Sexual Relationships
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No Means No! Sexual Assault and Rape Are Not Justified or Gray Areas

So this is a long time coming I think for me. After the Stanford case, many questions on here and people questioning me personally. I really have to ask, do people not know what it is?

I see a question where a guy is forcing himself onto a girl over and over and over again despite her saying no over and over and over again, at which point he tells her off, pushes her and leaves. That's not justified. You committed sexual assault - that's a crime. You tried to make it her fault - that's manipulation and you are a douche.

No means No! Sexual Assault and Rape are not justified or gray areas.

Those are what causes rape. If you are drinking, you take responsibility for the amount you drink, where you're drinking etc, because regretting it, does not make it rape. However, if you say no while drunk, it does become rape. If you are unconscious on the ground, that is not an invitation to others. Perhaps you made bad judgment in drinking that much, but that's still not an invitation or permission! Only one person is the victim in that instance.

If you don't understand what rape is; watch the tea video: (there's swearing)


And finally, a point that bothers me that I saw asked (hopefully by a troll). How is it rape if s/he orgasms? Because biologically that can happen. I don't want to have sex but you kiss my neck? I'm going to get wet and horny, doesn't mean I may still not want sex! A male can wake up with an erection, get them randomly, doesn't mean it's him saying "yeah just jump on me". If you have to ask yourself "am I sure" then no, you shouldn't do it.

But this also goes for people that didn't want it, but say nothing. If you don't give off any impression to your sex partner that you don't want sex, then it isn't rape. And maybe internally it feels like it was, but you can't label that person as a rapist either. They didn't know. I would start getting annoyed if my SO asked every single thrust, every single finger, every single kiss "do you still consent?".

I leave it with this final photo in regards to why victims are not wrong for fearing men or women after their assault. Even if it is a generalisation against a gender. I got cheated on once, spent 2 years hating all men. I KNEW you weren't all the same, doesn't mean I could bring myself to truly trust anyone for a while.

No Means No! Sexual Assault and Rape Are Not Justified or Gray Areas

Now, my little rant is over, everyone please be respectful in the comments.

Sorry this a little all over the place, didn't want it too long but it all just popped into my head.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Of course rape is never justified. Rapists are criminals - even if you "thought" they were your friend. A rapist who rapes someone is like a thief who steals money out of your pocket - in virtually all cases, they did what they did with intent to do it. They might try to justify "well, you had plenty of money and I was broke" or "your pocket was open and I could see the money right there" but that's just BS attempts to justify criminal behavior. Anyone who can't see this or disagrees with this has a very defective moral compass.

    Now, having said that, you also have to discuss risk and risk-avoidance. Does anyone deserve cancer? Of course not. But if you go "tanning" all the time or work out in the sun with nothing to protect you from the sun's radiation, you can't be shocked if you develop melanoma (skin cancer) sooner or later.

    If you live in a rough neighborhood, and you walk down the street at night wearing expensive jewelry and clothes and are visibly carrying a handful of cash, there's a pretty good chance that, sooner or later, someone is going to mug you.

    And if you're a girl, and you get drunk or high - especially to the point of blacking out - around a bunch of guys, there's a good chance that sooner or later, one of them is going to rape you.

    No one is saying that any of those things are "right" - no one is excusing the robber in the second scenario or the rapist in the third - we're just saying that the victims contributed to their own victimization through their high-risk behavior.

    Of course you SHOULD be able to walk down the street wearing expensive jewelry and carrying cash, and you SHOULD be able to get drunk and pass out without being raped - but sadly we don't live in an ideal world - we live in a world of flawed human beings, many of whom have poor morals or are spoiled and never taught boundaries, and some who are simply mentally defective and lack empathy. It's sad that that's true, but it's always been that way, and probably always will be.

    That doesn't mean that criminals shouldn't be punished - they absolutely should be - but it would be better to have avoided being a victim in the first place. Not every rape - or every mugging - is avoidable, but so many are, and that's perhaps the saddest thing of all.

Most Helpful Girl

  • i still see them as that dog that bit the girl... i dont care how much girls here wanna bend over backwards trying to please guys or get attention or simply feel better about themselves and pretend they are defenders of human rights... i DO NOT trust males

    i wasn't raped or anything like that thank God but the things I've seen and heard are more than enough and every time i think they can't get any worse... they prove me VERY wrong... just vile things hiding under a pretty cover up... maybe not all of them but a biig majority... and since there is no way for me to tell for sure... i won't trust them ever, even if i get married one day and trust him it still won't be 100%
    look at this >> www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2016903-isn-t-this-the-proof-that-not-only-girls-are-gold-diggers
    the poll and the blue replies... i cried so much...

    and anyways... to take rape seriously would mean taking women seriously... most guys either justify rape or they see its not that bad and women are exaggerating or seeking attention... and there was someone who was literally like "why did she let him rape her if she didn't like it?" ... i can't even
    whenever you see rape discussion about females, or some female telling her story someone always goes "MEN GET RAPED TOO" and they redirect the conversation completely and turn it the other way around...

    its hopeless...

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What Girls & Guys Said

8 42

  • I think most arguments about rape often miss the point, because it is shrouded in the statistic that rape is mostly committed by men. Thus the rape issue often focuses on "men" rather than "dysfunctional people in society".

    What I mean by that is, we do not live in an ideal world. Yes we have rapists. But guess what? We also have thieves, murderers, violent psychopaths... etc. When these people commit robberies, murders, and assaults, we blame the person committing those acts.

    At the same time, it is the responsibility of each of us to protect ourselves because WE ALL KNOW THE WORLD IS NOT IDEAL. I am fully aware that people can rob me or my home. This is why I have locks on my doors. This is why I do not walk down a dark alley alone at night. This is why parents tell their kids not to talk to strangers. Because when you do stupid things, you are putting yourself at increased risk and exposing yourself to those who don't give a shit about others.

    Unfortunately, that is just how humans were made. Some are A-type, B-type, overly polite, lacking empathy... etc. Nobody was made an angel, and we are all guilty of taking an advantage of a situation when an opportunity presents itself. Some people do small things like steal from work, sneak a sample at the grocery store, while others will outright slit your throat and shit down your neck for a nickle.

    We all know it's a possibility that we could be robbed on the streets, so we take due precaution in high risk situations. Don't travel alone, don't go into any unfamilar areas where crime rates are high. And so too should people protect themselves from rapists when they knowingly go into higher risk situations such as alcohol-fueled parties, clubs... etc.

    If I left my front door wide open every night intentionally and someone robbed me, I probably wouldn't get much sympathy from the public. I'd probably be told I'm stupid for giving thieves the opportunity to rob my place. We know it'll happen if you present the opportunity enough times. If you're going to a party alone, and find yourself passed out in a dumpster without your friends to watch over you, you'd be as stupid as the person leaving their front door wide open. You could be raped, robbed or even set on fire. If you know rapists and other opportunists exist everywhere, why pretend as if you're invincible and put yourself in a high risk situation?

    You may ultimately be the victim of a rape, robbery etc, but what did you expect would happen?

  • Great take ! . I always enjoy your posts 💞

  • Lol Weak COWARDLY women.

  • That being said, women do need to exercise common sense, especially in high-risk areas. Dressing like a piece of meat and getting drunk is basically a walking "come and get me" ad for every vicious wolf on the planet.

    That being said, men have a responsibility not to respond like a wild animal when a woman is being foolish. If they ignore that responsibility, and become predators, then nothing she did excuses them.

    • I completely agree. We lock our doors to prevent thieves. It won't stop them all because sometimes they've just decided they want to break into your house, but other times they'll see the security system, they'll see the 3 dead bolts and the guard dog and know... ok maybe not. I don't dress in practically a bikini to go to a club, get wasted and stand around in alleys wondering "ok, now how am I getting home". Because I am taking responsibility for my safety. BUT even if I wasn't and it still happens, not my fault. But I agree we should take responsibility for ourselves to try and protect ourselves. Perhaps schools should teach self defense better than they do.

  • Dont really disagree with anything, but society is still kinda stupid in many ways, like some places for example if a drunk girl and a drunk guy end up having consesual sex, the guy is raping the girl, not other way around anything. Cause she wasent sober enough to "consent" right, even though that should apply to the guy as well then since he was drunk too.

    Personally I talked with several ladies (sadly) who has been raped, there is nothing wrong with just being fearful as a result of it, (while living a life of fear is never good) its like mention, understandable and not so weird. What would be more wrong in my opinion though is to hate an entire gender cause of it for example. (Cause like with the dog example, was no mention of hate, just fear.) This world being as shitty as it is. Its best to not end up spreading the same hate that might have been done towards you that ended up hurting you. cause sadly you just become like everyone else that way then really. If just hurt others, spread pain, hate etc. Like with your cheating example, if you are gonna hate, hate the individual that did it anyway. Dont drag innocent people into it. Say, getting trust issues as a result from it, Only natural, nothing weird. But yeah again, dont hate anyone else beside the guilty anyway.

    • You're right, and I think some people say hate but mean fear and others just mean hate. And the latter is wrong. We should never just hate anyone, especially on a generalisation. Hate the offender and have a rational fear of the rest that hopefully can be worked through. But drunk sex and acting like men should just know and can't be raped etc is wrong. There's such a darkness covering male victims, it's sad.

    • Yeah probably, and true. True true yes, seems like its even taboo in a way to even talk about. Cause are a lot more male rape victims then people might intially think. Then all these oddities, "men can't be raped" . "They liked it" etc.

  • People already know what is and isn't rape. Your post is rather pointless if you are trying to educate people. I think the people that do commit rape simply just don't care not that they do not know any better.

    • You'd think. You'd be surprised.

    • Yeah @AlwaysAGoodDay is pretty much correct on this point. A crime is a crime, whether it is rape, murder, theft... etc. People are fully aware that it is illegal. But for those who are chronic lifetime thieves, serial murderers and rapists, do you really think they care? No they don't. They believe that their actions are justified because it benefits them. There are MANY people like this. Those who borrow money and don't pay it back. Those that throw peers, friends and coworkers under the bus to get ahead in life, or get a promotion at work. They're all variations of the same trait, but just to different degrees. Often, severely dysfunctional people don't care who they rob, kill or rape. Go take a look at Brazil where people are killed in robberies every day for a few dollars. "Educating" them isn't going to work, because already they know it is wrong. They simply do not care the same way you do.

    • @meowcow Except people aren't aware when it's a crime. People aren't aware that when a guy calls them a bitch because they didn't "put out" no matter how many times he tried to feel her up or kiss her, that that is actually sexual assault and not her actually just being a bitch. This take didn't suit you, that's fine. But there are others who have messaged me, girls and even some guys who felt bad. And even if this take only educates one 13 year old girl out there who is wondering if she upset her boyfriend because he wanted sex and she didn't and so he tried to take it from her before she finally got him to stop and she can learn that that is not ok, that it is not her fault, then it wasn't a waste of time. And it has.

  • I sure do love it when people rant and rave about common knowledge as if they are some enlightened prophet here to preach to the uneducated masses.

    • And sometimes people who want to yell and scream themselves are too scared to so they appreciate someone else doing it. But it's surprisingly not common knowledge which is what makes it sadder. Most takes on here are common knowledge though to anyone half educated perhaps, doesn't mean nobody should ever talk again. If this post helped one person, allowed one person to realise the situation they were in is sexual assault and not them being bad for example then it wasn't a waste.

  • LOL that last pic is just bullshit, basically saying men are dogs.

    • No it's not. Stop trying to be offended

    • Yeah well I mean how do you expect a women that has been raped to feel how men... But yeah it's true not all men are dogs but honestly men compare women to dogs are the time and b*tches

  • "I see a question where a guy is forcing himself onto a girl over and over and over again despite her saying no over and over and over again, at which point he tells her off, pushes her and leaves."
    If dating he may be sexually frustrated

    If not he might not know how to talk to a girl.
    Being persistent doesn't meant jail time for fuckin sexual assault

    The dog story had nothing to do with consent anyway

    • @Sara413 @hazoplmeught
      It seems Republicans decry rape abroad , if the rapist is a foreigner and accept it at home, if the rapist is a white male.
      "If dating he may be sexually frustrated",
      "If not he might not know how to talk to a girl. "
      "Being persistent doesn't meant jail time for fuckin sexual assault"
      @hazoplmeught, you wrote a few 'nice' excuses to rape.
      No congratulations. :-P
      static1.uk.businessinsider.com/.../untitled-1.jpg
      This guy was caught while raping a girl at Stanford University. He got six months in a county jail after he was convicted of sexually assaulting an unconscious woman.

      His friends say he was convicted because of "political correctness."

    • @jacquesvol WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! NO I DID NOT GIVE ESCUSES TO RAPE!!! FUCCCC NO I DID NOT! OH I THINK I've READ IT WRONG She meant physically forcing himself to penetrate her? I thought she meant trying to have sex was forcing himself

    • trying as in verbally, wow i suck

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  • I don't think it would even be fun to rape 'cuz it seems there's no challenge to this since you just force things so ya don't indulge in such a lame game boyz

  • I don't think many people are having a discussion about if someone raping a stranger is rape or not. Maybe some really young or ignorant or just stupid people are confused about this but I don't think it's a big issue that people talk about. The main discussion that has been going on is in cases where 2 people are dating or just met a few times but they know each other and then they have sex and then there's allegations made afterwards, in those cases there can very well be gray areas or outright lies sometimes and that's what a lot of people have been discussing lately.

    • This is true also. I just saw so many questions latel, from girls especially, asking if they were raped or why their guy was upset, was it their fault they said no. So even if this only applies to 14year olds, I'm not going to just not say anything because they're younger or whatever. We teach all ages.

    • Ok :) np

  • If I had a penny for every time I have seen all this on the internet and on this very website. We get it, everyone writes about it and they are all the same, rape is wrong. I doubt that a rapist will looks at any of these posts/articles and go 'wow! i am now illuminated. i will never rape again!'.

    • No but maybe a 14 year old who wonders why her boyfriend is upset at her because she told him no and he got angry and kept trying to kiss her.. will realise that no means no. It doesn't suit you? Great. Well it's suited some people.

    • The fact that rape is wrong doesn't magically mean that when a couple are dating and want different things it will be fine and nobody will feel unhappy.

    • @0112358 big difference between wanting different things and one person forcing themselves onto the other person, despite them saying no, and when they finally stop, telling that person off. And that person then feeling like they upset their partner. When their partner wasn't respecting differences, they were sexually assaulting them. It's not like you tried to make a move, they say no and you realise "ok different levels".

  • There's a big problem here! Some men are genuinely very caring, kind and respectful to women. They are very careful not to even OFFEND women much less rape them! These men are NOT where the rape problem is coming from! Unfortunately, the qualities of genuine caring, kindness and respect are about as desireable as dog crap to most women!

    Other men are pushy, aggressive, arrogant and uncaring toward women! Many women think this is "manly" and consider such qualities attractive! Many women say they like a man who "goes for what he wants!" See the problem? When women go out of their way to CHOOSE a pushy, aggressive man who "goes for what he wants!", they shouldn't be surprised when such a man pushes a woman into sex! That's where the date rape problem really comes from!

    It makes no sense for women to complain that a man was pushy and aggressive when those are the very qualities that women chose a man for! I'm not saying these women deserve to be raped! But don't choose a rough, aggressive man and then complain that he's rough and aggressive!

  • You are preaching to the choir, so I don't what your goal is. Maybe you are just trying to further divide the genders like the way racists try to divide every race, or maybe you are just informing people of stuff that is taught in high school. What you ignored is the fact that men can also be victims, but since there are so many misandrists, men's cases go unreported especially if the perpetrator is female. https://www.aftersilence.org/male-survivors.php

    • *So I don't know what your goal is.

  • It amazes me that people still try to argue about this. Consent is black and white. It's there, or it isn't.

  • It baffles me too. No means no.

    No, I don't want coffee. Don't give me coffee.
    No, I don't want to go to the stupid brunch with you and your annoying friends. Don't make me go.
    No, I/he/she doesn't want sex. Don't fucking make them have sex with you when they don't want to, aka don't rape them.

    By the way, I'm glad you addressed the sex-while-drunk scenario/regrets after sex. People who cry rape after regretting consensual sex should be punched in the throat. Or false rape accusations, they should go to jail for that.

    That Stanford prick only got 6 months. If I had the gavel in my hand I would make that fucker rot in prison. There's no room for rapists in our society, scum of the earth.

  • No only means no when it means no.

    Just let that sink in.

  • This is all pretty obvious but the video is kinda dumb.

  • The tea video was funny but absolutely true if a person doesn't want tea then don't make them tea or force them to drink the tea.

  • Men that can't take no for an answer are mongos. Thank fuck most men are smart. Even if a woman was naked and said no id leave her alone. As would most men on this planet. Rape isn't the epidemic its made out to be. At least not in the west. there's just bad people in the world. there's bad women and men. All these daft studies idiots with too much funding and time do distorts the whole perspective of the thing

    • I was going to respond but you sir said everything!

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