Virgin By Choice

[Anonymous]

We've gone from a time when it was completely shocking for someone to say they weren't a virgin before marriage, to a time when sex has become this thing people trade with one another like text messages. I'd like to offer just a bit of support to those that are choosing to wait to have sex for whatever reason as I don't think they get to hear it that often.

I would venture to say these days that it is pretty rare to hear someone say out loud at least, that they are a virgin by choice either because they are purposefully waiting for marriage or just choosing to abstain until they find someone they really love and care about to have sex with. In a world where STD's are passed to and from person to person and unplanned teen pregnancies are celebrated on MTV, and so many regret rushing into having sex or feel pressured by their bf/gf to have sex, why do so many ostracize those people who choose to abstain from sex?

Having sex does not make you an adult or any more "normal," than the rest of the population. You cannot see someone walking around and tell if they are a virgin or not. They've actually studied elderly virgins, and there are no health risks associated with not having had sex in ones life. Your virginity is not everything that you are in life and doesn't determine the whole outcome of your life. It's actually very strange that so many people seem to care about whether you lose your virginity or not seeing as how one cannot choose to lose someone's virginity for them or have the experience for them.

The thing about it is, if you truly want to abstain for whatever reason, you have autonomy over your body. You can decide what you do and don't want to do with it, and just like with any belief you have, people are going to challenge it and you constantly. It is up to you to remain strong in your beliefs and to defend against those that are trying to lead you from your path for their own personal gain.

Don't believe the hype either that everyone is having sex but you. So many people lie because they are ashamed of their virginity or have been made to feel that way. Your life isn't a scripted teen movie where everyone loses their virginity at prom or even by the end of college. Life just isn't like that.

Sex is an experience like every other in life and when you are ready for it and can handle it or are within the bonds of marriage, then you will find the right time and person to go through with the milestone.

[Unit1]

Yes!
I totally agree with everything you said!
I especially loved the line here "Your life isn't a scripted teen movie where everyone loses their virginity at Prom or even by the end of college.". But still people keep insisting it is >.<
"Having sex does not make you an adult or any more "normal," than the rest of the population." BRAVO!!! Marvelous said!
Yet some are acting like the purpose of life is having sex.
"In a world where STD's are passed to and from person to person and unplanned teen pregnancies are celebrated on MTV," - Birth out of control. I didn't know that because I quit watching TV altogether. That's just horrible.

I'm a virgin but it's a mix by choice and not by choice.
With by choice I am saying, that I didn't plan to have sex even today.
With not by choice I am saying, that I did not have the opportunity to lose my virginity even today.

I will never understand some people and honestly I don't have to because there is no logic to it.

[kaylaS91]

I couldn't care less if someone chooses to 'save' sex for marriage, or be sexually active beforehand.
What does grind my gears a bit, though, is how ironic the argument many make against pre-marital sex has become.

'why do so many ostracize those people who choose to abstain from sex?'
Well... it's hard not to feel like you have to defend your stance on not remaining a virgin when those who do maintain their 'state of purity' write whole takes basically shaming the sexually active. That all it must entail is nothing but STD's, pregnancy, etc.. As if today's youth is completely failing to utilize things known as STI testing, condoms, or hormonal contraceptives?

Good for you for sticking to whichever lifestyle you see as the right one but I do wonder if we'll ever get a take advocating for one, without having to drag the other through the mud.

[myTake Owner]

Quoting here, I said: "In a world where STD's are passed to and from person to person" and a lot of people regret having rushed into sex... what about that statement is not accurate and factual? I don't know how you can seemingly get offended by actual facts. This is a take for those who want to abstain from sex, and for some, that IS one of their reasons for wanting to wait because a lot of young people especially are NOT practicing safe sex. If you'd like some stats on that, visit your CDC website. This take was about as judgement free as it can be. I haven't condemned those who choose to have sex because as you said, and I have said, everyone has autonomy over their own bodies and SHOULD be able to choose what they want to do with them rather than feel pressured either to abstain or to have sex if they don't want to.

[Skeye89]

I totally agree we aren't forcing persons to lose their virginity. They just feel insecure within themselves

[kaylaS91]

@Skeye89 lol at the downvotes.

[Skeye89]

I know right. They make it seem as though we should be showering them with praises when deep down they really want to have sex. More virgins give oral than non-virgins. She needs to write a take on that.

[kaylaS91]

@Skeye89 agreed. I've very much appreciate a take about how people who are sexually active 'shove their love of sex' down everyone else's throat, followed by another take glorifying the idea of basically luring someone to marry you to get access to your vagina. Virgins can deny that all they want but sex+reproduction is the key difference between relationships (marriage) and people who are simply good friends.

[myTake Owner]

Apparently some of you non-virgins care way too much about people who are virgins by choice. Their own choice mind you. Gosh, why do virgins say this, and why do they do that, and if they don't do this, and you're only kidding yourselfs that, blah, blah, blah. This is a take for virgins by choice... and YOU came here. Think about that! There are plenty of other takes that glorify and celebrate the pleasures and joys of sex, love, marriage, etc, but I've written one take for those that have made a different choice, but it's like you mentally can't handle the idea that everyone isn't like you. You need to get over that. As I've said, you can't loose someone's virginity for them so why do you care so much about it? You're like actually getting mad that someone else is deciding to wait. So some people aren't having sex... and? If you're so unbelievably happy with the sex you're having, shouldn't that be occupying your time?

[kaylaS91]

A for effort in attempting to write a comeback. Unfortunately, it fell a little short.

[myTake Owner]

It's not a comeback so much as the truth. You don't actually have an answer as to why you care so much about what someone chooses to do with their own body. I mean the take is called "Virgin by choice," not "I lost my virginity and now the whole world should follow suit because I lost my virginity," LOL. It's really not that complicated of a thing to understand. You have made your choice and others have made theirs and again since you can't go out losing someone else's virginity, there really is no reason to complain or be so worried about what someone else has chosen to do with their own life. Just to make it clear... not a "come back,"... but the reality of the situation.

[kaylaS91]

loololol whatever. Don't let me keep you from enjoying your delusional life of purity. Run along now!

[myTake Owner]

When people end with 'whatever,' it's because they have no answers and nothing intelligent left to say. It would probably be best if you worried 100% less about what others are doing with their own bodies.

[Shawn777]

Nice post!! Sex is something sacred. With that said, it is my personal belief that it does not HAVE TO be within marriage however it should be done with someone who you truly find special. In today's world it is indeed polluted and most of us are hypnotized by a great misconception of what it is but just because every is doing/saying something doesn't mean you need to be apart of it. Again.. great post! (thumbs up)

[vidaloca]

I appreciate this, OP. Our culture is way too sex positive. That's all good and fun, but it's opened up the door for real violence and perversion in the bedroom as certain people claim to get "bored," and has damaged the culture of friendship and courtship among guys and girls. I think our generation's going to look back and realize how scalded we were by some of these experiences, and educate future generations wisely about sex. At least there's an open dialogue now.

[Dim_121]

True it is a personal choice. I'm currently making sure that I wait because I decided to in highschool. Not because I was brought up to believe that I had to in sundayschool.

[PrincessofNohr]

Well said. I am 25 with my 26th aroound the corner, and I haven't done the dirty yet. It's a bit by choice, but mostly out of apath. I used to feel ashamed, like I was going to be a dirty old spinster or the crazy cat lady. I eventually stepped back and realized, it really doesn't matter. Sure, I'd love to start doing itsooner than later, but I don't feel it's worth the risks at the moment. All sorts of STDs running around and the chance of a pregnancy that would ruin my career plans isn't worth a little pleasure, that to be blunt, I can largely achieve myself.

[myTake Owner]

Ha! I love your outlook on it. I think people put too much pressure on this "I have to have sex by 18," and it's like... or what... what will happen? Nothing, that's what. When it happens for you, it'll happen, until then, quite literally, continue to do you!

[CheerGirl38139]

Well said. It's simply a personal choice. Nothing more, nothing less. No one should feel ashamed for abstaining, anymore than one should for having sex.

[godfatherfan]

I very much disagree. Sex is something that is encoded in our DNA, at least the drive for sex anyway. Sex does affect you and does, in certain ways, change you. If your going to be in a relationship, it is vital. It brings you together both emotionally and physically. Someone staying away from sex has something causing that. It would be best to explore that with a therapist because it is not natural to not want sex ever. Sure people can have low sex drive and get to the point where sex is not a concern or desire any longer. But that doesn't mean then never wanted it. If I met an older woman that was a virgin, there is no way I would go into that relationship. It would be a red flag that there is some kind of emotional or physical barrier that she doesn't want to fix.

[myTake Owner]

Why do you think people who abstain from sex, don't want to have sex? Do you think even when society disapproved of per-marrital sex, that all those people who waited, didn't want to have sex. Did I actually say sex wasn't one of the important points in a relationship... no. We're talking about people who desire sex like anybody else, who are simply waiting to have sex with someone they feel is worthy, and vice versa.

[mikemx55]

I'm a virgin by choice!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Women's choice :\

[Afrochick]

LOL
img12.deviantart.net/.../...by_neki844-d4mc5ji.jpg

[mikemx55]

@Afrochick Haha, just noticed now that I have downvotes on a joke, loool

[Spiorad_Aisce]

I was actually surprised as I got more into this site how many "Virgins by Choice" there was - Strong independent young people especially women waiting till they were sure before having sex - I thought with the current generation being so sexualised that the age of losing virginity would be very low not maybe early 20s.

[SovereignessofVamps]

Sex is pretty much all hype LOL For anyone waiting, don't believe any of the things you read! dicks do feel good, but if you're a girl don't expect to orgasm and if you're a guy, don't feel too bad if you last 2-5 minutes because that's normal. Sex is kind of pointless. I only like it because it satisfies my sex drive, but the actual act is hype for both girls and guys.

[VictoriousSausage]

while i agree with this, i think it's fair to say that some people simply want to experience sex and everything about it, and there's nothing wrong with that, i think there's way too much stigma mixed in with "Virginity" and how you should either loose it straight away or leave it for someone you love or face gods wrath. honestly Teenage years are stressful enough without people piling on more stress, who cares if you're 40 or 14, you have sex when you're ready, i don't think anything else should come into that. i think you've worded this well in this take, so congrats on that, have a nice day.

[JRICHARDS1996]

I am a virgin until marriage for religious reasons. One thing I would say is that while we are certainly a rare breed in today's day and age, we are not *as* rare as the media would lead you to believe. For example, butthurt neckbeards on here claim that there is no hope of acquiring a virgin woman since they assume that all women are by nature promiscuous. However, the way I see it is that there will always be a consistent albeit small population of virgins who are waiting until marriage due to their religion or other reasons. Therefore there is hope for folks like ourselves, provided that we network with the right people.

[howardque]

Yes I agree. I think it is up to someone when and who they want to share that experience with. Personally I don't want to just have sex for the sake of it. Sex is about a connection, which would only make the physical aspect of it even better.

I wouldn't necessarily be waiting for the one or marriage, but someone I really like when I want to lose my virginity. I like your take, and nice picture lol. I thought you were talking about Virgin airlines!

E. g. I'd rather spend that special moment and have mind blowing sex with a nice female friend or someone I connect with, irrespective of whether they are a virgin or not. Having had sex, doesn't mean they have experience of good sex.

Just cos you play football often, doesn't make you the best at football. A kid coming from a favela may have only kicked the ball about for two weeks of his life, but be better at it. If that makes sense?

[myTake Owner]

It's nice to hear from some guys too with this because the general guy population makes it seem like guys are just extra thirsty for sex all the time and can't possibly physically control themselves like they are some type of wild animal. Not saying it's easy, but if you have it set up in your mind to wait, or for anything for that matter, you can wait because you know what outcome you want out of that, and for you that is a valued connection. That's fantastic.

[howardque]

I think just the loud guys (the minority) are like that. Yeah they are thirsty for sex, and simply comment on women they would bang. Good guys (nice guys) would not sleep with a woman unless he finds her both physically appealing AND nice. Trust me, in your eyes a woman who might be "rated" by a bad guy as an 8 is much hotter than a 9 if she is really nice. In fact such girls are the ones good guys really like. But the trouble is that a lot of women sadly seem to be scared to display their sexuality, thus leading to the problem where they are acting innocent to the good guys and possibly showing it to the loud thirsty guys? Yes I agree on it being fantastic, and personally would choose to wait as well (I am). I know a great female friend (I dunno if she is a virgin or not but she has had a bf) who I'd love to spend that time with. She became single about a yr ago, but don't know how to convey I am attracted sigh. She's grown on me as well. I dunno what female opinions on a virgins are

[myTake Owner]

Well, a big way to let someone know you're attracted is to... um, what's that thing people do... tell them! LOL. Nothing like point blank honesty. You'll never know otherwise. As far as what women think about virgins... well, obviously depends on the woman, but I think if you're searching for the nice girl and you build up that friendship first, explaining down the line why you've been waiting, would probably be less daunting then like, first three dates or so trying to soon to put everything about you out there unless perhaps she asks.

[howardque]

Ok, I guess if u meet someone new you could do that. It is true after all. But what if it's a friend (met when she was taken, and now she's been single for just under a year and moving close to me again). I think she's had one partner. I'd love to spend that time with her, she's so cute and nice? I dunno if either of us wants a relationship though?

[howardque]

Lol on telling them! What do u think and advice?

[myTake Owner]

I'm not saying its easy to work up the courage. I can only imagine everything going through your brain thinking about it, but there are really only two outcomes right... she's into you or she's not, neither of which you know for sure right now... unless you ask her. You could do all this stuff and go round about in circles, but at the end of the day, asking her is your best bet.

[howardque]

Ok but you can't say "hey always found u attractive, will u be my first?" can u? Hahah given this situation of her having met me when taken and now she's single? What can i do?

[myTake Owner]

Geezus, no! Don't ever do that unless you intend to stay single for the rest of your life man! I meant, start by asking if she's interested in you or simply saying, hey, I'd like to take you out on a date if that's cool with you. It's just a date. I wouldn't bring up the sex stuff until she asks or much later whenever you are more comfortable with her and vice versa.

[howardque]

Lol I was joking. But this is a lady who I already know. As I already mentioned I met her when she was taken, we hit it off and became social circle back at uni. She is now single and moving back here soon. I'm not sure either of us want a relationship at this point in time with anyone. How do you get a solo meet up (date in all but name)? We deffo have a good rapport and fun? And in terms of losing your virginity to them? Either through hooking up, or casual relationship etc, how do you approach the subject and in your words "ask if she's interested"?

[AdamThomas]

See this woman is saying exactly what I told you, ask her out on a date.

[howardque]

@AdamThomas Hahah but how? So that you can still be friends? I'm worried about losing that. How do you ask in reference to catching up again when she's back?

[Heera]

because most of them act like special snowflakes

[tenchu11]

I lost my virginity when i was drunk and most of my sexual escapades have been alcohol fueled (fully consensual). I don't hold Virginity or sex in such a high pedestal which is actually not a good thing. It has stunted my ability to be emotional intimate with woman... which is something i have heard

[Fearless_banana]

Yes. I'm saving myself for that special girl.

[Keodkke]

do you even deserve a special girl?

[Fearless_banana]

@Keodkke Umm premarital sex is evil. Stay mad.

[Keodkke]

Is evil to a manwhore? It is evil only to those who value their own bodies ✌✌

[Fearless_banana]

@Keodkke You're evil. Me and this girl were talking about how we are saving ourself till marriage all night..
https://i.imgur.com/DU3DqQ8.png
It was so beautiful. Fck those evil people. #SexIsGross

[Keodkke]

That is a very beautiful picture. Promiscuity is evil not sex

[Fearless_banana]

@Keodkke Lmao you realize I'm fucking with you right?

[Keodkke]

Peomiscuity IS evil. you're fucking with me... hmmmm does that mean you took my virginity? 😁

[Fearless_banana]

@Keodkke Do you want me to take your virginity? Wait w0t m8?

[Keodkke]

Will the girl in your arms not mind?

[Fearless_banana]

@Keodkke You said something about arms?
https://i.imgur.com/vAcODtT.jpg

[Keodkke]

Can I smth about your penis? 😉

[Fearless_banana]

@Keodkke Woah woah coming onto me too sexually. I'm getting nervous. Remember I'm saving myself till marriage?

[Keodkke]

I didn't cum on you.

[aprilmist70]

I prefer to wait, for that someone special, to sweep me off my feet. But, if that never happens, then so be it. I'm not losing sleep over it, nor am I desperate. I'd rather hang onto my virginity, as opposed to being a philanderer. There's too much of that going on, that's why nothing is sacred, anymore, and it's a shame. Virginity should be sacred, and to be saved for that one special, love of one's life. If it never happens for me, then I'll take comfort in knowing, that I never had any one night stands. I'll just be a little sad, that I never got to enjoy the spice of life. I'll just occupy myself with things that interest me, like gardening, travelling, bike riding, and physical fitness.

[JuicyBrain]

You are doing this willingly to yourself. Virginity is not sacred, it should never be. You are just looking for a way to justify why you are still virgin at 45. Do I mind? No I don't. I respect your decision. I don't understand it, but I respect it. You said it yourself, you never enjoyed the spice of life. What good is it to you to stay virgin? Once you die, how important will it be to you? You will have missed on one of the most pleasurable things in life. Nobody will applaud you. So what if you have a one night stand? Nobody will care but you apparently. You are paying a high price for fruitless principles.

[myTake Owner]

@JuicyBrain It actually sounds like you care a lot. It is the askers life, and if that is what she feels is right for her, then so be it. No one applauds you for having lost your virginity. What's unique about that when so many have done it before you. At the end of the day we all have to live with our own personal decisions no matter if you're the virgin or the virgin-less. Sex is but one pleasure in life that one can have, but it isn't the only.

[aprilmist70]

@JuicyBrain No, I never said I didn't enjoy it. I'm saying I've never experienced it. I'm not looking for anyone to applaud me on this, given loose morals, such as one night stands. Virginity, just like sex, should be sacred. It's so overrated and abused, that it loses it's true meaning; and yes, I do justify myself for it, just like those who justify themselves for losing it, before they're even done, with high school. Free love is never an option. It's just as fruitless, as changing socks. I'm sticking by my morals and principles.

[aprilmist70]

Thank you! 😄

[JuicyBrain]

Asker "It actually sounds like you care a lot. It is the askers life, and if that is what she feels is right for her, then so be it." It's exactly what I said. I was reacting to "Virginity should be sacred". She is not just being a virgin, she is saying we should all act that way. We should all consider virginity sacred. Well, I wholly disagree! She doesn't even say why. I know why. Cause she is still a virgin and if virginity is not sacred, then she is just an old woman who can't have sex. Most people don't see virginity as sacred and they live perfectly normal lives and they have sex. There is no reason virginity should be put on a pedestal. You can be a virgin all you want, but don't tell me it's better that way. In fact, it sounds more like she's trying to convince herself.

[JuicyBrain]

I am sorry @aprilmist70 that you never found anyone good enough to have sex with and I wish you find someone. I am also sorry you were bullied for it. I truly do. But quit deluding yourself by saying it's better to be a virgin or that it's sacred. It's not and it never was. It's a good time you have with a partner and it's how you procreate. It's as natural as eating. You are not magical or special because you are a virgin, you are only inexperienced.

[myTake Owner]

@JuicyBrain LOL, again, you seem to care a lot about how others feel about virginity, even if it's their own. Just because you don't feel its sacred is fine, but others clearly do and whether old or young, you can't choose their feelings for them, nor can they you. If it really and truly does not matter to you, what do you care if someone else who is not you thinks its sacred or whether or not they lose their virginity in life. As I said, you can't lose it for them. you can't experience the pleasure or happiness you experience from sex, for them, so what is the point of arguing how someone else feels about it. It's one thing if they are personally telling you to your face how to live your life and what you have to do with your body, but another when someone is just relaying why they personally hold on to their virginity. Why can't both be allowed to just be happy with whatever choice they are making. You've made yours and others have made theirs, right?

[aprilmist70]

@JuicyBrain Deluding myself? Lol! Gosh. I never thought you cared! We're entitled to our own opinion, so let's just leave it at that. :)

[aprilmist70]

@JuicyBrain You're misunderstanding me! I'm not saying that everyone should act like that, because I know they don't! I'm just stating my morals amnd principles, whether people agree with me or not. Also, quit calling me an old woman! Be respectful, mind you! Virginity and sex are both sacred, as far as I'm concerned. Those are my convictions, and I'm sticking to them. Also, if you were reading closely, I do state why I think it's better to save yourself for that special someone, as opposed to free love. I see no reason why free love should be put on a pedestal. There would be a lot less STDs going around. If and when I do find my someone, I will feel extra special, that I saved myself for that special someone, who shares the same morals and values, like me.

[JuicyBrain]

"Also, quit calling me an old woman" Hahaha. You are not so sold. You are not even 10yrs older than me. That would make me old too. It's just that you are a bit old compared to most virgins. "You're misunderstanding me! I'm not saying that everyone should act like that, because I know they don't!" Maybe yes, but only because you are misexplaining yourself. "Virginity should be sacred, and to be saved for that one special, love of one's life." That clearly means to me that you are telling other people how things should be. If you were just talking about how you are a virgin, you wouldn't be saying that. If you are going to tell how people should live their lives, you should be ready to be challenged on that. I mean no disrespect, but I do challenge your opinion. "Those are my convictions, and I'm sticking to them." It's your life and your entitled to live it however you want. Like I said, my problem is not in you living your life your own way, it's when you said how it should be...

[JuicyBrain]

"LOL, again, you seem to care a lot about how others feel about virginity, even if it's their own." I explained that already.

[aprilmist70]

@JuicyBrain Nope. You're misunderstanding me. I'm not telling people how they should live their lives. You're twisting my words around, and I've already made myself clear on this.

[JuicyBrain]

"Virginity should be sacred, and to be saved for that one special, love of one's life." I am sorry. Maybe it's not what you meant, but it's what you said. That's what I answered to.

[front2back]

I'm only a virgin until I'm in a committed relationship where both of us agree it's the right time. My last two relationships were not the right times nor partners.

[NotTheFBI]

Hmm... I see...
i.ytimg.com/vi/zrfUJzfMZ_4/maxresdefault.jpg
Interesting MyTake.

[Emberremembers]

It's cool to be virgin. It's your choice.

It's also cool to be sexually active. It's your choice.

Virgins shouldn't slut shame people who are sexually active, and sexually active people shouldn't... virgin shame? I guess? Don't know if that's a term or not but whatever.

The point is everybody has their reasons for living how they want so it's fine

[phoenix2000]

I'm a virgin by choice