Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
I recently came across an article discussing some commandments to being friends with benefits (FWB). As I was perusing through the article, I couldn't help but reminisce about my friends with benefits in college who was also a close friend of mine at the time. I would like to share my personal experience of turning a friendship into friends with benefits.
How I met her
I met her for the first time when I was a freshman. She lived on the same floor in my dorm, and we would exchange a few hellos when we ran into each other in one of those giant lecture halls for our core classes. Nothing special then. It wasn't until our sophomore year that we started having more and more classes together as we were both the same majors. We introduced each other to our friend groups, and I guess this is when our friendship truly began to take shape.
How it happened
One thing that I found so fascinating about her was that we shared so many things in common. We had remarkably similar mindset, similar goals and interests in life, similar hobbies, and the same stupid sense of humor. So naturally, we clicked extremely well whenever we talked; we very much enjoyed talking to each other. We would just sit down, and talk for hours on end. As we became juniors, we regularly hung out at her place, watched movies together, studied together, drank together, etc. She would also frequently cook for me at night when all the restaurants nearby were closed. We were friends, and it was no big deal because at this point, I could say with confidence that she was one of my few best friends.
Then one day, she was talking about her apartment mates and their current relationships with their boyfriends. The conversation naturally steered toward sex, and this was when I found out that she was a virgin. She told me that she was very curious about what sex would feel like, but didn't want to have sex with just anyone. And this was the point where the possibility of friends with benefits was brought up.
Agreements & It Was Official
We agreed that this would be purely a physical relationship with no emotions involved. We agreed that we were not romantically interested in each other, and that neither of us would get jealous or upset if one of us gets a boyfriend/girlfriend. It would be a learning experience for both of us. That was the goal. To learn.
After our discussion, we regularly met to "hangout" as usual. After sex, we would cuddle each other under the blanket, and watch a movie or two as we always have before. We would continue our long conversation ranging anywhere from music to science to politics...She would also cook for me as usual. Everything was exactly the same as before. Only, this time, we began incorporating sex into our friendship.
So you might be wondering how is this any different from a regular romantic relationship? The thing is, as much as I liked her personality, it wasn't exactly what I was looking for in a girlfriend (if she seemed like a girlfriend material to me, trust me, I would've already made a move on her). She seemed a little bit too indifferent for a serious relationship, and more importantly, it was the agreement and pact that we made. All she wanted was sex, and all I wanted was sex.
How it fell apart
Or so I thought. In the beginning of last semester of our senior year, I found myself a girlfriend, and so my friends with benefits relationship came to an abrupt end. My fear came true. My friends with benefits seemed visibly bothered by this. She knew that she wasn't supposed to be upset about it; she is the one who proposed the idea of friends with benefits after all. Nonetheless, it seemed as though she had conflicting emotions that she could not just let go of.
She started making sarcastic remarks, and things quickly became quite toxic. She stopped talking to me, and stopped sitting next to me in class. She even asked one of our professors if she could switch out of our project group to join another instead (thank goodness he didn't allow it). I was surprised especially because she always seemed so chill and nonchalant about everything. It seemed very unfair that she wasn't honoring our agreements, and this, too, pissed me off. That felt like the end of our friendship.
Aftermath
Then at last, after the finals weeks, it was time for us to leave school. Graduating meant no more running into the same mundane faces of my classmates every single day. On the graduation day, my friends with benefits and I spoke to each other for the first time in months. We hugged and apologized, and promised to maintain our friendship the way it used to be. I guess both of us realized that it would be pointless to hold onto our resentments even after graduation. I remember it was such as odd conversation to have while wearing graduation gowns and one of those silly square hats. I mean, really, what was I supposed to say? "I'm sorry that we had sex for a year, and then I got a girlfriend?"
We are still friends. We still see each other occasionally, but things are definitely a lot more awkward. Although it's been more than a year since we reconciled, I somehow feel a lot more distant to her than I used to be. Every time we meet, we try to pretend and act like everything is fine. As if nothing ever happened between us. Sure, we are still friends, but it feels as if I lost a very good friend of mine. And deep down, I know everything won't ever be the same for neither me nor her. While I was dating my new girlfriend, my friends with benefits was always in my mind for some reason. I was still pissed at her, but retrospectively speaking, I guess I thought of her as something more than just a friend. Maybe not as a girlfriend, but not as just a friend either. Maybe both of us were lying to ourselves that we couldn't ever be together as a couple. I'm not sure.
I know a lot of you will call me an idiot for deciding to become friends with benefits with a friend in the first place, but what can I tell you? How would I have known at the time? It was just for fun. You have a vagina, I have a penis, we like each other as friends, let's fuck. I was cringing as I read through the article describing all the commandments to being friends with benefits. It listed all the mistakes that I made one by one in plain detail (such as kissing during sex) as if the author had known me personally. Do I regret it? Yes. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't have become friends with benefits with my friend. At this point though, I can only hope that I will learn from this experience, and not make the same mistake again.
Let me know what you think.
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