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Transgender Truth?

Transgender Truth?

Ironically I was on Sparknotes of all places, getting a summary of an English period piece movie I was watching, when I saw this article on the sidebar:

https://community.sparknotes.com/2016/09/21/auntie-sparknotes-my-hookup-turned-out-to-be-trans/?src=study

The story goes, girl meets guy named J, starts falling for him, they get a little drunk at a party, they're about to have sex, the pants come off, surprise it's a girl, or a soon to be transgender f-to-m. Girl says, sorry, I'm not into vagina. J says its cool. J's friends find out, they get pissed at the girl for essentially dumping J and no longer wanting to be with 'him.' The friends are basically upset because they felt that the girl wanted to be with him before she found out he used to or is transitioning from a she, but only when the girl found out the whole story, did she split.

In my opinion, that is a dangerous game to play. We do live in world where a lot is changing, there is a lot more acceptance of other people, but when it comes down to being in the bedroom, I think the J person should have been up front and honest about her biology. I mean, I like a lot of people in my life who are way different from me, and I can be friendly and hang out and what not, but that does not mean I want to have sex with them. You can be accepting of someone and still not want to have sex with them. This J person is really lucky that the girl was actually pretty calm and nice about it, because so many would not be if essentially forced into that situation. Many trans persons have been killed for lying about or disguising their sexuality, so to do that is putting their own life at risk.

Transgender Truth?

It is so not just about the body parts not mattering and being able to love whomever. In that case, you're essentially saying that gay persons for example, can and should be straight as opposed to gay, because you know, it shouldn't matter about whether there is a penis or a vagina down there in their partners---but we know, or at least, I believe, that's not true. You're attracted to what you are personally attracted to, and if that's a natural born man with a penis or a natural born woman with a vagina (or whatever in between), you can't force someone to like you in that way because you feel that you have changed into this new man or this new woman. I'm not saying that was the case in the example, but the J person's friends were certainly making it seem that way.

I guess the argument would be that everyone should recognize them as trans in their bodies that aren't as they were born with, but if you want people to value your sexuality, than you on the same token should value theirs and not try and put someone in that situation where you're trying to get them to be something they might firmly believe they don't want to be in that bedroom.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This shit is annoying. Of course somebody should be told early on. How would a lesbian girl like it if a guy pretended to be a girl, then whipped out his dick? Not nice I bet. Some people are straight, full stop, they shouldn't be seen as bad people because they don't want a trans person. That gets on my nerves so much. Seriously, that's what pansexual is, it's not straight. Pans like all regardless of gender, trans included, straights don't. They aren't bad or judgmental for being 100% straight.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Transgenders who deceive people into thinking they are actually a man or actually a woman, then get someone to engage in sexual activity, should be arrested and charged with sexual assault or rape by fraud.

    • ... what? No. That is essentially dissolving what actual rape and sexual assault is. All it is, is suspension of truth. A transwoman is a woman regardless of the existence of her penis. Yes, if she was to get into a sexual relation then she should definitely let the other party know that her bits don't match, but it's not rape or sexual assault for her to have sexual relations unless she forces the other party into having them. Same goes for a transman. In the story detailed in this take, the girl was NOT forced into having sexual relations with the guy, he just simply omitted a detail, and allowed her to back off when it wasn't to her liking. Yes, I believe it was shitty of him to let it get to the point where she found out that way, instead of him warning her beforehand, and I want to slap him for doing so. But he did NOT coerce her. He did NOT force her. And it's important to note his wrong was in his ommission, NOT in being trans or HAVING sexual relations.

    • @BaileyisDarcy It's rape by deception.

    • Lmao.

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What Girls & Guys Said

10 19

  • I have 2 nieces who are transsexual. Both were obvious even as toddlers they were girls mentally and emotionally. Both of them dated as girls and were always straight up with their dates as to who they were. Both ended up in the life of prostitution and again never deceived anyone, in fact a lot of times they were paid more than the cis gender girls. One went on to become a doctor, is married to a wonderful man and they've adopted 2 children and she's a wonderful mother. The other stayed in the life and is a very successful CallGirl.

    Being trans is fine and they should be up front and honest with anyone who may want to become physical with them. To some it will matter and they will turn them away, to others it won't matter and they'll continue with the act and some will actually seek them out for being trans. People should be respected for the gender they're presenting in in a social situation but when it comes to being intimate they do have a responsibility to inform their potential partner of their trans status.

  • I can understand why someone might hide that for a little bit but they should be upfront about it long before any sexual activity comes up. It's not a good thing to just spring on someone. If you're expecting to see a dick and you see a vag that's gonna be a bit of an issue!

    Like you said, people are attracted to what they're attracted to and they have the right to know.

  • Not gonna lie I'm actually scared someone who I find attractive happens to be a trans

  • It's something they should be upfront about, especially if they want a relationship. If they want people to respect their decision or them, they should respect the fact that it could be a turn off for someone. No one is obligated to date or have sex with anyone. You're supposed to be honest in relationships anyway, and that is a pretty big thing to keep secret. I want a guy born a guy.

    I think you can say that about anyone's turn off's. You can like a lot about a person, but if you find something out about them that turns you off or it's a deal breaker, you have the right to end things.

    J's friends are wrong in this. They are only sticking up for him because they are his friends, but I'd wonder what they would do in that situation. I feel that they are only on his side because they want to be there for a friend. J should have been truthful right away.

    • But honestly, what business was it of the friends in the first place. I can only assume that J told them about the incident, but that doesn't give them the right to go off and harrass someone else which is ironic because they were supposedly doing that because J had been bullied or something before. Obviously I agree. You like what you personally like and respect is a two way street.

  • I dont know how someone can shame someone for not being gay. If your a hetero woman you like males and penis this is basic biology. If your a hetero man you like females and vagina. they can identify as whatever they want but i dont consider them that and will not validate it. You want to be called " he" cool but factually you aren't a he and i dont consider you that so respect my beliefs

  • If I were getting hot and heavy with a guy and found out he had a vagina.. it'd end right there. Not cuz I feel disgusted or lied to or even cuz I see him as a woman.. cuz I don't want a guy with a pussy. It's just not my thing.

    If another girl wanted to have sex with him and identified as straight, I would understand. It's all how you compartmentalize this stuff. Trans people are people.

    And I'm not a Dr of any kind so I can't speak to the medical/psychological aspects. Neither are most people. It's generally not smart to talk in absolutes or too much about stuff you don't know a LOT about.. let alone both. To me if it looks like a duck, I'm like.. okay it's a duck.

    • I think that's the message I took away from the Q/A on the post. Not that the J person was trying to force the girl to have sex with him in this case, but it's just like, if you want to be treated with respect and for people to recognize your own sexuality, gender, what have you, you have to respect the other persons and their own personal preferences.

    • His freedom to change his gender is the same freedom that lets me say "don't really wanna have sex with you.. sorry". Honestly saying otherwise shows you don't really consider his gender valid.. cuz they would NEVER say a woman HAS to have sex with a dude with a penis. Right?

    • Oh 100%. I just think it's really messed up that the friends thought that shaming the girl was the solution as a means to "protect" their friend. But it comes off as totally rapey if you're like, you should have had sex with them because you're supposed to because you liked him... but it's really not the same for people who don't ascribe to that world of gender having no boundaries. Absolutely, even if they feel that someone else can be whatever they want and feel they are, you absolutely have the right to be who and what you are and have sex with who you feel comfortable with.

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  • A trans person should inform the person they're gonna hookup with, that they're not who the other person thinks.
    If you're ftm and a girl is hitting on you, or about to kiss you, 99% of the time, she is thinking you're a guy (since you look like a man), therefore you should tell her that in reality, you're a woman.
    There's male and female, it doesn't matter if you think you're something else, that doesn't change the reality, so it's your job to inform others of what gender you are, as to avoid confusion.

  • I don't think it's ever justifiable to kill someone because they are transgender. But I'm not dating or sleeping with somone that has dick or has ever had dick. People can be accepting but that doesn't mean you have to change your orientation to be with them.

    • Just to be clear, I'm not advocating murdering any transgender persons, but I am saying it happens because some individuals take it very personally and feel they were violated, and go crazy. But yes, I absolutely agree. I can and do accept other lifestyles, but I also feel like if this were me, I would want them to accept who and what I identify as and who it is I know I like and want.

  • I totally agree with you. It's anyone's right to turn down sex with someone else for whatever reason they want.

    I wouldn't say trans people are obligated to tell someone they're gonna have sex with what their gender is, but if they don't then they have to live with the fact that the person might not be interested anymore when they find out. So it's probably better to just say it early-ish.

    I agree that the friends totally over-reacted.

    Not sure why a bunch of guys here are going all "There are only two genders and you are whatever you were born as", it's not relevant to the post lol.

  • It's unnatural, disgusting and they essentially make themselves into abominations that exist in the world in between. They're neither fully male nor female seeing how their chromosomes determine whether they are a man or a woman. And even if you change what's on the outside you won't change that fact that you are still a man and always will.

    You can put a monkey in a human suit, teach it to act like a human and even talk like one but at the end of the day it's still a monkey.

    If your going to go that far to change yourself into something like that at least have the decency to not lie to people about what you are. If you were a man you sure as heck tell me.

  • I met some transgenders before. They were nice and I never judged them.

    • Met and they were about to have sex with you without you being aware of them being transgender... two vastly different things

  • the main issue is that the many should not have to cater to the few.

    What I notice most about TG/TS is the self-importance, everything is about them, blah blah blah, hijacking everythread to be about TG/TS and it gets old and is completely disgusting. They need to shut the fuck up and quit being so narcissistic.

    • It it hurting you if I want to bind my chest and have people call me he? Is it hurting you if a guy wants wear a bra and have people call his she? No, and if it is, you have a problem, not them

    • @FallOutBoy2001 not a bit... none of that steps on toes but only asks for boundaries to respect YOU for who YOU are. nothing like what i described which is going OUTSIDE your rights, into other peoples' rights. follow?

    • @FallOutBoy2001 no my problem is legitimate-which means it is THEIR problem. if they exceed their rights and make non-TG threads about TG, that's just selfish not some problem I have, obviously. you seriously can't see the difference?

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  • I don't care less what gender they are/were/want to be. If i went out with someone who pretended to be female, but turned out to have a penis, i would actually find it pretty funny. Not saying they would be my favourite person after the deception, but i'd see the funny side of it. If you don't bother checking someones bits before sleeping with them, that's your fault. If they've fully changed and have all the right bits etc, i think i'd just see them as that gender.

    • How often are you apparently asking your dates to fully strip down to confirm they have a penis or a vagina? If this was their first time having sexual contact, the point is, she assumed he was a biological male based on his external looks, so there would literally be no reason for her to question what they had down below.

  • Transgenders are trying change the definition of "woman" to "anyone who claims to be a woman." And if I genuinley have to explain why that logic won't work, then you're no better than a fundamentalist Christian who swallows whatever their pastor tells them without thinking critically about it.

  • I don't know one transgender person who is happy. to me that says something is wrong on a deeper level than genitals.

  • Then there's bisexual/pansexual: "Oh, you have a vagina/dick? I can work with that."

  • An observation: most of the men here gave the worn-out, typical response about there being only two genders, they're sick in the head, etc.

    However, the women tend to actually address the issue you've pointed out in your article - that if you're going to have sex with someone, respect them enough to inform them about what parts you have. To not do so is socially unacceptable, and I don't think there is any resistance to this idea among anyone, regardless of sexual preference.

    • Exactly right. I found the article especially ironic because the friends of the J person and J were willfully keeping it all a secret what he was from birth, and that's fine, that's his prerogative, but it's also the prerogative for the person you do that do that finds out in that manner especially, to be able to say, no this isn't for me and there is absolutely nothing wrong with them saying that they don't want to have sex with someone that isn't biologically a man. The fact the friends tried to guilt trip the girl into believing she was some sort of phobe for this action is ridiculous especially since something that intimate was none of their business to begin with and all she told this J person was, no thanks, not into that. Well, add yourself to pile of people who get it too and there were a few others.

    • the reason we have this response of there's only 2 genders is cause its true and cause how a person feels doesn't matter the anus is made for removing waste yet girls and guys want a penis up there now the person can do that but that doesn't change the function of the anus to remove waste a girl has a vagina to stick a penis in and have sex and make children that's the main function how she feels means so little to me, ohh i feel like my vagina is for rubbing clits together noooooo, what she thinks and feels doesn't make it true the truth is what matters

    • @relaxrelax Following from your functional approach, one could say that although these things (the anus & vagina) have a specific purpose, the fact that people use them for other purposes suggests suggest they have not fully evolved to the point at which they are actually fulfilling their optimal purpose. That is, if people use the anus for something other than what it's designed to do, then perhaps it's actually not well suited to perform the functions necessary for it to perform. What it comes down to is to what degree you're focusing your "truth" - at a mechanical level, or at a purpose-driven level. From a philosophical standpoint, both approaches are valid.

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  • It can be dangerous leading someone to believe you are what you are not, just because that is what you want to be. A co-worker told me about his brothers friend picking up a "girl" in San Francisco who turned out to have a penis. He beat him/her up when he found out. I think he/she brought in on his/herself.

  • People should never be judged for who they want and don't want to have sex with. Simple as that.

  • i wish not to subscribe to these peoples ideas of gender. in my opinion gender does not even exist. the first time that i ever heard about gender was on the internet. to me there is just your sex, there is no gender. feeling like a man or a woman does not exist, man or woman is not a feeling.

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