Why Do People Think Promiscuous Girls Have Issues?

[Anonymous]

I think this kind of mindset is really...I just don't get it. Why would she need to get attention from a hookup? I'm sure it can feel great. A really hot guy, dirty talking in your ear about how sexy and beautiful you look while he does the ultimate with you. Or it could be the adventure. You're both drunk and just fucking to fuck. Just throwing all the rules out the window and living life.

I think that can be pretty cool. But the mindset about her needing attention from guys....it makes no sense. You can get plenty of mutual fun and playful attention from guy friends. Including sexual attraction if they really like you LOL

Even the online guy friends can have really interesting perspectives, and I <3 debating with them...why would you ever need some random dude for attention???

I think I dislike this point of view some people have most of all, because it's saying women don't know how to make choices for themselves. Like we can't find other ways to get attention or just enjoy living life...

Especially since honestly, if you're a girl sex is usually pretty easy to get.

[redeyemindtricks]

So... there ARE, in fact, SOME women who are "promiscuous" because they are far too easily manipulated by men.

SOMETIMES -- as per the usual stereotype -- these women are actually under the impression that guys will actually like them, or will invest in some sort of relationship with them, if they "put out more". But, MORE OFTEN, these women just DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY ••NO••.

Consider the text message in this thread -- and imagine the kind of behavior that would be its real-life equivalent:
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2125820-what-does-this-message-mean-from-a-girl
If some girl's REAL-LIFE reactions to an aggressive boy were like that text ^^ then... she would end up fucking a LOT of boys she didn't really want. Because the word NO -- and the actions that go along with it -- just isn't in her vocabulary.

When people stereotype ALL sexually promiscuous women as "having issues", they're thinking about THAT kind of woman.

__

You know why people WANT to try to shove all sexually promiscuous women into the "issues" box, right?

It's because other people are TERRIFIED of the idea that a woman might actually have a HEALTHY aggressive sexuality.
Terrified.

• Most men -- who CAN'T have sex with promiscuous women (since promiscuous women are, ironically, MORE sexually selective than other women) -- are terrified of this, because those men are terrified of being left out in the cold by unfettered female sexuality.
The most desirable men AREN'T intimidated by promiscuous women -- and you know immediately who they are, because they don't hate on women who go get what we want sexually -- but, most *other* (less sexually desirable) men are INTENSE haters of this, because they don't want what they perceive as "used goods".

• Most sexually conservative WOMEN are ALSO terrified of this, because it puts them in a worse position in the mating market.
If highly desirable men have a choice between (1) women who love to fuck, and who'll fuck right away, vs. (2) more sexually reserved women who'll make them wait... they'll take woman #1, EVERY TIME. Including for long-term relationships and marriages.
This whole trope that high-value men would rather marry sexually conservative women after "sowing their wild oats" with more promiscuous women is nothing but a myth. That ain't how the real world works.

So... basically, everyone except the promiscuous women themselves, and the (highly desirable) men who love them, is pretty invested in trying to smear their character.

[FreeandWise]

Or they just don't see themselves as being compatible with these women? I don't hate these types of women, my prophet the Lord Jesus Christ tells me not to judge others and I live by that stance but as someone who places a high value on sex, I am not compatible with a woman that sleeps around with lots of people. It doesn't make me right or that woman wrong, it's just a difference of perspective. It's ironic that you are doing the same thing you criticize others for and that's being judgmental.

[redeyemindtricks]

@FreeandWise I'm talking about the people who DO talk shit about these women. If you don't -- and if you just recognize that you have a conservative sexuality, and they have an aggressive sexuality, and that makes you incompatible with them (which is a good, forward-thinking realization to make) -- then you are not the subject of the complaint.

[FreeandWise]

I gotcha and I apologize for any misunderstanding on my part.

[reixun]

My god... You are so right about girls not being able to say no. Yikes, I'm completely guilty of that and I'm sure I've sent that kind of wishy washy text before. I'm gonna practice saying hell no now.

[myTake Owner]

I totally <3 your POV and agree, but about the first part... have you noticed that in most abusive stories you hear, any age, the victims were in longterm or at least committed relationships with their partners? Not saying no could apply to that too. I think not saying no in relationships is really common.

[myTake Owner]

Or not even abuse, but also just saying no when it comes to sexual things like how you mentioned. I think saying no to a boyfriend can be way harder for lots of girls. You're committed to him and already like him, and invested your time into him.

[redeyemindtricks]

@FreeandWise No worries. __ @reixun Yeah... NO is a powerful word indeed. It's a word that EVERYONE should be able to say, and mean it. It's one of the best possible traits in a wife and mother, too (if/when you're looking to become such a thing). Both in terms of holding the line with yr own kids, and in terms of resisting temptation and staying faithful to yr marriage, etc. It's a good thing all around. ... Not to mention that it's just satisfying to be the RIGHT kind of bitch. (: :*

[redeyemindtricks]

"I think not saying no in relationships is really common" ^^ Yeah. I think lots of people -- not just girls, but also boys -- forget that you can't maintain intrigue without a little mystery. You SHOULD give more and more as a relationship progresses -- the boundaries shouldn't be in the same place as they were a year ago, or whatever -- but, at the same time, you shouldn't give *everythnig* right away. Baby steps, and all that. You should always have MORE to give, and you should always be able to push the boundaries even FARTHER -- even after years and years.

[myTake Owner]

Totally. I was talking about girls who wouldn't say they didn't want to do things or they didn't express what was wrong, because they were worried about how he'd react. I answer Qs like that alllll the time on here.

[myTake Owner]

I especially like your point about the real world BTW! Excellent point.

[redeyemindtricks]

Thank you. It's good that the world works out that way, too -- because, in general, sexually uninhibited people are pretty much NEVER compatible with sexually conservative people, in the long term. If it really WERE normal for high-status guys who'd slept with hundreds of women to settle down with virgins or near-virgins... those would be some SERIOUSLY unhappy marriages, which would inevitably end in strife, infidelity, and/or the people just rotting away in misery.

[lightbulb27]

Is the basic thought that women that are ok sleeping with lots of different guys and are ok with that emotionally are really only compatible with guys that sleep around a lot, at least in terms of LTR's? I wonder what the success rates are of those relationship? Like, how do they build trust and what are the boundaries to honer with the other person, will they put the effort in to resolve relational issues or run. Course that said all that stuff can go bad with two virgins as well, maybe volume of sex isn't a determinant in the end? I just don't know enough promiscuous people (or ones that would admit to it) to judge. the ones I know, probably had a few partners and seemed to regret it (e. g. they were doing it to cure some longing within, to fill a void and it didnt' work.

[redeyemindtricks]

@lightbulb27 Whatever those rates are, I'd bet my LIFE they're better than the corresponding rates for mismatched couples (= one higher-sociosexuality person + one lower-sociosexuality person). Also, even **if** the "success" rates are lower, that wouldn't necessarily indicate an actual lower degree of relationship success. Rather, it would be more likely to indicate a greater state of what you might call "relationship ambition" -- refusing to settle for boredom or mediocrity, whether sexually or otherwise. This would be EXACTLY the same thing as other kinds of ambition... For instance, if you look at the careers of billionaires, they're much more likely to have been fired from or quit several jobs. Mine is just a different kind of "ambition"... and instead of being more willing to quit a comfort-trap job, I'm just more willing to quit a comfort-trap relationship.

[Maik567]

"Most men -- who CAN'T have sex with promiscuous women (since promiscuous women are, ironically, MORE sexually selective than other women)" Wait what? Are you saying that it's harder for MOST MEN to have sex with promiscuous women than to have sex with sexually conservative ones? Because that simply isn't true, not only are promiscuous women less selective by definition but your argument is also based on the false assumption that promiscuous women are only having sex with the most desirable men. And another thing that is kinda weird is that a man being desirable is subjective, and your subjective view of a desirable man includes them not being against promiscuous women, so you saying that desirable men don't have a problem with promiscuity doesn't really mean anything. However I definitely do agree with you that the kind of guys or girls who talk a lot of shit about promiscuous women definitely do it mostly because of their own insecurities.

[redeyemindtricks]

@Maik567 Well, obviously the sexually conservative women will make guys WAIT longer -- but, in the long run, there's a MUCH larger set of men who could potentially (... eventually) get into their pants. Promiscuous women are MUCH more selective dude. This is totally a fact. You're 19... just think about yr school. The girls at yr school who are the most promiscuous are *probably* hooking up with whoever are basically the hottest guys in yr school. It is what it is. On a more real-world level, groupies are probably the ultimate "promiscuous women" -- and of course, groupies target the hottest and highest-status guys in the WORLD.

[Maik567]

@redeyemindtricks Promiscuous women might be more sexually choosy by physical standards by seuxally conservative women are more sexually choosy overall. I mean if there are two women, both have 500 guys hit on them through their whole life, the first woman sleeps with 30 and the second woman sleeps with 3, which of these women is more choosy? Clearly the second woman is more choosy no question about it, she just makes the decision based on different things than the promiscuous woman. "there's a MUCH larger set of men who could potentially (... eventually) get into their pants." And you really think promiscuous women are more choosy if a guy puts as much effort into being with her? I REALLY find that hard to believe. And I think you're completely ignoring the fact that unattractive girls can be promiscuous too, and they are definitely not hooking up with any hot guys.

[lightbulb27]

@Maik567 @redeyemindtricks I think you are both right so I'm goign to try and bridge the gap. redeye is saying there is a type of promiscuous woman that goes for the high end guy, consider that like your jocks in school or the more dominant males of that time. That woman, as I understand it, is just more aggressive, more sexual and confident about it (although I still suspect most of them are doing this because of their childhood junk, I'll accept maybe there are some strong females who are confident in themselves). There are though other types of promiscious girls who just "need" a guy, they hurt, they are wounded from dads and other issues and they are trying to get attention from guys are are on the "needy" side. I used to date one. Maybe they are somewhat attractive, but they may not be either... lots of guys take free sex if they think they can use the girl and feel like they caught her..."we ain't so bright at times". ...

[Maik567]

@redeyemindtricks And about the groupies thing, sure they target the most famous people but only a minority of them are actually successful and even when they are useful the celebrity usually just uses them for sex. I wonder how choosy groupies can be when it comes to real relationships, that is if they actually ever have a real relationship. And on that topic you say that it's just a myth that "desirable men value sexually deserved women" but if that's true then why do so many people appreciate it? I mean yeah you see this much more on gag than in real life but my cousin for example is a pretty handsome guy and he's in med school right now and he definitely values that. And there are definitely women out there who would call him highly desirable just for those two things.

[lightbulb27]

... damn character limits!!! The first type will shoot down lots of guys as they are going for the high end guys and lots of guys aren't confident yet enough to get them. The other type is going for whatever, whatever it is that meets her needs, it could be the dork in the corner! lightbulb27... out!:)

[Maik567]

@lightbulb27 Yeah she definitely is right about many things here, but I'm just saying that if two women have the same amount of guys approach them then the one who sleeps with less people is LITERALLY more sexually choosy. Sure the promiscuous women might be more choosy certain things but overall the conservative girl is more choosy.

[lightbulb27]

@Maik567 hummm... at first I thought you were right, but I'm not convinced... here's how I see it: G1) A girl that won't have any sex isn't that choosey. I bet she'd date almost any guy as long as he met her criteria. G2) A girl that would have sex with some guys (probably most women out there), takes a little time to get to know a guy lets say, then would have sex on date 3+. That isn't all that choosy... she's waiting for a guy to show up that shows certain characteristics in is presence, converdation, energy. It is choosy in a sense, but in general if you meet her criteria, I bet they cave and have sex! G3) girl 3 is promiscuous but emotionally sound girl, has 3+ boyfriends and FWB's (like @sovereignessofVamps) she rotates between them and throws them out and gets new ones when she wants, or when they leave her. She's committed to none of them. She doesn't give a damn, she's putting notches in her memory banks and bed post I guess... not a behavior I understand...

[lightbulb27]

... G3 continued) She is probably more choosy of guys and filters out the "lower end" not as sexually confident or aggressive guys. The G2 above would probably cave in with a broader group of guys as long as they met the "girl criteria". Watch guys pickup women and you'll see what I mean. G4) then is promisucuous screwed up emotionally girl/woman. She's trying to fill a void of some kind and who knows how choosey she is. She's on her own mission to fill in the empty spot of love, affection, etc.. she didn't get from dad, or mom, or she got from being raped while young, etc.. She may "give in" for any guy that is aggressive, or a guy that is like dad. She may be choosy, or a prostitute, depends on the emotional/mental condition.

[Maik567]

@lightbulb27 The thing here is that we were actually arguing about sexual choosiness, not just general choosiness. Basically how choosy you are about the people you sleep with. This is what she said "since promiscuous women are, ironically, MORE sexually selective than other women" And I just proved that it is not true. You are mostly correct about what you're saying, especially about the fact that if a girl is very uptight sexually she can't afford to be as choosy in some other aspects.

[lightbulb27]

@Maik567 I'll let this be. good discussion!

[Chief16]

I don't just think promiscuous girls have issues, I also think promiscuous guys have issues too. Its the human condition. Lack of a steady controlled lifestyle, no matter whatever the aspect, money, sex, family etc is bound to destroy you.

[SvetlanaSavachenko]

I'm not promiscuous to get attention, in fact I'd rather not have the attention. I love sex, lots of sex and I need it as I'm in a constant state of sexual arousal.

[kap_nss]

Totally agree with Chief16. This isn't only about girls. Promiscuity can be pleasuring if you enjoy having sex. But it raises your chances of getting an STD. And it can be an issue when you want to settle down. Our past make use who we are.

[madhatters4]

some do. just as some promiscuous men have issues. but plenty of people are just enjoying their sexuality. why not

[lightbulb27]

I think the challenge is there are some women who are wounded and thus promiscuous and they are acting out of their wounds, doing further damange and control to themselves. think of women that were raped and abused young, maybe run aways that get caught in sex businesses and that becomes their view of self when in fact, it isn't who they wanted to be.

there may be some other category of women that are confident, love sex and lots of it from various guys until they settle down. I don't understand this group well, so you can teach us.

I agree sex is easy for a girl to get...:)

[JohnDoe3000]

"there may be some other category of women that are confident, love sex and lots of it from various guys until they settle down." There certainly exists a group of women that are promiscuous for those reasons, but the question is whether they actually settle down. I don't think many of them really do, some will try, some will get some poor lad to be their provider but in the end I think they won't lose their tricks so they'll end up in loveless relationships and/or will cheat. Even if their guy is exceedingly hot and exciting he's going to get older and she'll grow bored of him eventually. It just doesn't pay to be in a serious relationship with a women like that: you're never going to be enough for her.

[myTake Owner]

I replied to red eye this, what do you think? Have you noticed that in most abusive stories you hear, any age, the victims were in longterm or at least committed relationships with their partners? Not saying no could apply to that too... So being in a committed relationship... she could still have low self esteem or past issues. It's probably way more common to have past issues and be with someone since... saying no, especially to a boyfriend you really want to be with, can be hard to do. She might do things she's not comfortable with just to please him. And he may not even be a bad guy; she could just not be expressing herself and he has no clue there's a problem.

[lightbulb27]

@JohnDoe3000 good question and point, that's what I wonder and why I generally am not attracted to those types of women historically. I think that is my "reaction" of unfamiliarity with that type of woman. But is that true, they can't settle down after so much activity, or is it just a development, maturity issue where they decide they want to move on and commit and then they can? I don't know, it remains a domain of type of woman I don't understand.

[JohnDoe3000]

I know several women like that. They really do have trouble committing and will admit that. They tend to have very short relationships. The only times I've seen them have successful serious relationships is when they had open relationships, especially if they, or their guy (or both) were bisexual. So if that's not your thing you'd really be looking for a needle in a haystack if you wanted a promiscuous woman to have a serious, faithful relationship with you. It's a damn shame too, those women tend to be exciting, fun and confident and I like being friends with them, but they're poison.

[lightbulb27]

Do you happen to have a fear of LTR's? Have you had a committed LTR or would you have one? The worst abuse occurs in relationships in general... they can be short or long. If they are long, often what I see is both people shut down and it is a dead relationship. Abuses come when one person takes out their junk on the other and cannot respect or love the other, but needs them and emotionally or physically abuses them. Goes both directions. That was my prior relationship... a lot of emotional stress and abuse.. some of it I caused now that I know, but some of it was her and what she had saved up from her childhood. Thus the value in relationships, or a huge value is learning about yourself... breaking free of bondage so you are more free to love people (not necessarily "Sex" ;them), but be your fullest you. Another human being you are drawn to often times, is the stone that will sharpen your stone, or the sandpaper to your wood. ...

[lightbulb27]

Saying "no", knowing what you want, knowing what your acceptable behaviors, things you accept and don't... those are all things you take from your environment and then figure out. A weak person on either side makes for trouble and risk of abuse. That's why it is essential to be able to communicate, listen, understand someones viewpoint because the "coming together" of two "conditioned, messed up people", can get messy. And if there is a 3rd party kiddo involved, now you got a higher priority. This all seems so complicated... why is that:)? Its just mating in the end... pick a mate and go with it:) lol! someone, somewhere really jacked with the human race and we are still trying to sort it all out.

[Library]

Only some of them have issues. I don't understand why people try to stereotype.

[DodgersGM]

If I'm being completely honest, I think *highly* promiscuous people (not just women) have some underlying issues, yeah.

But it's not at all just a female thing. That's ridiculous.

[FreeandWise]

I don't think every woman who sleep around has issues but they clearly have a different perspective on sex and intimacy than I do and while I see nothing wrong with women sleeping around, I don't believe me and these women are compatible.

[myTake Owner]

I like this answer so honest.

[FreeandWise]

Thank you, I tend to get some heat for this view point because I am seen as being judgmental and disregarding the point that people can change over time. I happen to disagree, I think men and women who do sleep around often feel the pressures of societal attitudes and traditions and are forced into "settling down" when it's against their very nature to do so and I feel sorry for those men and women, it must be hard living a lifestyle that is not natural to them. I think society should be less judgmental and should be more flexible in its attitudes towards human interaction, not everyone is made for long-term monogamous relationships and marriages.

[myTake Owner]

Nope, I just see you as liking what you want to like. Not everyone wants to be promiscuous either.

[JohnDoe3000]

They don't have to have issues, it's just that they often do have them. Of course "issues" don't have to mean they can't function in society or should be locked up. Issues can just mean her way of thinking not making her girlfriend material in a guy's eyes: if a girl keeps telling me about how fucking hot douchy men is the highpoint of her life and that she doesn't believe in long term monogamy then I consider that an issue if she says she wants to be my girlfriend. I'm sorry but I just don't enjoy counting down the days until she inevitably cucks me, meanwhile always wondering if she's just using me for money/stability.

Plus, this is not a gendered issue: lots of girls are (rightfully) wary of male player types too.

[Maik567]

The fact is that there are plenty of girls who seek validation/attention/whatever through sex, and because promiscuity isn't seen as a positive thing in our society often all promiscuous women are put into that same group that they are doing it because they have issues.

Personally I think that everyone can live their lives however they want, but I could never be with someone who would do something like "You're both drunk and just fucking to fuck." because sex actually means something to me.

And yeah you can be promiscuous and still choosy, but the girls who aren't promiscuous are even more choosy, that's just the truth.

[Saoirse_Nua]

I think you should view both genders the same

[LadyTerror]

I agree

[AnonRom]

How I view it sex is fun. If you are having sex to have sex than good for you. If you are having sex to fill an emotional hole (usually insecurity) then that probably isn't the best way to fix it.

[bloodmountain1990]

Not all of them issues and it's not limited to women, plenty of promiscuous guys out there too.

There's all different reasons for why a person is promiscuous. It can range from commitment issues, daddy/parent/family issues, abusive relationships or they're just sexual beings.

But I think the reason why a girl might be considered to have issues is because of how easy it is for them to get laid as opposed to men.

Having said that, I only find it a turn off if a person is putting their promiscuity, sex life/lack of out there more than the actual act itself.

[myTake Owner]

Lots of girls, most probably, are abused in committed relationships with bfs.

[diegoD]

thats a good point

[bloodmountain1990]

They most definitely are. Not denying that.

[myTake Owner]

@diegoD Thanks and thanks to bloodmountain, most people don't really reply when I mention that.

[diegoD]

you are welcome. I heard that sometimes in relationships some women being abused put up with So you are promiscuous because you see it as a way to liberate yourself, and get out of the routine?

[Scrambledagain]

Love promiscuity. Find it so lame that people who want to explore different places (travel), taste different cuisines, see the world etc are applauded, yet you are not allowed to "explore" different people and have fun at the same time.

Only difference is, many men are not allowed to explore. They get denied. Women only fuck that top half of the male population. Which is why I'm such an advocate for prostitution as it helps men out with being promiscuous.

It's also the reason why I think a promiscuous girl who looks down on a man who gets sex workers is as contradictory and dumb as Donald trumps hair stylist.

[Maik567]

"Women only fuck that top half of the male population." That's such bullshit lol, you just need to lower your standards. And you should be able to get laid pretty easily even if you're only in the top 80%

[Gommers]

Because they do.

[PT1911]

Meh, too much of an unhealthy life style for me, mixed in with some traditional roman catholicism.

That being said, a lot of the times iTS just pure hedonism

[COCOCHANEL]

i knew when i was a teen that i needed to get to where i could take my pick from a huge selection of the kind of men i like. it's extremely frustrating to not have choices and you can only blame yourself because you're too picky. i made the decision to have a lot of choices and i am so glad i did.

[Thrifty]

As long as you stay skinny and don't ever get fat then all the power to you

[Kylesar]

Because it's not really a secret that girls who have been raped or sexually abused may (or may not) become promiscuous as some sort of coping method.

The rest is just made on a stereotype/assumption or confirmation bias

Daddy issues
Sexual repression
Rape/sexual abuse
Whatever other reason

Honestly though, Whatever your reason to fuck, so long as you're of legal age, no one really cares

[myTake Owner]

Yeah, wasn't talking about abuse, so have no idea on that. I do think, that it's a shame that longterm relationships aren't mentioned as being dangerous more often. Like in most abusive stories you hear, any age, the victims were in longterm relationships with their partners.

[myTake Owner]

I'm talking about bf/gf or other partners...

[Kylesar]

Your question was "Why would anyone think promiscuous girls had issues?" That's one of the reasons. She may have been abused, so she may get promiscuous as a coping method. Someone sees that and connects all promiscuous women with sexual or childhood issues/trauma This take lacks clarification and content, like you wrote it in 10 minutes with no thought. What kind of issues? Promiscuous how? Is this just adventurous or fucking tons of guys What's all this about attention from guys? What does debating with friends have to do with anything? There's just no focus

[Tony1974]

Promiscuous Girls do have issues. They have no self-discipline or control. They succumb to their basic instincts.. their whoremoans dicktate what they are about. They have issues because they believe they can ride the cock carousel until their late 20's and get happily married. I personally believe that the 70% initiation of divorce by women has a direct correlation to them missing the cock carousel.