What a Slut Really Is, and The Importance of Self-Worth

What a Slut Really Is, and The Importance of Self-Worth

Simply put, a "slut" is a woman who sleeps around. There's no point in sugar-coating anything or acting like we don't all know what a slut is, or getting offended by what a slut is. That's what it is: A woman who sleeps around.

Now that that is established, what's so bad about being a "slut"? All a slut is, is the female version of a man who sleeps around. That too is correct. Men can also sleep around. But I'm not a man and I'm not going to speak on behalf of men nor will I try to persuade any men to think anything other than whatever they already think. I'm just not going to do that, I don't have the kind of expertise it takes to talk to men. No, I'm just going to take a minute to talk to the ladies. Guys, you can stay, you can go...whatever. It's on you. But girls, this message is for you because YOU'RE the ones who are going to have to live with this kind of message for the rest of your life.

First, let me say that there is a DIFFERENCE between slut-shaming and sharing an important lesson in life. If you hate me after this then oh well, but somebody is going to have to tell you this and I guess it's going to be me.

So anyway, what anybody does behind closed doors is their business. I've done my dirt. I'm not a slut but I'm not a saint either. Just because I haven't done certain things doesn't make me "holier than thou" because what I haven't done, I have probably thought about doing. The shit I see other women doing, I sometimes feel like I COULD do. After all, we all have a body and free will. And of course we have fantasies, urges, and needs.

What a Slut Really Is, and The Importance of Self-Worth

Some of us have thought about the idea of using a man for his money. Maybe we want to experience the power or being important enough to "buy" per se, or maybe we just need the cash. Some of us have really liked a cheating man or just a man with a girlfriend; I won't act like the thought of being a side chick crossing my mind is simply impossible. Being a mistress couldn't be all bad, right? Some of us haven't done much, but we WANT to. And of course, we have that oh so amazing free will and that means that we can do whatever we want to do.

I haven't done much, in the eyes of today's men I could be the epitome of purity even, but I will not act like I'm anything special. I'm just another woman with a VJ. VJ is everywhere, I could even go so far as to say every woman on the planet has one. So hiding this lump of flesh shouldn't be anything right? I mean, its just another one in the bunch. And no matter how tight, how hairless, how wet or how unused it is there is and always will be more. That much is simple.

Like I said, I haven't done much but I'm only human and I'm not perfect so I can't judge another woman for doing shit that I just don't have the heart to do.

But that's just it. I don't have the heart to do the shit other women do because I'm not cut from the same cloth. My standards are too high to be enticed by the idea of using sex to my advantage. The action alone of just having sex is nothing new, people have been doing that for millions of years and will continue to do it. But there is a DEFINATE correlation between the decision to have sex and one's self worth.

What a Slut Really Is, and The Importance of Self-Worth

Take for example a person whom you hold in high esteem. I'm going to go with my future daughter. (You could think of your mother, father, brother, sister or even cat for that matter). I have this idea in my head that I want my daughter to be the best woman she could be and I want her to have a mind to know. I want her to know she deserves to be a great woman and I intend to raise her as such.

There's not a doubt in my head that outside forces will influence my future daughter. A sweet-talking player with a lot if money and a bad reputation could swoop by and make her question her morals. But as her future mother, I care so much about her that I would still hope that she could see the wrong in doing something she knows she should not do. There are plenty of forces on this earth that could persuade someone to do wrong, but when you see the value in them and have faith in them, you hope with all your might that they can pull through and still be the best they can be.

So why can't you see the same value in yourself?

What a Slut Really Is, and The Importance of Self-Worth

If you could hope that someone else that you love with all your heart knows their worth enough to be a good person, why can't you think that way about your OWN self worth? If sleeping around with people who you aren't in love with does nothing else, doesn't leave you pregnant, doesn't leave you with an STD, doesn't leave you catching feelings....nothing else, then it AT THE VERY LEAST makes you lower your own self worth. If you do something that you wouldn't want the most important person in your life to look down on you for, then you are consciously being what you KNOW is a slut and that's what makes it so bad.

The conscious knowledge of your actions with no intention to change to be BETTER than that. You have to consciously try to be the kind of woman your own self could be proud of. That's all being a "good" woman really is. Its just making the effort to be the kind of woman you would want to be because you feel like you're good enough and deserve it enough to be. And it's up to you to be the judge of that. Not a man, not me, not your doctor (well maybe, that depends). Its up to you to decide how important you think you are.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's less about self worth, and more about your value to the opposite gender. However, I'm not saying that it's inherently bad to base your self worth on the approval of the opposite gender, because afterall, a man will treat you better if he values you.

    Let's see... Remember those crappy Valentine's Day cards that we handed out in elementary school? They didn't mean anything because *everyone* recieved one.

    Now remember how much more it meant to you when/if you recieved a Valentine's Day rose in high school from someone, specifically for *you*?

    Sex is the same way. My point is, if you want to make your future partner feel special, then you shouldn't be handing your body out to everyone at the drop of a hat. Why? Because it will make it much less valuable when you decide to have sex with that special someone that you actually care about.

    If you don't care about him enough to be driven to make him feel special, then go right ahead and continue being a slut for your own personal gain. I just hope you don't plan on changing your lifestyle, and trapping that poor soul of a man later on.

Most Helpful Girl

  • . Men get called whores sluts just like women and get judged as wel lthey just dont get bothered by the label. Very few women would take a male hoe seriously , sleep with him yes but not a relationship or marriage. And I think if you are comfortable with who you ar and what you do someone calling you a slut wouldn't matter. Unless, deep inside you dont like what you are doing.

    • Was gonna give my own opinion, but you said exactly what I was going to say.

    • I know. This can also happen to men and men should value themselves too. I just didn't say that because i didn't feel like it. Valid point tho

    • I agree MHO here.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Slut is actually a word off of slattern, which in turn meant women with dirty houses..

    I find minding my own business on how many partners someone has had goes along way. Those who cast first stone etc.

    I don't find anyone sluts, I do find that those that call others it never disclose how many sexual partners they have had.

    It only takes sleeping with 1 person to be called a slut anyway.. so what difference does it make? If people use that word on others to make them feel ashamed then those aren't the kind of people worth knowing in the first place.

    Yup I've been called a slut and was told I had slept with over a hundred men, never corrected them if that's what they think then that's their problem.

    So really you can't change someone's perception so no point in trying. If a man looks his nose down on a woman and thinks she's a slut then that's his problem. Worlds changing and if those men don't step into 2016 then allow them to live with an 1800s attitude, the shock will come when they have daughters of their own.

  • I'm definitely a slut. always have been my whole teen and adult life. i have very low self esteem and it has lead me to do very promiscuous things that i probably wouldn't otherwise do if i valued myself more. but I'm working on it

    • Keep working on it. You can have a lot of sex and care about yourself as well. Either do it for reasons like you care for the other person or love the sex and care about yourself. Don't do it because you only get self worth from someone else. It's tough probably to feel you're worth something if someone or something scared you and caused you to loose your confidence and self worth. But, you're worth is important to someone. If anything, you should be that someone at least.

    • @MrMysteryMan Thank you! I am trying, and I have definitely turned down sexual offers recently because i decided i valued myself more than this random experience. I used to never feel like i could say "no" because I wanted to feel valued by the other person.

    • I respect you for accepting who you are.

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  • So what about those of us who are not using men, we just love sex, love our bodies, have plenty of self confidence, and feel no shame for what we do? Hey guys, how many of you would like to see more women who can just have fun without catching feelings and demanding some sort of payment or commitment?

  • I'm a Slut and I have absolutely no shame or regrets about being a Slut. I believe I was born a Slut. I have had an overactive sex drive since I was very young and have a constant need for sex. When I don't get sex or enough sex I can be very unpleasant to be around.

    I don't feel a bit degraded by being a Slut. I know there are a lot of men out there who want sex and aren't getting it and when they choose me to have sex with it actually makes me feel good. There were a hundred women at the bar last night, 30 of us being Sluts and out of the 30 Sluts at least 27 were more beautiful than I am yet these men chose me over the other 29 and probably 15 went home unfulfilled. I must be good at what I do or I'd have been one of the Sluts going home unfulfilled and that makes me feel good about myself.

    I am well educated and have 2 bachelor of science degrees and earned all the "A's" that I got. Sure I did sleep with some of my professors but it wasn't for the grade I received, just the mutual pleasure it would bring both of us. I sleep with my co workers, bosses and business contacts but it's not to get the promotion or salary I don't deserve, it's for the mutual pleasure we both get from it.

    I don't spread my legs for just anyone, I don't turn many down but I do turn guys down, either they're not my type or I just get a bad vibe from them. I am a mistress or a piece on the side for many married men, I'm not looking to break up anyone's marriage or expect any guy to leave his wife for me. I'm merely indulging them in a sexual desire their wives will not accommodate. Some of the wives even know about me and are OK with their husbands coming to see me. They say since their husband has been coming to me they are no longer bothered to do sexual things they don't want to do.

    Am I ashamed or degraded by being a Slut? Not at all!

  • i guess a small problem i see here is the insinuation that a person who is promiscuous (synonym for slut) lacks self worth. it sort of suggests that our worth as people is somehow tied directly to our propensity for being sexually chaste.

    there are plenty of very promiscuous people are incredible people and plenty who are virgins or have very little sex who are "worthless".

    for some people they may glean self worth from sex but for plenty it's just sex. enjoying the carnal pleasures of life. i wouldn't suggest that a person who simply enjoys sex as having lower self worth

  • But if someone sleeps around because they love the feeling of sexual contact, then why do we think they don't love themselves? Some people sleep around for comfort and that connection to someone. These two examples are just people who love sex and that feeling of connection and comfort and sensuality that a hug can't give you in the exact same way. I don't consider these to be sluts/whores. The ones I do consider to be sluts/whores are the ones who sleep around for money and/or material/status gain of some sort.

    If you are one that has casual sex for comfort then that is more of they are lonely, not a slut. The ones that have casual sex because it's an awesome feeling and fun to do, they aren't sluts either, just human. The ones that use sex as a tool for gain or to hurt in some way another, then that's a slut/whore/prostitute. Those are the ones that have no "self worth" in my eyes. Also, you can have casual sex and still have self worth in that you care about the casual person you are with. Or you have continual sex with someone that isn't necessarily your partner/spouse, etc. It doesn't make you a slut. If you have sex with the whole football team or something and you don't care how they treat you, then that is a slut or you just did something slutty. To me, you can be a slut at any point in time, you just have to think about if you want to be considered a slut from that point on.

  • When a man is a slut, its a compliment. When a woman is a slut it "lowers her self worth." Does that not make you think already that maybe the problem is not in women having sex, the problem is in society seeing women having sex as devaluing them? Because clearly having lots of sex is not devaluing men.

    • I agree with you completely" don't judge someone because they sin differently than you" even murders , rapists, thieves and childmolesters

    • @Donniej horrifically weak sarcasm bro. Not even a worthy attempt.

    • Not being sarcastic bro. judging should be done only by the courts bro ;)

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  • Well many sluts don't see what they doing as bad, and it's their business, but when guy is thinking about going out with a slut it's because his business as well, as so it's totally okey to dislike sluts, especially on a personal level.

    tvtropes.org/.../BadIsGoodAndGoodIsBad

    • I mean "it's become his business as well."

  • Well written advice. I've never seen it put this way, seen from this angle. I mostly just think of it as "are you a precious little pearl or are you a cheap piece of carpet that's on sale in front of the store? Which one do you want to be?"

  • There is no such thing as a slut. They are promiscuous and promiscuous women are the best. They are better than repressed girls and have more sense of self worth. However if a woman wants to sleep around, it's nobody's business but hers.

    • There is such thing as a slut, and that is a woman that sleeps around. Sorry, but words have meanings, and if you fall under the definition of that word... well, you're a slut. If I act like an asshole, then I'm an asshole, I can't cry when people call me that because that's how I act. There's nothing wrong with being a slut, but don't say "there's no such thing as a slut".

    • By definition you are describing a slut. I actually find it ironic that you are shaming one group of women in an attempt to not shame another. The fact is if a woman who slept around has a stronger sense of self worth then why would she give up what she has so cheaply and so freely? Actions have consequences sex is no different it will have a negative impact in their future relationships and pretending otherwise is simply enabling a person to function impulsively and against their best interests.

    • @AleDeEurope here we go again.

      When you can define how many is "MANY" then you can say "slut" can be defined. Until then, no.

      So how about just not using the word? It used to be OK to use words like "niqqer" and faqqot" - but it's not anymore. Because we have EVOLVED enough to realize that those are unnecessary words to use in our vocabulary.

      https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/slut

      www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/promiscuous

      https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/many

      MANY = "a large but INDEFINITE number"

      www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/indefinite

      INDEFINITE =

      1. NOT certain in amount or length
      2. NOT clear or certain in meaning or details.

      You were saying?

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  • Why does sleeping around automatically lower a woman's self worth?

    Why would the most important person in her life necessarily look down on her for it?

  • I like the message, but my first thought was, "So.. moral of the story. If you can do it, without feeling guilty for it you're all good girl" *thumbs up*.

  • Slut = hoe = No!!

  • First off, this very website is named "girlsaskguys" in order to get a perspective from the opposite gender. If you don't want to hear guy's opinions, than go on Tumblr and discuss this with feminazis like yourself.

    Regarding your "question" (really a rant) the reason men are not looked down on for sleeping around is it is much more difficult as a man to sleep around. As an average looking women, you can easily sleep around with plenty of attractive men. Even a good-looking guy has to initiate the relationship and after that it is a lot of work before most girls will sleep with him.

    There is nothing wrong with sleeping around of course. But just be honest. Don't tell a guy you care about him and really you just want to screw him. Just be upfront and honest that all you are interested in is sex.

    Also this whole "us women should stop looking down on ourselves all the time and know we are beautiful no matter what" is just an idealistic self-indulging delusional worldview. All women ever do is talk about how "ugly" or "judged" they are in order to get sympathy from other women who are in the same situation and will compliment you in order to make themselves feel better. So really you're wasting your time asking other women who sleep around a lot like you because they are just going to agree with you in order to make themselves feel better. At the end of the night when you go to bed, you know the truth.

    • Yeah I do at the end of the day so everything you wrote was irrevant.

    • If you already knew the truth than there was no purpose in posting. Also, it is "irrelevant".

    • I made this targeting a specific audience and that bother you because? And anyway i didn't say men couldnt say therr opinion i said women should hear what i had to say. And everything after that you just kind of made up in your own head

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  • Self-worth is determined by the individual, but other people will have different criteria for determining your worth as a potential romantic partner. Just like women will commonly use a man's height or the number of dollars in his bank account as part of his overall desirability as a romantic partner, some men will use a woman's number of sexual partners to determin part of her overall value as a romantic partner. It's not really just men either, there a plenty of women who have no interest in settling down with a manwhore.

    Just from a standpoint of difficulty, I do think being modest is more impressive/respectable than being a slut. Its pretty easy for women to rack up a large number even if they aren't particularly attractive. It doesn't take a lot of effort to convince a guy to fuck you without expecting him to pay to take you on dates or commit to you. Avoiding temptation and getting a guy to actually invest in you is actually more difficult.

    Now if you want to talk about slut means based on how the word is actually used, it just means not girlfriend material. Sure the dictionary says its a woman with "many" sexual partners but many is never quantified.

    Bassically every guy has a personal tolerance for what kind of sexual history and or behavior that he is willing to accept in a serious romantic partner. Some guys are willing to tolerate more than others, but most have some sort of line that beyond which they would lose attraction towards a girl. Any girl who falls outside of that guy's personal tolerance is a slut. Some guys are fine as lone as she is in the single digits, for others, any girl who has had sex outside of a relationship even once is a slut. Sometimes it can even be a girl who sends nudes or dresses in revealing clothes. There really isn't any consistency.

    The common deniminator is "not relationship material" because that is exactly what is being implied when a guy calls a girl a slut. He is saying "based on your sexual history/how you act, I fund you unnatractive as a romantic partner and wouldn't want you as a girlfriend".

  • Girls can sleep around all they want, I mean im not gonna respect them, but they can sleep around all they want. BUT, if they start passing STD's around then that's a problem and I bet plenty of sluts do have at least one STD.

    • Studies show 1 in 4 women who have had at least 3 or more sexual partners has had an STD in the past.

    • @BubbleBoy69 yuck, but those STD's can be curable like crabs or chlamydia I'm guessing. When someone starts passing around herpes and aids, that's when it's fucked up.

    • HSV-1 associate with kissing on lips. HSV-2 with genital contact orignally. However, due to oral sex practice HSV-1 and HSV-2 can be cause for oral and genital herpes. However, in general more than likely HSV-1 for oral and HSV-2 for genital. HSV-1 are more common and high incidence in children and increase prevelance for it with age. This is due to people with oral herpes when the virus is activated kissing children causing them to get it. HSV-2 is present more so during sexual active stage and tends to have a much higher incidence with increase age. HSV-2 is more common in women than in men. However, HSV-2 has a high incidence for reactivation in men.

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  • "It's my hot body, I do what I want". That's what Cartman said sarcastically. Those women should feel stupid for seriously saying something that Cartman said sarcastically.

  • Lol there's a full fat bitch in the march. #outofplace

  • I agree with the sign.

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