Do Women Really Like Bad Boys, or Is it All About Confidence?

Do Women Really Like Bad Boys, or Is it All About Confidence?

If you are following the debate about relationships between men and women, you will almost certainly come across this claim: women do not like nice guys.

While women do say they want nice guys who treat them well, many have experienced the very same women going for the “dangerous” bad boy, at least as far as casual sex is concerned.

This means nice guys aren't winning the casual sex lottery as much and more often than not become "Friend-zoned" and may see themselves passed over, again and again.

I think it is true, nice guys really do finish last, but I also think it's more complicated and it does have other causes than simply being nice. Confidence means a great deal to women, and if you are shy or demoralized by many rejections, then confidence is not really your thing. If giving up in advance comes easy to you, then it's a major sex killer. If you do not hunt, you will not eat so to speak. If you do not even think you are any good or you are not masculine enough to get a woman to like you, quite frankly you most likely won't.

If you can sit all night looking at women, but are never able to say hello, or you are the one who shares her interests, makes her laugh and finds her attractive but yet never picks up her otherwise not so subtle signals, that NOW is the time to kiss her, then you will be in this category, nice guy or not.

First we need to distinguish between casual sex and relationships, obviously women's requirements are more loose and focus on sexual attractiveness and performance when it's just casual sex. Likewise most of us will be happy to fuck a super hot bitch, as long as we can get her off our back just after sex. In a relationships, we do NOT want a bitch at any circumstances regardless of her looks, the same goes for women.

When a woman wants a boyfriend, then personality, common interests and stability etc. are all important criteria and turn on's.

Do Women Really Like Bad Boys, or Is it All About Confidence?

Another phenomenon is realism: if your are 40 years old and fat without any money to burn on young hot chicks, then you need to go for women who are more likely to be into you. Sure, a hot 23 year-old, would be preferred, but let's face it, it's not going to happen. You may not be able to kill a bear, but you can kill a rabbit. Unfortunately sex is not a right, but a privilege that we have to earn, so let's be realistic about it. If you are only into young hot women, you better get rich and go for gold diggers.

It's far easier for women to get a sex partner than it is for men, that's how it works. Men are easy, women are not, so this is the result - tough luck but you can't change that, so deal with it.

It may be a cliché, and of course there are plenty of exceptions, but many women are submissive in their sexuality in some degree. For some it means being spanked, bound or worse, but for most it is just a matter of attitude. It is usually what women mean when they say stuff like, "a real man, one who knows what we wants, takes control" and so on.

It does not mean that they are looking for a jerk, what they do want is a man who can be sexually aggressive and controlling, so they in turn can give up control for a while in bed. Nice men are bad boys in bed, but only in the bed, it's not that hard or difficult to understand. It's the female version of whore and Madonna. It's not disrespect to take control in bed, it's only disrespect to try to force her into something she clearly do not want. It's nice to be bad, sometimes, get it?

Regarding "pick-up artists" or coaches, in my opinion you can use the theories positively to boost you confidence, which of course is always a hit with women, but that's about it. Do not put too much into it, I have seen a 5 hour lecture from a coach once; many good points but it's basically not very useful unless you have the personality and then only for casual sex.

Do Women Really Like Bad Boys, or Is it All About Confidence?

As for casual sex only, for those of us in countries where prostitution is legal, it may be far easier, less time consuming and more rewarding with success every time, rather than doing the game about learning how to pick-up girls for one nightstand's etc.. Of course Americans do not really have this option, but you can carry a gun in public (hey I ain't judging, each his own preferences).

A final point: do not be afraid of rejections, these are key essentials. We all get rejections, it's how we deal with them that really makes the difference. You can quit, and be alone with your hand or get amazing sex by keep trying and cope with all the rejections it takes.

So do not take it all so seriously. Most women like to be hit on if it happens in a good way, and if it is a good woman, she will also reject you in a nice way when she is not interested. Otherwise, rejoice of the horrifying rejection, this means you are now free of this bitch – and yes, every women who rejects a man in a bad way is a bitch – end of story.

Women do get turned on by confidence, but it has to be real...you can't fake it like an orgasm. They do get flattered when someone shows interest in a nice way, but unfortunately, confidence is also a characteristic of psychopaths, idiots and douche-bags so they tend to end up scoring quite a bit. But women do still prefer nice guys who are bad boys in bed.

This is my opinion, of course plenty of women will probably object to what I said, however, this is how it really works in my experience.

Sorry if my English sucks, but I hope you get the points anyway.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Its about looks unless you have some type of constellation like having money. If a guy that a woman finds fugly approached her to get to know her and to ask her out, she's going to reject him. Women could care less about a guy having confidence if they don't find him physically attractive.

Most Helpful Girl

  • It's all about confidence.

    If you're not confident about what you have to offer, then why should we think it?

    • If men act* very confident around you it means they don't care what you think of them (we're really not that different from women). Your strategy is guaranteed to lead to heart break but you're only 22 so you still have time to learn what a lot of women still haven't learned when they're 40. * you're mistaking him acting confident with him being confident about what he has to offer: he can be perfectly confident in who he is and around everyone else but you, and at the same time not act confident around you because he knows you realistically won'tbe given the chance to demonstrate his worth to you unless he makes a perfect first impression.

    • Confidence is based on past experiences it doesn't come as part of being a man. Hence why good looking guys have more confidence than average or less than average guys. If girls find a man pleasing, we will gain confidence, if he get's mostly or exclusively rejections his confidence will suffer. Just like it will with women, no difference. It's not all about confidence, but confidence certainly is the key to progress.

    • Yes, but even the most attractive men get rejected sometimes (still more than half the time, I'd wager) and will worry what a woman thinks of them when they find her amazing. Ryan Gosling won't be supremely confident when he's chatting up Scarlett Johansson, so to say...

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What Girls & Guys Said

19 27
  • You guys need to check out those penis health cremes they have on the market nowadays. I've been using one for a few months now and it has really helped my confidence and sexual performance. The one I use is loaded with vitamins that are extremely beneficial to the penis.. both inside and out. Cheers, fellas.

  • I really do not like bad guys, like smoking and drinking too much, cussing, be pessimistic and unhappy. Like, no pls. I want a caring and kind person who will motivate me to be my best and support me. Yeah, he should have confidence but not too much, just the average. A person that is excited about what's going to happen in life and believes in the real love.

    • unconfident guys want the same thing... that's what most girls don't get.

  • Very well said, thanks for putting this into words!

  • Women are no different than men. We all like different things in the opposite sex. Women love confidence in their men. That seems to be universal. As far as a bad boy/good boy, women like men like different things. Some men like a woman that is tomboyish and others like very girlish. Do you like a woman who cusses a lot or not much? It's all up to the person.

  • It really is ALL about CONFIDENCE. Women want nice guys, but nice guys with EDGE, i. e., confidence.

    • I agree.

  • You know what no one ever said "You know how I hate? Nice people". The whole idea that women like men that treat them badly is absurd.

    Now if all you want is casual sex, you don't really qualify as "nice guy". You're just one of the hundreds of idiots that also try to avoid commitment. And you're right for casual sex personality doesn't matter. I mean duh. The guys aren't doing it any differently.
    Even confidence only matters in so far as that you have to be confident enough to approach.

    So that being said, I don't really see what the point of your take is? That personality matters for one night stands?
    Though I agree with your last part about rejections

    • You can be nice and just want casual sex

    • "The whole idea that women like men that treat them badly is absurd." I was trying to say that, sorry if that point didn't come out as clear as intended. "Now if all you want is casual sex, you don't really qualify as "nice guy""... nice guy do want casual sex just like nice girls do. Being nice is about motives and behaviour, not about being a-sexual or religious/moralist. Excuse me for being European and not really buy into the no sex before marriage thing you still cling to over there - although hardly anyone is actually following it. "And you're right for casual sex personality doesn't matter. I mean duh. The guys aren't doing it any differently." Yes, and I said that. "Even confidence only matters in so far as that you have to be confident enough to approach." I made that point as well. Did you even read what I wrote said, or did you just miss most of my points?

    • @tyber1 Well that would depend on how you define a good guy. In my opinion a guy into casual sex, or is willing or able to just use someone for sex isn't what I would label a good guy in the slightest. I'd define most self proclaimed "nice guys" as bad boys who lack confidence and game. I think that's generally why they have such a tough time in the dating world.

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  • I can't speak for all women, but confidence is more important than bad guy or good guy persona's. If I guy likes me and doesn't even have the confidence to talk to me then it can be a turn off.

  • Yes, I think it's true... nice guys are kinda shy about making a first move and it gets boring sometimes. Meanwhile, bad boys just jump to the thing and if you're a good girl like me, the feeling of unkown and danger is kinda sexy.. but we get our hearts broken really soon.. kinda deserved. xD I think I'm masochist sometimes... I just can't without suffering in love and getting my heart broken...

    • As you already said you deserve it

  • I like the idea of bad boys cause I know he won't cling to me. I don't want him up my ass but he will still care about me. He just doesn't feel the need to do it all the damn time.

    • He'll just sleep with you and other girls at the same time. He won't cling to anyone. lol

    • @tyrantfuryre Not really, you clearly don't know what type of guy I'm talking about. I like the idea of the bad boy whose good just for me. He just doesn't have to be a damn crybaby, constantly asking if I love him. That's annoying.

    • Um, you're 18... you know everything, I forgot. lolz. Good luck with that.

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  • It's about confidence + style.

  • I don't get the fact that why do we call them "bad boys"?

  • not really about confidence for me. plenty of physically attractive and confident men out there that i'm not mentally attracted to.

    • Of course there are plenty of physically attractive and confident men you are not attracted to, for any number of reasons. It doesn't mean the men you are attracted to are not both physically attractive and confident. Confidence alone doesn't do it, lack of confidence however seems to be a turn off for most, and more importantly make the guy not take a move in the first place.

    • What I meant is that confidence is not what I notice first about a guy that I might be interested in. If lack of confidence means inability to ask a person out, I can see why that's problematic... but not really unattractive. At least not to me. Something endearing about the quiet ones.

  • It's all about looks. You can have the personality of a potato. If you are hot and/or rich women will want you.

  • Fun fact: Women are more excited by a guy who treats them really well 30% of the time than a nice guy who treats them well 100% of the time.

  • Someone I know recently published a cheeky line on FB - 'good girls love bad boys' - but she really is anything but a good girls.
    So I'll dare say it isn't that girls like bad guys - it is that girls with a dubious family background just relate to this strongly - and we live in a society that as far as mythology goes - promotes this stuff.
    So really, it is that bad girls like bad guys - with that added media sweetener, completely to be expected - the rest is just rationalisations and self delusion. (I know good girls who can not work out why anyone would like anything about a bad boy)

  • It's looks and confidence that matter. Of course the irony is that it's nearly impossible to be uber confidentwhen you feel like you have something to lose. Women only going for men who act confident around them are essentially going for men who couldn't care less about these women.

    The advice I always give to women is this:

    "If he really likes you he CANNOT be supremely confident around you (men and women are the same in that regard) and that's how you distinguish a player from a man who cares. If you want to know if he's a wuss or a confident man you find out how confident he is around OTHER people. The man you should go for is one who is confident around all other people, including at work and around other women, but who gets just a tad shy around you."

  • I think you are missing a big part of this whole bad guy vs goody guy debate. Girls like bad guys because they don't really care about dumping them for the next girl. That is if a girl feels that she is too comfortable with a guy (nice guy), she will dump him for somebody that wouldn't care to dump her in the first place.

    • Bad girls yes, so maybe you should go for nice girls then.

  • It's confidence for me

  • It's confidence but also not.

    Very loosely speaking a lot of women seem to suck at identifying confidence, for example they can't tell the difference between some one who doesn't give a single shit about them and someone who is confident.

    Plenty also often struggle to tell the difference between someone with poor social intelligence and someone with confidence. For example, some men are socially REALLY stupid but because they don't know any better they *seem* confident in their actions, when in reality it's just stupidity.

    Couple this with their own loneliness, insecurities, sexual desire, and inexperience with good male role models and you get millions of women who constantly choose horrible mates.

  • This bad boy stuff doesn't mean shit in real life to women.. women with a brain that is.. I mean who in right mind would want a guy who's a criminal or something.. it's all about confidence.. the "nice guys" with edge are the best in my opinion..

    • "women with a brain that is" ... a lot of women are following there harts rather than there brains, resulting is sleeping with guys who in fact bad boys - it's the confidence and nice body that may trigger it, but they do rewarded them with sex non the less, that I can grantee.

    • Hate to admit it, but take owner is right. I have seen well educated, thoughtful woman throw caution to the wind when they encounter a bad boy who pushes their buttons. However now that I'm in my 30s I find that getting laid isn't the end all, be all. Nobody is going to write on my tombstone "Here lies so and so... he was a manwhore... loved by all". There is more to life than getting laid.

    • @sdistotallyme to fulfil their need.. yes.. but not a long-term relationship

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