Why Do Single Men Get Depressed? Lack of Casual Sex, Of Course!

Why Do Single Men Get Depressed? Lack of Casual Sex, Of Course!

As a psychology student and daughter of a very experienced psychiatrist, I have noticed a rise in single males getting depression. The reason is the same in many cases: Sexual frustration.

These men simply aren't satisfied with their sex life and it has a great impact on their mental state. Actually, the frustration is also mental, not physical. It's not like these men never had sex, most did. Just not enough, not with enough partners and not the type of sex they want to have. And to be honest, I think it's the casual sex culture of today that makes them depressed.

When you put society's sexual behavior in numbers you get some striking results. All single women ages 18-35 seem to have sex about 3 times a month on average. Since there is a large pool of 35% of single women that doesn't have sex outside a relationship, that means the ones that do, do it quite often (I can confirm that myself being in college lol). Especially for being single. Also the number of sex partners a woman has by age 30 is now a lot higher than a decade ago. About half the women have double digits.

Why Do Single Men Get Depressed? Lack of Casual Sex, Of Course!

I don't have an average number of how often all male singles have casual sex on average, but we do know that only 20% of single men have had one or more casual encounters. Most of them only had sex outside a relationship a couple times. Only a very small amount of these men admitted to have casual sex extremely often (more than once a week).

So overall, and I concluded that from patients themselves as well, single women (18-35) have a very active sex life. Single men on the other hand, except for those lucky few, have an almost none existent sex life. That by itself shouldn't be the biggest problem. But today there is an attitude that everyone should be having casual sex, that it's very common and normal. It is, for most women, not for most men. Media constantly pushes it in our faces and through social media, some brag about their success. And when a man feels that he is sexually not as successful as the norm, he feels like a loser, a failure, and gets depressed.

Another factor that plays a role, is ownership. As ridiculous as it may sound, men connect sex with ownership. When they have sex with a woman they have (some more than others) the feeling that they own that women, like they conquered her. If they can do it without a commitment, they feel like they definitely own the woman, and they feel superior to the men that have or will commit to that woman. In fact casual sex seems to give a much larger ego boost to a man then doing it with a commitment.

Why Do Single Men Get Depressed? Lack of Casual Sex, Of Course!

So while most men don't get many partners in bed, they know those few superior guys are out there owning pretty much all the women, putting their mark on them and ruining them for when they one day might get a chance with them, probably through commitment. Guys have a strong sense for sexual competition (check sperm competition). Some anti-feminist groups like MGTOW (they are completely crazy though) have theories based off this. With the current casual hookup culture, this situation has become pretty hopeless for the large group of single men.

So the combination of the ownership issue and the feeling like they don't make the norm because of media spreading the commonness of casual sex, makes single men seriously doubt their sexuality and this seems to get them very depressed. If you are a single man and feel like this, I hope my take on this will make you feel a little better, because remember, you are not alone.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Stop, stop. I've heard all this stuff before. I find it incredibally hard to believe that men are really lacking and struggling that much. Sex is actually easier for guys to get in these times now than it ever has been. Once upon a time a guy had to use prostitutes if he wanted a quick bang, nowadays it's a lot easier than that, and women have made it that easy. I don't understand why people keep pretending it isn't true. If sex was that hard for guys to get then there wouldn't be so many unwanted pregnancies, STDs, and women complaining of how "used" they felt after the guy got her in bed.

    Also, you pop sci nuts never think about this fact: any sex that a woman gets is also benefitting a man. So if this larger number of single women get sex compared to single men, then just as many men are getting sex with them. It's time we get over this stupid new age competition of trying to prove how women are sexually superior or get more sex or whatever.

    • No. That's just straight up factually wrong. Every single woman who gets laid does not equal a single man getting laid unless you're going to count the same guy multiple times. It is quite possible for a small percentage of men to account for a much larger percentage of women. In fact, that is exactly what happens, especially when its more casual sex.

    • @Leaflar Yes. Studies have shown that distribution for sex is spread evenly across women. However for men there is a big contrast. Some guys can be virgins till their 30's while others have fucked over 3000+ women by the time they are 25.

    • Well said. Psychologists and their bullshit.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • As a psychology student and daughter of a psychiatrist, you should know how to site appropriate research to back up your claims.

    • Cite*, but I totally agree. I am also a psychology student and I was looking for references, but didn't see any. Citing where you found your research is emphasized so much in psychology so I'm wondering if her findings are accurate or not.

    • Maybe that's why I write these thoughts in a My Take on GAG and not in an official paper.

    • Well then, you are only speculating and these are as much worth as today's weather forcast. You present your speculations as fact though, so everyone would expect at least some sources where you got your statistics from... I'm not a psychology students nor has anyone in my family ever been, but I know this much.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Okay, so I actually have a Psych. degree and a Masters in counseling. Where you are going wrong is you are violating the first rule of the scientific method, which is that correlation does not equal causation. Those studies you discuss can prove correlation, but not causation. That is why in Psychology you will come to find that depending on the individual, you will find many different "causes" for the same behaviors and same mental illnesses. Human beings are simply too complex to be able to use studies to generalize about whole groups of people and why they do what they do.

    I propose a different reason for the CORRELATION between lack of casual sex and the occurrence of depression: a major factor that has consistently been found in depression is lack of action. The state of depression is quite literally the psychological equivalent of being completely shut down / not acting in any way. This is why exercise is a very common "cure" to depression, one cannot be depressed when they are actively DOING something and channeling their psychological energy toward something. Well let's think about this: in order to get sex (casual or from commitment), it requires one to act in some way. One cannot get sex or be in a relationship for that matter, without DOING something, without acting. In that way I could see there being a CORRELATION between the two, but I think attempting to apply CAUSATION here is erroneous.

  • So men feel depressed bc they don't get to use women and feel like they own them. "Ok". Very insightful.

  • Yeah, none of that is true. Do single men feel sexually frustrated? Yes, is it because their not having enough casual sex? Not really. Some sure but no most probably want more then just sex because (gasp) their human beings and want an intimate relationship with another human being. Further more if a man is single and not getting sex he is probably looking for a relationship and since many women are now promiscuis this limits his pool of possibilities as men naturally avoid promiscuis women when looking for a relationship. I think your conclusions are way off base.

  • No. While sexual frustration is a very real part of it, it is not (for all, or even most) the lack of casual sex that drives depression. It is lack of a meaningful relationship (that, as a matter of course, includes sex).

    I've known plenty of guys who get all the sex they could desire, who are still bored, miserable, and depressed, and the underlying reason why is because they have no one else in their life that really matters, or that they are building a future with.
    Having someone that matters and a future to plan for adds meaning to life. Depression often comes from a lack of meaning. Sexual frustration is just a side effect of that, and the feel good hormones and chemicals the body releases from sex make it a sort of drug (in the recreational, not medicinal, sense) that takes the edge off and dulls the pain of the depression.

    • I have a Psych degree and I just wanted to say I really agree with your points and think this is closer to being accurate. Especially about the link between purpose and depression. Interestingly, another thing that is consistently linked to depression is lack of activity, both in terms of exercising and in terms of just not doing anything. If you think about it, this could explain if there is a correlation between men who "aren't getting laid", or who don't have a committed relationship for that matter, and depression: both of those first two things require one to engage in some kind of action (you can't just sit around and expect to get sex or a relationship).

  • and the men who don't want anything to do with casual sex, in what way does this interesting theory apply to them?

    • @serfgbnh Thank you.

    • @Giacomanzo LMAO!

    • Thanks a ton, you're sensible enough to know that not all of us men are sex-hungry! :)

    • There comes a time when one prefers that to anything else lol

    • @HandsomeRaj lol seriously?

    • Yep seriously young friend, life is full of surprises :) I'm one of those that has lived what most only can fantasize - ask me :D

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  • i would agree with the younger guys because they are still trying to find someone who wants to be with them, but in my age group its more of a "if i don get any to hell with it i got games or something to keep me going" sex is not the end all thing to make a guy depressed at my age. there are more pressing matters than a girl wanting to be with you at my point in life and unless the guy s blinded by some cute girl the standard would me more of a "to hell with sex" attitude.

  • "Guys have a strong sense for sexual competition (check sperm competition)."
    This is wrong beyond the most reasonable premise.

    When a woman partners with a man among a group of possible men, the group of men acknowledges this and the group selects the man favored by the woman. There is no competitiveness in this behavior.

  • You're making up these statistics, right? The reason why many men are depressed about not being able to have casual sex is because most young women (Especially YOUNG women) don't want to have casual sex. I'm not a big fan of random internet studies (I posted a link below), but most of them actually show all people (men, and women) are having sex with less people, less often.

    www.google.com/url

    With that being said, I do become angry (and sometimes depressed) I can't get sex at times, but it has more to do with my sex drive than "what everyone else is doing"(Which isn't even true).

  • I dont think the main reason is bc they dont get enough casual sex, but i do see some correlation and agree with some statements you are making. Not everything orbits around sex and i think its mainly lifestyle issues that cause depression. I have suffered mild depression myself at times and i know that it was definitely nothing to do with sex even tho i had never had it.

    I found it interesting tho that you pointed out that the large pool of women who have casual sex are largely taken by a smaller pool of lucky players. I would agree but i never really thought of it before. Good mytake by the way.

  • lol that explains why I'm so happy all the time...

  • Interesting take. There are some good points I agree with in ownership and ego boost.
    I'm sure men are frustrated because of lack of sex and perception other men are getting it. Sounds like they in fact, a small pool of men are getting the women if your numbers are right. That would align with the nature of other animals like deer, cattle and such where there are dominant males, so why not humans.

    I think a lot of the issue is men are not trained well, so they don't know how to interact with women. They have job issues, confidence issues, are introverted, and they are locked out of the game. That's mostly fixable in my opinion.

  • Casual flings would increase my stress. I wouldn't mind too much, though, having a woman who is the same woman every time, whom I would be totally devoted to and her totally devoted to me. That I could come home from a long day at work, and just relax and talk to her. And her to me. She could talk about her workday too. We could split the chores. She'd be the roommate for life that I could have sex with, but could just as easily sift through a coupon catalog with.

    I'd have to cut out the late-night activities though. No being online till 2AM anymore. But that's a small price to pay for the benefits I'd gain from having a wife.

  • Another anonymous troll... I find this mytake to be completely biased and just based entirely on assumptions that all single guys are depressed only because they aren't going around having "casual sex" and I believe you are completely jumping into conclusions. Where are your references and citations to verify your research on this subject matter or topic to be accurate, credible or even remotely authentic.

    I'm sure not every single guy on this planet desires to have "casual sex", in fact I'm sure there are many that don't.

    When those guys that are going around to have "casual sex" and end up knocking up some girl they don't plan on marrying or when they catch some horrible venereal disease I bet they would become even "More Depressed" than single guys that are NOT going around having any Casual Sex. I hope they had their fun and enjoyed it, because they'll be paying child support or for lifetime medications for diseases such as Herpes. Yea, good fucking luck to them. I bet those reasons alone can cheer up many single guys, perhaps even empower single guys to not just follow the crowd and conform since we do not want to suffer the same consequences. I don't mean all guys that have casual sex will suffer those consequences but some can and will, no guarantees, as even protection like condoms can break or fail. And they can't force the woman or girl they had knocked up to abort their child, so good luck to them on with too, when and if that happens to them.

    But it's all good, for the contraception products industry anyway.

    Also good for all of those companies that manufacture and provide relevant products or services since they make good profit as a result of those people that are just going around to fuck around casually.

    If the single guys that aren't getting any Casual Sex had realized this sooner they'd be able to substantially relieve their depression by making some good amount of extra income by promoting those products and services and cash-in on it by starting their own home-based internet business or something.

  • Casual sex isn't like the movies, people love to use other people. Just saying.

    • And just because it's "casual," doesn't mean it's all that good. If someone was good, them girls would want them in a committed relationship, right?

  • Meh, I don't really buy it. The worst times of my life were when I wasn't single. I'm much happier when I'm alone. The sex is nowhere near worth it for all the rest of the bullshit you have to put up with, not even close.

  • I'll refer you to my answer on this post here for my thoughts on... whatever I just read here...
    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1978393-virgin-guys-do-you-agree-with-this

  • Every thing was fine until you labeled MGTOW as crazy. I'm not one adherent myself but I agree with some of their ideas. You obviously have not educated yourself on the MGTOW idea.
    It is not anti-women, instead it is just pro-men. Sure some of the guys in there may be bitter and hateful but saying they hate women is like saying all feminists hate men.

    But other than that, your take made plenty sense indeed.

    • The pro-men side of this group has been overshadowed big time by the bitter women hating side of it. The main idea might not been this negative but the largest part of their followers and the way they come across is.

    • Literally the same exact thing could be said about feminism. But you should watch youtubers like ranginggoldeneagle and barbar. The only thing they put forward are logical arguments with no hate.

    • I also have trouble taking extreme feminists serious. I want equality while MGTOW and extreme feminists want anything but that. MGTOW even states that very clear.

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  • well hello psychology student :)

  • I think everyone in general would be a lot happier if they had sex more. There is some truth to your take for sure. Some women also further push what society makes us feel like by not dating guys that have been single for a while or inexperienced. Doesn't help with the depression at all. And the fact that women want sex so much less then guys do is also depressing (ie only 2-3 times a month! Seriously? lol compared to most guy's 2-3 times a day if we could get it lol BIG DIFFERENCE there. It's a wonder anyone has sex.

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