like if you set up the situation then it should just feel natural for it to happen 5. Why is she visiting for a week? If it's JUST to hang out with you then duhhhh she wants you but need more information :P

[myTake Owner]

Well, she is visiting here in general. Likewise I am visiting over there for a week in general, but would like to spend a lot of time with her if I can! Alone time has been one time (as in a separate hang out time from a group reunion).

[myTake Owner]

So what should I do to convey I like her when visiting over there for a week?

Also pls check ths out

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a27854-woman-hears-the-exact-same-thing-from-two-guys-but-she-reacts

[Nik1hil]

You definitely are pinpointing something here..

[myTake Owner]

Clarify?

[Nik1hil]

Means you are onto something.. When it comes to understand women.. It's as close as anyone gets to understanding women

[myTake Owner]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a27854-woman-hears-the-exact-same-thing-from-two-guys-but-she-reacts

Read and opine over there if you can!

[ConsultantIsBack]

A womanly woman needs a many man, naamsayin?
And vice versa.
Automatic upvote for posting my celeb crush Mmm 😍

[SuitAndTie]

What's that celebs name?

[ConsultantIsBack]

@SuitAndTie Melanie iglesias

[myTake Owner]

No problemo. Yep Melanie is so totes hot. For points 1-8 how would a woman act to each guy (1 and 2)?

[myTake Owner]

Bro?

[ConsultantIsBack]

What's up?

[myTake Owner]

Check this out and opine if you can? www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a27854-woman-hears-the-exact-same-thing-from-two-guys-but-she-reacts

[John_Doesnt]

These women be all like "No that ain't me at all". But we know they're just lying through their vaginas.

[myTake Owner]

Look at their actions right? They act sexual with less caring guys?

[myTake Owner]

Points 1-8, read above and thoughts

[myTake Owner]

Help me out on this question? www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2229447-can-you-match-who-a-sweet-woman-would-do-these-things-with-explain

[OrdinaryGentleman]

I don't know what it means to be looking into a womans eyes and knowing she wants to fuck lol. Don't you just fuck...>_>

[myTake Owner]

Points 1-8 read above

[OrdinaryGentleman]

naw thats bullshit, i already did

[myTake Owner]

Pls check this new question out www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2229447-can-you-match-who-a-sweet-woman-would-do-these-things-with-explain

[Polocrew]

Lmaooo

[myTake Owner]

points 1-8 thoughts

[Fortheholidays]

Spot on

[myTake Owner]

Thanks. What about point 8, advice?

[Fortheholidays]

I would say that the guy should make his intentions or feelings known. Its more likely that she won't do anything... but then again she might make it obvious that she's available. Then I would say read the signs and act accordingly

[Anonymous]

got tired of hearing the second pic from the top
"i wish i could find a guy like you"
especially when they actually did
i became that bad guy that has all the girls after him
and you know what, it feels great
fuck being good and nice
P. S I actually love some of them
P. P. S they all have no idea
shrug

[myTake Owner]

Look at POINTS 1-8. Then opine.

[myTake Owner]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a27854-woman-hears-the-exact-same-thing-from-two-guys-but-she-reacts

[Anonymous]

Guys that wish very girl would just open her legs to him but don't go for it out of fear of rejection in my opinion are not a good guy they are a bad boy with no skill. I want a good guy someone who is really into me and wants all of me, not just sex with is what the boyfriend gets that the fling never will. And he should want that... while sex is the goal for men the emotional aspect is normally the goal for woman. My Husband slowly opened to me, he didn't rush in all desperate to be loved by anyone he made me work for it just as he also had to work for it.

[myTake Owner]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a27854-woman-hears-the-exact-same-thing-from-two-guys-but-she-reacts