Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
For the most part (I stress "for the most part"), we've been together ever since.
We both come from unusual families, my husband and I. He was raised without a father, living with his mother and aunt. They drilled into him since he was a young boy that sex before marriage was bad, mainly because they didn't want him to get some teenage girl pregnant. Meanwhile I grew up without a mother, raised by my grandparents with visits from my dad each month, although those visits were less and less frequent when I turned 14. They were old school and strict, so obviously their idea of sex before marriage was also NO. So as our relationship moved from casual dating into serious relationship , the subject of sex came up, only to hit the brick wall of "I was raised to wait." We didn't WANT to wait , it felt right for BOTH of us. But it's seriously difficult to de-condition yourself from a lifetime of doctrine.
But we talked about it constantly. Instead of engaging in sexual relations we would take it only so far then TALK about what we wanted to do to each other. It was like phone sex except we were both semi-naked and lying next to each other. I could not wait until my wedding night when he would just use me like a blow up doll (sometimes when your that horny you think stupid things). Sex was so much on my mind that I woke up horny, went to school horny, went to sleep horny, and repeated the process. Masturbation took the edge off but didn't satisfy the hunger. I needed HIM!
We became engaged and I saw light at the end of the tunnel - spend the rest of my life with the man of my dreams AND I get to sleep with him too? But then my husband had an offer to play for a semi-pro team out of town . He asked me if I would be okay with it. I genuinely was touched he wanted my approval and said yes without hesitating. It would be for five months and I could handle the wedding plans while he was gone.
During that time I took a graduate class on "The History of Women". It was needed for my masters. I found out quickly I was about the only woman in the class who wasn't a lesbian. Which was fine, I had a bridesmaid who is a lesbian, except these were the angry I hate the world lesbians , the ones who get up in your face and say "what's your problem?" when you ask them their favorite type of coffee. It was a bit intimidating , a slice of the world I'd never been exposed to in my comfy dorm. But a few classes in I met a woman who helped put me at ease. Her name was Tina, which was not her real name. Tina was in her early forties and a professional, attractive, and polite, sweet even. I was drawn to her instantly as she was with me.
We would talk about the class, pop culture, world views, just about everything. Suddenly one time after class she asked me to grab a cup of coffee with her. I said yes, why wouldn't I? I really enjoyed her company! At coffee she spoke a lot about my fiancée, how hard it must be to have him gone , those types of things. I confided in her about a lot of my pent up feelings and it felt so amazing to let them out . I know I let out too much but I didn't care it made me feel free.
I always remember this. As I spoke about how easy it was to communicate to her (yes I told her this) she smiled and began reapplying her lipstick. She took out her phone as a mirror to freshen her makeup. She tussled her hair then cut me off mid-sentence and asked me to join her back at her apartment. I said sure. Looking back I think part of me knew what was coming but I still wasn't prepared.
She asked me to spend the night and I did. And so began a relationship in secret with Tina, for three months making love to her without my fiancée knowledge. She showed me things about my body I didn't know, gave me pleasures I didn't think possible. I enjoyed every minute I was with her.
Then my fiancé called. He'd been let go from his team and was on the way home. Like, NOW. I was devastated for him but also worried about what I was going to do. Tina said I had to make a choice , her or him, I couldn't have both. I didn't like that option but it was the truth. I picked him. I loved him and still love him more than anything so I told her this has to end. Tina didn't take it well. She also doesn't say goodbye easily.
I knew I had to tell my fiancée about Tina but when he was down about his soccer dreams bursting I didn't think it was the right time. Then I lost my nerve. Then after months of not hearing from Tina I figured it was over and time to move on.
Flash forward two years: happily married and I mean happily. Can't be more in love with that boy. Newly moved into a downtown loft apartment with great view. Sex life is off the charts and he really enjoys pleasing me which is great because I really enjoy pleasing him.
I remember the date. April 12, 2013. It was unseasonably warm for our state and I wore a checkered dress with heels. My husband job had him working a split shift on Friday and Saturday once a month so this was his early Friday. I left work early myself (pretended to be sick lousy employee I know I just wanted my man). I envisioned opening a bottle of wine, pouring a glass, then letting him undress me and spending the rest of the day and night in bed. These were my actual thoughts. I remember all of that so well.
Everything changed when I opened the door.
I saw my husband seated on the recliner in the middle of the game room. He was glued to the TV, so naturally my eyes look to see what is on.
It's me, naked, with Tina between my thighs.
I felt like my whole body went numb. I felt like my blood was replaced with ice water. I was frozen in place and could not move. All I could do is stand motionless as my husband and I watched a woman perform oral sex on me.
I had forgotten Tina made a tape of us one night. She played it back to show me how sexy I was during love making. She said she'd delete it. Apparently she didn't. And just how did Tina find me at my new address and why after two plus years did she send it now? I still don't have those answers after all this time.
My husband realized I was in the room and glanced at me. There were tears in his eyes. I've always heard men thought two women together was hot, but he didn't look like he found it hot. I tried to say the usual: honey I can explain, it's not what it looks like, the usual lies you tell when you are caught in one. He exploded. Just blew up.
Why didn't you tell me? When did it happen? Where? How was it? Is she better in bed? Do I still want her? Finally he calmed down but said It was all too much, too raw, for him too take. He left, and I didn't hear from him for days. Days of lying in my pajamas crying my eyes out until my sides hurt. Finally he called to say he was moving out. I begged him, yes I begged him not to, to give me another chance. Then he said the one thing I'll hear in my nightmares. "Why would I give you another chance? You've already hurt me more than anyone alive."
For six months we were separated, and I kept waiting for the divorce papers that never came. One day he came by to pick up some tools he left and stayed , sitting down to talk. It was the first time we talked since that night. We both admitted we were still crazy about each other and wanted to make it work. We agreed to counseling. We agreed to start over. We agreed no more secrets. I thought we'd jump into bed to celebrate but instead I got a smile as he walked out.
We went through counseling for another six months, where so much came out about him I had no idea. Meanwhile we started dating again, starting over at date 1. We didn't sleep together until three months down the road. He moved back in a month later, and two months later we renewed our vows. We've been married for almost three years since then. My second attempt with him. I'm hopeful this time will be better than the first. It's starting out pretty damn good.
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