Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Virginity: What Is It And Why Does It Matter?

Virginity: What Is It And Why Does It Matter?

We have all read countless posts, usually from girls, briefly describing some encounter that they had with a guy which stopped short of penis-in-vagina intercourse. The post always concludes with the question, “Am I still a virgin?”

I often reply that the answer depends entirely on how you define “virgin.” That answer is valid but I am not sure that it is always understood, so this myTake will elaborate on the concept of “virginity.”

What is virginity and why is it important?

(This myTake is not intended to be a defense of the Bible or an in-depth explanation of such passages. I am only illustrating the long established reverence for virginity in religions.) Virginity is emphasized in the Bible as a necessary condition for a woman to be considered as a prospective wife. There are passages in the Bible which suggest that women who are discovered to be not virgins should be stoned to death. However, if a person is widowed and remarries, and therefore probably is not a virgin, there is no Biblical prohibition against a widow or widower remarrying. More likely, the concept of virginity is simply an application of the broader rule against sex outside of marriage.

Virginity: What Is It And Why Does It Matter?

In Judaism, like Christianity, premarital sex is forbidden. Virginity is treated similarly in the Islamic religion.

In the Hindu faith, virginity on the part of the bride is considered ideal. The common Hindu marriage ceremony focuses on the “Kanyadan” ritual, which literally means “gift of a virgin,” by the father of the bride.

Buddhism implores its adherents to “not get sexually involved with those who are protected by their mothers, their fathers, their brothers, their sisters, their relatives, or their Dhamma; those with husbands, those who entail punishments, or even those crowned with flowers by another man.” Unlike other major religions, this fall somewhat short of a clear and explicit command requiring virginity until marriage.

Aside from religious precepts, until recently, there has been an almost universal cultural value placed on a female being a virgin at marriage. In many places, a man who takes a woman’s virginity before marriage may be required to pay the woman or her father damages for the loss of her virginity. Those laws are based on the traditions of men paying a price to the fathers of their brides and the price is often based on the bride’s perceived value; obviously, a virgin bride commands a higher price.

Virginity: What Is It And Why Does It Matter?

A 65 year old groom and 12 year old bride posing for wedding pictures (actually a staged event for the purpose of a social psychology study)

Until the last century, girls quite frequently married at the age of 12-14. This made it more likely that the bride would still be a virgin.

Isn’t the concept of virginity sexist?

Yes, those who place a value of the virginity of a bride rarely or never have concern whether the groom is a virgin. In fact, some value is often placed on the groom not being a virgin. “After all, one of them needs to know what they are doing, right?” I am not suggesting that this is a satisfactory justification for maintaining a double standard. I am just observing that it is the most common justification offered.

Why is virginity important?

The importance of virginity developed during a historical era in which women were treated as second-class citizens, they were not “supposed to” enjoy sex, and they were treated as property of their husband. Therefore, most of the discussion of virginity is heavily influenced by such outdated concepts.

Virginity: What Is It And Why Does It Matter?

From the perspective of a man, a virgin bride means that his wife will have nothing with which to compare him. The virgin bride may think that her husband’s 4 inch penis is huge. She may think that missionary position is the only position in which people ever have intercourse and therefore she may be quite content with what others would consider to be extraordinarily vanilla sex.

If a woman is satisfied with what she is getting at home, she is less likely to consider the possibility of looking elsewhere for sexual satisfaction. This is not a contrived justification. A study published in 1991 in the Journal of Marriage and the Family found that “women who were sexually active before marriage faced a considerably higher risk of marital disruption [separation and divorce] than women who were virgin brides.” When controlling for other variables, the researchers concluded that it was not virginity per se which insulated virgins from marital disruptions, but it was the more general characteristic of being unwilling to break social norms.

Why is virginity important to you?

Virginity: What Is It And Why Does It Matter?

If you are a girl and you want to be able to tell your parents that you are still a virgin, you will probably want to choose a definition that allows you as much latitude as possible. If being a virgin simply means that you have not had penile-vaginal penetrative sex, then you are free to give and receive oral sex, “hands jobs,” and anal sex. You can offer proof that you still have an intact hymen and your virginity is established beyond doubt.

If you are a man looking for a woman who is innocent and naïve about sex, who can be molded into your idea of a perfect and submissive bride, you probably want to define “virgin” in a restrictive sense, so that any sexual activity would be considered as a loss of virginity.

If you are a victim of a sexual assault that resulted in penile-vaginal penetration, you want to feel that you have not lost your virginity and you probably want to define virginity in a way that focuses on voluntary actions and not activities done under duress or threat of force.

Do you define virgin as a female with an intact hymen?

If you define virgin as someone who has an intact hymen, there are some problems that you must address:

1. Some girls are born without a hymen (although some believe that every girl is born with a hymen but some girls have their hymen ruptured at an early age through non-sexual force.)

2. If a previously chaste girl has been the victim of a sexual assault, she no longer has a hymen. Is she not a virgin?

Virginity: What Is It And Why Does It Matter?

3. If girl has an intact hymen but has a reputation for being the blow job queen of your village, are you confident in calling her a virgin?

4. If a girl has never had sex with another person but ruptured her hymen by using a vibrator, is she still a virgin?

5. How do you define virginity for a male?

6. If a girl has an experience in which she began to have sex but stopped after the male had only partially inserted his penis (and, afterwards, her hymen is still intact,) is she a virgin? I saw this question posted a few months ago.

Do you define virgin as someone who has not had penile-vaginal sex?

If you define virgin as someone who has not had penile-vaginal sex, there are some problems that you must address:

1. If a previously chaste girl has been the victim of a sexual assault, she has had penile-vaginal penetration. Is she not a virgin?

2. If girl has not had penile-vaginal penetration but has a reputation for being the blow job queen of your village, or maybe she has had anal sex with several guys, are you really confident in calling her a virgin?

3. If girl has not had penile-vaginal penetration but has allowed a boy to give her an orgasm with a vibrator, is she a virgin?

4. If a girl has an experience in which she began to have sex but stopped after the male had only partially inserted his penis (and, afterwards, her hymen is still intact,) is she a virgin?

5. Virginity under this definition almost always depends on someone’s self-report of their prior sexual history. How confident are you that someone will be candid and forthcoming about previous sexual encounters?

Do you define virgin as someone who has not had any sexual experience of any type?

1. If a previously chaste girl has been the victim of a sexual assault, she has had a sexual experience. Is she not a virgin?

2. What experience classifies as “sexual experience” that deprives a person of their virginity. If a girl removed her shirt and bra and let her boyfriend suck on her nipples, does that constitute a loss of virginity? What if he fondled her breasts with his hands under her blouse? What if he fondled her vulva while she was wearing denim jeans?

3. If someone has engaged in masturbation, are they a virgin?

4. Virginity under this definition almost always depends on someone’s self-report of their prior sexual history. How confident are you that someone will be candid and forthcoming about previous sexual encounters?

Solution! (but you probably won't like it.)

A word like “virgin” is a short-hand expression that is intended to convey some information about a person. If I tell you that someone is a diabetic, it imparts certain useful information. It does not give you the details of the extent of the diabetes, whether the person is insulin dependent, etc., but you have at least some information that is potentially useful.

Obviously, the concept of virginity has limited value because the word is defined in different ways and being told that someone is a “virgin” really does not impart any information. It is also a word with such emotionally charged consequences that its very use my change the tenor of a conversation.

The facts speak for themselves. You can debate about whether a certain set of circumstances qualify someone as a virgin, but it is an argument designed to distract us from the facts. If you decide that the village blow job queen is still “technically” a virgin . . . she is still the village blow job queen . . . right?

Just as the Inuits use more than 50 words to describe the many variations of snow, It would be more useful to simply use the following terms:

1. totally inexperienced sexually

2. has only masturbated alone

3. her only “sexual experience” was a rape

4. he has received a blow job but no other sexual activity

5. she had anal sex with one guy while giving another guy a blow job, but she still has an intact hymen

etc.

Let me know your thoughts on the subject, regardless of whether you are still a virgin! :)

7 2

Most Helpful Girl

  • Interesting take!
    It made me think about what being virgin really means.
    In my opinion, a virgin is someone who never had penetrative sex. And the same goes for guys (even though they don't have a vagina).
    I don't see the point of judging someone for being virgin or for not being one.
    People are free to do whatever they want with their bodies. It's their choice.
    No one should judge them.

    • I don't view this concept as being a judgment, at least not for me. At my age, obviously, if a lady is still a virgin, I have even larger concerns! If I am sexually active, I don't expect to hold others to a higher standard than that which I maintain for myself. I don't, and never did, expect a partner to be a virgin. But I am concerned about their number. Here's why. If a woman had 10 partners in the last year, there is a greater chance that I am going to be just another number for her, and that is not what I am looking for in a relationship. At my age, if she had 20-30 partners in her lifetime, I'm okay with that, because I have some numbers that I accrued when I was younger. Now that I am much more serious about a relationship, I want a woman who doesn't treat her body as something to be shared with the world. I want a woman who thinks her body should be shared with someone who truly cares about her. I want a woman who wants to make love, not a woman who just wants to get laid.

    • If she had 10 partners in the last year, she wasn't making love. The judgment I make in that situation is not that she is a bad person, but she is the wrong person for me.

    • I was just talking about judgement because some people judge someone for being a virgin or for choosing to not wait until marriage. Which I think it's wrong, because it's their body, their choice. And I understand why you care about the number. It makes sense.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Guy

  • Wow, this is an outstanding take! Once again great job OlderAndWiser :)
    You cleared things properly up!
    It's good to know what you told us. I myself didn't think of the variety of definitions of being a virgin and I assumed all the way along, that it's the penile-vaginal penetrative sex that counts as loss of virginity. But not any longer because as you said virginity is defined individually.

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

21 26

  • As a virgin myself, one thing you do have wrong is that virginity is actually VERY clear. Society is the one messing it up to the point of confusion, that it's literally in a grey area. This is in fact intentional harm. To both virgins and non virgins alike.

    1. Virginity isn't just physical, it is mental, psychological, emotional and spiritual. It is not just a hymen or a male's fore skin. Virginity means you have not been touched sexually at all. You may not get the rid the idea of sex out of your head, but you are still responsible with how you handle your thoughts and intensions. Or you can seriously hurt somebody. Ex. Rape, Molestation, False Information about sex.

    2. Sex, as definedid from a legal medical definition, and people needs to seriously look it up, is vaginal, anal and oral sex. Period. Dont believe me? Go to Mirriam-Websters. Because there has been a trend going on for nearly over a decade that anal and oral sex is not actual sex. This is basically known in Middle and High School and perhaps College. This is an extremely dangerous way of thinking. If you can get an STD/STI by vaginal penile intercourse, by the buttocks/anal and your mouth orally, requiring ANY form of your genitals to those places, it is sex. PERIOD. NO confusion here.

    3. Masturbation and fingerings is not real sex! Therefore the definition of losing ones virginity is not defined as this. HOWEVER, both methods COMPROMISES the state of your virginity because, a virgin has to be able to direct their sexual drives, energy and connection to a Real Fleshy body of a male or female. Most preferably a spouse. Why? Because the sex chemicals oxytocin and dopamine helps us to bond and make connections to one partner, and weakens it with many partners over a certain amount. Henceforth, why some mother and fathers cannot connection properly to their kids. Ex. I always have a very healthy bond with my mother who only had two sex partners, a teenage boy when she was young and my father. But my bond with my father was not very good, in fact it was very strained even after having many things in common as father and daughter. I can't really explain it. But I can't feel anything for him in that way that was special. But if my theory is correct, it has to do with the amount of sex partners he had before my mom. My older sister's mother, my mom, and 40 other sex partners. His was extremely weak. And he would often complain about not enough sex, used a lot of porn and lust for other women.

    • This is why I say avoid it. I agree with the old structure for young marriage. At least 18 as the legal age is not bad. But lack of maturity is a very big problem. This isn't just a crisis we are dealing with here, it is an epidemic. Everything they had said in the past is the truth as far as Biblically and historically wise. However according to the Bible both women and men can enjoy sex. In fact within the bases of marriage Paul encourages that both do not deprive one another sexually UNLESS you devote your time in prayer. Otherwise have sex regularly otherwise you will be tempted to stray sexually from the MARRIAGE! They need to teach the truth and their not. Other then that this is a very good My take. And a great structural way to ask critical questions.

  • Virginity, to me, is simply a state of being in which the individual has never been a participant in penetrative sex. There is obviously a lot of gray area, too. It's not something that can be 'proven' definitively by the presence of a hymen as, like you've already mentioned, many girls are born without one completely, or it'll get torn way before they ever have sex. I do believe that the majority of girls are born with one, though it never completely 'blocks' the vaginal canal.

    When I had sex for the first time, for example, there was no sharp blow of pain, nor was there any blood from my 'cherry being popped'. That's just most likely some kind of symbolic thing that completely backwards people came up with based off of experiences with a handful of female virgins to use as proof that a girl was pure or not.

    We cannot accuse only men of being guilty for using a female's virginity as her main selling-point, though. Many women do that, too. Bragging about how htey''re still a virgin, are 'saving it for marriage' so that they can 'give part of their body to their husband'. Not realizing the complete irony of how they're shaming teh sexually active for not waiting, when what are they luring their potential husbands in with? What lies between their legs.

    I dream of a time when nobody gives two fucks about how many guys have gotten between your legs, or how many girls you've stuck it in. When the respect someone 'earns' is based on their competency on skills used in the real world (workplace, academics, etc.), versus how willing they are to bump uglies outside of how society tried to control libidos via condemning those who chose not to wait for marriage. When virgins don't think of themselves as superior to others because they're going wait for 'someone special'.

    • Fuck yes! This right here☝🏼️

    • By itself, a lady's "number" means nothing to me. I did some wild and crazy things in my day and you can't expect more of others than you expect of yourself. However, if she had 10 partners last year, I would be concerned that I am just going to be another number for her and I do not approach sex so casually. I do agree that a virgin using that as bait to reel in a guy is rather hypocritical behavior. It just represents another strategy for how to use sex to your advantage.

    • You seem like a very bitter person. There is nothing wrong with preaching virginity to young girls and telling them to save it for someone who will be worth their time. Sex is not merely a physical act to me cuz I'm not a prostitude. It is a physical manifestation of love.

    • Show All

  • I think virginity matters because it's important to be highly selective about which men you give the power and opportunity to impact your life long term. Women generally seem like it's easier for them to attain and maintain mental, emotional, and spiritual health when they do not give themselves sexually to guys who end up using them or treating them like they're disposable.

  • I agree. I've always considered the concept of virginity to be totally unnecessary. There's no clear definition because of all the gray areas of sexual contact, and it's only been used to oppress (especially) women. Because women aren't allowed to really enjoy sex, her body is not hers but her future husband's etc. It's a prize. And that kind of objectification is just sick.
    In my opinion, sex is just sex. It can be special if you do it with someone you love, yes, but it can also be really cheap and "unspecial". I don't see why we should force people to think of sex so seriously, when sex in itself is extremely subjective and any sexual experience is different from the rest.

    • Indeed

    • "women aren't allowed to really enjoy sex" Why do you need permission? "I don't see why we should force people to think of sex so seriously." I know how you can force people to do things they otherwise don't want to do, but I don't know how you force people to believe or think anything.

    • It's not about permission. It's easy to say that you "shouldn't care" when you're not the one getting oppressed for your sexuality. Nobody deserves to be shamed for their sexuality, as long as it doesn't harm others of course. It's not so easy to say "to hell with it all" when women are bullied and harassed for their sexuality, when pictures and videos circulate the internet without your consent as "revenge porn", and when even in some countries, the women get punished for being raped. Alright. I'll correct myself: I don't see why we should force people to take sex so seriously. There. Better?

    • Show All

  • In my opinion, for someone who has never been sexually experienced they see holding onto their virginity as a rare pearl. Comparing someone who lost their virginity and still has it then both see life in a different way when it comes to sex. Of course, someone who had sex once and its a constant routine they wouldn't see it as a big deal and sex to them is a hobby and maybe a habit. I'm a virgin myself and having my virginity is important to me because i'm holding onto it till marriage and where vows will be exchanged for promises to be kept. I can't speak into the future and i don't know what will take place afterwards but it's a big deal.

  • I hold the standard of "No sex for you until you prove to me that you are mother material" So my partner being a virgin in the sense of "Has never had a man cum inside of her without protection within the last month" is important but I find it mandatory that she know SOMETHING about pregnancy and sexual health. Personally (call me old fashioned) but I see promiscuity as a variation of insecurity or lack of self confidence. It's not likely I would ever even consider sleeping with someone who was or is promiscuous simply for the fact that it shows me that she is more likely to be unfaithful. If she had 10 partners in the last 6 months the chances of at least one of those being a cheat is too high for me to even consider sex with the woman. That's a level of trust she will have to learn over the course of the next 5-6 months before I consider sex, let alone actually have sex with her. Then again that's only my standing and I am asexual with a female preference so my opinion doesn't hold much here lol

  • What would be good to weave into this take is discussing the difference between virginity and purity and how and where they intersect.
    Also the differences between physical virginity and mental virginity.
    Bearing in mind to add the perspective of the individual in all that.
    I will give an example to illustrate the train of thoughts that could be added to this take.
    A girl who got raped is physically not a virgin anymore, yet she is still pure since intercourse was against her will.
    Blowjob queen has her hymen still intact, but she lost her purity.
    Etc etc.
    These are just examples to get people going and see more input on the subject.

  • I know virginity is really just kind of a made up thing but I know a lot of girls regret their firsts, and I'd rather just avoid that. I hate the feeling of regret and I don't really want link to something so personal as the blossoming of my sex life if that makes sense.

    • It makes perfect sense. You don't get a second chance to do it the right way.

  • Virginity is dignity

    It matters to women, does not to men

    Are you a father? Do you have daughters? What kind of would you rather have, good girls who are worthy of respect and look for the best man to marry or someone who gives her body around?

  • Whoa o_O! This is so far off base its scary! You're looking at this all wrong. No body cares if the hymen is present, torn, or anything of the sort. The hymen is just a piece of flesh! And the people who actually care about busting that hymen as some sort of "Accomplishment" are just freaks.

    What practicing Christians, Jews, Muslims and other people of faith are really after is VIRTUE. You'll notice that a lot of religion is all about honoring God, being good to others (and yourself) and avoiding immorality. And more often than not immoral things are fun, satisfying or just difficult to avoid. That's why they call it "Resisting Temptation". When someone wrongs you in some way you have to resist punching them or striking back at them in some other way. When you've done something questionable you're often tempted to lie to get what you want and avoid what you don't want (i.. e lying about sexual histories to keep a relationship... if you honestly feel that your past shouldn't matter own it and let the chips fall where they may).

    Now sex itself isn't immoral (obviously) so I get annoyed when religious people make it out to be this "dirty deed" which can make people feel shameful even if they saved themselves for marriage. I'd also like to point out that the bible isn't sexist about this issue because men are held to the same standard. But unlike women there wasn't any "Proof" of virtuous behaviour in the form of a hymen so some men got bold and started cheating with the whole abstinence thing. Regardless, religious people believe that sex should be reserved for marriage. Why? I don't think there's one right answer but consider this. Since the advent of the sexual revolution marriage rate have been plummeting, the rates of infidelity are on the right, the rate of children born to single mothers is at an all time high, the rate of abortion is at an all time high, the rate of STD's is at an all time high, the rate of depression among women is at an all time high. Is this all a coincidence? I don't know but since all of these things have to do with sex and relationships I'd wager there is some causality here. Promiscuity and sex outside of marriage can create feelings of insecurity, distrust, jealousy, resentment, etc. which can destroy any hope of a life long relationship and a healthy family unit which is IMPERATIVE for raising stable, happy children. Broken families are associated with more crime, alcohol and drug abuse, poor academic performance, etc.

    • In this myTake, I did not express my personal beliefs on the subject at all. I presented a discussion of the various ways in which virginity can be defined and the potential problems with each definition. The last definition I provided was "someone who has not had any sexual experience of any type." That happens to be the definition that I embrace. You should be more careful before you go lecturing others on morality. As a Christian, I know that one of the problems that some people of faith have is appearing to be self-righteous and "holier than thou." That is counterproductive to the goal of having people actually listen to you and consider what you say.

    • Sex is supposed to be a beautiful, sacred thing and when it's shared with only one person for the rest of your life it makes it all the more precious and creates intimacy which separates a married couple apart from everyone else. Every partner you've had will devalue the act. I'm going to play devil's advocate here. If you truly believe in body autonomy and feel that sexual past doesn't matter so long as you love each other and your satisfied with your partner then why are you so devastated when you find out that your partner has cheated? If your boyfriend gave you everything you desired (emotionally, sexually, etc.) and truly loved you... but also loved two other women and provided them with everything they needed, what's the issue? Why insist on monogamy? Are you THAT insecure that you want him all to yourself? Retroactive jealousy works in the same manner because we know that once that bond is made, that love will linger and even if it doesn't the thought will haunt us.

    • "If you truly believe in body autonomy and feel that sexual past doesn't matter so long as you love each other and your satisfied with your partner then why are you so devastated when you find out that your partner has cheated?" I never said that I believe any of that. Now you are fabricating statements about "my beliefs" to prove that I have missed some point? Is that the best you've got? What moral superiority gives countenance to telling lies about what I have said?

    • Show All

  • good take. I had no idea it was so complex, as I hadn't thought about it that much. glad I'm not a lawyer!:)

    I think about the emotional part of it... someone who has been intimate, especially the girl, gets bonding chemicals (at least some of the time, apparently some girls aren't getting that... may depend on their mental state). But that means she's had some bonding and there is risk of emotional "junk" in a non virgin. A rape victim may be impacted as well. Guys don't handle emotional junk well, so that is a factor in "purity". The woman's job to a degree is to help develop the children emotionally (look at how momma birds peer into their babies, draw out the child so they connect, etc..). If she is "jacked up" emotionally, what are the risks? I've knkown a lot of girls who were sexually active young who, not necessarily one time, but over time, became mentally messed up. It messes with them... which may be societal guilt, but I think it is fundamental issues going on. I only have my reference point of experience, it appears to cause issues for at least some.

  • With an outmost honesty. I never , ever , ever understood why a girl would be ridiculed or laughed at for being a virgin?
    I just can't grasp it. It was different from where I come from. I have both early givers and still virgin friends but I don't see how it would make one or the other worse.
    Staying a virgin for girl is waiting patiently and having faith in finding someone decent. So she is basically laughed at for doing that? If thats the case when laughing at a virgin is like saying- you won't find better anyway, you're stupid. Which is not true.

    Both virgins and non virgins have their own perception of life. Why should that bother others...

  • Your assuming virgins are naive. when in my experience its those who aren't virgins who are naive. Like people who have sex but dont know that not ejaculating in the vagina cannot get you pregnant. And for the most part I've noticed people mostly women shame virgins. 98 percent of the country has sex before marriage, we live in a overly sexualized world so if a woman decides to remain a virgin.. how does that threaten you? Noone goes around flaunting their virginity like those who who flaunt whom they have with and will have sex with. noone shames women who have sex because if you were really shamed you wouldn't be wanting to have sex before marriage and millions of abortions a year wouldn't exist in the u. s every year. The amount of women born without a hymen or low super super low. Its only in the white western world that virginity isn't important if you have been to roma weddings, indian.. etc a brides virginity has to be proven. The gitanos call it panuelo.
    I do agree a mans virginity is just as important as the womans and that is also stated in the bible. The break of the hymen and the sharing of body fluid.
    Virginity was a way to prove the legitimacy of children. Obviously women get pregnant, even today with all the birth control avaialable legitimacy and unwanted Pregnancies.
    If i was still a virgin id remain one. Those who wait till marriage have lasting marriages vs those who dont statistically anyway.

    • I never assumed that virgins are naive. In fact, I pointed out that, if you define virgin as a girl with an intact hymen, a girl could be the blow job queen of the village and still be a virgin. Yes, I know that very few women are born without a hymen. I know that some women have a very small hymen. I know that hymens can be repaired and a girl can be a surgically born-again virgin. The myTake was long enough without including those details. Someone being a virgin does not threaten me and I have always respected the choices that others made about their sexual activity. If you have "a fight to pick" with someone, it is not me.

    • Lol, you say i should read yet from your response you did not read anything.. well just about anything i wrote at all

    • I read it 100%. Your first sentence is "Your [sic] assuming virgins are naive." It seems that you are the one who did not read what I wrote. If you are just looking for someone to share an argument, look elsewhere.

    • Show All

  • You can't tell if someone is a virgin based off the hymen. https://www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo/article/hymen
    Such a stupid myth.
    Virgin stereotypes piss me off.

  • I was compared and was determined to be better than the last guy. Nothing more rewarding than that. That's why I've had a lot of relationships. I accepted that I was going to be compared and I won.
    You cannot clearly define the word virgin. Its everybodys individual interpretation. For me a virgin is someone who hasn't had their lower genitals fondled. For the new testimate bible, oral sex makes you not a virgin. Its no worse than penetration.
    But a consensus from my studies, and asking questions is that girls don't view you as virginal if you have oral sex with multiple partners. Keyword multiple.

    • Most people suffer with trying to use this word in some definitive and significant way without ever contemplating how it should be defined.

  • Good take, thought provoking - I agree with your theory that the Inuits have a huge variety of the word "snow" to describe the thickness of snow and ice, the desert Arabs similarly ascribe words to sand to say if there is any water below the sand and how deep it is.
    To me my technical definition is penile penetration of the vagina but that fails straight away for those women who have had anal sex, sexually active gay men and lesbians. Outside that it is a personal perception of how sexually active you are or if you even are. I probably would have the bar as low as quite heavy petting, anything that is engineered to get an orgasm from another physically in your presence.
    Why does it matter - It is a social concept, going back to the witnessing of the consummation of a royal wedding of a King/Queen/Heir apparent and checking the sheets for blood stains to prove virginity, preserve the blood line. That idea is definitely fading fast and then we move onto the empowerment of the man, she is mine and only mine. Yes I think the sooner that idea fades the better. Lastly girls may have some romantic/purity notion about it.
    Okay in conclusion, I would say there will always be a proportion of people it is important to but as global society moves on it becomes less important with each generation.

    • I think it is important only to the extent that it correlates with a willingness to violate social conventions; where a potential partner falls on that dimension may have a significant impact on compatibility in both sexual and non-sexual ways.

  • I agree with your final definition. If you do any sex acts with other people, then you have a sexual partner. How can a virgin have partners already? Plus it's not like people are trying to get pregnant from sex usually, so if that's a non issue then the traditional definition is silly if you ask me.

    • Like why say you lost your v card by having regular sex, when the last thing you want is to get pregnant? the definition from the past is irrelevant then right?

  • Thank you, sir, for keeping such an open mind! Finally someone who sees more than "oh, she's not a virgin, she's a sloot, look what feminists have done!" and I'm not even a feminist, but that is just stupid to think. Those people are usually men who don't have enough self esteem to respect women, they don't feel secure if their gf/wife doesn't belong to them as a pet, she has to know how to cook and how to be obedient in general.

    It's pretty sad that in 2016 people still consider a girl's value based on her virginity. I know feminists hate men these days but we can't only blame them, mysogynists are just as bad. Just yesterday an asshole troll messaged me to send naked pics cuz I "f*ck everybody anyway" because of my views on people's virginity. I'm sick of this sh*t and I'm sick of being disrespected because of my "promiscous" thinking.

  • Virginity, in general to ME
    =
    an over-rated-archaic "control concept" that people place waaay too much weight and importance on.

  • I don't really care for the complexity of how its defined, I just wanna be able to be to get to spend time with a girl without fearing she's gonna freak out and run the moment she finds out im a virgin.

  • Show More (27)
Home >  Sexual Relationships  > Virginity: What Is It And Why Does It Matter?