6 Outrageously Awful Things Guys Said to Me Before Making "The Move"

6 Outrageously Awful Things Guys Said to Me Before Making

Girls, if you've been intimate with a few guys, you know about "the move." And I'm not talking about the Seinfeld mid-sex move; I'm talking about the move that leads to sex. C'mon, you know what I'm talking about.

It usually involves a hard kiss or a gentle caress somewhere. And for certain guys, there's usually a phrase...a series of words they hope will make you melt. I think some guys actually practice these lines beforehand. Either that, or the words just sort of come out involuntarily in the heat of the moment. ...maybe that's why they they're always so lame.

Here are 6 of the most totally inexplicable things I've heard before a guy moved in for the kill (so-to-speak):

6. "I'll bring you to the promised land...twice."

6 Outrageously Awful Things Guys Said to Me Before Making "The Move"
It's a nice sentiment, it really is. And I like confidence in a guy. But it was the pause that almost made me laugh in his face. It was just so melodramatic and when he breathed "twice" in my ear, all I could think of was having to fake it the second time just to appease him. Great.

5. "Whatever I do to you, you'll thank me after."

6 Outrageously Awful Things Guys Said to Me Before Making "The Move"
It was more than a little creepy because I started to picture a lot of bizarre sex play I'd never experienced. It was just the way it was worded, like he was going to do things that were so unique and different and I'd never experienced them before. And then of course, I knew I'd be getting the same ol' same ol' roll in the hay, with a few minor additions that some guys think are special, like they're the only men on earth who do 'em. Yeah, wrong.

4. "Don't worry about what you look like naked."

6 Outrageously Awful Things Guys Said to Me Before Making "The Move"
I know that guys think they're being sensitive and it's well known that women can be very insecure. But Jesus, you don't say this before you're going to take a woman's clothes off! You might think it and make it plain in your actions but when you say it, the woman is immediately three times as self-conscious as she was before and oh yeah, she also thinks you think she's going to look like a cow with her clothes off. That's just the sort of thing I need before sex, thanks.

3. "I hope you're not a screamer because your neighbors are gonna think I'm killing you in here."

6 Outrageously Awful Things Guys Said to Me Before Making "The Move"

Well now, isn't that...nice. The boasting is fine, I guess, and if done correctly, it can really get my spine tingling. But here's a general rule of thumb: Never put the picture of murder in someone's head when that person is about to become the most vulnerable she ever is in life. And it's probably a bad idea to talk about screaming, too, because the brain can easily misinterpret the meaning. Just a really bad choice of words, bucko.

2. "It's time for the man to be a man."

6 Outrageously Awful Things Guys Said to Me Before Making "The Move"

I almost had to stop and ask him what the hell this even means. I mean, this was growled and I guess he was going for something extremely masculine and maybe even animalistic, but it just sounded weird. I guess the only way I could interpret this was to believe that I'd never be in control...and there are times when that's fine, but don't broadcast your intentions. Actually, it really just sounded more selfish than anything.

1. "Could you please tell me when you orgasm?"

6 Outrageously Awful Things Guys Said to Me Before Making "The Move"

I couldn't stop myself when I heard it. I just laughed. It was like a pathetic plea, as if he'd be desperate to know. I know some guys like it when the woman announces her orgasm and that's normal but it was the way it was said, and the fact that it was said at all. It sort of tells me you wouldn't be able to tell (which is a little disheartening for any girl), and also reeks of self-doubt. Plus, if I didn't orgasm, I got the feeling he'd go kill himself or something.

Just put a huge damper on the whole thing. Not exactly the best sex of my life but yes, I did appease him if you're wondering.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I've also had a guy tell me "I'm gonna tear that pussy up!"

    That shit sounds painful, not pleasurable.

    • hahah "Beat that pussy up" is kinda hot, even... but... yeah, this one makes me think about getting fingered by a guy who hasn't trimmed his nails aieeeeeee

    • @redeyemindtricks lol I agree

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • This was a nice take, however the only thing I kept thinking to myself, is don't these guys actually think about what they are going to say before they say it? I mean yes there are times where we all mis-speak, but it just seems to me they didn't think at all before speaking, and this makes pretty much any situation worse. Sorry you had to experience these things. :-(

  • I don't understand why so many guys have such a hard time understanding that women like to just wait and see what happens. No need to narrate what you're about to do next. That would be like watching a movie where the narrator spoils every scene before it starts. "In this next scene Luke gets his hand cut off and finds out Darth Vader is his father". It would get annoying really fast and spoil the movie.

    Also, women are attracted to men of action. Instead of talking about what you're going to do just do it. If they ask then a playful response like taking them to the promised land would be ok, but otherwise it makes you like you're overcompensating when you say stuff like that unsolicited.

    • ah but there's a sweet spot -- like, an amount of narration/preamble that's just right. It's a small amount, but it's not zero.

    • One time I stumbled upon it by accident... I was truly NOT going to make a move on a girl and I said, "well I guess there's nothing left to do..."... And I was going to walk away, but realized I had just said the perfect preamble by mistake...

  • And still you slept with them?

    • exactly what I was thinking

    • Dude these are 6 guys she slept with and said something really worth mentioning, imagine how many guys who never really said anything and were just normal she slept with and you will know what kind of woman is she.

  • Number 7, Lets make Winter come xD

  • Hahahaaha Guys say a lot of weird stuff when they aren't thinking at all... Which is very often when about to have sex. xD

    • That's true... a lot of guys only have 1-2% of brainpower left over for processing speech when they're about to get laid - all the rest is focused in getting her naked and what he's gonna do.

  • I liked the #4 very much. It's a big no-no. I liked it because it's more common than the others.

    #1 is fine actually, but you shouldn't ask this before 'the move', but when your sex life gets older.

  • I remember giving my number to this guy earlier this year, mistake made and learned. Anyway he rang me 2/3 times at 3am, I picked it up feeling quite grumpy that I got woken up by a stranger that early in the morning. He was asking me if I wanted to go round his to 'sleep', I said why would I do that I've got a perfectly good bed here and he said yeah but mines a double bed.

    • Hahaha wow

  • Funny. If you don't carea bout your sex life and aren't too drunk to have your wits about you, you cold say in response...

    3, 5. They may be thinking I'm taking your kidney out and selling it on ebay! guess we'll find out.

    those are pretty lame... but who says they have all their faculties at that time... like drunk, etc?

  • OMG! I have had all of these said to me! How sad! 😔

  • wow... why would any man have to announce it? The only thing I have ever said was to ask her if she would be more comfortable in the bed.
    Although it would be nice if there was like a bell or something when a woman orgasms lol... wold make things easier. At least women know when a guy does.

  • Love this mytake especially the last "could you please tell me when you cum" 😂😂

  • Somehow I don't think most women have experienced this... O. o

  • Whatever happened to like "I love you" or "you're beautiful"...😂😂😂

  • Omg!!! Lol are you serious? hahahahehe now that's too funny!!! As a guy I am sorry never used a line it sorta just happens when she's feeling me... lol when I have one.. lol thank you so much for, this post... hahahahehe... Hugz 🍀🐶🍀

  • Those are all pretty bad actually xD. at least you have stories. They ended in sex anyways lol

  • Hilarious!!!
    Tbh I am yet to hear ANY of these and hope that never changes. .

    Super cheesy x 100000000000

  • Also... When they claim they can "make you cum"
    and that you just haven't been with a "real man".
    But yet they try the same move other guys have tried,
    and end up being; yet again, another guy that failed
    at getting you off. Like don't claim you're "right for me"
    when you don't even know me or what I want in a man.

  • See no big deal here.
    4 yeah, I mean this guy don't know much about girls.

    and no.1 .. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  • I've had women approach me and grab my balls, others just turned around and rubbed up against me like a cat against a scratch post. One girl worked her way inch by inch back at the bar until her whole body was pressed against my back. It was nice dont get wrong but i had no idea what she looked like. Could have been a guy for all i knew. didn't feel like a guy. Small and soft. I had to ask my pal to work his way around and tell me if she was decent. He gave me the nod when he got back. Its not only guys that are hopeless at approaching. When women really like a man they go to pieces and freeze as well. Women always compliment your tats first if youve got them. Opening line is always have you got any more i can see.

  • respect yourself and stop doing it with everyone

    • wow why? why? Did she ask you for permission? If so you should have respected you prude self and not dirty your virgin mind

    • @hazoplmeught haha yea no virgin here, but I have self respect too. ooo does that scare you?

    • What does being her mom have to do with self respect

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